Food Allergies and Relatives DON'T Get It

Hi Jehan,

Sometimes it is beneficial and in everyone's best interest to provide/suggest alternatives to allergens. My 11 y/o grandson and I just found alternatives to nearly every comfort food so I know it can be done with relative ease.

Hope this helps.

T. Nelson CD (DONA)

I would ask them to accompany you to his pediatrician or allergist's office so that you can have them explain it to them.

GF is hard, most people have no idea what contains gluten. I have to eat GF myself and trust me my relatives don't get it. I come from a large Italian family and they will say stuff like, "well can't you just eat a little bit of pasta?" Ugh! Yeah I could if I want to have a skin rash and explosive diarrhea--thanks, but no thanks!

Here's the deal: Your son is 2. Until he old enough to moderate his own diet, you will have to do it as his mom (or dad), there is no other way. Do not rely on others to check labels or make GF foods for your son. Even if you were to give them a list, it would be a couple pages long and they most likely would not follow it very well. Do what I do for myself--pack his food with you when he goes by their houses. Be firm that he is to eat nothing that you did not bring for him. Nothing! That is easy enough to follow. Make sure to bring some GF treats that they can give him. As for toys, Play-doh is about the only thing I can think of that he can't play with, so I think that should be fairly easy to request.

If the relatives do not comply with your wishes, then you will have to refrain from taking him over there or him having visits without you there. This issue is not up for discussion or negotiation and you need to make sure they understand that. This is your child's health we're talking about--nothing is more important. This is one thing you should be making a big deal about--either they comply or they don't spend time with your son. Don't make your son suffer for their bad judgement.

You need to be assertive on this issue. Explain exactly how things will be handled and what will happen if they break your rules and then follow through. Stop having discussions about this--it is not negotiable!

You know, this is such a good question, and i hope you get LOTS of great suggestions. I personally get really, really ill when I've been exposed to perfume/cologne, and no matter how many times I try (delicately or firmly) to ask people who are going to be around me NOT to wear scent, many of them do. I even had one man at an important meeting (drenched in cologne) insist I wasn't sick, even though I was having trouble breathing, a sick headache, and finally had to reel off to upchuck in the bathroom. I missed half of the meeting I had driven 30 miles to attend. Then I didn't sleep for 48 hours because I couldn't breathe.

So, unless people see your son turn purple, pass out, or barf on their shoes, some will remain oblivious. For his own protection, I'd keep him away from those relatives as much as possible.

Wow, My heart goes out to you as I am trying to stay dairy free/sugar free...
and who knows/on my way to gluten free, with my son.
I would give each of your family members (pamphlets, information, etc...)
and educate them on the seriousness of eating gluten with celiac!
Tell them, under NO circumstances can they feed him anything off his diet.
Tell them this is serious/and there is NO room for error.
Also, bring his own snacks/etc..
If they continue to break the rules~ they are not honoring you or your child.
If I found out my son had gluten intolerance/celiac and gave my parents the diagnosis and what was expected and they broke the rules, I would be upset. Untreated, Celiac can damage intestines and major organs...
It's not a joke and they need to realize it.
There are plenty of gluten free food's they can buy and have when your
sweet child comes over :-)
(As I said, hand them LOADS of literature) Hopefully, it will sink in!

I have food allergies and my extended family often forgets. Even my hubby forgets to check ingredients on packaged foods sometimes. I have to advocate for myself. Same as you have to for your child. It is your responsibility, you can try to educate them, but they don't live with your son and don't always remember.

IF they won't believe you or don't think you are serious. Have your pediatrician write a prescription stating how dangerous it is if your child is exposed to x y and z and what his limits/restrictions are. Maybe they will see you are serious when the doctor writes the prescription stating all of this. If they continue to disregard your wishes, then you have to just tell them that until they do, he won't be coming over. Good luck.

M

I would approach it by bringing up what happened to your son after the play-doh...say, 'Gosh you know Son was so sick after he played with play-doh at your house all day. It has wheat in it and although I knew that I didn't realize his reaction would be this bad. He was so miserable and sick. Do you think we could get rid of that Play Doh so he doesn't use it again??'

