Help me moms - I'm freaking out! We have 3 boys, the youngest of whom is almost 10 months. My husband and I are always SO careful, and he's even scheduled to get a vasectomy next week. Evidently that wasn't soon enough though, because I just found out I'm pregnant! We've known for almost a week and neither one of us has been able to get excited about it at all. I'm actually sick to my stomach every time I think about it.
Our oldest 2 boys are amazing with the baby; they never had any acting out or adjustment phase. But they did ask us a few months ago if we were going to have any more kids, and we assured them w weren't. They seemed very relieved. I feel so guilty now that we're adding another baby, and changing the dynamic on them again. I also feel super guilty about having another one just 18 months after our third one was born. My first two were 2 1/2 years apart, and my second and third were 3 1/2 years apart. I don't know how I'm going to handle two in diapers! Two that can't talk! Two that need to be held a lot!
Finally, I feel really weird even telling people (when the time comes). No one in either of our families has more than three kids, and most have only two. Most of the people in our social circle have only one or two kids (with no plans to have more). My parents, who are awesome grandparents, were shocked when we told them we were having a third. They love him to death now that he's here, of course, but I feel awkward telling them we're having another.
I don't really know what my exact question is ...I guess I could just use some words of assurance from moms who have four, or moms who ended up with one more than they were expecting, or moms who have two very close in age. Anything that would help me feel like I can handle this!
Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement! Reading through your comments has made me feel so much better. I know this baby will be just as treasured as his/her older siblings, and by the time it gets here we won't even remember that it wasn't planned. Thanks again!
We had a "guess it was meant to be" baby 9mo ago and wouldn't change it for the world. We have three little ones now and love it. We only planned on two never, ever thought we would have three and now I can't imagine life without!
I want to say congrats because I know when you get over this first part you will be super excited! Hang in there!! :)
When I ws preggers with my son my OBGYN was preggers with her 6TH! When she told me I congratulated her, it's exciting. I thought to myself wow having 6 kids and being an OB how can she do it? She told me that people were making rude comments about number 6 how can she, why would she? And she said " I am not asking you to care for or provide for any of my kids, so why do you have an opinion?" Shut everybody up. It'sa shock as it was unplanned but like you said you'll adjust and will love this little one as much as the others. Congrats!
You'll be fine!! I have a stepson who is 8 (I've been with his dad, my husband, since he was 15 mos and we have him the majority of the time), a 5 year old son, a 4 year old son, and a 2 year old son. I have to be honest- the transition from 2 to 3 was much harder (maybe b/c my 2nd and 3rd are just under 13 mos apart!) than the transition from 3 to 4. I am ready to have another one, but my husband- not so much! Most of my friends have 2 or 3 kids, I am the only one with 4. Its really not a big deal, actually I feel like it makes us special that we have a large family! Two in diapers is a pain, but definitely do-able. For about 4 mos, I had THREE in diapers...and I'm still alive! Really, the first month or two may be difficult, but after that, you will establish a routine and you'll wonder why you were ever worried! :)
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. We just had our third baby and both of our parents thought we were crazy. But...we wanted three. Four is a nice round number, and if you have a vehicle that will hold three car seats, it will probably hold four. Four is nice because then they can pair up and always have someone to play with instead of two ganging up on one. If you can do three, you can do four. Your little guy will be jealous, but still young enough to adjust fairly quickly. Your oldest should be some help as well. Maybe it is the little sister they are all supposed to protect and spoil. Best wishes to you! And if you think your families will freak out, just wait a while to give yourselves time to adjust. In a few months, your baby will be one and will seem older - walking, etc. Best wishes!
I understand your feelings and I think you will be surprised at how easy number 4 really is. You already made it through the hardest transition to a 'larger' family in my opinion and that's the third baby. #1 is the learning experience, #2 is a little more difficult but there are 2 parents to 2 kids. #3 is the most difficult because you feel the frustrations of not enough hands, not enough attention or hours of sleep but you survived and learn very precious parenting skills. #4 seems so hard to you because the feelings and hardship of that transition are very fresh on your mind. From a mother of 4 who wants more, relax and trust your own instincts. Instead of thinking about this baby as an obstacle to overcome, look at him/her as your first oportunity to use those time management skills that you have now. Also remember that your other 2 are getting older and can even help out now. Letting your 7 yr old help by entertaining #3 or getting you what you need from another room is actually a great blessing when that newborn gets here. More importantly, this is your God given family. You need to do what's right for your own family and if anyone else has a problem with it, they need to keep that to themselves and make sure none of these feelings are shared around your other children. No child is ever a mistake and your other babies will soak up that feeling of regret and may have ill feelings for this new addition. No baby ever deserves that.
