First Grader Having Trouble Adjusting

Though I am a stay at home mother now, I taught first grade for 12 years. Yes, I have seen this before. The first few days of school when I get a child like yours, as a teacher, I try to get to spend a few extra minutes with her when she enters the classroom. I find that if I make the child feel special it offsets her fears. Sometimes I have given them a special stuff animal to hold for awhile.

This behavior is really normal for her age. It takes 6 to 8 weeks to 'get use to' first grade. She will be exhausted. Often, kids fall asleep after lunch right on their desks.

At home, I would read books about going to school. Point out all the good things that happen to the characters while they are at school. Make sure she is going to bed extra early to offset her exhaustion.

If she continues to thow up and have stomach issues, I would make a chart and for everyday she can get to school and stay, she can color in a square. At the end of ten squares, perhaps you can take her for an ice cream cone or buy a small gift to celebrate.

If she does not stop thowing up I would then go see a doctor. It's not good to throw up so many days in a row.

She will be fine in the end, take it gentle with her because this is a big step in her life and school is very academic these days.

Good luck!

I think bringing her home for lunch when you are able (or having a "date" with her to do so) is a great idea and may help. Notes in her lunch box or bento boxes with little scenes made from her food may help her have something to look forward to if you can't be with her. I used to draw a heart on my daughter's hand and give it a kiss so she could keep my "love" with her all day.

If it would not be too distracting and she is able to process it, maybe a digital watch would help her feel like the day is not endless?

As far as the tummy ache, please do get her tested for strep throat. It can present with tummy aches in young children and can be VERY serious if untreated. Most likely, you are right and it is stress, but strep is rampant and she could have picked up a bug already. Please do get her tested- the most effective test is a 72 hour culture along with a rapid test. Better safe than sorry!

M.
www.chickiepea.wordpress.com

It is hard, I know what you are going through.
Since it's pretty obvious that she is just "stressed" about the new schedule, it is important that you keep your cool and dont excerbate her anxiety by talking about how much you will miss her while she's gone and such.
The best thing to do is tell her what will be there when she gets home today... which gives her something to look forward to. Cookies and Milk or a trip to the park, or whatever you know she likes... Once this new routine takes root, probably after a week or so knowing that mommy isnt falling for the "my tummy hurts" play. She will be able to focus on her school day better. Don't let her keep figuring out ways to have you come pick her up, or you will be doing it a lot. Stay firm.

I'm sorry your daughter is having such a rough start to the year. My son just started 1st grade too and while he isn't having that bad a time, I know he is nervous and very tired and crabby after he gets home. What I was writing to tell you was, that his teacher had sent home notes for the year and said that sometimes it takes about 2 months for them to get used to the full day at school.

I hope things get better for all of you.

A.

Everyone is different and I don't think we all should be the same. Some people are just more slow to adjust and like to be home more with familiar family but the key is to learn to adjust and to learn to be away. My issues came when I was in second grade and moved to a new school and after missing the bus and refusing to get dressed each morning my mother walked me to school late, which was not that close, and I never missed the bus again. This is a little different with the tummy issue and if your little girl is throwing up she truly is upset. Maybe if you went up at lunch time and ate with her at school and then told her just a few more hours until time to go home and left. Maybe not a good idea but worth a try. I would keep talking to her honestly about her feelings and how it's okay to want to be home but something she needs to do for now. The more you let her talk about it and say how she feels the more she can understand her feelings.

Good suggestions.Be sure to ask what did you do for math today. Cool, did you get to bring home ome homework! I want to see how you do that kind of work. What did the other kids eat for lunch today? You had music today! What was the teachers name? What did you all do in there.. Get her to talk so she will build up good feeling and and good memories. She will start to have good thoughts about her days instead of the sick feeling in her tummy..

I would also speak with her teacher and ask if there are any children she seems to get along with . Invite 1 of these children for an an afternoon play date Then the next week find another.. I have found even numbers during play dates work best.. so avoid 3 kids at a time..

