Ferber Method

I felt the same way, but the crying stops. If I recall correctly, it was maybe a week of crying (became shorter nightly) for my twin boys.

I don't ascribe to the Ferber method, as I believe there are many other methods that can help a child learn to fall asleep on their own w/o letting them cry it out. I'm speaking as a pediatric nurse and an adoptive parent whose child came home at age 5 months (and I used to be a believer in the Ferber and similar methods). A baby's first developmental task is learning to trust. And if they cry and they need you to help them feel secure (and nighttime can be a scary time for some infants) how will they learn to trust if you don't respond? I know I'm generalizing some.

Anyway, we used the technique used on Supernanny and it worked great with NO CRYING AT ALL!!! I would put my son to bed (after his bedtime routine and would put him in the crib awake) and then I'd sit by his crib (maybe reading a book), but no eye contact. He first though it was funny, throwing his paci and blankets, but I'd just silently put them back in . One time saying "it's time to sleep",then if he did it again, I'd just put it back with no words. After about 30 minutes, he got bored and went to sleep. Day after day the time got shorter and shorter,and I'd gradually move out further to the point I was in the hall. It only took about a week and my son now is a champ sleeper and napper and we never had bedtime issues.

Also, putting a child to bed BEFORE they show signs of being tired also helps. We learned that by the time my son started to yawn or rub his eyes, we missed the "window" so we started putting him down 20-30 minutes earlier and it worked like a charm.

Please don't worry about setting up "bad habits"-- as long as you keep it in balance and help them feel secure it won't create any. Keeping a very strict bedtime routine helped a lot too (same order of doing things, same songs each night, etc.)We did cosleep for a couple of months when he first came home (which I didn't like the idea initially, but that is what they did in Korea and I didn't want too many transitions for him all at once), then transitioned to sleeping all night in the crib (but he always napped and went to bed in his crib first).

Hope that helps!

It does work for some people, and it may be worth a trial run to see how it goes for both of you.... that said, my experience with it was terrible.

I was told that my DD would cry like she was wounded and not to give in under any circumstances. I felt like something WAS really wrong and finally put an end to the nonsense. When I turned on the light and walked into DDs room, her face was covered with blood- she'd been distressed enough that she had thrashed around and split her lip on the crib. I think it would probably work better with a less mobile kid, but it still seems rather wrong to me in retrospect. I ended up buying Elizabeth Pantly's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and found her genlter ways a little more in line with my own thinking.

Here is an article that explains why CIO is bad for babies.
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say
http://tinyurl.com/eemy4
All experiences shape the babies brain. When the baby is screaming/crying/left alone, stress hormones (cortisol) flood the brain. This affects brain development and learning later on. The CIO authors fail to mention that in their books. But there is research out there (parents don't typically think of asking deeper questions, kudos to you) that says this. If you think about it, it's obvious.
Research on long term cognitive development in children with prolonged crying:
http://tinyurl.com/2e5t7m
Aletha Solter's is an expert on infant crying and trauma and stress release. She is a psychologist and AGAINST CIO:
www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm
[b]CIO: The Potential Dangers of Leaving Your Baby to Cry[/b]
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

I have 2 children and never did CIO. They were in our bed the first year, then I put them in their own room/twin bed. One at age 2, the second at age 1. If they woke (and they did) I went to lie with them and stayed there. I wanted my children to feel reassured that if they needed help at night (comfort) they would have it without fights or arguments. Their emotional security is paramount to me.

I have a girlfriend who did use CIO with her 2nd. It was "great" for her the first 2 years. But after that, leaving a toddler to scream/cry alone in a room doesn't work anymore. If she woke up at 4 or 5 am in the morning, there was no getting her back to sleep. (With me, all I need to do is lie down next to them and that helps them feel relaxed and they conk out within minutes.) My girlfriend spent the next 2 years driving around her daughter for naps. Weekends too. Again not with me. So there is another con for you... it might "work" when they are babies, but then when they are older, it won't.

