First Sleep over Invite Comes with Complications

Call the mom! When my daughters started having sleep overs there was always a couple of kids with night time issues. No one pays attention to anything but the kid at the drop off so mom and I took what was needed to the master bathroom. When everyone was changing I just said hey, you can use my bathroom since someone is in the hall bath. No one ever knew.

It works best when you work with the host because you pack her change in a separate bag that host mom puts in the bathroom. I don't even think my daughters knew about it I know I never told them.

I would tell her she can go to the party and stay til midnight (or whatever time the mom has set for bedtime) that you have something (make something up here) to do early the next morning. And let her go to the party. most of the sleepovers are out the next morning early anyway so she will get all the fun but not the stress. let her take her sleeping bag to lay out if she wants it but then make her come home at night.

My daughter is in 2nd grade and has the same issue. Only her sleepover was a Girl Scout event that I wasn't able to attend. I sent her but only after I spoke to the troop leader in private and told her the situation. She changed clothes in private and nobody even suspected a thing.

We hosted a slumber party last year. I didn't know it at the time, but one of the kids wore "goodnights". He was the oldest kid at the party. His mother simply called me up and told me that she wanted to let her son come, but this was a concern for her. She wanted to know if I had any suggestions. We decided that when she came over I would hide the goodnight in the bathroom for him. We also decided that long pj pants would disguise things a bit. He didn't need the pull up until bed time. So when it was time to lay down, I reminded him he needed to put it on (I pulled it out for him before he went in the restroom). In the morning, I simply had him go in our bathroom and change. I left a grocery sack in there for the trash. I told him to just leave it in our bathroom. The kid even tied it up for me. So I went in and threw it away. It was no big deal and none of the kids ever had a clue.

I would let her go to the party and pick her up around 9 or 9:30. Your concerns ARE valid. They will either see what she's wearing or she will wet the bed. Either scenario would not bode well for her socially...and as we all know, girls CAN be brutal.

At 7, it's not uncommon for people to NOT allow their kids do sleepovers. If you tell the other parent that you'll pick her up early, they will not be surprised or offended.

For a very first sleepover, try it with a close, trusted friend who won't judge her and let it be a one-on-one sleepover instead of a "party". Have her work her way up to a slumber party - they can be a bit overwhelming. And 7 is still quite young.

Our son was still in GoodNights when his first sleepover rolled around. He also needed to take special medication at night. I just talked to the mom hosting and she handled everything discreetly. He took his travel bag and changed in the bathroom. It all ended up being a non-issue.

If you talk to the host parents, I am sure they can make everything go smoothly for your daughter. I also agree with others who say others are likely to be wearing GoodNights, too. It's not that uncommon at seven.

You speak to the host mom privately about it, and instruct your daughter to put on her nighttime things in the bathroom privately. Change in the bathroom in the morning privately. That should be all you need to do.

You might be surprised, but she may not be the only one doing this. We had our Pastor's kids stay with us a few days a couple of different times for sleepovers. Their girls wore them. My own kids didn't know (or if they did, they never said anything about it). But the mom mentioned it to me just as an FYI. I didn't give it a 2nd thought.

You might consider sending a gallons ziploc bag with her to put it in when she changes in the morning, if you are concerned about her leaving it in the bathroom trash where others might see it.

I agree with the other posters that you should let her go (if she wants to) but enlist the assistance of the mother in charge. I would ask the mother if she would take the pull-up and put it in the bathroom so that your daughter can discreetly just go potty before bed, change into the pull-up, leaving her undies in the same place in the bathroom. Next morning, jump up, go potty, change into undies and no one is the wiser.

Hope she has a GREAT time!

You can't do it, H. Beth. Make up an excuse that she can't yet bear to be out of her own bed, and have her come home before the girls start to "bed down". Tell her that when they ask why she isn't staying, to just say "Oh, I want to go sleep in my own bed!" When they make remarks about it, tell her to laugh it off, hug the birthday girl and walk out the door.

Until her body cooperates and she can have dry nights, she just cannot do an overnight thing with her friends. You can't put her through that. LOTS of kids don't do overnights, H. Beth. If you think that all kids do, then someone's been feeding you a line. There are plenty of kids who think they want to, and then they are crying for their moms.

Do not tell the mom of this birthday girl about her pullups. Just tell her that your daughter isn't ready for a sleepover and you'll pick her up at 9:00. Leave it at that.

