My son (11) recently confided in me that there is a girl at school that he really likes. He has never shown any interest in girls, but suddenly he is totally infatuated! It took him a week to tell me about her (I knew something was on his mind), but now that he has, she is all he talks about!
I'm not really sure how to handle this. I'm glad he can confide in me, but I'm not sure how to react. I'm sure the relationship is completely innocent. They spend time together when they have outside time at school. He is afraid to ask her if she likes him. When I asked him what would happen if she DID like him, he said they would probably be even better friends.
So now what do I do? Anything? Just listen? My son mentioned he might like to have her over for dinner. Should I encourage that? If so, should I call her mother first? I'm rather at a loss here, so any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks to all you wonderful, experienced Moms for your guidance!!!
Hello , I have 4 girl's and dating is'nt aloud till later on . I tell them they can like a boy but just friends because there not ready . It's all better in the end.
Mom, I would not promote a relationship with this girl your son likes. He is way too young to have a girlfriend and he can keep it a friendship at school. I would let him know this and suggest the same. I would not invite her over for dinner, this will encourage him and her, they are just children. Tell him it is nice that he has a friend that is a girl, but he can not "date" until he is high school or whatever age you and your husband feel is appropriate like 15-16.
Let him know right now his most important job at his age is to do his best at school. Just an opinion from a mom of an almost 15 yr old. Hope this helps and good luck
A crush is just as you have described it: an infatuation. A kid discovers that the opposite sex isn't so disgusting after all and WHAM!
This isn't a real romance (don't tell your son that - he doesn't know). I don't think I'd do much about it, except keep posted. Ask him about her - what she's like and all that - as if she were just another friend. If he introduces you to her, be as friendly as you would be to his other friends. The way these things usually run, she WILL be just another friend after a short while.
I wouldn't encourage nor discourage it. It's the first time the question comes up - will a romance spoil the friendship? It often does. I remember my first crush. He was a nice guy. I saw some traits I liked, and my view of him snowballed from there. The thing is, I built up a fantasy around him and I was more in love with the fantasy than the real person. The objects of our infatuations - they put their pants on like everyone else - but while we're in the middle of it - they seem to walk on water. It's a disappointment to find out eventually that they are only human.
For all the up feelings in the initial phase, there's always the crushed feelings in the aftermath. The recipe for classic teenage angst.
Just listen to him.
Awww. His first crush, so sweet. I still remember my first crush; I was 9 and he was 11. And he is now one of my very best friends in the world. If I were in your shoes, I would just listen and allow their friendship to develop at school. If you wanted to, you could make invite the girl and her entire family out to eat with your family or to attend a carnival together or something like that. Keep it in the "friends" arena. They are too young yet for anything else. I'm not sure I would even do a "playdate," just familiy stuff.
How sweet..if he keeps asking (he may not) I would opt for a playdate at your house with other friends (perhaps for a one-on-one date is too early, they are only 11), so he can have her in his home and have a good time as a group. You could then make them luch, so it' won't be too official like a dinner would. If he'd rather have a playdate alone with her, then I would ask her mom, of course, and have it during the day, either at your house or at a place of their choice.
I like Patty's idea of group activities. That way they're not one on one right now. I wouldn't encourage one on one activites if it were me. They are young, but their views on relationships aren't anything like ours. Like your son said, they would probably just be better friends. Probably just pal around together more. Relationships don't last long or mean much at this age.
I don't think talking to the other mom involved is a bad idea if you have her over for a guest in a play date/lunch. Just letting her know what's going on and see how she would like to approach the situation.
This is all coming from someone who only has an 18 month old and one on the way though :). So I have not had to deal with crushes or anything like that just yet.
isnt it so cute when they do this. all boys are afraid to ask a agirl if they like them even the grown boys. I have 3 young adult boys and they all go through it.at 11 a crush is chasing her on the playground and if you catch her now what? are you supposed to kiss hold hands start the chase again. just listen and keep open communication without lecturing when he is older he will tell you more than you want to know. I had to tell my oldest son there is some stuff you just don't tell mom. my son invited a girl over for dinner at that age and the girls parents said no.
this didn't suprise me much. 6 weeks later it was a new girl. :0 they imagine being big like an adult with a girl at that age but 6 weeks later it will be a new diffrent girl and it starts all over again. let him live and learn and be there for him and listen and let kids be kids. and stay out of it. this too shall pass for a new and better girl. ;)
Keep it simple and see where it goes. Keep the lines of communication open, that is the best way to see how things are progressing. I would suggest that you just listen to him for now and just be neutral about the whole thing. As far as having her over for dinner, I like Patty's idea of having a group "play date". Encourage her mother to stay for the group gathering, that way the two of you can have a chat. Mom's working together to stay on top of the situation, and you can gage how she would like it to proceed as well.
I am sure it will all work out fine.
Good Luck
Your son sounds like a sweetheart. I agree with the other moms to sort of wait and see what he says in the next 2 weeks. And if he wants her over for dinner I would involve the other mom. Also remember that an 11 year old girl is more mature than an 11 year old boy, usually, so if you meet her you can get the vibe quickly if she is interested in your son as more then a friend and then you can navigate from there. My GF has 12yr old students and she said the girls are so beyond the boys right now and their expectations of what a "relationship" is. Have you decided at what age you would actually let your son have a GF? Because if it is older than now, you can say "I am so happy you like someone and think she is special but the rule in this house is 15/16 when you can start to date, so only friendship and group activities for now" something like that. I know I am going to be in your shoes in a couple of years and it is both exciting and terrifying!!!
I think at this point you should just listen. This is a new area for your son, and he likely needs a "sounding board" and guidance about how to navigate this relationship. Try to be low-key and just listen and keep his crush in friend area as long as possible. If he asks about dinner, I would answer with "we might be able to do something like that" or something equally vague, and then wait a few weeks. In the lifetime of middle-school relationships, 2 weeks is forever. And if you do decide to have her over, I would absolutely call her parents first, just to make sure you are all on the same page. Her parents may have a "no dating" rule, and you wouldn't want to encourage your son to ignore that.
