After 17 yrs of being physically & mentally abused I decided to go for divorce. My first attempt was to do things amicably so I informed him my plan. We have 3 special need kids & I work in a public school part time . He refused to believe that he needs spilt assests 50-50 so we went to a mediator to confirm. He’s not willing to pay 50-50 ( he feels I don’t deserve it coz I did nothing for kids ) but ready to pay for kids needs. He used to work in small start up software company & while I was thinking of filing he announced that he was laid off from his work ( showed proof) . Now he’s abusing me & keeps asking me when I m filing the petetion. I was planning to hold things back since he doesn’t have a job I can’t spend much on lawyer at this point since I m only one with job but now This sounds very fishy on why he’s forcing me all of a sudden. We both have joint checking account but he didn’t put my name on the savings where we have most of the $$. I m confused & don’t know what to do . We are in CA
You can't afford NOT to get a lawyer!
Talk to a womens shelter - they'll have some good info for you.
Please stop discussing anything with him. Your husband has spent 17 years learning exactly how to manipulate you and he is not going to stop now. Get a lawyer immediately. I know it might be expensive, but you cannot afford to do this without one - doing so will cost you far more in the long run. You can also talk to a local women's shelter - they might be able to recommend a lawyer that works on a sliding scale for abused women.
ETA: As for the savings account - your lawyer will know what to do about this. I would THINK that it's a marital asset, regardless of whose name it's in (along with retirement accounts, etc), but I'm not a lawyer and divorce laws vary by state. So, this is just another reason why you need a lawyer's advice.
what does your lawyer say?
khairete
S.
He's manipulating you. Only discuss the kids with him...nothing else. Prepare to support yourself...downsize if needed, get rid of things like a car payment and any extras you don't need. File for divorce. I personally would hire a lawyer. When he tries to bring it us tell him he may discuss it with your lawyer and hand him a card. My dad was very manipulative and threatening to my mom when she divorced him back when I was 4. He threatened to take away us kids. He refused to pay child support. She was afraid and let him manipulate her. When I was in high school she developed the balls to take him to court. He had to start paying child support AND he had to pay back child support. (some of it anyway). He never took responsibility for his actions. He never willingly took financial responsibility for his own two children. He was bitter and angry and always blamed others. Your ex will probably always be like this as well.
File for petition and get a lawyer immeadiaty. Do not hold back! Do not worry about the money at this point. As he is physically abusive, you may be in significant danger due to the increased emotional and financial pressure your husband feels. I think a lawyer would be able to find the amount in the saving account. I also believe you should consider a "safe place" for you and your children. You work part time outside the home and I'm sure close to full time in the home. Please do not let him guilt you regarding the children. My guess is that you do the vast majority of care giving. And I don't thnk he is forcing you. I believe he is taunting you and I am worried about your safety.
get a lawyer, follow thru with the divorce and get away from this man
I wish you had asked before you started the ball rolling because I would have told you that you do not give your abuser a heads-up about your intentions. It gives then time to arrange things to their liking at best. At worst, you end up dead.
You need a good divorce lawyer, immediately. This is the first thing you should do before anything else.
My ex is taking me for everything. Omg its awful.
I have been advising my friends who wanna get married that although we are not in a community property state the loop hole is after ten years of marriage regardless everything becomes marital property.....he has put me in so much debt that I cannot afford a attorney because I got stuck by court to pay for his. He has drained me dry.
Good luck to anyone going through a divorce...because mine sucks bad.
I can't even get a legal aide lawyer or any pro bono either and no one waves fees...to all good luck and always keep a stash that's hush hush for this type of stuff..
Please get an attorney involved. California isn't like other states. If you take care of him financially he can take you to the cleaners. You certainly need professional help to weave through the maze that is divorce. I agree with others who encourage you to talk to a battered women's shelter, stop talking to him about your plans, and getting a lawyer. Do those things now. These three things will help bring you clarity. The more you know the better off you can be through this process.