You will be fine, I love being a mom of matthew 9, kaitlyn 7, jayme 4, joseph 17 months. God bless you and don't forget to breathe! Lol
First of all, congratulations. One day you will look back and wonder how you would survive without this precious child in your life. And, you will be so thankful that the vas wasn't scheduled in time to prevent this special gift to your family. You will be fine. The kids will be fine. They will love the baby. It's what kids do. :) I had 3 boys...then 3 girls. :) Number 4 was the easiest up to that point. We were already in full swing with children, and she fit in perfectly. #5 &6 also were easy to fit in. I think it is somewhat silly for people to react to four children. It really isn't that many. We don't think we have a big family at all! We would love more. It would be so sad to us to not have the children we have. Enjoy your pregnancy, and count yourself incredibly blessed to be given another joy to love.
I have four :) It is going to be ok. Mine are a little older now. I absolutely love it. The house is always crazy busy, but in a good way. We have some of my kids friends that like to come over because there is always something going on :)
You can do this. The holidays are going to be amazing. There is always going to be big family dinners. There is always going to be one sibling for the others to come to. No one is going to be lonely. Can you tell that i love big families?! Please don't worry. You can do it :) It is going to be a blast, i promise!
just thought I would give my two cents :) my mom had 3 kids - the last was my sister and she was a HARD pregnancy and delivery...... The doctor told her she would not have any more kids. Something medical happened and she could not have more.....
Anyway 10 years later.. sisters b-day is May 26th mine is May 23rd she had me.
guess God had plans doctor did not know.
I am very close to my mom, and help when things are not right. My dad has major health issues. mom is 70 and dad s 71 and I am the one that calls doxs or goes to the hospital or ......... I am 38 and sister are 48 50 and brother 51, I don't think if asked if they wanted an addition to the family they would have said yes, but I am very close to one sister and pretty close to my brother and we all have our roles. We are glad that each piece fits.
I guess I am saying no it was not your plan but I believe God gave me to them for my part. I am sure your unplanned will be a blessing to your WHOLE family :) congrats !!
I couldn't help but add to your already many post. First of all, children are a blessing from God. I only have 3, but if I'd started younger I would have had at least 4. My first 2 girls are 2 years 10 days apart and actually had the same due date. My third girl is 2 yrs 8 months younger than the middle daughter. They fuss like crazy, but love each other just as hard. I wouldn't change anything.
You didn't say how old the oldest too are, but I would tell them well Mommy and Daddy thought we were done, but God felt like (his name) brother number 3 would need a buddie growing up. If people have something negative to say, just throw them a cute little remark like. "So you really wanted another one too, but it didn't work out for you". I bet they'll look startled and then shut up. I come from a family of 9 and my mom always used to say, " I only have 9". People were always taken back and a little surprise to where they couldn't comment after that. I'm tickled now thinking about it. Try that...say "oh we'll only have 4".
Don't focus on the negatives, focus on all the positives they will bring into your life. For example: your odds go up that once you reach old age, you'll have a better chance of 1 of the 4 taking care of you. :) Just because your friends have only 2 or 3, doesn't limit you. You have a chance of having 4 successful adults instead of 3. They'll have a playmate and you wont have to always try and entertain them. When you go to Disney World or 6 Flags, no one will have to ride alone, everyone will have a partner. My most favorite, you'll get 4 times the hugs, fun and love.
People (g.parents, etc) always change their focus once the cute little raschals arrive. You said the youngest is 10 months, by the time the other one arrives he will be almost 2 and maybe pottie trained or moving that direction shortly after. I have some friends that have/had 3 girls...same as us and when I heard they were having a 4th I wanted one too. I was so happy for them. It was another girl and they would like to have 6 total. They are such a great family. They are raising them in the fear of God and with a whole lot of love. Just love them all you can, when you can, while you can. It will get easier and they'll grow so fast that you will one day wonder where did the time go.
Stay positive, it is a positive experience and don't allow anyone or anything to lead you otherwise.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! and God bless you and your beautiful crew.
P.S. I love seeing them move across your tummy or a little foot sticking out. That is the most amazing thing while being pregnant. You go girl!
I sent my hubby on a deployment to get his vasectomy and he inadvertently left me with a present.
I was alone with three others at home and didn't believe I could be pregnant again!?!! Not with number 4!!!
My number 4 is now 10 and the joy of my life. I can't imagine life without him.
I truly believe God gave me a gift with him. So if you are a Christian, tell the children that God knew you weren't finished yet and there will be another.
Maybe it will be a sister, and if not my best friend has 5 boys, their house is a lot of fun.