Dawn

I would probably let my daughter go to the party and not let her sleep over, I would tell the mom that you have early morning plans and ask her what time in the evening would be a good time to pick her up.

I know this isn't your question, but you may find it helpful:
My son was a bed wetter. We used the Star bed wetting alarm to help him overcome the bedwetting and it worked great. He stopped wetting the bed after a few uses. At 7 your daughter should be old enought to understand the concept of the alarm and have the desire to work with it.

My daughters 1st camping trip with Girlscouts, she still peed the bed at night. We were very discreet (granted I was there to help her) BUT her friend saw, and come to find out she still wore pullups at night too!!! Anyway, I agree with talking to the Mom and asking her to help out.

Do you know the mom very well? Maybe you can express your concerns to her, and she can help let your daughter get ready for bed more discreetly (and, in the morning, dispose of the goodnights).
On the other hand, if your daughter acts secretive about it, I hope that won't make her feel ashamed or embarassed, but I suppose that just might come with the territory. Has your daughter herself already come to you with her worries about it, or are these your worries for the moment?
My daughter is almost 6 1/2 and she wears them, too. I am looking forward to other answers for my own future reference.

I had this situation with my DD for a few years, she was in pull ups at night a lot longer than most kids. Here's what we did:

I put her pull up in a grocery bag so that it was hidden in her overnight bag. She knew to keep it in the bag, grab her pajamas, and go into the bathroom by herself to change. She put the grocery bag back in her overnight bag. We always made sure she wore a long t-shirt or gown with pajama pants underneath, so that if the shirt/gown rode up during the night, it didn't show the pull up.

In the morning, she knew to grab the grocery bag with her clothes to change into and again go to the bathroom to change. She put the pull up in the grocery bag and put it bag in her bag to throw away at home.

If the other kids asked why she wouldn't change with them, she just said she liked privacy or had to go to the bathroom. But honestly, no one ever asked her.

I love the idea of talking with the mother to let her know. My DD was only ok with this one time, and the mom was SUPER nice about it. Making it a very seamless operation! Most of the time, though, DD didn't want anyone to know, including the mom. So our system worked and nothing bad ever happened. I worried about the crinkle noise, but sleepovers are so noisy it was never a problem.

I will say, it helped to go through a little rehearsal of the process. Once her bag is packed, run through the steps so she can role play and just practice what she's supposed to do.

We did this probably 7 or 8 times until she was 'dry', and it worked every time. Hope your little one has fun!

I'm with Lynn. My parents did not allow sleepovers (friends could sleep at my house--I could not sleep at theirs). This is a rule I'm going to have for my kiddos too. However, I just don't think your daughter is ready--and that's okay. I would suggest letting her stay to do the fun stuff and then pick her up at 9:00. They're going to know she wears a goodnight and who knows what that will turn into--kids can be cruel!

H. Beth,
I would not send her without her Goodnight, if it is soaked most mornings. That is a recipe for a big mess. Then you are going to have to wash her sleeping bag, she will smell bad in the morning and there is a chance it will soak through to the friend's carpeting. No good.
Instead, send her with the Goodnight. Discuss and role play before hand. It is none of the other girl's business if she wears a Goodnight and they do not need to know. For privacy reasons, she should be getting dressed in her Goodnight and Pj's alone in the bathroom anyway. I would suggest you pack her a few plastic grocery bags and in the morning she can use the bathroom, put the Goodnight in the plastic bags and put in the garbage can.
By the way, it really may help to tell her how common this is for children that age. Chances are she will not be the only one there with night wetting issues. My son wets the bed and he is 9. My brother wet until age 14. Most of my male cousins did, too. I was surprised to learn that several of my son's friends and neighbors do, as well. It is common but most people don't really share that because they are embarrassed and do not realize how many other people are dealing with the same thing. It is nothing to be ashamed of. She will grow out of it when she gets older.

You have gotten some great ideas. 7 is still young, however, and she could wait another year for an all the way overnight. If your daughter is overly nervous why not bail her out. Make up an excuse like you have church in the morning and say you will pick her up just before they go to bed. Make it as late as possible. If that is what your daughter wants then be the bad guy for her.

Do you know this mom at all? Can you really trust her to not say anything to her daughter about it?... I'd hope a mother could keep her mouth shut but if you barely know them or get any sense this mom isn't that nice/is a gossip, I'd make up an excuse and pick up your daughter before bedtime.