The Ferber method does not advocate just letting your child scream and ignore it. You are supposed to go in and soothe your child within a few minutes. With my first child I never had to do the Ferber method. First listen to your child. Is he all out crying or just whining and mumbling? If he is just making noises but does not sound distressed give it some time before you go into him. Do not rush in. babies sleep cycles last a few hours and often they partially wake and then put themselves back to sleep but if you rush in you fully wake them. If your baby really starts crying go in and pat him on the back. Make no noise, do not turn on lights just pat him to let him know he is okay. also take the opportunity to check that he is dry, not soiled and comfortable. When he calms a bit leave the room. If he cries return in a few minutes. Sometimes seperation anxiety comes into play and they just need to be held for a minute. If your son calms quickly and returns to sleep, Great! With my first all I had to do was pat him on the back or hold him for 5 minutes and I could return to bed. With my second he began waking and staying up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night! Nothing I did would soothe him and he was ready to play. Finally after 4 months of sleeping for no more than 4 hours per night I decided to give the ferber method a try. The first night I went in after 5 minutues, then 10 and then before I went in at 15 minutes he fell asleep. The second night I went in after 10 minutes, then 15 and he was asleep in the middle of the third interval. Now if he crys I wait a few minutes and listen to him to see if he is able to soothe himself back to sleep. If not I go in to make sure that he is okay. Last night for instance he had peed out of his diaper so I put on a light in the hall, changed him without saying anything, held him for a minute and put him back down. He put himself back to sleep with almost no protest. In the end you have to know your child's personality and decide what method would work best for them. Also, if a child is well loved and soothed and cuddled in their everyday life 5 minutes of crying for a few days with reassuring pats on the back will not harm them...it is you that will suffer the most.

The Ferber method is actually gentler than the one advocated by Weissbluth (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). Weissbluth's method is pretty much a straight cry it out, whereas Ferber recommends waiting for a set amount of time (which gets progressively longer each time the baby cries) before going into soothe. So for me, the major drawback of that method was sticking to the schedule. Knowing that I COULD go in after x minutes made it easy for me to cheat and go in sooner, which defeated the purpose.

Good luck! Sleep training is no fun.

Ultimatly heres the deal everysingle one of us has had different experiense with different methods of rasing of rasing our children as ever child is different do your homework read the books and find what works for you.
I love Babywhisperer have had great success with it and the support network built up around that,

http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

But for yourself you may find a method that works better for you. Being educated and flexable are our best tools as a parent. Ultimalty we do the best we can with what we have I hope for success to you in whatever you chose is best for you and your child

A., I only read some of these responses, so don't know what everyone has posted, obviously. The problem with SOME of these posts' responses is that they haven't read the entire book, if any of it at all. Have you read the book? For instance, you NEVER let your child cry in bed when he's ill. And with Dr. Ferber's method, he's not "crying it out" when you go in and give him a quick check and reassurance every so many minutes. Baby never feels abandoned by you. Dr. Ferber gives a complete explanation for absolutely everything you do and when to do it. He also gives a modified approach for those who don't completely have the heart. He doesn't recommend this for infants. I haven't read his newest version, but last I heard, the youngest recommended age is 6 mos. The reality is this---some babies are inherently good sleepers. Some aren't. The only way mine would go to sleep would be if I could walk and jiggle him to sleep and this wouldn't work foro him if there was too much commotion in the house. Well, after months of this at least 3X a day, it got mighty old, let me tell you! For my first one, it took about 5 days, and I sat outside his door and cried right along with him! Like the book recommended, I gave him extra attention during the day and to be truthful, he didn't act any different---not any extra clingy or needy. But I needed it! After that, he slept like a dream. I could read him his book, pop him in his crib with a couple soft toys, and he'd play for a few minutes, then lie down and conk out! (He was 7 months old.) Also began sleeping the night through for the first time ever. My second one (years later) was a lot easier-I think he got it by the 2nd or 3rd day. Same thing--also began sleeping the night through. People are quick to judge without reading the book and knowing all the details. Dr. Ferber explains in layman terms all about sleep cycles and how and why it's important to teach your child to sleep on his own. He also gives his blessing (so to speak) if it's not an issue for either mom or dad. Some babies will teach themselves to go to sleep on their own---however, many won't. I have a friend with a 9 and 7 year old who still will not go to sleep without her there!! Well, my boys are grown and are fine! I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I'm not a mom who believes in letting babies cry---I always picked up and cuddled. He also addresses what that last post said---about crying creating insecurity! If that's the case---every time you tell your child "no" and he cries and you don't give in to stop that crying---he's going to be insecure? No. On the contrary---you tell your child "no", he cries and you don't give in---you have a child who knows you love him, will give him limits and there is the secure child! If you are there for your child throughout the day, being a good mom, being loving and consistent, these few days of crying for a short while as they're learning to do something new absolutely will not hurt them! Whatever you do, good luck!!

