Ferber Method - a Couple of Questions

No don't do it! Pick him up, soothe him, whatever you need to help him. This is only a phase( albeit long and extremely tiring). But you will be teachinghim that you are going to be there for him, no matter what. As a comfort, my DD did not sleep through the night till she was 2. I was a walking zombie, but now she sleeps like a princess and reminds me that she loves me and that I am nice! Those are the rewards. Good luck!

As a mother of twins I had them sleeping regularly for sanity, at 5 1/2 months old I would feed them to top them off for the night around 9pm and then they would awaken through the night but I wouldn't pick them up I would just go in and make shhing sounds and they would go back to sleep, also used paci and around this time had about 4 of them in the bed around their head so they could find one. They would get up around 7am with that 9pm feeding. If they woke up at 5 am I would give 1/2 a bottle and they'd go back out until 8-830am.
They did really well sleeping through the night with they way I did it, don't know what ferberizing is, heard of it but I think food later to hold their hunger at bay is key to longer sleeping pattern at night and not picking them up out of the crib when they are 1/2 asleep.

First of all, I think you're starting this way too young with him, and bedtime is way too early for you to expect him to go that long without eating. He shouldn't be expected to sleep through the night yet - he's too young. From 7 pm to 5 am is 10 hours not eating. As parents we can hardly do that, and his little tummy and body are not developed enough to sustain him for that long, let alone another 2 hours to 7 am when you want him to start his day. I say back off - he'll only be a baby for a short while - don't make him grow up too fast!

I think you're doing the right thing. Your son does not need to eat at night at this age. He is more than capable of sleeping through the night, you just have to teach him how. You didn't say if you were breastfeeding or not. Have you tried giving him a bottle with water in it instead of formula if you're bottle feeding? I've heard that works because the baby realizes it isn't worth getting up for. I have always breastfed, so I've never tried this personally, but it may be worth a shot for you.

As for how to accomplish your goal of changing his schedule, you may just have to work with it and try to change it by about 20-30 minutes at a time. I don't think you can change it by 2 hours all at once (from 5am to 7am). Someone mentioned that it was too early to start this method. I disagree. If you wait until they are 5 months old, they are waking up out of habit, not necessity. Once they are capable, physically, of sleeping through the night without a feeding, you should start trying to teach them to do so. My son is 2 months old and woke up at 2:30am last night. I gave him his pacifier and he went back to sleep until 6am, so I know that he doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night. I'm not starving him....he has gained 5 lbs since he was born, but I am trying to teach him early to go back to sleep without eating. I don't let him cry it out at this age and if he won't go back down, I do feed him, but I know that he has the ability to sleep through and the earlier I can introduce that sleep pattern to him, the easier it will be later.

By the way, I have a daughter who is 2 1/2 now that was sleeping 8 hours per night by 5 weeks old and 10 hours per night by 8 weeks old and she never looked back. She is a great sleeper and I can assure you, she doesn't think I'm evil for teaching her how to soothe herself to sleep! I realize this isn't typical and it usually takes much longer to get through the night, but my point is that by 5 1/2 months old, he can do it. Just stick with it for a couple of more nights and he will get it. Take it slow and go ahead and feed him at 5am if he wakes up. Try to get him to stay asleep all night and once you get him to stop waking at 2am and 4am, you can worry about getting him to sleep until 7am.

I know you're going to get lots of responses telling you that what you're doing is horrible and will psychologically damage your child forever, but try to keep things in perspective. Everyone has an opinion and not everyone is very adept at expressing it in a constructive manner. Don't let anyone bully you into changing your stance on this if this is truly what you think you should do for your child. Best of luck!

I am not sure about the Ferber method, but I just finished Healthy sleep habits, happy child and it says that most babies this age wake up around 5:00 and he recommends diaper change, bottle and back to bed. He's still pretty little to go 12 hours! Actually, most people consider 5-6 hours "all night" so even 2 a.m. would be a pretty normal stretch. I'd wait a little longer before I started eliminating night feedings. You're baby will give them up when he gets older.

Also, I don't agree that you should put your baby to bed later just to get him to sleep through the night. Your baby needs the opportunity to get 12 hours of sleep at night so I think you're on the right track with bedtime!

Good luck!

E.

