Finding Time

Dear N.,

Kids remember the fun. So take 15 minutes to play hide-n-seek with them. Or run around the house. Whatever, but make the time to spend SOME time, just for them and only them. Call it their time. This will mean so much to them. Let them decide what to do. You can get inventive about it.

Or, have them help you clean the house before "their time". They will really remember the time you spent with them having fun!

Deb

As a mom of 3 (7 yr, 6 yr and 1 yr who I still nurse) and an in-home daycare provider, I am looking forward to responses to this myself!! LOL

As moms, there is just never enough time in the day. Here are a few things that help me a little:

- housework will ALWAYS be there. Kids grow up. I "sacrifice" having a "model home" for having quality time with the kids.

- Kids help with housework. A few minutes of THEIR time saves me loads when it comes to clearing table, vacuum, cleaning their rooms, picking up around the house, etc. Sometimes they will out of love, sometimes I have to bribe... but either way, it helps.

- multitask!

- Plan ahead.

- Crock pot meals. and/or cook enough at one meal to last for 2 or 3 (freeze some, and/or have leftovers). Have kids help in cooking.

- teach the girls NOW that it's not the quantity of xmas gifts, but quality of time spent together. Ditch the part time job.

They will never be this age again. Enjoy every minute of it!!

Wow... if someone could figure that out, she'd be a millionaire. There are mothers all over who'd like the same answer. I'm 29 with two kids (one 8 years, one 3 months), a husband, full time job, side job and also studying for certifications for work (so I'm in the same boat as you!). I feel exactly the same way, there's always a competition for my time (and that's not including trying to spend time with other family or friends!) and I'm constantly feeling stretched VERY thin. I'm thinking about trying to set a weekly schedule and work in time for yoga and meditation as well as all the other things I'm doing. I always feel more centered, calm and patient when I have those things in my life and I think that'll help balance the rest of it. I'm also thinking of putting in times (for example from 8-9 on M, W, F I study) and set in time for the kids where we just solely focus on them with no other distractions. My 8 year old likes to play board games with us, so I think we'll set time aside for that with her. Don't know that that helps at all, but I do hope that you get some ideas that will work for your family!!!!

Whenever I have too much to do, I make a list. At the top I put things I MUST do, like paying bills, feeding the kids, etc. Then I put the things I probably really should do, then the things I really want to do, then things that should be done but can wait a little bit. Going to the gym and doing laundry usually are close together - I have to choose one or the other. You can do everything, just not all at once. Something has to wait.

Hi N., Great question! I think everyone wants more time with their kids. There are things you have to do like work, but how much do you have to work? Make a plan to get through Christmas without the extra money. Your kids would rather have you at home than the extra toys even though they may dispute it. Consider the gifts they will most likely get from other family members as well! My daughter got so many gifts last year(she's 3 this year) that I'm considering not getting her anything this year! The rest of the family takes good care of that. Listen to your gut, you know what to do.

E.

Hi N.,

I am sure you know the answer (and I have too.. but it is just hard to implement as everything seems SUPER important), but you may want to sit down and make a schedule -- what you like to do and how much time you can spend on that .. from the things that are THE MOST important to you. I am a mom of three (6,4,4) and for years I had to cut down my sleep to maximim 6 hours to get everything done that I wanted to do. That also left me with no time for myself - going to haircut was also reduced to minimum time, i.e. 15 minutes, when my kids got the haircut .. The time is limited .. once you make the schedule, you will see what you can accomplish.
Also, we can all use as much money as we can BUT everything is not needed -- seperate your wants from needs and see if you can live in less cash and more time. I recently did that -- that means I am working part time and kids will get only 20 bucks of worth each for X-mas present to open --- and that may very well be the things that they need -- Socks, Colored pencils, bandaids .. etc.. And I was able to go and do so many things with my kids -- I felt so happy and so did my kids...WE have to cut short on expenses but the kids can have lots of toys BUT never too much time from the mother .. You are right -- they grow up fast and you want to be able to listen to them and see them grow ..
Take Care

Hey N. the best advice i can give to you, is you're going to have to sacrifice and do what you have to do..
i can totally relate to what you're going through...I am 31 i have a little girl who is going to be 5 in dec.I am a single mom her dad is not in the picture and i work FT and go to school PT so i am busy as well....This semester is over and now i will be going to school more next semester...

a few suggestions :) ... try having a girl afternoon (when you can weekends? or whenever) even if its once a month im sure your girls would enjoy it and yo ucould too ! anything from the beach (are you by the beac in orange park ??!!) or out to the park... community swiming or christmas shopping.. im sure they could help you with suggestions on what too do... and also maybe try an individual time with each girl that way they can each feel special and have some time with you just to them selves especially for your 6 year old ! making it a scheduled thing would probably help, write it on the calendar! and get your b_f involved by watching the other child while your out.. or all of you do something when you can ! the most important thing is that you try ! squeeze it in when you can ! hope that helps !

I totally feel for you and your situation. I have an 18 mth old daughter and baby due in a few weeks. Unfortunately, my job brings in more money then my husband's so I was only able to cut my hours to 4 days a week. It is tough, we live from paycheck to paycheck and I could be making $20,000 or more a year if I worked full time which would include a lot of overtime during busy season but I just can't do it. I still cry everyday I drop my daughter off at daycare. I enjoy every second I have with my daughter and I wouldn't trade that in for all the money in the world. Material stuff doesn't matter, before I know it my daughter will be going out on sleep overs and wanting to hang out with her friends and then she will be moving out. I wish that I could stay at home with her and it is so hard knowing I am missing out on this time with her but I do everything I can to make more time for us. First, I eat lunch at my desk so I can leave 1 hr earlier. Second, I leave cleaning, washing etc until she is in bed. Third, I fix quick meals like Hamburger Helper and Stover family meals etc, anything that keeps my prep time down to 15 minutes. Fourth, I take my daughter everywhere with me. If I have to go to the grocery store I take her, yes it can be overwhelming when she wants to run down the aisles but I see this as quality time for us. I will chase her and sing to her in the cart etc. Fifth, my family complains because I wont let them watch her but I don't give up any time I have with her for anything. When I am sick I take her too except when I had mono, I pick her up early when I have doctor's appt etc. I try to squezze in anytime I can and just ignore the inlaws because they aren't her mother and spending time with your mother is way more important then with an Aunt or Grandmother. When the kids get older then my husband and I will have more time but for now they need us. Sixth, when she is sick or had a bad dream and wakes up at night I take the time to rock her in the rocking chair for awhile no matter how tired I am. I enjoy the closeness and knowing I am there for her. It is hard and I can tell you my house is not worthy of guests all of the time but you can only do what you can and spending time with your children is the most important thing you can do. I do spend more then $20 on Christmas because this time was always so magical for me as a child and I want it to be that way for my children too but I don't go overboard either, plus we always buy a present for a needy child because we are lucky even if we don't have a lot of money. I do believe that you need to work to be able to support your own children and teach them about hard work, that you need to have money to allow them to experience the beauty of the world (i.e. vacations if even car trips, trips to the zoo and maybe even Disney world) but you need to also live modestly so you have more time with them. You need to sit down and look at what you think is important and see how much money you need to make to have that. Look at what you can cut back on and see if you can't reduce some of your hours. It is hard and I never realized how hard until I had my daughter. I always thought it would get easier over time but it doesn't. Enjoy the time you have because they get so independent so fast.