Feeling Hopless

You know, I am one of those that waits until my child is old enough to understand, closer to 4. By waiting, I feel they learn MUCH quicker. They also don't have a bunch of accidents after accidents as they are learning. Also, not one of my kids has gone off to Kindergarten in diapers either. It's much more pleasant by me waiting. I have no stress and my child has no stress. But this is just my opinion and what works for my house:)

I teach the pottytraining class here:
http://www.inspiredabq.com
Next one isn't until June.

One thing I always say is, "once it becomes a battle, you've already lost." So stop battling and don't even talk about the potty! If you'd like some ideas, you can come to the class and learn from other parents, as well as the various strategies in different books and more.

I have many friends with boys and almost ALL of them did not potty train until 3 1/2 or almost 4!!! You need to take a break and revisit this in a few months. The good news is when they did finally decide to cooperate they almost NEVER had an accident! They just potty trained one day and were done. You are pushing too hard. Every kid is different and if they aren't ready they aren't ready. My girls trained fairly young but that just seems to be the norm from what I have observed with all my friends and mommy's groups. Girls train sooner on average.

I think potty training is to teach the parent that they truly cannot control another human being.

First, he is 2.75 years old. Its drives me nuts when mom's say my 30 month old or 33 month old... That is like me saying 228 month old son...sounds a little silly to me too! Sorry, its a pet peeve of mine and your post is the second one today that had something like this.

Okay, your question, he may not be ready. You might be but it doesn't sound like he is. I bought training pants for my kids. I did not use pull ups. They were too much like diapers. I had him watch his dad and I did potty train standing up. Yikes! Lets just say, I mopped a lot!!! Our problem was the pooping in the potty. He could pee really well, put he was not a fan of pooping in the pot. That took some time!

If you are getting so frustrated, I would put the potty aside and wait a month or so and see how it goes. I don't envy you! Potty training was the pits!

You wrote "He absolutely wants nothing to do with potty training" There's your answer. Back off for a month, then try again.
The book "Once Upon A Potty" (boy version) is very good once he's ready!

Don't feel hopeless, he's just not ready yet! I'm not sure how old 33 months is (I don't have time for the math), but he's just not there yet, which is perfectly okay. He will get it in time, but don't push him if he's not ready yet..it will only cause you more frustration.

First- sit down, breathe. You are doing just fine.

Second- your son is not ready. If he has no interest in using the toilet, then I can tell you he's not going to use the toilet. Grab some Pull-Ups and let him be for a couple of months.

My son was 4 YO before he was completely potty-trained. He's 4 1/2 (so yeah, I've only had about 6 months of bliss! LOL) and he still has an accident here or there... but when he decided he wanted to wear the big boy underwear and use the toilet then that's when there was success... a lot of success.

I read in another post that you are being pressured by friends and family to potty train your son. Well, (nicely) tell them to back that truck up. Comparing you and your son to a friend or family member and their son gets you NOWHERE... except driving you to be frustrated to the point of tears. And more often than not, you compare your beginning to their end result. You are not them, they are not you, your family life is different than theirs, so why wouldn't the potty-training experience and timeline be different? Let your son have his successes when he's ready... you'll be much happier.

He is not ready.
I have 2 boys ~ one trained at 2.5 and the other not until 3.5 Each child is different and when he's ready it won't take long at all! Don't stress and don't pressure him.

Bottom line, hes not ready. He will get it soon enough. Stop stressing over it, it wont help.

Don't stress him if he's not ready! Boys take longer and each child is different anyways. If you make him "hate" or fear the potty time, then it can only backfire, he could start to hold poop, for example, which will impact on him for all of his life. It's ok to gently guide him toward potty training but at the child's pace, not with a timer! Let him off the hook for a while (a month or so) and then gently re-introduce the potty training by using the (real) potty instead of the chair. Don't let your frustration overwhelm you, this is an important milestone for your child, sure, but it's not (and should not be) something you force on him. As you can see I am very much against the manicheist approach to children: no book, or doctor, or method can tell a mom when her child is ready for something. Have you ever seen a first grader with a diaper, anyway? Give him his time, respect his developmental pace, it'll be ok.

You're pushing too hard and letting your family dictate how this happens. Just let him be. If he has a very independent nature and, worse, if he's smart, you are just going to have a fight on your hands. Lots of boys train after they turn 3. It's not the end of the world. My son just didn't want to do it. He wasn't afraid of it. He understood what was supposed to happen. He had control over his bladder. He just didn't want the potty. When I let it go and left it up to him and told him I wouldn't be mad, he made his own decision to go on the potty within 2 days and never had an accident.

And if you're frustrated to the point of tears, imagine how your son is feeling at 33 months!

I trained my first in one day at the age of 2. The rest took a little longer, but not much. I used the principals I found in "Potty Training in Less Than a Day." I followed that book exactly, and it worked for us. Praise & rewards (nibbles your child likes), no timer! So, I'd suggest that book if you haven't read it already.