I have 4 children very close in age! 6yr old, 5yr old, 4yr old, in March, and 2yr old. My family absolutely freaked out when I told them I was pregnant again with the 3rd, when I told them about the 4th, I never heard the end of it! Here's the way I see it though, and I told them all this. As long as my husband and I are taking care of these kids and not asking any of you to provide for them, then you really have no say so! Did I want 4 kids? No, but now that I have 4 I couldn't see my life without em, they are my whole world! At first I was overwhelmed by the thought of a fourth child, but when he got here I forgot about all the worries I had before, about having 4 kids! My house stays busy and it does get a little hard at times with 4young kids, but I wouldn't trade them for anything! My family adores them! I know it's overwhelming now, but it'll get better! Congratulations on yet another amazing gift! Smile :-)
I'm green with envy!!!! Congratulations!
I would let your little ones know that even though you didn't think you were going to have anymore kids, God had a different plan! My 3rd was a surprise and I had a difficult time getting excited because I was in the midst of school but she is so incredible! Can't imagine life without her. I have four now (and yes, I'm done!) and can't imagine life with a single one of them and you will feel the same once your new one arrives. Even numbers are so much easier!
; ) Hang in there!
Awe, bless your heart. I remember when I got pregnant with #2 before I was ready (I know, completely different), but it IS hard to get excited right away, I think that is normal. Take the time to adjust and when you are OK with it, tell people. We have a surprise, we are pregnant! And when they give you the shocked look, say "yep, that's how I felt too, but apparently God had a different plan than we did!" You can tell them that it took you a while to grasp it and that you know it will take them for them to grasp it too. Now, once you get your head around this know that it is only a season in your life that they will be both be small and in diapers. Mine were 20 months apart and I was extremely fearful. I have 3 now and my youngest is 6 years younger than the other two and he has grown up so fast, so I think you'll be surprised at how independant your 10 month old will become. As for telling the boys, again, stress that God had a different plan. You thought you were done, but God decided you needed one more in your family. It will probably be a shock to them as well, so give them time to adjust. You CAN handle this, you are strong and God doesn't give you more than you can handle, even when you underestimate yourself! My first 2 were 20 months apart, and when my son was about to turn 2, my hubby went overseas, you'll see, you CAN do it!
Here's a story about unexpectedly large families. Our niece had two and then found herself pregnant with twins. The twins were just over a year old when her husband got a vascetomy. It appearantly hadn't had time to heal when they discovered that they were pregnant again. With another set of twins!
I have more than 4. We knew we were going to have a large family, so this is not a surprise. My dad is one of five and I always thought that was a nice number. It was a surprise to find that we were not done when we thought we were. We thought there would just be 5. We have 6. And that last two were born closer together than I would have wished. But now that we've got them I wouldn't trade them for anything. (I say that as my youngest comes to cuddle in my lap.)
Having any number of kids can be hard. You have days when you are certain that you are losing your mind. I have days when I understand why insects eat their young.(just kidding. sort of.) Then there are the days that are glorious and wonderful.
Don't worry about what other people think. Back when we had just four I would get so offended and defensive when people would comment on the size of our family. Who the heck are they anyway? But now, I just laugh. The look on their faces when I tell them I have 6 is priceless.
You are going to be fine. It will be hard. You will have good days and bad days and boring days and adventure days and everything will be just fine. Oh and Congratulations!
Well, I knew before I had my third child I only wanted 3 children so after baby #3 was born, I began purging all, I mean ALL of my baby/maternity stuff. Baby #3 is 4 ~ 1/2 years old and surprise, surprise, I am pregnant with baby #4. I am currently 29 1/2 weeks pregnant. I know the shock of how you must feel. To be quite honest, I cried about it for months. To put it as simply as possible, I was devastated. I knew I never wanted more than 3 children. I felt so complete as a family of 5. I was looking forward to ME time, to volunteering more at the school, looking forward to embarking on a new journey for myself which included perhaps a part time job (I've been a SAHM mom for 11 years now), and even taking college classes. Having another baby puts all of those plans on hold. For the next five years.
I talked to friends but they could not relate to what I was feeling. It was a long time before I started telling anyone...even after I started showing. I was not looking forward to "congratulations" because in my heart, I simply didn't feel joyful about the pregnancy.
I began to pray, as I am a born again Christian, asking God to provide me the peace I needed, to provide me people who can relate. Within a week, I found out that my pastor and his wife experienced what I was going through when they found out they were unexpectedly expecting their third child. I found out that friends with whom I'd been friends with for a very long time had also experienced an unplanned pregnancy. The immense support I received was exactly what I had prayed for. It took time for me to adjust and accept that I am having another baby. Our house is small, our finances are tighter, and day by day, my belly is growing bigger with a baby that I never planned on having. I cannot explain it other than this is God's plan, not mine. I'm just a vessel to fulfill His purpose. I am having a baby shower in a few days and I'm having a scheduled c-section the end of April. And above that, I'm really excited now. I really cannot wait to meet my baby girl that is living, thriving inside of my body. When I found out I was pregnant, I could have never imagined feeling this excited.