I read a lot, and tried everything that Sears recommended as well as incorporating various other 'no cry' solutions, and after 14 months, my husband, daughter and I were all suffering from sleep deprivation, and there was plenty of crying.

I read Ferber, and slowly and carefully prepared to try his methods - mainly by getting her on more regular schedule and waiting until she was well, not teething, and feeling secure. Then we put her down 30-60 minutes after her usual bedtime, when she was thoroughly tired. She was very ready, because we had 30 minutes of crying the first night, 15 minutes the second, 10 minutes the third, and none thereafter.

I would *not* recommend trying Ferber without reading his book, btw. Ferber is about minimizing crying. The idea isn't to make you child suffer, it is to allow your child to learn how to fall asleep easily and sleep soundly. Done right, there is as little crying as possible, and in the very short term, less crying than you had when you were trying to prevent crying.

Ferber isn't some heartless guy, he's just a doctor who thinks that sound sleep is important to good health. I know adults who never really learned good sleep habits, and still suffer for it. And I know that my daughter became much happier and more secure when I put her needs before my own and helped her learn to sleep well.

I agree that babies cry for a reason. It is their only means of communicating. Even my Pediatrician said to not let them cry for longer than 5-10 minutes. If they are screaming or crying hard, I wouldn't let it go on at all. If they are just fussing, then give it some time to see if they settle down. There is a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution that helped me. And like someone else said, go with your instincts. Maybe the baby is not getting enough food during the day and is hungry or maybe they are too hot or too cold or just need some comfort. Sometimes certain things can bother them when they are lying down or on their back (like gas, etc.). Try putting a phone book under the mattress to prop it up a little. Whatever it is, your baby is trying to tell you something. Hang in there, this time goes by so fast.

Babies cry because that is the only way they know how to communicate that they "need" something. Children at this age CANNOT be spoiled. They need to bond to their primary caregiver and create a safe and secure environment. WHEN YOU LET YOUR BABY CRY YOU ARE TEACHING HIM/HER THAT THEIR NEEDS ARE NOT GOING TO BE MET AND THIS CREATES INSECURE CHILDREN/PEOPLE. Look at our world today and ask yourself if these new methods work. Getting through the first season of your child's life can be tiresome and challenging but I believe this is a sacrafice we make as mothers/parents and it is totally worth it. Giving your child what he/she needs at this age is paramount to raising an emotionally healthy child.

i would discourage the ferber method. if your baby is on a predictable schedule (3-4 hour between feedings) then meal and nap times should be established and not a problem. at his age he should have a morning nap 2-3 hrs long and same in the afternoon. i would recommend the book BABYWISE. my first child was a crier at bedtimes, however, and many nights i would rock him to sleep or take him to bed with me and he would go to sleep right away - the comfort of having mom right there i guess - and you hear from people all the time about not doing that but think of it this way - it is only for a year - it is such a short, special time. my "baby" is 10 now and what i wouldn't give to have him want me to rock him in my lap =) so see what works for you and your family, but don't hesistate to follow your instincts and if they are telling you to hold your baby and comfort him to sleep i encourage you to because we only have a short time to be this way with them