Y., I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! Ok...You're doing ok, really! He is probably old enough, he just needs to find the right motivation! I agree with the others saying "stop" for a bit. There are a couple things you can do. Try him standing and peeing. there are a number of companies that make "potty" targets to put in the toilet for them to aim at. Or, star charts, skittles, time with dad rough housing, etc for rewards. All four of my boys were different, and my daughter was more difficult than all the boys! We used a great book called "toilet training in under a day" where the kids teach a doll what to do, and then do it themselves.
a wise woman once told me, "relax, they won't need potty training, or a pacifier when they leave for college!"
Best wishes!

He is not ready. I did serious training with my son a couple of months after he turned 3 (so 5 months difference in how old your son is now). Easy peasy. My daughter who is 20 months is showing signs of readiness, but I have no interest in training her right now! LOL! I'm just going to wait so that it will be easier for both of us!

Okay I just wanted to chime in with all the others who have said take a break--he's not ready yet. There is no magic age at which all children must be potty-trained. He understands what you want and what he eventually must do, but he's not there yet. If you stop stressing about it now, he may surprise you in a few months and suddenly tell you out of the blue that he's ready for big-boy underwear. That's pretty much what happened with all 3 of mine! I stressed so much with my oldest, and finally gave up when she was 2 1/2. Three months later, when her little sister was 2 months old, we were playing on the living room floor and she got up and said 'I have to go potty' and off she went to the bathroom. My husband and I were astonished--we literally hadn't mentioned the potty for 3 months. I asked her if she wanted to wear panties instead of diapers and she said yes and never looked back. It was just that easy! So chill out, chances are very good that he will let you know when he is ready, and very slim that he will be ready on your timetable. :-)

Well... being that it's the 3rd attempt, and he is a smart little boy, he knows that if he cries, mama might give in and not make him do it. Am I right? :) I'm not really of the school that says waiting until a child is 4 is the way to go (they have man-sized poops by then, and I'm a squeamish girl... more power to the mamas that can handle that, but I sure can't). So... I would say to him, "Look, kiddo. The diapers are going to go away. We could do it today, or we could do it Saturday. Which would you rather have it be?" I will tell you that both of my girls did the same thing your son is doing - cried, whined, asked for their diapers back, threw fits. By the middle of day 2, I'd be thinking, dear lord, why am I doing this to myself?! And then I'd think about the man-sized poops, and find the wherewithal to keep going.

One suggestion I have - overall, I think your method will work - is to have him run around naked from the waist down. The underwear may not be helping your cause right now. If he pees on the floor, so be it, clean it up and move on - help him make it to the potty the next time. Keep it positive, celebrate his success, and don't make a big deal of the mistakes.

Hang in there. Nobody ever went to college in Huggies. :)

I didn't start potty training my boys til they were ready, around 3 years old. I probably could have tried sooner but since they weren't going to preschool, I decided to save myself the grief and go with the flow. It sounds like YOU are ready to have him potty trained but maybe he is not. Go ahead and let him sit on the potty chair if he is willing, just so he is familiar with it. Then if he happens to tinkle, make a fuss over him and give him a prize. Life is short, your son will get the hang of this eventually. He won't be wearing diapers when he's a teenager.

You can go militant on him. If you can tell that he has to "produce" then sit him on the toilet and don't let him off until he does his business. Give him a book, sing him a song, turn on the radio, let him play with a couple of action figures to keep him busy. But don't let him off the toilet when you know he has to go.

If he has honest to goodness accidents, don't make a huge deal out of it and don't shame him, but make him clean up after himself. That means let him take off his own soiled clothes and put them in a hamper or the washing machine every time. Make him bathe every time. Make him dress himself afterward.

He'll start to get the idea that if he uses the toilet rather than use it as a power struggle, he'll have more time to play. You don't have to leave it all up to him. He's ready, as he's showing all the signs. It's just that final "I'm going to be the one that wins" thing going on.

What I found is that with my strong willed child, when I really tried to push the potty training she resisted. So I stopped trying to make it happen and decided to let her express interest on her own timing. She was past 36 months before this happen, but potty trained by 3.5. I never did understand the need to rush on the potty training. Taking a kid to the bathroom in a public restroom is a major pain compared to diapering.

What the other posters said. He's not ready, so stop pushing for it to happen. Mine didn't potty train fully till he was a little over 3. Let him get interested, go to the bathroom when you and your husband do, see what's going on, etc. Make sure he wears pull-ups during the day so he can get the pants off/on action down cold.

If family is bugging you about it, tell them all kids are different and he will be trained when both of you are ready. It's none of their business and they need to back off.

Good luck!