You will adjust. It will take time. It will not happen overnight ~ do not expect it to. Good luck...and best wishes.
We have a four yo and a baby who just turned one last month and are expecting our third in July and we can't wait to have #4 soon after #3 is born. And most people we know, only have one or two kids.
You can't be concerned about what others will think or how they will handle it.
You have to remember this is your life, not your friends, or relatives and if you choose to have 10 kids, so be it.
You will do just fine with two little ones and the third will probably be potty trained shortly after # 4 is born.
I am one of four kids and it is really nice having a large built in group of friends, especially when kids get older, they hang out more and get together alot. This is a good thing for your family!! Congrats!!!
I had a friend who found out she was pregnant a week before her hubby's vasectomy. I think she cried for about a month. And she didn't tell anybody. After giving birth to her third child she reacted to a medication she was given and had a seizure and almost died. So not only did she dislike the thought of 4 kids, but she also disliked the thought of almost dying again!
Anyhow, fast forward 10 years. She is a happy mom of 4! Her youngest is an absolute sweetheart and she doesn't know how she lived without him. (Her other three are girls.)
Give it time. You'll be fine. What's one more when you have 3? You know how to handle it all! And who cares what your friends and family think!
I haven't read any of the previous answers, but I am the now proud mother of 4 great kids. All of mine are 18 months apart with twins in the middle. My first three were IVF and I never even thought about natural conception, so you can imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant again already having a 2 yo and 10 month old twins. On top of that, I was in a marriage that was in total shambles. I had no excitement for the fourth, I was totally embarrassed to be seen in public, I had a scary amnio that made me really consider quality of life for existing kids vs. new maybe needy new one, (even though I would never normally even consider that option). Luckily the amnio came back fine, I have my little boy and he is the light of my life. I can't imagine a day without him. He's the funniest kid I have, the little clown of the family. I have also raised them all on my own since they were 1,3,3,and 5. I get asked a lot if they are all mine. If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I have my hands full, I wouldn't need to work. It doesn't matter if my friends only have one or two. My family is my family, each and every one of us!! The Lord knew I needed that marvelous little boy in my life and in our family. Trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. By the way, once you have 4, you'll be amazed at how many other families you will notice that have 4 or more kids. It's actually more common than you think. Hang in there. I know how how you are feeling. I've been there. Trust, Faith, Love. Your family will be PERFECT!
Sounds like one of those "meant to be" babies! :) My husband has a cousin who was conceived two years after her dad had a vasectomy (she also looks JUST like him--things came "undone"), and they already had two and had not planned on more.
My first two are 20 months apart and while it was bumpy at first, I love it now. They adore each other and are great friends. We're have our third soon (due in 27 days) and he will be about 2 1/2 years younger than our middle boy. My husband is also sure we're done, but he changed his mind after our second, too. He is one of two kids, but I think his parents would still be thrilled if we had more. If it makes you feel better, it will become an "oops" kind of joke, but a loving one. If you prefer to keep that private, just wait until you're far enough along you "have" to tell people. Your kids will get over you saying you aren't having more--they will be getting another live-in playmate/best friend.
I had two in diapers for almost a year and will have two in diapers again when this little guy comes, and it is really not that bad. Wear the baby around in a sling and keep your arms free--it is a lifesaver so you can stay active with your older ones. Good luck!