I have a pretty strong opinion about this! NO WAY! You were blessed with natural insticts! Use them! Babies do not know how to manipulate they only know how to get there NEEDS met. We don't get to decide what these needs are they do! Our job is to just meet them. Find a different form a structure and balance. Letting him "cry it out" teaches him you are not going to meet his needs therefore he should give up! Is that the message you want to send? All the best!!! Steph

Hi A., I did this with my daughter 28 years ago. She was older than your son. She was 11 months. Is there a reaon you are trying to do this now? How many times is he waking? If he is waking a lot, then he has other issues going on. Could he be hungry? Are you breastfeeding him? Are you feeding him anything else?
Personally I would wait until he is older. If he is waking, there is a reason. He most likely needs the night feedings. I was successful with this way back then, I know this time feels like it goes on forever but it is gone in a flash.
Now I have 5 kids and a grandson. I love every minute I get to be with them. My oldest is 29 and the youngest 10. My grandson is 11 mos. He is still waking at night just to nurse once, then he goes right back to sleep. My daughter is introducing more foods at dinner to help him get through the night.
I work from home too. I love what I do...it gives me the freedom to enjoy my family to the fullest.

Hi there. I was recommended to look online at Sleepyplanet.com and I read the material that was suggested. I saw these two ladies on television before and my neighbor had major success with her little one learning to sleep on his own. It is similar to the Ferber method (I've not read the book before) but the sleep training we did required my 13 month old to cry too. It took only 2 nights of me going in her room every so often (not touching her) and by the thrid night she was sleeping 11-12 hours and hasn't stopped!!!!!! BEFORE THAT SHE WAS WAKING 4-6 TIMES EVERY NIGHT!!!! She never cries when we lay her down nor does she wake up crying either. She says "Bye Bye" when we tell her it's bedtime and we can let her play in her crib for up to a half hour before we get her out in the mornings. I love it! But i will say that i wasn't ready to try any type of crying it out before that. I had to do it on my own timing and when i felt my daughter was ready to.

Mom of four here. Don't do it. Please don't do it. Don't throw a "method" at the little guy! That is what moms do who are not tuned in to the needs of their baby. What you would be teaching him is that his mom is not there for him, that she is not there to meet his physical and emotional needs. You do not want that. Be a mom to your beautiful baby boy! Babies were not designed to sleep through the night, especially not alone in a crib. They were not designed to fall asleep on command. Whatever your personal belief system, that is not what nature OR God intended. Let him know that you are there for him to meet his needs, as moms are meant to do. Babyhood is no time to "build your child's independence". Sheesh! Look at it from his perspective and you will do well. He will only be a little guy for a very few years. Enjoy him just as he is, a perfect baby boy. Your baby boy. :0)

My experience with letting my daughter who is now 17 months is that she would begin to gag and cough so hard from crying. Eventually she would throw up because she would get so upset. So I have had a hard time with letting her cry to long.

My son is now 5 months old and month back i was thinking of doing feber- then magically one night he would not nurse when i tried!!! i say wait a bit, you never know.

I am a mom of a 2 year old. Well, I'm sure you already know what is said about the "benefits" of the Farber method.

I'll tell you the drawbacks.

If your baby is very sick, or scared you won't be there to comfort him or realize your baby is sick or scared. I've dealt with a baby who cried for me because his gums were soo sore. (He sprouted his first teeth at 2 months!)

If he throws up, you wont know if you're letting him cry it out. Nor would you be teaching him to soothe himself to sleep but to be scared and upset and cry himself to sleep.

I didnt Faberize my son for those reasons...because I listen to my intuition. When he cried for me, it was for an important reason. One time he was stuck with his arm out of the crib and needed me to free him. Another time he had retrovirus. Another time he had a really bad ear infection. There were times he needed baby Motrin to bring down a fever or dull the pain of an ear infection or sore gums.

If I had listened to the experts and Farberized him, who knows how it would have impacted him psychologically and health-wise.

He is a 2 year old who goes right to sleep when I put him down to sleep in his crib. The same for naps. Because I did not create terror and fear filled events surrounding bedtime and naptime.

