A.G.
I understand lots of the problems you are having - I have a child who isn't even on the growth chart and could care less about eating also. My daughter is also on a calorie increased diet and making dinner social really does help.
Logistics: My children go to bed pretty early - bath starts at 6:30. We have dinner right before bath time so that my husband will be home. It really depends how late he usually is, but if you can't make it work to eat dinner with the kids you could try to sit down and eat lunch with them. Mine is usually home at 5:45 and I try to have dinner ready when he gets here - if hes not here by 6 we do all eat without him. As for how I get making dinner accomplished. My kids (2 and 1/2) watch 2 hours of TV per day. They watch a half hour show while I make breakfast, a half hour while I make lunch, and a half hour while I make dinner. Then we have one half hour that I can stick in whenever we are fussy and need a break. I know that TV is not the best thing, but it has its uses and I think a little time to cook a proper meal is one of the better ones. For the 10 month old will he go in a carrier, exersaucer or jumperoo while you are trying to cook???
On the other things: Lots of things can have the calories added AFTER you make them the way you would eat them so you can have a family meal without cooking especially for her- add butter at the end (and butter both sides of a grain), mix ricotta into spagetti, cheese on everything, gravy, ranch etc. Honestly my daughter eats so little that it makes is much more upsetting and stressful if she doesn't eat when I make things especially for her. I think she senses my stress and is even LESS likely to eat. A nutritionist referral would really help you strategize how you do that if you can get one. Going to an actual pediatric nutritionist is WAY better since adult nutritionists don't seem to understand how to make these things really WORK for kids. For us I settled with giving picky eater friendly food for breakfast and lunch, but with dinner my daughter gets what we get. I serve 3-4 items with every meal and I try to make sure one is something she will USUALLY eat.