Oh how familiar this sounds. We thought we were done with 2. We had 2 boys. I wasn't ready to send hubby for vasectomy yet, but we were also very careful. When the test came back positive I was numb with shock and was convinced it was a false positive and that the OB/Gyn visit would clear everything up. I would truly almost have a panic attack when I thought about it, and had the sick to my stomach feeling. At the doctor office, I had the worst attitude, and when they came in and said, "Congrats, it's positive" I could barely muster the words thank you. We didn't tell people for a while, I was in total denial, and we had a bad attitude about it. To make it worse, the third was my worst pregnancy- I felt terrible at the beginning and had bad swelling in my feet at the end. My husband never did get a good attitude about it, and it made it worse that this time it was a girl (he would have been happy with only boys)- all he could think was how much more expensive she was going to be. He even said things like, "things are perfect right now, the boys are becoming independent, and now we're going and screwing things up by having another one". I cried several times out of sheer guilt- and I NEVER cry- because I didn't enjoy any part of this pregnancy and felt like the worse mother in the world- what kind of mom dreads the birth of her baby? How is she gonna feel when she asks later what we thought about her when I was pregnant and there is nothing positive to say unless I lie? All the way into my third trimester and I was huge and the baby moved and kept me up all night I would still look at my husband in disbelief and say, "am I seriously having another one?" My baby girl is now almost 3 months and I can say that within 24 hrs of her birth ALL those feelings were washed completely away. She was absolutely our SURPRISE baby, but the best surprise ever (even if she was a difficult suprise). My husband still won't admit it, but he's smitten as well, and it's true as they all say-I can't imagine what it would be like without her. When we would tell people, or they discovered I was pregnant, we would just laugh (because the only other option was cry!) and say how shocked we were too. God gives you 9 months to prepare for a baby for a reason, and we needed every day of those 9 months to mentally prepare and adjust to the idea. We still don't know how we're going to do it financially when they are all in school (we're doing private christian school), but we're just taking it one step at a time. She brings us great joy, and in some ways she seems even more special because I definitely feel like God has great plans for her in our family and in the world because we were doing everything we could to prevent her coming into being, but God said nope- I'm making her anyway- so it's exciting to see what life has in store for her. We did however get the vasectomy when she was only 3 wks old because one surprise blessing was enough for us! I say go through with the vasectomy and just give it time. Even if it takes the birth of the baby to help you get over it (like it did for us), you will get over the shock eventually and find the joy this baby will bring.
It will all work out...listen my kids are spaced FAR apart and we meant to never have more than two! When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, I panicked I freaked, I cried, I felt no joy during a GOOD portion of the pregnancy!!! But I want to assure you that little things started softening my heart, hearing the baby's heart beat, seeing the baby on an ultra sound, and when they put my third child in my arms...it was LOVE. 3 years later, even with all the difficulties
( our third son is on the Autism spectrum) he is the sunshine in my day, the laughter in my heart, the glue that binds us as a family and I cannot imagine life without him. I am a religious person, so in my heart I believe God has a plan for each of us, and I am sure he meant for you to have another baby. Don't beat yourself up about not feeling joy right now...it will come with time.
Be honest with the people who are closest to you, the whole world need not know every private detail...I know you are not feeling it right now, but congratulations!
((hugs))
B.
Don't forget to smile and breathe. Having 2 in diapers is really not so bad. Everyone will have their own opinions but the fact of the matter is in a moments time you will not be able to picture life without number 4. For those who have a hard time keeping there comments to themselves, my sister tells them, 3 is for quitters. (She has 5 one of which is adopted) We have 4 kids 8,5,4,2. to say I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant with number 3 was an understatement. We had wanted more kids but every 2 years seemed like a good plan. We have never had any sibling jealousy issues, never. Really once you have had 3 adding one more really is not hard. I don't know why that is. You can so do this!
When I told my grandmother I was pregnant for the 4th time she said, "Oh M., that's too bad"! I was a little shocked, but decided to ignore it. Our family wouldn't be complete without this child and life would certainly be... what can I say... kind of boring without her. Good luck. He/She will be a blessing to you and the other 3 kids will love him/her! And don't ever let the word "accident" slip through your lips! "Surprise blessing" maybe, but never "accident".
I have four kids, all approximately 16 months apart (8,7,5,4). Did I plan it that way? Certainly not! And I was even advised to abort my first two pregnancies by well meaning family members. >.< Having 4 kids 4 years apart is certainly difficult but it was manageable once my family found it's rhythm. Most of the time anyway. My kids are so close together that they often fight and they can be quite needy. The only thing I regret about having them so close is that each child was deprived of my full attention too quickly. Even if I want to throttle them at times, I wouldn't miss knowing them for the world.
This is YOUR family and this little one has chosen to come at this time. It is no ones business but you and your husbands. There will certainly be adjustments in your family but you really will figure it out. Trust me. I know! The good news is though that if you have another boy, they will be close enough in age & size that clothing won't be an issue, especially as they get older! I have two boys & two girls and basically they share each others wardrobes (well, boy/boy & girl/girl I mean) and it's made it very easy when buying new clothing. Except for my youngest daughter. She's such a shrimp she can't wear her sisters pants because they fall right off of her. :D
As long as you can afford them then I think it is great. You will do fine. I have a home Day Care which is not the same as having children around you all day and night but for the most part I do. So mine were 18 mos apart and my sisters were 18 mos apart and my ex husbands were 18 mos apart You will adjust and be fine. We are allowed 6 under 5 in day care and you already know they grow so fast and do not stay little for long. It is not the end of the world. Just enjoy love and count your blessings. I would have had more if I had had a supporting husband. God Bless G. W
I can totally relate except that it happened to my when my "unexpected blessing" was my 5th child! I had proclaimed I was done, 4 was enough for us, our family felt complete, I had given away my maternity clothes & waiting for hubby to do his part. When #4 was 6 mo old, I discovered I was pregnant. Shocker! People thought and still think we are crazy...and we kind of are! It's a busy life, but it's fun. We waited 3 months before telling, mostly for us to get used to it, and to avoid comments as long as I could. People do not say nice things sometimes! I was just pregnant, and here I was pregnant again. I turned 40 and then had our baby girl 9 days later. Not what I had planned, but what can I do about it? Just go day by day. You'll be fine. Days will be hard sometimes, and crazy, but you'll make it. Oh, and hire a housekeeper! I'm serious....that helps me a ton.