He loves going to sleep when its time for a nap or bedtime, and snuggles his babies. He knows when he cries if he needs us we will come check on him.

Sometimes he doesnt need anything but for us to say "its time to go to sleep, go to sleep sweetie"

I wouldnt do that to a 6 month old...because at 6 months he STILL needed a bottle or two in the middle of the night because he was HUNGRY and still growing rapidly. His stomach didnt settle down until he was 8 months then he was sleeping through the night without waking up in hunger.

Good luck on your decision! :)

My daughter is 17 years old now, but I tried the Ferber method when she was young - - it wasn't that it was bad, exactly, but she developed a weird rash on her face - - when I took her to the doctor, was advised it was capillaries that resulted from crying too hard - - that was the end of the method for me! Good luck.

I think the ferber method is basically the smartest way to go. It isn't realistic to think that a parent can always put a child to sleep before they are laid to bed. Unless it is an extreme case of crying (fitting) as in, there is a reason for it -fever, colique etc..- it builds your childs independence from you. Face it, childhood is all about them leaving you one day, confident and happy and ready for the world. God Bless You, and Good Luck!

Don't. Just... don't. Your baby is not developmentally ready to have an adult-like sleep/wake rhythm.
When babies cry for long periods of time, their blood pressure goes up, they become tense (muscles tense and stress hormones), and they have less oxygen in their blood. Some kids vomit from crying so hard and there's a chance they can choke on their vomit.
If you're not 100% convinced that it's the right strategy for you and your child, don't let yourself be talked into it. He's a baby and it's normal for him to wake up at night and want his mommy.

when you hear your baby cry, doesn't your whole body react to DO SOMETHING, anything, figure out what is wrong and meet that need? there is a reason for that, its called INSTINCT, and tuning in to your parenting instincts (versus using some guys "method" to overcome your instincts) is the best thing you can do for your relationship with your child and your child's emotional health.

a baby's number one need at this age is to attach strongly to another human (or two, or three, or more if they are lucky), and the Cry-Respond cycle is vital to attachment. when our babies cry and we don't respond, we are sending powerful messages to them about the world they are growing up in.. and not good ones.

there's a reason you can't stand to hear your baby cry. there's a reason you are apprehensive. i hope you will be true to that, and trust yourself and your innate motherhood skills. good luck!

Ferberizing is a cruel method. It completely ignores the child's needs. Babies cry for a reason. They need to know that they can depend on their parents to be there for them when they need them. We need to think about how we would feel if our loved ones ignored us when we were distressed and in need of them. It's scary being trapped in a dark room without mama's warm body to provide comfort! It is a baby's instinct to cry if left alone.

Anyway, off my soapbox. Here is an interesting thread on the topic...
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=811793

Good luck mama. Do what you feel is right in your heart. Please listen to it rather than everyone's advice (including mine).

M.

Hi A.,
I'm certainly not an expert on babies, but I can't stand the thought of a baby being left alone to cry for long periods of time. There are other methods of going in and soothing the baby and waiting longer and longer periods of time between soothing. There's the "No-Cry Sleep Solutions", by Elizabeth Pantley, and there's also a book called "Simple Sleep Solutions". I can't find the book right now to get the authors name.
The best thing for you to do is whatever feels right to you.
Best of luck,
S.

There isn't any negative results for the ferber method. In fact, by letting your child cry it out, he/she will be learning how to get themselves to sleep on their own (very important). Make sure your child's needs are met first, i.e. fed, changed, not sick, etc.

Being a parent is a very heart wrenching job at times and it requires us having to do things we don't want to do but are necessary for our child's growth as a human being.

I have 3 children and while it was hard at first (especially with my first) to let them cry it out, it was so worth it in the end. they now go to bed with no problems at all and are all very good sleepers.

Remember do not give in either when you start something like this. Follow through is very important with everything you do in raising your child. Discipline equals love.

Good luck!

