Five Year-Old Birthday Party

Wow, what a huge thing to invite all 30 kids... think down the road.. will you ALWAYS invite his WHOLE entire class to all his birthday parties? At this age, it is never expected that ALL kids HAVE to be invited.

At my daughter's school, the Teachers always explain that IF any child has a b-day party, the whole class does NOT have to be invited (it's a financial hardship for lots of families or an obligation type burden), and invitations can be given to the Teacher, discreetly, and the Teacher will pass them out... privately. This is how it is handled at my daughter's school.

As far as asking for Donations... some think it's tacky, some don't. So it's up to you. Also, some may not "like" the charities "you" chose... and some may not like just giving "money" to go toward a charity... etc. ALSO, I went to a party like that once for my daughter's friend... and EVERYONE STILL brought birthday gifts with them for the girl, IN ADDITION TO SOMETHING FOR THE DONATION request. SO, therefore each family brought TWO "gifts" for 2 purposes. BUT... the select few that did listen to the party's directions/request for only a "donation" then felt awkward that they did not "also" bring a gift for the birthday-child. So...there is awkwardness for these people.. and they may feel "excluded" socially. So there is that factor too. AND, some people go all out and bring HUGE donation items/money... and then "this" makes other people feel even more awkward that they could not bring something equally "lots."

Also, at 30 invites... some people may see the "birthday" party as a mini "fund drive" kind of thing, versus a birthday party for your son.

So, think it out, first. People being people, may still often bring gifts for both.

All the best...
Susan

I had a brithday party for my son's entire class at a jumpy place also. The reason I decided to include the whole class is that my son does not have siblings close in age range to him and is slightly delayed in social skills, according to the teacher. Of 23 in the class, about 12 showed up. We all had a great time. We do not have any local relatives, so it made it special for him to have some of his class at the party. Since the party, he is more social with the classmates, even though he is pretty shy. If you don't want gifts, you should just specify "no gifts" on the invitation. Don't specify a charity to donate to or anything. If you want to teach your son how to do that, do it at a time that is not his birthday. You could go through his toys and clothing once or twice a month and donate to Goodwill, etc. Best of luck to you.

I am loving your idea! I would pick one charity and place that on the invitations. I am not sure how to stop people from bringing gifts for you son though ~ that one is tricky! I also want to address that in preschool it is okay to invite the all (only about half will show up anyway) and I don't feel like this is a pattern that you will have to follow all thru school. We used to invite the entire class until about 1st grade, then your child starts to bond more with a few children and not so much with others. You child will want to invite ONLY the kids he/she plays with to the party. I like this idea so much that when all three of my kids start with birthday parties again this summer I will do the same thing~ We also have three sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles and so forth ~ I have three kids but they are the only three grand kids, niece and nephews in town! I have an entire playroom at my house that is FULL of toys that only get dumped and picked up, never played with! I clean the room out about once every 3 months ~ more during the holidays and again with all the summer birthdays. Good luck and I would STRESS the no gifts and STESS the chartity on your invitaions, maybe make them your self on the computer so that you can really make your point that the presence of the child is all the presents that you son wants. Good luck, and please let me know how this turns out, I would love to use it for my own children!

Hi D.,

If you're up to inviting the full class, go for it! You're under no obligation either way, but your son will probably love it. As far as the no gift, I think it's a great idea. My son has too many toys himself. I dread the gift openings knowing there are more things. He gets so many, he doesn't play with any of them. It's just too much. I already have to have half his toys stored and rotate. For Christmas, I encouraged family to donate his gift to Toys for Tots. Many did, but gave him a little something as well. At least I got them to cut back. But that's family.

For a birthday party, I would write it on the invitations and call the parents (if possible). Personally, I would put something like we request no gifts. Your presence is his present. If you must bring a gift of a sort, please instead bring one for Toys for Tots so a child in need can have a toy to play with(or something like that). Then, if people bring gifts for your son to the party, simply put them in another area out of site. Do not do a gift opening! That is what becomes tacky and makes the people who actually listened feel terrible.

Once the guests have all gone home, open the presents and write a very nice thank you letter for all gifts (including any donations). If the gift givers push to have their gift opened at the party, just smile and politely say that you're not having a gift opening during the party and leave at that. They are the tacky ones for not adhering to your request. And you definitely don't want to put the people who were nice and didn't bring a gift for your son or brought a donation only to feel slighted, since they were the ones doing what you'd requested.

Your son won't miss the gifts. What is he going to do with 20+ more toys anyway? And that many gifts get boring to open as well as consume a great deal of time. But make sure your son knows the plan. It's a great way to start teaching about charity, so he can understand how blessed he is. You're being a good mom and a good, caring person. There's nothing wrong with that at all! Good luck! S.