It's hard to let them cry, but I think if you want to sleep through the night you are doing the right thing. It seems that my son learned a lot of independance from just a couple nights of crying. After the second night he was able to put the pacifier back in his mouth and now when he wakes he doesn't cry he plays in his bed (about 30 minutes)until I get him at 7:30. Also, he doesn't cry anymore at bedtime, I also noticed an increase in appetite during the day when I quit feeding him at night. When you first start something like this it's hard to know what to do. I started lots of mornings at 4 and 5 a.m., I believe you can shape your childs sleeping habits or at least get them into a routine that works for you and baby, which I will definately do sooner with my next child. Anyway, good luck and peaceful sleeping. -K.

We just went through this with our 8 month old. He slept through the night early on and then started waking up at 7 to 8 months old.
Solution for us was: bedtime closer to 8 or 8:30 with about a tablespoon of oatmeal/cereal and then an 8 ounce bottle, he wasn't getting enough to eat, so instead of nursing him before bed we used formula. When and if he wakes up, put the binky in his mouth and start the Ferber method.
Our little one was hungry plus teething as well.

Not every baby sleeps thru the night at 5 1/2mo. Perhaps he is still waking because he is hungry. As he grows he will be able to sleep for longer periods of time. You might try making his last feeding at 10p or 11p so he will sleep later. It is difficult for a baby who is growing and changing to abide by the clock. What is best for one baby is not best for another. Keep trying new ideas. You'll find one that works well for you and baby. :)

Hi K.,
I remember what it was like to have a young baby, as mine are still toddlers. It is tough!
Please do not take anything that I am saying as critisism. It is just my experience. Rememeber that the experts are aiming at the general population, not all babies are the same.
I am not a fan of the Ferber Method. I tried it with my first one and it did not work. I think it is harsh and teaches the baby that mummy won't come when he needs her. When a baby that is so young wakes it is probably that he is hungry, has a tummy ache, needs a diaper change, is uncomfortable, or needs to be comforted by mummy/daddy. I am a big beliver in laying down with them, feed them and soothing them back to sleep. It works and you have a happy baby. THey are so young for such a short time it is realy nice to be able to cuddly them. Ten hours is a long time for a baby so young to not be fed as well.
Good luck.
W.
PS. I fully support what Didi said.

AT that age he may not be ready to sleep through the night. He may be hungry. My first son alwasy woke up at 5 or 5:30 am. You can't really force a certain time. I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. That was my saving grace. Similar to the Ferber method. You sould really give it a try. It did not take long to read. Good luck.

First of all, K., it is my belief that there is no "magic formula" to getting your child to sleep through the night (not that you said that). There are all kinds of books out there promising to get your kid to sleep fast and to sleep long, but they are all basically the same: the "cry-it-out" approach. Let's also clarify something first. Your 5&1/2-month-old is very young. His schedule is changing. What most parents don't understand is that "sleeping through the night" is a 4-5 hour stretch at most for young babies. Therefore, when your son slept from 7 p.m. to 2a.m., that was sleeping "through the night" for him. Also, what a lot of parents don't understand, and what Dr. Sears says in his book, "The Baby Book" is that no one truly "sleeps through the night," even as an adult. We have constand periods of deep sleep, and then R.E.M. sleep, where we dream and often wake up (use the restroom, etc.). As adults, we can get back to sleep easily, unless we have insomnia. Babies have a harder time doing this.
Your son is being very normal, however tiring it is for his parents! :-) Also, I have found from personal experience (because my son is a "high-needs" child, according to Dr. Sears) that the "cry-it-out" method does not always work. Do you breastfeed? If you do, you may want to consider taking him to bed with you and breastfeeing him. That way, you can both fall asleep and actually get more sleep (that has worked WONDERS for my son and me; my husband gets more sleep too, because our baby isn't waking up crying for long stretches). If you are not breastfeeding, you may want to rock him to sleep when he wakes up. Sing him a song. Enjoy those special times you get with him because they are never coming back.
I've learned, with my son, the later he goes to bed, the later he wakes up. You may want to try putting him to bed later--8 or 9, perhaps. Then he may wake up later in the morning.
Whatever you do, rest assured it's not your fault he's waking up. He's still adjusting to his new world and to his family's routines. He's being absolutely normal. Also, this too shall pass. He will eventually learn to "sleep through the night," as most adults understand the phrase. All parents can relate to losing sleep over a young baby! Also, if you would like more professional tips and information on helping your child sleep, I highly recommend two books: "Comforting Your Crying Baby" by Sandy Jones and "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears. They are excellent! I know you don't have a lot of time to read, but even if you just read the sections on nighttime parenting, you will be blessed.
Do ultimately what is best for your son and what makes him feel secure and loved. Hang in there, Mom! You're doing you're best!

