Forming Good Sleeping Habits in a Newborn

Hi! Having a newborn is overwhelming. It is normal for babies to have their days and nights confused. In the womb they are rocked to sleep by the motion of us moving around during the day and then awake at night when we are sleeping. It takes a little while for this to correct itself. As time goes on, your daughter will figure out that it is quiet at night and there is stuff to watch and do during the day. I agree that newborns need to be held a lot and that you cannot spoil them by holding them. She will tell you when she doesn't want to be held and you will then stop holding her so much. I do not think that you are creating bad sleeping habbits. If you are interested in some reading material about babies (in your free time, yeah right!) there are 2 books that talk about a kind approach to parenting and listening to what your baby needs. The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp and The Baby Whisperer. I can't remember the author's name on the second one.

Best of luck and congratulations on the birth of your daughter!
L., mom to a 5 1/2 and a 2 1/2 year old boy

P., congratulations on your new baby! I have two children, soon to be 2 and 5 years old. I held both of them when they were your baby's age, but tried to put them in their crib or bassinet once they were sleep or close to sleep. At this age, they really do crave your skin contact and are comforted by your smell and the sound of your heartbeat. You really can't "reverse" the baby's days and nights at this stage, but you can set the tone. When the baby sleeps during the day, keep the day sounds around. In other words, don't walk around wispering or keeping everything super quiet. Remember, it is not quiet in the hospital nursery or even in the womb. At night, when she wakes up to feed and be changed, keep the lights very low and have it quiet. Do not ingage in conversation with her or play with her. You want to teach her that it is not time to get up and party. Change her, feed her and if you hold her, do just that. Nothing more. I think you will have better luck with all of this in a few more weeks when she is at least 1 month old. Also, when my babies wanted to be up at night, I strapped them in the swing, had the seat reclined, wrapped their blanket around them and set the swing at a speed high enough to keep them quiet. My swing had a music feature which played nature sounds, so I would put that on and it was great. I kept the swing next to my bed, only had the night-light on and I was able to get some much needed rest. It will get better. It's hard, but you want to balance holding the baby and also not letting her get used to always sleeping on you. This will be very problematic when she is a little older. Good luck and enjoy your new baby. I hope this was helpful.

Hi, P.,

I think your instincts about holding your baby at this early stage in her life are right on. In my opinion, anything you do for your baby in the the first three months of her life do not form any bad habits -- they grow and change so much in the months that follow, and their sleep development goes in and out of so many stages, that those first three months become ancient history fast.

I'm not sure if you've come cross this book already, but my favorite resource for the first three months is "The Happiest Baby on the Block." I can't recommend it enough. I'm not big on books in general, but I think this one is SO helpful. There's a lot in it about sleep, what's normal, what to expect, etc.

Congratulations, and best wishes!

I am a new mother myself and a midwife. Your job as a new mother is to build and foster your child's trust in you. By holding her, comforting her when she is tired and cranky and feeding her when she's hungary, you are communicating with her. You are assuring her that you will meet her needs. If you are nursing its even more important to hold her, as this contact may effect the adequacy of your supply. Being a new mom is difficult, but I have found that if I follow my instincts and do what feels right, that things work out. I found these conversations with my mom and mother in law to be instructive in my transition to parenthood. Your mother raised you, now you raise your daughter. Its that simple and sometimes you will make mistakes, thats ok too. Congratulations on your new daughter!! Enjoy her, eventually she wont want to be held.

My baby had this same problem. My doctor said that it is an internal clock issue. She told me to make sure that during the day there is plenty of light and during the night it is as dark as possible. It helped me. I would open the blinds and turn lights on in the house. H. this helps, because I KNOW that you need your sleep.

Hi P.,

We had the same situation with our daugther (now 14mos.) She simply slept better is someone was holding her. She slept in our bed next to me for 4 mos. then we moved her to her crib.

I recommend you buy a sling (I used the Moby) and put her in it as much as she'd like. There's a really good sleep book that explains baby physiology called "Health Sleep Habits. Happy Baby." It really helped me understand what was happening in the first 4 mos.

My Mom said the same things and was horrified that we let her sleep in our bed. But (at that age) she slept for 4 hours straight in the bed and 20 mins in the crib... so it was a really easy decision for us.

At the end of her 4th month we transitioned her to her crib where she sleeps every night, from apx 8pm to 7am. So don't worry about forming bad sleep habits!! Just trust your instincts and get all the snuggle time you can... soon enough she won't want to be held all the time.

Lots of luck and hang in there... the first six weeks is the hardest time!!