Congratulations! Everything will be fine. Who cares what others think. It's between you, your husband and God :)
~A.
P.S. Let us know if it is a boy or girl when you find out!!!!!!
First of all, I can totally relate.. My daughter was 6 and when I had my second son and I was breast feeding.. Low and behold I got pregnant, WOW.. it took the whole term to get a grip on that.. So my sons are 15 months apart.. Yeah, they should have been twins.. I realized how fortunate I was as there are many women who cannot get pregnant.. It is a blessing.. Yes there are some tough times but the older ones help and you seem to have some great kids. Things happen for a reason.. You'll be fine.. One day at a time! Enjoy the moments, because in everything we do to keep up we forget to enjoy the best moments of them growing up.
Have fun with your kids, everyones cleans up, you can have more fun together! Be blesed!
Things happen, thats ok. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Things always seem to work themselves out. Don't worry about how your kids are going to be affected, they will adjust. Just keep reminding how much you love them & that you will always be there for them. It's awesome that your going to have 4 kids. I would love to have 4 but my husband is limiting me to 3, & I had to really beg to get him to agree to a 3rd one. I give you my best & hope that all goes well.
I have 3 boys too. 8.5.and 10 months! i think if you can handle 3 boys you can handle 4 boys or 3 boys 1 girl! don't worry about what people will say they are not raising them, All of your children are meant to be! Good luck to you my husband is also getting a vasectomy soon and I am terrified of getting prego for the exact same reasons you stated above!
I dont know about 4 children, but my two are 18 months apart and I love it. Right now, the youngest is one and the oldest is 30 months - they both where the same diaper size and they play together pretty well. Its been a really great way to teach my son (the oldest0 compassion, kindness and sharing. They sleep in the same room and take baths together.
I think a baby is a blessing and sure, your house will be a little bit of a crazy place, but thats part of the fun. Embrace the madness and some day you will look back on all of it and remember it as a good time.
And just think, you now have 4 children to split the burden of caring for you in your old age!
I have 2 friends with 5 kids each and it's a party wherever they go! They bring the party with them. Your parents might be taken aback but they will adjust fine if you do. They really only want your happiness like you wish for your kids to be happy. I am not saying lie to them but humor goes a long way in a situation like this. Don't tolerate your older ones having a bad attitude but give them a little time to adjust. Good luck!
Hi N.,
I read your question and wanted to give you some encouragement. We just had our fourth baby 2 1/2 weeks ago. Our others are 6, 5, (those two are 18 months apart) and 2 1/2. I had mixed feelings about this latest pregnancy, it was a very difficult pregnancy for me physically and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle four kids. Well now that he is born I can't imagine life without him and I can honestly say it was worth it. (I've even dreamed about maybe having one more some day, when just three weeks ago I was DONE DONE DONE with ever being pregnant again.)
Your other kids will love the new baby. It will be an adjustment, change always is, but they will love him or her.
Your friends and parents will have their own reactions, maybe supportive, maybe not. But they SHOULD be supportive. My parents were shocked too when we told them we were having a fourth, although my (grown) siblings were thrilled from the start. But my parents have gotten used to the idea and now they love having another grandchild too. I think a lot of times people just are surprised when they see large families only because they are not common - but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with a large family!
I have three siblings, all four of us were born within 4.5 years! Nine months after the wedding, then 14 mos, 15 mos, and 24 mos apart. We all did fine. I couldn't do it, but my Mom was super. You'll be fine. Don't worry what others think. And get the V done - LOL!