I would take a break for a bit. I dont know if i just got lucky with what i tried but it worked and i say its worth a try for you to. My son would poop on the potty but not pee very often at all and he hated underwear!! He would freak out if we even brought the underwear out of the drawer. I was very worried that we would never get him in them. LOL. Anyways a few months before he turned 3 i started telling him that he is a big boy now. saying "you are going to be 3 years old, and 3 year olds wear underwear not diapers anymore." I made it exciting and fun for him and talked about it a lot over those 3 months. He understood going potty just didnt like the underwear. I would ask him what happens when you turn 3 and he would say im going to wear underwear, etc. It was a fun thing for him. I did not expect him to be potty trained right away and i never thought he would be wearing underwear for a long time but ya know what. The day after we celebrated his 3rd birthday he asked for underwear and has been in them ever since with only a couple accidents during nap time!! I could not believe it. I would say its worth a try but dont constantly push him to go. He will go when he is ready. You will wake up one day and he will want to go. Good luck, it will happen!

3daypottytraining.com
Best out there!! Worth the $! I was asking her questions for weeks after and she always responded promptly. Highly recommend!

He is clearly not ready. He will let you know when he is ready with his actions and behaviors. Put a diaper back on him and try again in a few months. My exerience was the more I pushed, the more they pushed back saying no (twins) .As soon as I backed off and allowed them to do it when they were ready, they did. Try again in a few months. Good luck.

Updated

He is clearly not ready. He will let you know when he is ready with his actions and behaviors. Put a diaper back on him and try again in a few months. My exerience was the more I pushed, the more they pushed back saying no (twins) .As soon as I backed off and allowed them to do it when they were ready, they did. Try again in a few months. Good luck.

Have you tried rewards? Download a potty training sticker chart for free online and give him a sticker every time he uses the potty. Treats. When he has an accident, scoop him up and put him on the potty, to remind him where he needs to try going. My son had accidents up until a few month past the age of 3.

And I personally would get rid of the timer, how frustrating for both you and your son. Let him just tell you when he needs to go, he may start by only going once a day but it'll increase over time. A friend of mine uses a timer and it makes her son so angry when he has to sit for a certain time limit, it ends up leading to more problems for her.

Don't stress, he'll get it soon enough!

I agree. Just back off awhile. Invite a "friend" over who is potty trained or let him watch a slightly older cousin. Peer pressure is POWERFUL!!

Maybe running water or cold washcloth rubbed on his legs.

Does he watch you and daddy pee? That is a great place to start or have an older sibling/cousin show him.

Get a Doll and make a big deal about the doll peeing. You can just hold a sponge behind the doll and squeeze it to make it come out.

I don't think forcing him to sit for 5 mins would work But i Love that you set the timer and every 10 mins he tried. Spend a whole day and just give him all the liquid he can hold, i would even offer weak Koolaid or something as a treat just for potty training.

Try a bottle of bubbles, if he is distracted by blowing the bubbles as you sit next to him. he might release his muscles and pee with out thinking about it.

If all else fails, when it's warm run him around your yard naked.

He's not ready. You are, but he's not. I'd give it another 3-4 months and then try again.

He's not even 3 yet. Relax!
He WILL do it when he is ready.
You can't force this issue, you'll only drive yourself crazy.
So, stop trying.
My son will be 4 in June, and he's only just gotten it (during the day, we're still in diapers at night) in the last month or two. For boys, especially, that's pretty common.

Be patient with him, and just be consistent. Instead of forcing him to sit on the potty, just take him in with you and show him what you're doing. Otherwise, you're just going to make it a bad experience for him, and you'll prolong the issue.

Okay. Here is what you need to do:

Go to the dollar store or something. Buy 6 or 8 cheap plastic toys (all different).

Put one of these toys on a high shelf, where your son can see it but not reach it.

When he asks for it, say, very lightly and cheerfully, "Oh yes, that's the toy I bought you for when you go potty." If he says he wants it right away, just continue to keep it light and friendly, "Well, it's a potty toy. So as soon as you go, it's all yours." Do NOT take a grand, important tone about it (e.g., "You can ONLY have this if you use the potty"). The point is to make the reward seem big and the task seem small.

If the toy is appealing enough, he'll get over his potty resistance. As soon as he "produces" anything, he gets the toy right away. And when that happens, another toy, up on the shelf.

The point is to rewire his attitude toward the potty, and honestly, that takes bribery. Once he's had a series of successes, you can start ratcheting down the rewards -- a skittle, an m&m, then maybe a grape. He'll be trained w/in a month.

You are doing everything correct but stop. Start it again in 2 and a half months. Trust me it will work easily then. and forget the potty, sit him on the real toilet.

Every 10 minutes is pretty excessive. The more you fight him, the more resistant he will become if it's such a negative experience. Try a reward chart, stickers or stamps, put the colorful potty training floaties in the water so he can pee on them... We gave our kids a few m&m's every time they went potty, and something a little bigger each time they went poop (like a toy race car or something). I also waited until my kids were a little older (around 3) and ready so I wouldn't be struggling with them. It sounds like your son just isn't ready yet, so maybe back off from training for a few months. I hear girls usually potty train younger.

*also, I agree with Stacey, you can start counting the years now and not referring only to his monthly age:)