I think if you pull at their heart strings a little it may put it into persepective for them. I also agree with arming yourself with some pamphlets, etc. This really stinks for you and your son! :( It's hard for people to deal with things they are unfamiliar with and hopefully your family will figure out soon!

On a side note, maybe you could make some of your own playdoh (recipes are all over on line) and substitute rice flour instead then take it to your relatives house for him to play with...maybe it will solve at least one of the issues!?! ;) Good luck!

This is my take on this. Unless you tell them specifically what he is allergic to ,they will not know. Most other people without kids with allergies would not even think or know that play doh has wheat in it. You are more in-tuned and couscous than a regular person. From now on I would keep a box in the your car that contains his own play doh, snacks, toys he can enjoy.

Oh my goodness. That is totally me!! All 5 of my kids have food allergies and I had no respect. They didn't believe me and would feed my kids whatever they wanted. It took many years of being consistent and firm with them. Now they're respectful and they believe me. It was really tough though. They would say to my kids "I know that would be nice to eat this but mommy says no." Like I'm some sort of meanie or something. Never mind that they were sicker than a dog and had hives when they ate Gluten, dairy and corn. They didn't seem to care about that. It was all about the food they were missing. It's all better now. Whew!! Hang in there!! Stay strong and persistent and I pray that their attitude changes really soon.

Did you tell them that playdoh had wheat in it? If not I am sure they did not know. Most people would not think of it. I would make him a special bag to take to realtives with playdoh, snacks etc.. in it. Put a little lunch bag in it and fill it up when ever he goes somewhere. If he has Celiac print out information for everyone to read so they understand that not only does he feel bad when he eats gluten it is damaging his intestines and his body will not be able to absorb the nutrients it needs to grow and be healthy. Other than that constant reminders. My daughter was allergic to dairy and I am not sure anyone actually remembered all the time. I have Celiac amd my husband still at times forgets.

Forget being nice about it. You have to be like a wolf who fearlessly defends her young. Families don't get it unless you lay it on heavy and thick. They think you are "depriving" your child of the goodies they offer.

One of my children had a serious enzyme disorder (genetic) and I was vigilant until they got the lesson.

Bring his own alternative food to substitute when there are foods offered that you know he can or should not eat. Be the wise mother you know you should be.

I suffer terribly from allergies.... and have learned that I either should bring food I know I can eat or go hungry.... I view it this way--eat it or be sick and for me that means migraines and a trip to the hospital for a shot.

You need it to look the consequences of eating or being exposed to the wrong foods as what goes wrong in the same way for your child that way too.

I agree with the lady who suggested that you get a prescription from your doctor, but I think that you should accompany it with a list of reactions. Your family needs to know how serious your son's condition is.

I imagine you will have to be more proactive. Not so much telling them what they do wrong but by providing what your child CAN do as an alternative to some of the more common things. Providing a modeling clay that he can use without reaction, providing the foods he can eat throughout the day. Maybe just make a nice list of the can's and can'ts for them to post on their fridge for reference in the future.
If they didnt know your son was going to be allergic to Play-doh then I dont think you can get mad at them, but if you have already told them not to let him play with it, you should have provided an alternative doh for them.
It will be a learning process for them, don't expect them to embrace it overnight.

HI-

I think you need to talk to the relatives, explain the importance and then provide alternatives. If they have playdough - bring bubber or something he can play with and leave it there. Bring alternate snacks and leave them there. Bring the relatives information about his allergies so they can understand. GF is really hard and a lot of people don't understand it or even know what it is. I think being straight forward is in the best interest of your child and if they are mad at you about that and continue to ignore your requests, I think it is fair to tell them that your son will just have to stay away.

Your relatives just need gentle reminders and also need to be gently informed in what is ok and what is not ok. I never had to deal with allergies with my family growing up. My husband has seasonal allergies and is allergic to dust and dander, but no food allergies. My kids never had food allergies. Well, my oldest son married a girl who has food issues (not really allergies that we know of, just intolerance to some foods). I am constantly forgetting because I'm just not use to it. I also have to be informed as to what is ok and what is not.