Follow up to "It Was Easier Making Plans by Phone."

WOW! I too would have been frustrated. If you have told her phone calls are best then she should have abided by that. I am going to assume she has a smart phone where an email is just as easy as a text ... in my world an email is done on the computer - how annoying. I use texts here and there when I want to communicate, but my message is not time sensitive or it is going to a group and email is not available or appropriate. I think people need to remember how a phone works (you know to make and take calls) and how face to face conversation works.

Yeah, it definitely would have annoyed me, but is this really the hill that you want to die on?

She is flaky...clearly. It sounds like you will need to accept this trait about her and find a way not to drive yourself crazy.

I'm someone who hates phone calls. Hate them. There's almost never a time when I can talk on the phone in peace, so I'm usually on the phone while managing my kids, making dinner, answering the door, multitasking. Half the time I miss what's said. I've had to talk on the phone in the bathroom to get peace. Ick. I used to love phone calls before kids, but now I usually let them go to voice mail.

That said, I know which friends don't use technology and call them when I have to. Just make it really, really clear to her that you rarely use your cell phone or check emails, so be sure to call.

If she's a flake, you just have to accept it or move on. I have certain friends I love but I know they're flaky. It used to bother me, but once I just accepted that's how they are, it doesn't.

For some friends, phone calls are always best. Most of my friends are happy to make plans via phone calls. One girlfriend and I always plan by phone... we get out our calendars and it's done within a few minutes.

You did,though, hit the nail on the head with this observation: "(I) might need her more than she needs me." That may be true, however, it doesn't prevent you from asking for what you need, which you did. That said, you've posted twice about it and my suggestion would be simply this- make your needs known and then, let things lie. She's obviously in a different place in life than you are. Just be real with her, let her know that you don't have time for lots of emails and that you'd love to spend time with her and that phone calls to schedule work best.

Then, in the future, every time you want to get together with her, call. Don't even email about it. Set the precedent yourself.

Do YOU think you treat anyone like a rock star? Do you think you treat HER like a rock star? It really doesn't sound like it...

SO many people nowadays are "plugged in" to the max. She is different than you are in that she is a lot more plugged in than you are. It's fine that you have asked for phone calls from now on. But if you keep your nose out of joint convincing yourself that she disses you in favor of other people, you'll end up losing a 20 year relationship. Only YOU know if it's worth losing. I read on MP over and over how woman have a hard time making friends. Do you really want to lose one over this?

What Tracy said. So she's coming tonight, right? Have fun!

Yes ! I do not check my emails 24/7 either. Some people I know won't call me becasue they insist on technology.

I agree - it is easier sometimes to take two minutes to talk on the phone than to send 20 emails/texts back and forth. So much more can get accomplished so much faster by talking instead of writing. Not always, but often.

I am almost always online, so replying to email would have worked fine for me, but I totally get that there are plenty of people who don't check email in the evening and it's not a reliable form of communication if you expect an instant reply.

I also think it's really rude when people discount your question or put you down because it's a "first world problem." You are no less deserving of help and answers than anyone else.

I would be annoyed as well. I think it is good that you called her rather than emailed her and it is too bad she did not call back.
I would just be really specific about your boundaries and try not to get too worked up emotionally. You have learned that she is flaky, so use your knowledge. Call her if you want to make plans. If she says :I need to call you back" say "that's fine, please call me by x time so we can make our plans". If she doesn't call, make other plans.
It might get to where you need a break from each other for a while. I have a SIL that I love and like to hang out with but she backs out or worse, stands me up, 99.9% of the time. So I have finally learned not to make plans with her or if I invite her someplace, make a back up plan (like invite a few other people or have something else I can do so I am pleased if she shows up and not let down if she doesn't). Maybe that is what you will need to do with this gal. You can care about her but not put up with being treated poorly, ya know?

Just my two cents, talking on the phone can be a challenge (while managing kids) and often you have to leave a message because the person you are calling isnt available.
I agree with some of the other posters that you can initiate with phone calls, but dont be upset about this. Just enjoy your friend :)

I'm so with you on this one (and was with your first post). My SIL likes to text everything. I guess that's better than emailing, which is good because I don't check it everyday. Still, texting is not always easy either. I have two very active boys, and sometimes I just need a couple of minutes to TALK about what we're doing. Maybe I'm just not fast enough with my texting.

Anyway, I prefer a phone call. So much easier most of the time.