I tried the Ferber method with my daughter when she was around 7-8 months old. My husband and I lasted only 2 nights as it was extremely difficult to listen to our willful child scream for 2 hours! It depends on the baby and what you believe is the right thing for everyone. We started a reliable routine, as I'm sure you've heard...bath, nurse, book, then I rocked her until she was almost asleep, then put her down. However, this stopped working when she was around 13 months. She preferred soothing herself to sleep. She will be 2 next month and is still doing great at nap & bedtime.

I know people who swear by the ferber method. But I had a bad experience with it when he was about 7 months old. I put my son down for a nap, the Dr. said just let him cry, go in after 15 min, then 30 min, then, 45 min, etc just to rub his back or let him know you're there, but don't pick him up. Well, I did this and he went an entire 2 1/2 hrs. screaming and crying. By then of course, nap time was over and done with and I had an angry baby. I did pick him up and within about 3 minutes, he fell asleep on my shoulder and I was able to put him down. Now, he also had terrible food allergies and was often congested. I found out later that he needed to go to sleep with his head propped up to help drain his sinuses, etc. So, I just let him fall asleep on my shouler and then would lay him down. It was more work than the moms who the ferber method actually worked for, but it worked for me. This had no negative effect on his sleep patterns later in life. He is now 8 and has always gone to bed easily and when we said it's bed time.

Wow! I bet you didn't expect to get so many passionate and varied answers. I agree with many of the answers-you have to do what works for you. That being said, I believe there are babies that are born good sleepers and there are babies that are not. I had one of each. My first born was a horrible sleeper the minute she got home from the hospital. We did everything we could with her- she slept with us, we slept in the recliner chair with her. We bounced her, sang to her, rocked her, played soft music, gave her a pacifier, played the sounds of the womb to her, but she woke up constantly. One time she went 18 hours straight w/o sleeping no matter what we tried!!! We tried EVERYTHING! Finally at nine months, out of sheer desperation (she was waking up literally almost every hour) we tried the Ferber method and within 3 days she began sleeping through the night. My second child was a great sleeper and I really hardly had to sleep train him at all. I thought something was wrong with him and my mom assured me this is what most babies normally do. And as far as babies growing up insecure or brain damaged from crying it out for a few nights, I can only share my experience. My daughter just turned 10 yrs. old and we gave her lots of love, affection and reassurance as a baby and she is very well-rounded, highly intelligent, secure and confident. In fact, she is more outgoing than her brother who we did not have to use the Ferber method on. He is also very smart but a little more shy and afraid to try new things. I'm not telling you this is the method you should use but it is what worked for us. Pray about what is right for you and your family. Only you will know what the answer is. Enjoy this special and blessed time. It can be challenging and exhausting but so rewarding. Good luck!

My daughter cried for about 10 minutes two nights while I sat outside her door in anguish!
I was determined and held fast. This "holding out" paid off very quickly and I had many restful nights, She learned to put herself to sleep and became a very restful sleeper and is to this day. (She turns 14 this week!) Giving her the tools to put herself to sleep was a gift for her and her dad and me. She became secure, could travel with ease and has grown into an independent
young woman. Maybe all of this can't be attributed to sleep methods, but it can be attributed to good parenting. ( My friends called me "the sleep Nazi' for a short time, but I was the one not fretting about my daughter's sleep! ) As I know now as I raise a teenager, parents are called upon to make tough decisions, but that is what responsible parenting is and the rewards are long-lasting! Good Luck!

I was in the ER a few weeks ago and the Ferber guy was on 20/20 or some other news like show. He said that his method is taken out of context and you should never let your baby cry for more than 5 minutes (as per his previous method) and he said he was amending it to 3 minutes before going in to console a bit. He said it can cause brain damage to let them cry for that long. The sleepless nights eventually work themselves out. I couldn't do cry it out unless it was less than 10 minutes. Hope you find the right decision for your family.

Babies need to be loved and held close to their mothers as much as possible. There is no reason to "train" your baby to fend for itself at such a young age. It NEEDS you. I held my son and let him sleep with me in my bed, and nursed him on demand, and he has grown into a beautiful, confident, well-adjusted six-year-old.

