Feeling So Lazy

You're not alone! Believe it! I have 2. A 6yo boy and a 15mo boy. I home school my oldest and I can't get much help from DH because he's working 9 hour shifts every day with 1 1/2 hours of commuting at each end so by the time he gets home it's dinner, chores and bills and bed. I feel pretty alone and overwhelmed sometimes. Trying to juggle teaching my oldest with all of the care and nurturing a little toddler needs along with the housework and my older son's activities can be quite exhausting. Here's what helps. My DH used to work 8 hour shifts (plus commute) 5 days a week. He has since changed his schedule to a CWS (compressed work schedule) where he works 9 hour shifts and has every other Friday off. I find that this helps enormously. Just knowing that we get a three day weekend every other week keeps me going. I know that I will have roughly two weekends a month with a little more time built in and a little more help available with the kids. So I schedule the serious chores (toilet scrubbing, window washing, appliance cleaning, floor polishing etc.) for those weekends. That way I feel like I still get some of my weekend to relax. The Hubs is pretty good about wrangling the kids for me on those weekends so I feel like I can catch up and get some breathing room.

Anyways, enough about me. My point was that maybe your hubby could work something like this out, and if not, recruit your daughters for baby help. Your 13yo especially should be helping out. There is nothing wrong with requiring her to pitch in with her little brother. And your 10yo can pitch in too, but mostly with chores I would say.

Hope this helps you gain a little perspective. Get those girls to work! :)

K. you are not lazy. I am a single mother of a 17yr old and just this year stop being a taxi. She is very active and yes I felt like you on many days not to mention I work full and part-time. I will suggest that you take aleast one day even if it is for a couple of hours to yourself you need it and deserve it. Dealing with teenage girls can be a hand full. Things will get better...hang in there.

First things first....YOU ARE NOT LAZY! Of course you are tired lady! Hello....after reading what you wrote, I AM TIRED NOW. LOL

I hope you are taking a GOOD whole food supplement. This makes a HUGE difference in the amount of energy we have. My back ground is in medicine and I didn't think vitamins and stuff made a difference. Boy was I wrong!

Please know that you have to focus on yourself everyday. You have to give yourself 'me time'. You are so important in this whole equation. Without you, how would everybody get and get to what they want/need? Give yourself permission to relax and rest at the end of the day. Don't look at it as lazy look at it as recharging your battery time.

You're a good mom K.! Those kids are lucky to have you lady. Keep up the good work and keep in touch.

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 13, 8 & 2 yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. I love to help other moms, who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal!

Hi K.,
You don't sound lazy, just understandably worn out!! You should go see your doc and get checked out, BP, iron, thyroid, etc. Also, YES you can totally have post partum depression a year later!! Go tell a good doc everything. Hang in there and good luck!
S.

K.,
I am right there with you! Yes, you could still have post pardum after a year, I finally admitted after my 3.5 year old was born that something was not right and spoke with my ob/gyn and have been on meds since then. I have days that it takes everything I have to get out of bed and do the motherly duties. I have 5, they are 10, 6, 5, 3.5, and 18 months. So, no, you are not alone, being a mom is very draining and to add post pardum on top of it is even more draining. I have found that if I get out of the house even one morning a week I seem to be better as far as the energy goes. You may also want to have you iron levels checked, if they are to low thi will drain you as well as everythig else. You may want to find a mom's group even 2 dys a month just to get out of the house and intersct with other adults and it will be good for your little one as well. Good luck and enjoy the holidays!

OK, first and foremost, let's take the word "lazy" out of you vocabulary, as it relates to YOU. I think you summed up your problem in your description of yourself: 39, work part time, active kids, absent husband. I get tired just thinking about that! You have to cut yourself a little slack. You have taken on a lot and if you didn't feel tired there would be something wrong with you! I think it's time for the girls to step up and help you a bit more than they are doing. They are old enough to help with cleaning, getting dinner ready and on the table, and occasionally watching the baby for a few minutes while you do something (like shower or lie down for a short nap). If you make them feel like part of a team instead of like they are being punished, I bet they will do it if not happily then at least with good grace. In the meantime, please be honest with your husband about how you feel and ask him to help you think of ways to make the situation better -- he is part of the team, too. Good luck, these days shall pass.

