Some 4 year olds will do indoor playdates without their parents, only the parents of the child hosting (like my daughter and her friend). Of course, I know the parents and are comfortable with this. We take turns hosting the kids. My son, on the other hand, doesn't seem ready. He doesn't have all of the social skills necessary and will soon be treated for a speech delay. He is delayed for receptive and expressive and I think this plays in socializing, like following rules to a game. For the record, his dr., preschool teacher, speech therapists (who test for other things) etc. say there are NO other delays here. He is a bright little boy with a speech delay.
He plays with my daughter and her friends in our home and I remind him to share, etc. He also plays with kids at preschool, my mom's group and children of our friends. So, he does have social interaction. I also think he'll play with kids outside like he did some in the warmer months. My question is, what age do you normally start your kids with indoor playdates alone - i.e. you are not there?
ETA: Clarity
These replies are pretty helpful so far. Parents are there but I wouldn't be. Of course there is adult supervision. I'm trying to say I don't think he's ready for me to drop him off with another 4 year old and their parents unless I was there too.
Let me clarify, these are NOT scheduled playdates. My other post was featuring the tactics of ONE particular family over which I have no control. I posted about that in the What Happened box in that post.
I haven't really dropped my kids off for a play date without me. The ONLY time I did that was with a friend whom I have known for about 3 years. My boys are 9 and 6!
I think it's what you and your son feel comfortable with and there's no universal answer. My oldest is hyper social and I'm pretty sure she did playdates at friends' houses before she turned 4... She was perfectly happy and I knew the parents. My youngest is much less social and shy and wants me all the time. So not sure when her first playdate without me was but it was with her one and only BFF type friend. She likely was 4ish but again - just this one girl. Then later a girl in our neighborhood whose mother is very motherly and I think my daughter likes better than the little girl. :) Same time we've had friends of my oldest who had never had a playdate before at age 6! So it really varies. It sounds like you don't think he's ready so don't push it. It's not unusual. I'd kind of talk to him about it too. Kids that age can say "no, mommy stay with me." or "ok" to you leaving for a bit. And definitely only with parents you know and trust. That of course is always true but I'd start with parents you know are particularly attentive, your son is very close with the child and also one where your son actually has been with the mother/father a fair amount. Even if your son knows the child well, if he's barely met the mother/father, it likely will be scary for you to leave him. Not so much if he's gotten to know the mother/father with you around.
I don't have an answer for that. Everyone is different. I am suggesting you just don't worry about it since he has so much social life around him. I do not like to do much after work or see people on weekends and it doesn't bother me. I feel as though I don't need to pile up people in my life and even little people can feel that way.Having a family might be just enough for him right now. Someday he may be gone a lot so enjoy him now while he is little.
My sons are 4 and 6 and I am still involved with their playdates and would not feel comfortable leaving them for playdates with others if the parents aren't involved in some way.
I would think though, perhaps b/c of his speech delay, he would have more issues with one on one play than group play due to having to communicate more. It seems normal to me.
EDIT: Okay, I get what you are saying. It depends. Why don't you drop him off and see how it works? Make it one hour max. He may surprise you. Let the mom know you are apprehensive and tell her she can call you to pick him up early if he is having a hard time. Just know, it takes practice.
My son is 3 1/2, I have one friend who I am comfortable just dropping him off to play with her children. He's pretty social and plays well with others, I think I'm just pretty protective and not ready to send him alone. That also has to do with the fact that we've only been in the area for a year. Like your son, he plays with kids at preschool, mom's group, and playdates so he gets plenty of socialization. I'm thinking he probably won't start going over a friend's house without me until grade school.
I'd say it really depends on the child. Some kids need more social support than others, and at different times. There are some playdates where my son would be fine dropped off and others where I stay to provide support. It really depends on the family and the combination of kids involved. Sometimes, I like the family but realize that the parents don't have the follow-through necessary for the playdate to be safe for everyone, and then I will definitely stay. My son is just learning how to advocate for himself. As he becomes more comfortable with saying "no" when kids are being unsafe and sticking up for himself, we'll back off more and give him more independence.
I have worked with kids for a long time, and if it's any consolation, I don't see any universal age at which solo indoor playdates are guaranteed to work.
My son had a speech delay (expressive) and started with the occasional play dates at age three. I was working full time and my husband was working part time so this was really very helpful to us. There were no problems. You have to trust the mother and he has to feel very comfortable with the child and other mom. I don't think the typical three year old boy uses a lot of language in play, and when he played with little girls they loved to take over and direct which he was fine with. I think it is more about social skills than language skills at this age. My son absolutely couldn't play a board game of any type at this age (cried when I tired to teach him candyland!) Ask your preschool teacher if she thinks he could handle it and if there are any kids he has trouble with or gets along especially well with. This could be a great learning experience for him!
Again, I just don't understand why all play has to be scheduled as a "play date." Open the door and let him play outdoors with the neighborhood children or, heaven forbid, let him knock on a neighbor's door and ask if the child can play.
NO I never left my daughter alone on playdates at 4. I think thats way to early
You are so right. Outdoor play is much more fun for children with receptive and expressive language delays, because they can communicate so well through movement and motions. Negotiating the back and forth of conversation during an indoor playdate requires much more verbal give and take. I'm thinking that you and he would be more comfortable with you present for an indoor playdate. I also find that children do well at indoor play spaces, such as a local huge McDonald's playland.
I have a 5 year old son and a 9 year old daughter.
When they were that age, I ALWAYS stayed at the home, per play dates they were invited to. MOST of the other Moms, did so too.
Your son is not abnormal.
Not all kids are extroverts.
That is fine.
Go by his, cues.
Most kids that age, are shy. NOTHING wrong with that.
My son is 5 and I still am there, at play dates too. The other Moms are there as well. Normal.
I do not just drop him off.
Normal.
The experts say nothing is delayed with your son.
Speaking as a Mom, and my son was speech delayed as well and had a Speech Therapist... I do not see anything "wrong" with your son.
I, always STAYED at my kids' play-dates... when they were that age. They were shy. So what. Its normal. Kids this age are NOT social experts, yet. Normal.
I still, stay at the homes of play dates, still. And my kids are 5 and 9.
Normal.
I stay because, they Host says we can and there is nothing wrong with that. And my kids like when I am there.
If your son is NOT 'ready' for you to just drop him off, then don't.
I always go by my child's cues... AND how well I know... that Host Mom and family. And IF my child knows them well, as well.
I think it depends on the kid. I do stay for playdates but honestly I have left my son at different friend's houses for a couple hours. My son is 3 1/2. My son is extremely polite and well behaved and could do an indoor or outdoor playdate without me. Right now though, most of the moms stay with the kids, even the ones whose moms are 4 and 5. I think it's really fine if you stay with him. As for having indoor playdates at all, that is really your call. Just a question...did you son JUST develop a speech delay? I am just wondering since 4 sounds a little late to start therapy. Better late than never though!