Hi A., I too have a 6 month old boy and I too got on this website and asked about the cry it out method after reading, "BabyWise". And let me tell you, I received many of the same advice you have gotten. I had a baby that would NOT go to sleep unless he was walked around and he would cry the whole time until he finaly fell asleep. I knew I had to do something and someone recommended "Babywise". I used his method as far as the eat, wake, sleep cycle and that has worked out well for me. I did the cry it out method and it worked,he only cried for a little bit, but it broke my heart and someone on this site told me something that has stuck with me ever since. She said something like this, "mother nature/God intended for the cry to strike a cord in us so that we DO want to respond". That is engrained in my heart forever. Many people told me to throw that book away. So what I started doing was just lying him down next to me when he starts to show signs of getting tired. I typically let him wear himself out first by doing lot's of tummy time and using his jumper. I started out by laying him next to me and singing to him and rubbing his head. He would go to sleep pretty easily with just a little crying, but I felt okay with it because I am right next to him telling him its okay. After a few days of doing this, all I really had to do was lay him down and lay next to him and he completely mellows out, gets a little playful and than starts falling asleep. Not only is it a gentle approach to the cry it out method, but it has been some of my most special times with my son because he just gets so mellow and fun once I set him down. We gaze into eachothers eyes and smile. And it is a far cry from the little guy that would ball in my arms as I was rocking/walking/hopping/skipping him to sleep. He has literally learned to put himself to sleep without him thinking that his crys will go unanswered. Eventually, I will just put him in his crib and he should be able to just fall asleep....

You have heard and I had heard in my answers from people that think that if you just let them cry, eventually they will stop because they soon figure out that you are not going to come and soothe them. That also got me thinking, "what if they are right"? I certainly do not want to take that chance. Anyway, we as mothers, have amazing motherly instincts and you will soon find what works for you and your beautiful son. Do what you feel is right. Take everyone's advice and than go with your instinct based on the knowledge that you have gained here and elsewhere. No one is right or wrong, you will find the "right" way.

They are only babies for a short time and how wonderful this time is. I have never been happier (especially now that I have this sleep thing down) and have been able to bond even more with my son right before naptime (who would've known?). What I dreaded before, is now a very very special time of bonding and love with my son.

Best of luck. Please email me if you have any questions.

M.

I started to try it and couldn't continue doing it. After letting my son cry for an hour I was in tears myself. I ended up going with a book called Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. It's similar to Ferber, but she has you stay in the room and gradually work your way out. There are still tears, but it was easer for me because I felt like I was doing something to help my son rather than just letting him cry. I found the book at A Mother's Haven in Encino (they have a website too. www.amothers-haven.com) Hope it helps!

I think for us the Ferber Method worked well because our son was young and not set in his ways. Our doctor told us we should use some sort of sleep training between 4 and 6 months so we started at 4 1/2 mo. It was just a few nights before he got it. We would go in after a set amount of time and soothe, but he honestly didn't cry for a really long time. I think the longest was about 20 minutes, but my husband went in at every 5 min. We sent my husband so my son would know that no food was coming his way and because it can be really hard for me to see him cry. We did this for nighttime and two naps a day because he still took 3-4 naps and we were often out and about. He has been a wonderful sleeper from then on out. He's two now and toddles off to bed with his blanket. I remember at the time he would suck on the collar of his sleep sack to comfort himself to sleep. Now he rubs his blanket on his cheek and lips. It's actually pretty cute. :)

The good news about this method is that the excessive crying won't last that long. That is the whole point. After a few nights the time he cries will get shorter. It is hard at first but believe me, constantly putting a toddler back in his bed gets really hard too. Good Luck!