Hi K.,

Your son is probably waking up at 2am b/c he's hungry. 7 hours is a long time to go for a 5 1/2 month old and babies go through grow spouts at this stage. I found that it was easier to soothe mine if I changed and feed them at night. 20 minutes vs. 2 hours. Also, doing it this way made me feel more confident that my baby wasn't crying b/c of a need when I put them back down to sleep. Don't play with or talk to your baby during the middle of the night feedings, just change and feed. We got very efficient and mine learned to go right back to sleep and naturally start to sleep longer as they got older. Good luck.

Hi K.,
I feel for you. I remember well the nights with both of my babies (who are now 21 and 12)! I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with the moms who said they don't support the Ferber method. A better book might be Nighttime Parenting by William Sears, MD. He has five children of his own. Babies do need love and comforting during the night, even if they don't need food. I did nurse my babies whenever they wanted. They seem to be amazing, well adjusted secure people now.
Five months is so young. Listen to your heart AND your baby!
Best Wishes!
D.

Hi K.,
how muich is he eatin befor bedtime?? if he's not getting enough to eat he will not sleep all night no matter what you do
good luck

Well, we have tried different things. First of all I try to make sure he is nice and full before bed. When he was that age I nursed him about 8 times a day and offered him some solid food 3 times a day, I know it feels like you are always feeding someone :) But I wanted him to be able to sleep at night. Then I put him to bed a little later so he would sleep later in the morning. I have always been an 8:30-9pm bedtime mom. That way even if he only slept 8 hours or so and then needed to eat I was still getting up at 5 or 6am. He only did that a little while and then started sleeping until 8:30 or 9am. Anyway, I think at this young age if he is waking up after 7 hours of sleep he is probably hungry and he might need to eat. That is a long time for a little one to sleep, although they are perfectly capable of sleeping 9-10 hours at a time, once they have put that much time in, they are probably legitimately hungry. He would probably go right back to sleep with just a little food in his tummy. I think the Ferber method works well to get a bedtime routine established and if they wake up just a couple hours after being put down. If he has put in a whole night of sleep, he probably has some need when he wakes. Although, I will say for us when our little guy would wake up too soon, we wouldn't go in at all. Now if he was screaming for a long time then yes, I would go feed him, but if he was just scrumping around and making noises we would just let him go back to sleep on his own without disturbing him. Just a thought! These months of 5-7 were the toughest for us where it came to the whole bedtime routine, after that it was smooth sailing. Best wishes to you!! :)

in my opinion, your baby is just a little too young for that method. my pediatrician recommended waiting until about 9 months old. and he told me a different method to try that's sort-of like the ferber method, but seems to me to be much more effective:
when your son wakes in the middle of the night, wait a minute or 2 before going in his room to see if he will soothe himself back to sleep. if not, go in and do whatever your normal routine is (bottle, rocking, whatever). then leave the room and wait only 2 minutes before going in again. pat his back until he calms down, then leave the room. wait ONLY a minute longer than before (3 minutes the next time, 4 minutes the next, etc.) keep doing the same routine, just don't talk to him or make eye contact.
this way is a lot less harsh than the ferber method and in my opinion, much more effective, as it teaches the baby that you ARE still there, he just has to learn to fall asleep on his own. it also works best if he has a "lovie" like a blanket or pacifier or stuffed animal, so he can comfort himself with that.
it might take a few weeks, but after a few days you can start waiting a minute or 2 longer to go in each time.
when my 1st daughter was about 9-10 mo. old i used this method on her b/c she had started waking 8 times a night, and it only took about 2 weeks to get her sleeping through the night again!
also, remember that babies have their own "schedule". if you want him up at 7am, even if you keep him up an hour later at night, he will sleep until he's ready to wake up! both my girls went through a phase at about 5 or 6 mo. old where they woke up between 5 and 5:30 every morning, no matter what =) oh, the joys of parenthood!
don't be afraid to ask your pediatrician for sleep tips at your baby's next appt. they usually have great ideas!