I am sending you strength.. It will get better.

My son had a very hard time too. We took a picture together and brought to school to have in his desk and see me whenever he need to. Also I put smily faced notes in his lunch box so he new I was thinking about him during the day. I was also able to be a lunchroom helper once a week so he knew he would see once a week it helped a great deal. Good luck!
J.

My daughter really struggled with full day kindergarten and feeling like she didn't have any time left to play. I know that doesn't sound important, but we have to remember that play is a child's whole world. I would suggest on your end to make special dates with your daughter so she feels like she is having more special mommy moments and not less. Also,let her know what your schedule for the day is. "While you are doing reading this morning, i will probably be at the grocery store." And give her choices so she feels less like she is missing out on things and more in control: "I was going to go to the grocery store this morning. Do you want me to wait and you can go with me after school?" All this lets her know she is still an important part of your day and you are thinking about her and she knows you are okay too.

I also think isolation is a big issue. She probably feels on her own. I suggest working with her teacher on some things to help her at school. For my daughter, she loves to feel included and like she is contributing. Isolation kills her. And it is easy to feel isolated even in a room with 20 other people. Maybe your daughter could spend some one-on-one time with the teacher. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe her teacher could ask her to help decorate a part of the classroom or help sort papers or return libnrary books or bring the attendence sheet to the office or something so that she feels included and empoiwered and less isolated. Giving her a special job or some extra positive at school might help. Maybe a playdate with some new classmates at her house might help too.

I am really sorry your daughter is going through this. My 6 year old little girl is starting 1st grade next week. She had a full day K program but it was at her preschool so she had been there for 3 years. Now she is moving on to a big public school, and I am soooo nervous for her. Of course, she seems thrilled so far. But she is soooo little and school seems sooo big!

So sorry you are going through this. We went through the same thing in full day kindergarten. It really does just take some time. And it seemed a lot of them went through a mini-version again after winter break, so don't be surprised if that happens! Some tactics we used: I put a tattoo on her hand in the morning and kissed it so she could take my hugs and kisses with her; I asked to help in the lunch room and saw her that way at lunch - a big help; we set up play dates with classmates so she had some solid friends. I think giving it time and maybe talking about how it was hard for you at first when you were little, etc. Validating her feelings but staying positive and upbeat. It helped to plan something special for the weekend so my daughter knew we could still have lots of fun together. I had never considered homeschooling before, but trust me, I did after seeing this little child miss me so! It seems they have to grow up so fast. But it does get better and my daughter came to love school for the most part. Now she's in 1st grade and though she's just started, it seems like old hat to her, she's thrilled to be back. Hang in there!

My oldest had trouble adjusting to the longer day as well. At her school the parents are allowed to go in for lunch and even stay for recess. But if you are able to take her home once in awhile that is nice too. I had to put a note in her lunch everyday which helped. We also put a family photo in her homework folder so she could sneak a peek if she was feeling lonely. I also made it seem like my time here at home was doing laundry, cleaning and not doing anything she might think was fun. Stay in touch with her teacher, and the nurse if necessary. If she continues to have an upset tummy I would take her to the doctor. Hopefully they will be short lived. :)

My daughter's teacher would also email me to let me know how she was doing, just so I knew if she had been upset that morning. Does her teacher need any weekly help? I'd volunteer one morning or afternoon every 2 weeks and would copy, grade, change bulletin boards, read with the kids, etc. So even though I was not always in the class or interacting with the kids my daughter knew I was in the school and she loved that. I also showed her some times on the clock, so she knew what time to watch for to be going home. Or what time lunch was. It helped her to figure out how much longer until I picked her up.

When she got home we'd have a snack then play for about 30 min before doing any homework. Which especially helped when the time changed and there was not a lot of time to play before dark.

Good luck to you, it will probably take a few weeks to adjust to the new routine.