I agree with the first response - not lazy, just overworked! Take some time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it - that's our number 1 problem as moms I think - you get some free time and you feel guilty if you don't spend it with your family...so even though you hardly see your husband, let him spend some one on 3 time with the kids and give yourself a break. I started going to Bunko group in my neighborhood - a great idea for housewives to get out and spend time with other women/adults and still be near to the family (or any other activity you may find fun)....taking time out for yourself is actually a good thing - even though you will feel selfish - it is actually FOR your family because you will come back refreshed and actually be a better mom for it. Also - it's a good idea to stop catering to every activity that the girls have....structure, structure, structure I say at home...if the girls are complaining about drama, then don't get too emotionally involved. Tell the girls to work it our themselves - or go to their room and cool down...and then grab a hot tea and breathe! And instead of driving them around everywhere, pare down their schedules and let them choose what is most important to them - they may be as overworked as you are with so many activities and so much homework, which makes them tired and stressed out, hence creating more drama. Also - you didn't mention what the bedtimes were, but it wouldn't hurt to have 'quiet time' at night. My kids get rowdy at night and after showers are banned to their rooms...they can read, etc and calm down before bedtime, and that gives me and their dad a chance to unwind and chill out downstairs before going to bed. Having a 1 year old makes your hands full, but add to it two older girls, and you have a right to be drained!

Yes- you can have postpartum depression a year later but the symptoms are pretty specific.

Go to www.webmd.com or another trusted site and look for symptoms of PPD (post partum depression.)

If any fit, speak to your OBGYN about it as soon as possible. You may also have a light depression that can be helped with light meds to get out of the doldrums.
And though it seems the antithesis of what you can do right now, if you can fit in 30 minutes a day of exercise- whether at a gym or a good 30 minute BRISK walk or light jog (especially with the one year old in a stroller) the endorphins released give you energy and a lift of the depression. It also gives you some nice time with the one year old outside in nature and learning about things he sees.

I know u feel like you don;t have the energy for it, but lethargy breeds more lethargy. Try the 30 minutes a day for two weeks- just give yourself that small goal- maybe 30 minutes before or after your son eats breakfast or any 30 minute segment you can fit in at a gym or outside fast-walk.
Being outside also gives a new perspective and though it's cold, it will help you walk faster.
You and your kids deserve you to be happy and energetic.

Being a mom is hard! Yes, you can still have post partum a year after the birth. How are you sleeping? Have you had your iron checked? I recently found out that I am incredibly anemic and am now taking 650 mg of iron a day. Before that I thought I was sleeping well, but I couldn't get going during the day, I yawned ALL the time, I would be falling asleep just about every time I sat down, my hands and feet are always cold. The iron has made a difference. After the birth of my son 10 years ago, I found out I am hypothyroid, which can cause a lot of the feelings your are having now too. I guess what I am saying is, have you been checked out by your doctor to rule out the easy stuff first? It might be worth seeing him. Let me know how it goes, sometimes just having a sounding board makes a huge difference.
Wendy

Lazy? Are you kidding me? You are a mother of three children who has husband who travels! You have the right to be tired! I'm tired just thinking about your schedule. And you work part-time? Try this: schedule quiet time for 1 hr. daily. The teens can stay awake, but they must be in their own rooms, reading, knitting, drawing, listening to music. No computers or TVs going. If this is not manageable and you work part-time, try finding the time while they are away. I know what you've been doing. Being supermommy. Paying bills, cleaning, cooking, etc. while they're gone. Then, it's time to pick up 1 year old... This is typical. But you must have time to replenish your mind, body and spirit. You cannot give out of what you do not have, and you are depleted with the schedule you're maintaining. Try resting daily one hour when the kids are away. Make sure you're taking a multivitamin. Make sure you're drinking water, and get your iron levels tested to make sure you don't have anemia. Get to bed consistently at 8:30 or 9 and try to take one day a week when you do absolutely nothing but play with your children. I try to make that on Sunday after church. Only housework I try to do is cook, and I'm trying to get to a place when I cook on Saturday and they can all heat up their food Sunday. Take care of yourself so you can continue taking care of your family. P.S. Don't forget to delegate as much as possible to all of your children. Your 1-year-old can even play with blocks and chewable books quietly alone in your presence. The family has to function as a unit if Dad is away often. Go team!