I agree with tall to the mom, between the two of you you should be able to find a solution. It's a lot more common then you think, only when it's your child it seems huge :)

Didn't read the rest of the responses but when it's time for bed, have her change in the bathroom. If anyone asks why, have her tell them she's shy around other people. I wouldn't make a big deal out of not changing in front of everyone - just tell her to take her stuff and go change. Give her a plastic bag so in the morning she can change and put the good night in there instead of her friend's trash can.

Talk to your daughter and get a feel for what she wants to do. If she has no problem with the goodnites, send her and talk to the mom in charge of sleepover. Nobody has to be the wiser. If it becomes complicated as you speak with your daughter, perhaps she is not ready and you should be in charge of the next sleepover. ; ) Good luck.

i agree with most in allowing her to go but picking her up to come home before everyone goes to sleep.. id tell the mom that you have something to do very early the next morning and ucant risk her not sleeping all night or having to pick her up from their house so early

I have the same issue with my youngest. We have tried so many things to get him to stop but it's unfortunately genetic. He wants to go to a sleep away camp for a weekend and I told him NO. But this is a little different. I would talk to the mom and maybe take the pull up to her mom yourself and she can put it in the bathroom under the sink. Have her let your daughter know where it is and when she puts it on she can put her panties in it till morning and then put the pull up back in the bag and tie it up and put it in the trash. That way she's not having to change into it in front of anyone. Just tell her to do it after she dresses for bed.

I agree with picking her up before bed time. You could just say she's got something going on early the next morning. No other explanation necessary. My dd has been to lots of sleepovers where 2-3 kids leave at 10pm.

Not a big deal for anyone.

Love Jo W's advice. If your daughter was sleeping over with my dd I would have no problem helping you out in this way. My lips would be sealed and I can be really discreet. I don't agree with picking her up early unless you like that idea. If anything, you letting her stay over and getting the mom to help you out might encourage your dd to really try and focus on getting the bed wetting under control. Oh and make sure she has pj bottoms that won't slip down.

My son has that issue and was in Kinder or 1st grade. I talked to the mom when I dropped them off. My son thought nothing of it and was not embarrassed by it but the mom had everyone change in the bathroom--2 at a time. But since there were only 3 boys with 5 girls (2 of those mine), my son changed by himself. No one said anything and I don;t think they even knew.

We have been through this...and we just pick him up as late as possible that he has a great time but not sleeping over. It's worked out perfectly. I don't blame the child...i blame myself as a parent that doesn't allow sleep overs. Then my kids can blame the whole thing on me and not feel an ounce of embarrasement.

My daughter had the same issues a few years ago. I let her go to sleepovers. She just changed in the bathroom. I don't know if any of the other girls caught on or not, she never mentioned it. Honestly, I don't think she cared. I say let her go. Like the others have suggested talk to the mom and she'll be fine.

This is a great question and you have gotten many good responses. My 6 1/2 year old daughter is also still in Pull-ups at night time. I would talk to the mom and see if she would pull your daughter into her bathroom and let her put her pull up on in there and also take it off in the morning. That is what my daughter does when she has someone spend the night with her now. I will admit that she is leary to go spend the night with someone else until she knows that the mom will help her to hide the pull-up issue.

I may not be the best person to ask. I was NEVER allowed to attend sleepovers when I was a kid (even as a teen) but was allowed to have a friend stay with me once in a while. My son stayed only with a select few people (and only family until after this age). My daughter is 5 and we haven't let he spend the night with even family yet. Most of the people we would trust to allow her to be with would have her all off kilter the next day (bedtime, etc) and/or have pets which she is allergic too.

In your case however, if you are ok with her spending the night other than bedwetting I would talk to your daughter and see what she wants to do. Does she want to attend the party and have you pick her up LATE (just as everyone else is about to go to bed) or would she like to spend the night? If the latter, then come up w/ a plan (like those suggested below) and ask her if talking to the mom is ok or not.

My 6-year-old daughter still wears Goodnights, too. Like many others here, we've let the mom in on the "secret" so she can assist however. We also chose to pack a nightgown rather than pajamas in hopes that the other kids might not notice the bulge. That was actually my daughters idea. :)

Tell her she can go to most of the party but has to come home. My granddaughter takes a pull up with her when she goes somewhere. If she pees herself they will make a lot more fun of her the next morning and she won't be invited to any more of them by the parents who have to go shampoo carpet or mop it up.