I went through the EXACT same thing with my daughter!! Same time frames and everything!! I would have thought this was an email I had sent out about 5 months ago!!! You're doing the right thing. My daughter went down at 7 pm and would wake up at 2 am. I would either Feberize her or give in and give a bottle. She's still growing at 5 1/2 months so she may need a bottle.Once she hit about 9 months I stopped giveing her that extra bottle at 2 am. My baby still will wake up at 5;30 and my goal is to get her to wake up at 7 am but she's hungry so I give her a bottle. Once she gets her bottle she goes back to sleep till 7am. If I were you,at 5 1/2 months I would be giving her an extra bottle at 5;30. She's hungry and 10 hours is just too long to go without food at that age. She's still too little. Hang in there! Once she's gets a little bit older you can start letting her cry it out but not yet. You will start getting more sleep. It does get better.
Good luck! You're doing a great job.
B.

Isn't the sleep thing so confusing? There are so many different techniques -- it can be overwhelming! We are constantly working on sleep. We "ferberized" our little boy when he was 4 months old, and now he is a pretty good sleeper. Sleeping through the night is different for every baby. Our goal in the beginning was 8 hrs of solid sleep. Our son is almost 9 months old now, and we are shooting for 12 hrs of solid sleep. SO far so good -- he will wake up occasionally but puts himself back to sleep (most of the time). He uses a pacifier only when he is in the crib and he also has a pooh teether blanket that he likes to hold.

We modified the Ferber method to what felt right for us. Our maximum time interval between comfortings is 15 min, and we did not increase the intervals subsequent days. We will pick our son up when he will not respond to the simple patting and shushing, but it usually just requires a few minutes of holding him to calm him down. Then we are able to place him back in his crib w/o any trouble. His bedtime is 7:30pm and he wakes in the morning at 7:00a. It took about 5 days for him to adjust to the new sleep routine.

We took a gradual approach to extending the amount of solid night sleep. If our goal was 8 hrs of straight sleep, then we would not feed him until it had been 8 hrs since his last bottle. If he woke in between then we would just try to comfort him first and if he did not respond then we offered him a bottle of water. When our little boy was truly hungry, he would absolutely refuse the water! If we did feed him before 7:00am, then we would put him right back to sleep. We do not let him sleep past 7:30a -- we will wake him gently to preserve the sleep schedule. We added an hour to our sleep goal each month. Our son did not sleep 10hrs straight until he was 7 months.

Hope this helps! Weissbluth's book helped us a lot as well. Hang in there and do what feels best for your family. It's a lot of trial and error. The most important thing I have learned as a first time mom is every baby truly is different, and you know your baby best!

We did the Ferber method with our daughter right around this age. The first couple of days are rough, but they get better - quickly. As long as you stay with it. If you do not stay with it, it will not work. We were successful with our daughter and within in a week she was falling asleep on her own and sleeping through the night without issue. It was the best thing we EVER did. Now that said, I nursed her for the first year. I would nurse her right before putting her in her crib. I would nurse her again sometime between 2AM and 4AM, then she would go right back to sleep. Those first few nights, there was so more crying after I nursed her and put her back in, but again, stick with it and that too will go away in just a couple of days. Also, as time went on, she naturally pushed back her first night time feeding, eventually to the 4AM hour, and then slept thru till 6AM or 7AM. It will all take care of itself. Babies are capable of soothing themselves at 5 1/2 months, it's usually us parents that can't deal with the crying. Whatever works for you and your baby. Simply put at this stage in my daughter's life I needed sleep to function. No one was happy without that! :-) So the Ferber method definitely worked for us.

Just want clarify Ferber NEVER suggested that "Ferberizing" should last ALL NIGHT. He was interviewed a few years ago and said he had been misunderstood. A child should NOT be allowed to cry for long periods of time. His book says 15-30 minutes NOT HOURS. A 5 1/2 month old sleeping for 12 hours straight are you kidding? Yes babies need about 12 hours of sleep every night but not without 1-2 feedings throughout the night.

When your baby woke up at 2 am he/she was HUNGRY not naughty. If you would have fed at 2 am baby would have slept until
7 am "problem' solved.

I did something similar, but not exactly as the book says. I was luck that I had a good sleeper. She slept through the night from 3 months on.

I would give my daughter a little extra in her bottle right before I put her down. That helped.

Also, she took a binky. A friend told me to put several binkys in the bed and that way if she woke up she would always be able to find one! That worked!!! She would cry and I would look at the montior screen and her little hand would be feeling for a binky. She would find it pop it in and go back to sleep.