It sounds like you're a good mom, who desperately needs a break - before 6:00 p.m. Perhaps there is another mom who can watch your son for an hour in the morning while you have a cup of coffee or get your nails done, and you can recipricate the offer another time. And perhaps a day off (or few hours) when your husband is home might help too.

You are not alone and you are not lazy, what you are is EXHAUSTED!!!!

My DH was traveling a lot for work too, and being a single parent is just mentally and physically exhausting (I have all the respect in the world for folks who pull it off 24/7/365, but it is definitely not for me.)

I don't have the solution, but I have some ideas that helped me:

See if you can get some recharge time when Dad is in town - leave him with the kids and get away for the day (or overnight!)

In the short term, explore getting a mother's helper/sitter to help with your littlest one - I hired in my neighbor's tween to play with and keep an eye on my little ones so that I could get some other stuff done at the same time. The first time she came over I used the time to take a shower!! (My youngest was only 4 months old at the time.)

See if DH work schedule can change (might not be an option, but can't hurt to talk about it, right?) My DH ended up changing jobs so as to be local more often. Not just for my sake, but also because he was missing out on our kids' growing up, and that's not the kind of father he wants to be.

Another thought, which may not be so popular at home - cut out some of the kids' activities. Chauffering them from one place to another is a drain on you, and I'm sure your one-year-old wouldn't mind spending less time being schlepped around either.

Basically, you need to re-focus some priority on yourself and keeping yourself healthy. If you are in a constant state of exhaustion you are more prone to illness and to injuries (of yourself and others.)

Not an easy path, but I hope you find a good one for yourself. Good luck!

No, you are not lazy, BUT, you might want to get some blood work done and see if you are having thyroid problems or something of the sort. It could be the cause of what you are feeling. It could also be postpartum depression and you should definitely talk to your doctor about that. Do you exercise at all? It might actually help. It's hard to get started, but once you do, you will feel so great. But definitely get checked out by a doctor and talk about the possibility of postpartum depression. Most gyms have child care available while you exercise. Or even a 10 minutes walk with your kid in the stroller a day might actually make a world of difference. The big thing is to get started. But you are not LAZY.

WOW K., you do more than I do and I'm a SAHM of a 2 and 4 year old. If I'm aloud to take a nap in the middle of the day and have quiet time so are you. Also try seeing if your kid's friends can carpool to the many activities your daughters have. This will help in providing quiet time so you're not so warn out. You're daughters are old enough now that in the evening they can help out with your one year old. I know they have homework, but it shouldn't be that much that once a week they can give your little one a bath so you can have a short break. I'll be praying that you find the time you need to rejuvenate your spirit so you're not so tired.

With a husband gone 4 days a week, and three kids, and a part-time job, you are working several full-time jobs. It is normal to be tired... but to make sure, get a check-up to rule out any depression. You seem like a wonderful mother, caring to your teen-agers and your little one.
Most of us who have gone through this, years ago (in my case), have forgotten how hard it is, only remember the good things. It will happen to you too.
Grandma in Virginia

Hi!

Just a note - you may want to have your doctor check your thyroid, all three levels (TSH, T3, and T4) to ensure you don't have any problems there. I have an almost 1 yr old and noticed that I was dragging, a lot, and sure enough, thyroid was causing issues. Now I'm medicated for it and feel a thousand times better.

Good Luck!
D.

I, too, have 3 fabulous kids. A son, 12, a daughter 10, and a son who's 4. I don't even have the excuse of working part-time and I am always worn out. I'm 44 years old. Maybe we should have had our kids in our 20's.
Seriously, I sleep every chance I get, which I know is not normal. I can really relate to what you are saying about being tierd all of the time.