I would decline "this" invitation (make a good excuse) and arrange for your little one to have her "own" sleep over in the near future. (Perhaps and costume/Halloween theme) sleepover. This way, you can protect her modesty in the safety of your own home. Don't let this get too complicated...many children much older then your daughter experience bed wetting problems and grow out of it.

I'm sure you've had her checked out by her PED. It might be a good idea to have the doc talk to your daughter to help re-assure her that this is something that will go away in time.

Blessings.....

What you might do is talk to her about it and also talk to the parents. When SD's friend was traveling with us and was due to get her period at the end of the trip (she was really nervous about possibly swimming, etc), the mom just gave me a head's up, so I knew when she didn't want to swim, not to press it. Maybe the parents can simply encourage them all to dress separately and you can give your DD a bag for the wet pull up that she can stuff back in her bag or discreetly throw out.

Or, if you think that she isn't ready, let her stay at the party til the parents determine lights out and pick her up. One of SD's friends just wasn't allowed to stay overnight and she was picked up around 11. SD knew this when she invited the girl and everybody just kid of went "strict parents, oh well" but the girls did like her and there were no real issues with it.

I agree with Jo. I would work something out and make sure no kids found out if a mom called M. with that info. Let her go. =)

I had that issue at that age but back when I was young they did not have Goodnites. I would say have your daughter go take what she needs and change in the bathroom. That is what I always did if/when I had an accident and no one was the wiser for it.

I'd either call and go over it with the other mom, working out a strategy, or not let her go. My son had this issue for years. FYI there is a medication we used for him (and I'm not pro-medication in a lot of areas) and it solved the problem until his body matured enough to get him through the night. The problem (nocturnal enuresis) is very common, particularly in boys but also in girls - we met with the pediatrician, who referred us to a pediatric urologist. The urologist said he had some kids on this med through high school and there were no short term or long term side effects. When my son went to a sleepover, I sent one pill in a blank container from the pharmacy so there was no label that said "for bedwetting" and I alerted the other parent. If questioned by another kid, my son just said he had an allergy, and no one thought twice about it. I wanted my son to have normal activities and experiences, including going to overnight camp, and this simple med made it possible.

ETA - In the beginning, before I knew the medication would work for sure, I also made a liner for his sleeping bag, using an old sheet. I put in a waterproof pad the size of his old crib mattress (just a flat pad, not a fitted sheet pad) and he slept in that, so that no wetness went through. You could send her with a plastic bag for her wet stuff and some wipes for cleaning herself. But I still think the other kids would notice if she woke up drenched.

I know exactly how you feel. My 10 year old DD still has nightime accidents (guess she inherited that from me . . . I had accidents until almost 12!). Anyway, what I do is send her with a Goodnight and a small sack AND a large ziplock. She excuses herself to get dressed for the night . . . and in the morning does the same. She puts the dirty Goodnight in the sack and then zips it inside the ziplock (keeps it from smelling and getting all over). We have never had a problem with this. I usually let the other kids mom know in advance. If she has a problem overflowing . . just place a large maxi pad inside the Goodnight as an extra precaution. We did that a couple times just so DD would feel comfortable.

Even my DD's friends that know have never given her a hard time. I guess we are lucky in that respect. However, I know that might not always be the case. For now, we just do the best we can for her and work around it so she doesn't miss out.

Good luck . . I know how hard and scary it can be.

What does your daughter have to say about all of this?

Does she want to go?

Is she worried about this pullup situation?

I think the 2 of you should work on this together.. Maybe it will entice her to work on this harder..

With our daughter if she was in this situation, I am sure she would want to go, but would be mortified for her friends to find out her secret.. so I would let her go and give her the option of me making an excuse to pick her up the night of the party.. I would tell the mom, daughter will attend the party, But I will need to pick her up at 9:00, because we have early plans the next day.. ..

I wouldn't be surprised if others girls wore those. There is an Aurthur cartoon with this same issue. Anyways, if she does go and wear them and if someone says something, I would help her bulk up her confidence and give her some good answers. She can simply tell them she is a such a deep sleeper that she can't feel if she needs to go. She can say it's a health issue. She can get dressed privately in the bathroom.

Or, what I would do since we don't do sleepovers, is let her go for the party, than pick her up around 10pm or so.

Oh yeah, I had this problem at her age, the Dr put me on some kind of medicine and than I never had the issue again.

I would start working really hard at getting her out of them so it isn't an issue. If she doesn't have accidents during the day, she should be potty trained at night. JMO. Good luck.