My cousin has 4 kids and they were surprises. I wouldn't worry to much it happend already i would take a deep breath. You have 2 older children thats diffently some help for you and the 3rd is still young yet so it would be fun for him to have someone around the same age almost. Everything will be okay when telling everyone i would say (Hey i have a big surprise baby #4). Yes, everybody might be surprised but its your life i wouldn't worry to much about it if they except it or not i would just worry about you and your family thats more important. Just sit down with all your kids and explain to them but be happy about it you don't want to express to them it was a mistake or they will think they were to. God does thinks we can't explain but it was for a good reason don't worry about it to much. Your very lucky there's people out there that can't have any. Your blessd i hope it help at least alittle with what i said. Take care :)
OK, I only have 2 kids, but they are only 17 months apart and we were 22 when we had our first, 24 when we had our second so I understand what you mean about being apprehensive to tell people as well as nervous about having 2 so close together. First thing's first: who give a flying fig what anyone else, your family included, thinks about how many kids you & your husband decide to have, whether planned or not??? You're an adult & I assume you take care of your own family by which I mean you don't rely on the government or your family financially so it's really neither here nor there if they're not pleased by it. You know from just having gone through this that once the baby gets here everyone will adore he/she just the same so no worries there!
As for having 2 babes so close together, it's the only way I know so I've got nothing to compare it to, but if I could do it in my early 20's with no experience with little babies, you can totally do this!! You'll be surprised by how much help you'll get from the older kids who I'm figuring will be around 5 1/2 & 7 by the time the new baby is here. Even your youngest will be able to do a lot of stuff, like feed himself for the most part which will free you up a bit. I had my kids do a lot of stuff at the same time like potty training for example. Granted, my son trained a little late & my daughter was a little early, but they went through it together. You'll do just fine, Mama!!
I have four. Two are older, like yours. Two are younger, like yours are going to be. And it is wonderful. I was also very tense, esp at the beginning of the pregnancy. I wouldn't worry too much about cheating the older two. And the younger two being closer together means they will play together which will make your life easier. (My oldest two are 18 mos apart and it was fantastic... they were and still are great buddies.) So I would say just take a deep breath and start visualizing life with four. This anxiety will pass and soon you'll wonder how you ever worried about it. Hang in there. The surprise has thrown you for a loop, but you'll be alright. Even with two in diapers. :)
I have two boys that are 19 months apart. They are best friends and love to do everything together. When my baby was about 6 months old, my two year old would climb into his crib in the morning to play with him, one day they broke one of the wheels on the crib. Still don't know how that happened. My oldest would help me take care of his little brother. If the baby would cry he would get a toy for him or his binky. They are 2 and 3 1/2 now and they fight but still love to hang out with each other. To me it is one of the most special part of being a mom is seeing them grow together and how they are so close to each other. With being so close in age my oldest will learn something new and be so excited that he teaches his little brother. It is hard at times because they both will need you at once but you will learn how to juggle it and they kids will also learn to adjust. Like my baby wanted to have time alone with mommy so he would take a nap at 5:30 then wake up at 8 then go back to sleep at 10, I called it his mommy time.
I was unexpectedly pregnant with our third child last year, and while I was shocked, as soon as I saw that little heartbeat I was thrilled since I had lost three previous pregnancies. Then we went in for another ultrasound and saw that our precious baby had died. This was the most heartbreaking miscarriage yet. The unplanned life is now so missed. Know that you have been given a gift, and although it is going to complicate your life and probably make you a bit crazy for the first few months, it is a gift that other women pray for every day.
I know you have so many concerns and are in shock, but the Good Lord above sent this baby to you and it is such a blessing! Once you see that beautiful baby, you will be filled with just as much joy as when your first child was born. Maybe you will have a little girl this time and she will be so blessed to have 3 protective older brothers. A friend of mine has two boys and just found out she is expecting Twins. She said she threw up in the Dr's office after he told her and went home and cried until her husband got home from work. Her husband started laughing hysterically for a while but then he was able to breathe again! The shock has worn off and she just found out she is having a boy and a girl. I have one child and actually had an appt with a high risk ob yersterday to ask about the risk of having a second child since I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am going through a hard time right now on deciding if I can handle another pregnancy and physically be able to take care of another child. Maybe you and your husband can keep this pregnancy to yourself for a little while and give yourself time to accept this and don't worry about what people may think or what couples have x number of children versus how many you have. Everything will work out somehow.
It will all work out for the best, I promise. I had 4 children in 5 years time and have absolutely no regrets. When the youngest gets older start potty training and the older children will help you with it. My 4 were 17 months apart, then nearly 2 years apart and then 19 months apart. The only time there were 2 in diapers at one time was the last set and child #3 sleplt in diapers at night for a while.. I never had help except for a baby sitter if and when I needed one. Good luck to you and keep your chin up.
I know you've had a ton of responses, but just wanted to say congratulations!! I know from experience what a shock being pregnant with #4 can be when you didn't plan it, but know that this child will make your family perfect. Having 4 kids is a blast and having them close together (we have twins) is even more fun! Take care!