But most of all, use your best judgement and listen to your mommy voice.

Good Luck!

He absolutely needs to eat more often that. Babies wake up through the night because they have needs that have to be met. Their little bodies are burning through their energy much faster than you or I. And, besides, who of us isn't hungry when waking during the night, too? It's very healthy for babies to wake a few times a night, especially at such a young age. I doubt, however, that it's healthy for Mom and Dad to be up for two hours each night trying to get baby back to sleep! LOL So, do whatever you need to do to get the little one to sleep - and don't skip feedings at night just because he's reached X, Y, or Z age. Little ones don't manipulate, and they DO self-regulate. When they're hungry, they tell you! Our job as parents is to recognize those cues and respond. So feed him when he's hungry, and if he wakes up and needs a snuggle, there's no harm in that. I had one of the "worst" sleepers in history, and he's now a 6yo who goes to bed and falls asleep on his own with no problems. :)

Above all, trust your mothering instincts, and follow your baby's lead. He won't lead you astray!

We use the Ferber technique but we don't put our little one down until sometime between 9 and 10. He wakes up after 8 hours or so. I feed him then and put him back down and then he sleeps until 8 or 9. This works for us because it gives me a couple hours in the morning before he is up to get some things done. Overall, he sleeps 10 to 12 hours. He is a little over 4 months.

He was waking up several times during night to eat until I started pumping breast milk and feeding him with a bottle before bed. This allowed me to tell how much he was getting to eat at night. When I nurse him he doesn't eat as much as if I feed him with a bottle. He gets too comfortable and doses off.

Honestly, at 2 am he might very well be hungry. It would have been 7 hours since he was last feed.

I feberized my daughter, and I assure you she is a well adjusted 2 year old. She knows that I am here for her, but she has a great sense of independence. I did not do the Ferber method till she was 7 months, and it worked within 3 days. I did move bedtime up to 9pm during that time, and that basically moved her waking time up 2 hrs. This is what I would do move bedtime a bit later, and avoid the nighttime feeding. Try feeding him before bed and see how long that carries him. All these people that spend 2 years sitting up with a child are crazy in my opinion. Try being a SAHM that her Husband lives at the fire station 112 hrs a week and you are by yourself for 52 hrs straight. Do you really think that everyone has time to be soothing babies all night? It is not like anyone will come home anytime soon so I can have a night where the "soothing" responsibility is on someone else. I am sure there are so many kids on Dr. Phil upset because I cried when I was 6 months old for a few days! You are doing the right thing, and sometimes it takes a little tweaking with the method whether it be age or how you go about it. I did not follow exactly I found what worked and did that. Good luck!!!

Hi K.,
I'm just curious if you are nursing or not? If so, your baby cannot be expected to sleep more than 4-5 hours at this age and when going through growth spurts, teething, or any new developmental stage your baby may wake more frequently than normal. I know we all want sleep and with time it will happen. Babies need to wake periodically to eat at night. When your baby wakes and if it has been longer than a couple of hours your baby is hungry. Please feed that precious baby when he wakes. If your baby slept from 7-2, that is 7 hours without food, please feed him. That is a wonderful amount of time that he slept, much more than many babies at this age. 5 hours is also considered to be sleeping through the night not 8, 10 or 12.
Take care,
J.

I did something very simiar to the ferber method...it's in a book called "healthy sleep habits, happy child"... you may find it very resourceful during this trying time...in my opinion, I would not start the day any sooner than 7... the child should be let to cry at whatever time awakened before 7 am...and definately wake him up no later than 7 to develop the correct sleep pattern...it took almost a week to complete the process with my boys, and once he is on a routine you will be amazed at the difference...it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders...and I finally got some sleep!!!..stay strong and consistent, its worth it :)

I'm not so sure a 5 1/2 month old should sleep through the night. Unless it's a baby who naturally can, if your baby is waking up s/he's probably hungry. 7pm-7am is too long for a baby that little to sleep. Hang in there a few more months. I know how tired you are, but your baby's little tummy fills and empties pretty fast at this age.

P.

He should be sleeping a solid 8 hours before needing to be fed. I would Ferberize until this 8 hour marker has been met. If it is still "nighttime/bedtime" (up until about 6-7a in some cases)then I would put him back to sleep, until normal waking hours. I think until he is eatting plenty of solid foods and a bit older, he might still need to be fed atleast once throughout the night, unless of course he weans himself. Good Luck!