Hi there -- just on the other side of things, I am NOT an advocate of the Ferber method. In my opinion (and the attachment parenting advocates seem to agree) you have spent all this time developing trust and reading and responding to your baby's cues (early language) so why would you then stop responding? Other than giving yourself a chance not to have to parent your child to sleep, what is the real advantage? I think having a small child lasts such an incredibly short time that all the work is something you will miss when your "baby" is suddenly 7 years old and says "good night mom" and heads off to bed alone. Just watch, you will be climbing into bed with your child then for the snuggle time you get all the time now. I think developing a bed-time ritual can start VERY early and can be helpful all the way to adulthood. What we do is the bath (though not EVERY day), brush, book, lavender on the stuffed animal or any bites/cuts/scrapes, kiss goodnight, and go to sleep method. When our son (now 5) was an infant and all the way up till I got pregnant with my second son (now 9 weeks old) I nursed to sleep (till around 3 years) and then snuggled to sleep. It really doesn't take long and, if you are still nursing, it is really a beautiful and close time to spend with your baby. Hope this is helpful -- but, whatever you do, just make sure it is working for both you and your baby. aloha JP

I don't know anything about this method, but I have worked with chldren for 12 years professionallly in my practice of speech therapy. My husband and I are raising 6 year old boy/girl twins. Maybe we were really lucky, but we didn't have a lot of trouble with them as infants and crying. Babies cry for a reason, hunger, pain, needing comfort. I didn't read up on what I should do or ask too many people. Just repond to what your gut is telling you to do for them, which is usually to hold them. When they cried, we went in and picked them up and sometimes just talked to them, while rubbing their hands, cheek or back, etc. We didn't run in and get overly anxious. Be calm, respond to what you think they need, lots of hugs, millions and millions of kisses, talk to them, read to them, hold them. Most of the time this works, if it isn't, they probably need to see the doctor.

We have tried that method with our now 4 yr. old daughter and once with our 2 1/2 mo. old son. We did not get good results (I'm kind of a wimp and can't stand to let my children cry that long). I can't remember how long or how often we tried it with our daughter, but with our son, we left him cry for an hour and it was heartwrenching! We discovered this book that is amazing. It's called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and it's by Dr. Karp. It's absolutely amazing and it's helped us put our kids to bed and get them to sleep longer (also teaches how to calm the crying). Our daughter slept through the night by 3 mo. old and our 2 1/2 month old son now goes to bed at 9:00, gets us once a night around 2:30-3:00 and then goes back to sleep until 6:30. I swear by this book. I buy this book and a 'swaddleme'(a great, stay-put swaddler-you can find it at babies-r-us) for all of my pregnant friends. Hope this helps!

I can't give you negative feedback from personal experience since I did not let either one of my kids cry it out. I'm glad you are doing your homework first. In the end we have to do what is best for our family but in my opinion, I would not use the cry it out method.

Best wishes to you,
M.

As a therapist, I say DON'T do Ferber. It teaches babies that their needs will not be met. Remember how important it is to be consistent with meeting needs..esp. the first three years. My husband and I tried Ferber for about five minutes. We switched to spending time soothing and leaving until our son went to sleep. THe objective is for your baby to learn to self-soothe. Music is good. Our now seventeen year old learned to comfort and soothe, but it took work on our part. Ferber, in my mind, was designed for the parent who has to get to work in the morning. Parenting takes time. Children shouldn't be rushed. Trust your instincts....

It is my advice o follow your instincts. The ferber method might actually work, but my opinion is that it is not healthy emotionally.

A baby only cries if there is something wrong or when he needs something. This is his only method of communication and YOU are his most valuable and trusted resource, since he can't do it on his own, he depends on you.
Now, I'm not saying you should hold your baby every time he cries, but he does need to learn that he can trust you. This is a big, scary world and he needs to know you will be there when he needs you.

In my experience, babies that got the attention when they needed it had much better self confidence and usually do not form self-soothing habits such as needing a safety blanket or hooked on binkies.

YOU are his mommy and there may be times when you do need to let him cry, as long as you know the boundaries and the difference between his needy cries and tantrums (when they start) you will be just fine. Only you can create the proper method for your baby. When you have another, your method could change since all babies are different.

We were created with instincts for a reason, USE THEM and you'll do just fine. Good luck, mommy!