Sounds like the makings of a great story one day:) The whole "well we had the vasectomy date, but"..... My mom was going to get her diaphragm and realized the dog had eaten it and Ta-dah!!! Here I sit typing today :D I had only been married 6 weeks and we couldn't find the stupid condom but well being newly weds..... and here we are today married for 4.5 yrs with a 3.5 year old son!! I had this good friend who was also so done with her three and then, you guessed it, she popped up pregs with number four. Now of course he is 2.5, and the sweetest little thing ever!! I actually have lots of friends with four, we have two and are like lagging behind or something!! My MIL was going to get her tubes tied after #4 but her crazy doctor wouldn't do it, and she is the proud mama of 5.... of course she changed doctors after number four and did get em' tied after #5;) So many stories of the unplanned turning out great, your story will be one more to add to the list!! Congrats:) Don't worry about any naysayers, this is your child and that is all that matters. Hang in there!
I've heard 4 is the new 3. I've also heard 4 is easier than 3. Good luck! Number 4 will be a huge blessing.
my mom has 7 children, none of us were 'planned' but if you ask her we all were cause she always wanted a huge family... what she cant deny is that she found out she was pregnant with my youngest sister while she was still breast feeding my youngest brother... and she cried for days. they are only 14 months apart, and its funny cause as upset as she was then, she totally favors my little sister now, even though she swears she doesnt. the point is, we dont always know why something is happening, we just have to take it in stride and try to work it out. my sister was shocked with both of her pregnancies, and she loves the little monsters to bits. so worry about the bigger parts of their lives when its time to get there, when the boys ask why your doing it again, say sometimes surprises are the best things in life :)
God has better plans for us than the ones we think are best! Everything will be fine. Don't worry and enjoy your last pregnancy and baby. Who cares how many kids your friends, family, society average? This is your family and you are the ones raising them. We have 8 kids, 6 of which I birthed and some were definitely not planned but they are all wonderful blessings! My first 2 were very close (17 months apart) and I had no family nearby, it's almost like having twins but easier. The older kids will help and the grandparents can help you out too. Life is full of surprises! Best wishes and God bless!
I understand what you mean. When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th, I balled my eyes out for a couple of days. Then, it was just another part of life. God gives us what we can handle. My last 2 are 1 year and 23 days apart. My last one was also a boy. I love him so much more (because #1 I feel bad for being so upset at the beginning AND #2 knowing that he is my last baby). I got an IUD after he was born...husband would not do the vasectomy. You can handle it and now with 4, your kids have a buddy system in place.
Hi! I have 4 kids now (and #5 due in Aug) and they're all close in age. I MUCH prefer them to be born closer together! they're all BEST friends and love eachother SO much! It's kinda busy and crazy sometimes but SO much fun! Their ages are 4, 3, 2 and 11 months. The biggest age gap will be 17 months.
You do great! Congratulations.
Oh... and your kids are gonna have the same attitude towards a new baby that you have so just let them see that you're excited and of course they will be too! :o)
Congratulations! We'd have another if we could.
Hi! Congratulations! I have no advice as I only have my 2 kids, but thanks for the reminder that we make plans and God laughs! We are "done" with our 2 (in whatever control we actually have), and many of these posts about going from 2 to 3 have scared me into planning to schedule my husbands V the day he gets back from deployment! LOL You'll do great!
For those of us who can't...please enjoy the opportunity that God has given you.
Hire a housekeeper and get a part - time nanny for evenings or weekends so you and hubs can get a date night.
plan and organize...may God Bless you!
I know you've already received a ton of encouragement ... I have actually never posted here before but I couldn't let this one pass me by. We have 3 kiddos ... in fact, we had 3 kiddos under the age of 2 (that's what happens when you get twins the 2nd time around!) ... 3 in diapers. 3 so close in age. I thought I was going to go insane. I quickly learned that smiling was easier than crying ... and that you could get a 10% discount on a case of wine at any grocery store :) Obviously, we were DONE with kids.
Until we realized that, truthfully, 3 is a terrible number. All of the fights in our household revolve around the fact that one kiddo is "left out". And it rotates - sometimes it's the boys that gang up on the girl. Sometimes the twins exclude the other. The only consistent aspect is that someone is left out and sad. So we started to really think about having one more. Of course, it's not as easy as we had hoped but we're still trying ...
Think about it ... you and your husband each have 2 hands ... didn't one feel empty before? When you go out, there are tables of 6 (much harder for tables of 5) ... even snacks that get distributed are more easily divided by 4.
Congratulations! You will have tears. You will have chaos. You will be exhausted. And you will also have an incredible life with an incredible family!!! Good luck!!
I don't have four kids, but I do have two amazing children that are 18 months apart. You already have so many posts and all I can say is that I hope God blesses me with at least four :)
