Feeling Guilty for Getting a Kid in Trouble

I agree you did the right thing.

This falls to the 'better safe than sorry' mindframe.

If it had been a dartboard game or such I probably would have said that you were overreacting. Think of the various classic movies where a group of employees don't like their boss or another employee and they put a pic of the person up on the dartboard and toss darts at it.

Since it was a game using a gun, no, I don't think you overreacted. You made the counselor aware of a potential trigger in a very hot, sensitive topic.

At the very least, the school now knows that this app is out there and can have it blocked from their network and the school iPads.

You did the right thing.

I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I need speak to a teacher or counselor about something my son has said and NEVER tell my son I did. I also ask thet they never tell my son.These are adult conversations that have consequences that they can't possibly foresee. They are just embarrassed or fearful.

Thank you for being brave and doing the right thing.

You did the right thing.

I'm a middle school counselor (7/8) we know how to handle these things. This is exactly what we are on campus for. You called the right person- counselors are not the disciplinarians of the school. We work with kids, all kids, especially the ones that are troubled and getting into trouble. We work with them, not punish them. The counselor will know the whole story- whether this is strike 3 (4,5,6) and its time for him to see the principal and get some privilege taken away or something, or whether its something just a talking-to and closer monitoring and counseling will solve. Or some major intervention because this is one of a bunch of other worrisome events. The counselor will know.

You don't have to tell your daughter you told. I would say its better not to, then if he gets spoken to and confronts your daughter about reporting him, she can honestly say "huh? I don't know what you are talking about, somebody else must have seen you". Of course if your daughter asks, I wouldn't lie to her. I just wouldn't go out of my way to tell her. I like what Hazel said, about what to tell her if she asks why you called.

Don't feel bad. Be assured that you told the person at school who has the bigger picture of what to do with this kid and will take the right approach.

I think you did do what you could do: speak out, out of a very real concern for his welfare.

Most counselors are more nuanced than to just call the child in and say "so and so said you did such and such". Likely, he's not going to be punished for this. However, it is a good indicator to a counselor that this child's 'troubles' are causing him to do things which feel creepy or upsetting or threatening to peers. The fact that you addressed it to the counselor instead of demanding the teacher put a stop to it tells me (and likely the counselor) that you aren't trying to get him into trouble, but are concerned for the boy. Just as the counselor did not discuss the boy's situation with you, it's very unlikely that your daughter's name will come up. Usually, as I said, a counselor is going to be more nuanced than that in asking questions and trying to open him up.

For what it's worth, maybe he did what he did with the bulleye app for attention because he really does need help and just doesn't know how to ask or what sort of resources are out there. Most kids don't really *know* how to ask for help. I think what you did was fine. And no, I wouldn't mention it to your daughter, either. If she does mention it directly, you can say that you spoke to the school counselor, because it seems like this boy needs some more people on his side and for no other reason, other than you were concerned about him. Kids do have to learn the lesson--- sometimes, it's hard to speak up, but it can be helpful if a person isn't doing well and needs more help than we alone can give. Good luck.

Your daughter told you because it upset her. Yes, you did the right thing. Why in the world would you feel guilty or bad about telling the counselor about what he did? It was despicable what he did. DESPICABLE. As far as I'm concerned, he shouldn't be allowed to use his iPad for pleasure at school ever again.

Who CARES if he "figures out" who told? He owes your daughter an apology. He should be held to some serious consequences. What he did amounts to a couple of things that make me very uncomfortable: taking her photo without permission; putting her face in a freaking bulls eye; "play" shooting at her FACE in a so-called game? Play killing your daughter? I don't effing think so.

As I said: despicable. If I were you I would have e-mailed the teacher and CC'ed the principal, vice principal, school psychologist, and school counselor in on it. That way if one of them dropped the ball there would still be several other school staff involved that would be able to handle it as a team.

I think you did the right thing, but I would have told my kid first that I was going to do it. Just as a heads up so if she was confronted at school, she would be ready for a response to him or a teacher/councelor. I don't think taking her pic was a big deal, but making it into a bullseye and shooting it, uh, yeah, big deal about that. Good job, I would have done the same. =)

You did the RIGHT thing. Don't feel bad at all. The teacher needs to know what's going on and if kids can't use technology responsibly, maybe they shouldn't have so much access to it.

I'm glad you told on him for doing that, it's not allowed in our schools.

Considering our day and time, I believe you did the right thing.

Yes, you did the right thing...and let your daughter know, just as a heads up...And I hope he gets whatever help he needs

Oh, man, that's tough! First, I think you did the right thing in reporting this. I'm not sure I would care if someone used my face for target practice on an iPad, but the fact that it gave you chills is reason enough for YOU to report it.

I might have talked to my daughter first, though. Explained WHY I was calling the counselor, and that I would do my best to make sure she was left out of it. Little moments like that might help her know what to do in a similar situation in the future. As it is, you still might want to talk to her, even after the fact, and explain your reasoning, and get her take on it. She might agree with you!

You certainly did the right thing. Given the climate in the world today, do not feel guilty. I would have gone nuts. I hope this boy gets the help he needs.

I would have reported the photo being taken just because he took the photo. i dont want any images of our kids getting in the wrong hands and some perve looking at my kids. or any kids for that matter. i would be bothered and wonder if the other kid was going to post the photo on fb. idk if they can do this from a ipad or not??

yes you did do the right thing. no you dont tell your daughter until your daughter asks. you do the right things all the time and dont have to report back to her. your the adult. its all good.

oh btw the kid got himself in trouble.!

I think you did the right thing I guess. I don't know what he could get in trouble for really. Maybe someone will take his ipad and delete the photo. But it is information that the counselor might benefit from whenever he/she is talking with him. I would be surprised if any specific mention of the incident is made to the boy. I would imagine the counselor would just make a note and use it as background stuff.

But I am not a counselor, so I don't know.

I think you did the right thing. I think the fact that you're wondering and second-guessing honestly says really good things about you, but honestly, I think your instincts and judgments were right-on.

This kid is clearly already on the school's radar, and one more report isn't going to bring about a drastic change. For the benefit of all kids, your daughter and every other child in the school, they need to know where his troubled mind is taking him these days.

I would have left it alone. He didn't harm her; he didn't commit any rules violations or law violations.

You seem to know an awful lot about this kid. I assume that your daughter talks about him. You should have used one of those conversations to teach her empathy for this young man. A lost teaching moment!

I think you did the right thing. I absolutely would have done the same.

As long as it does not come back to somehow hurt your daughter, I really think you did the right thing. You have to listen to your little voice.

I think you did the right thing. Not only did her turn your DD into a bullseye, but he is taking pictures of students (sigh, this is one reason I don't like this sort of thing in classrooms) and misusing them. What if instead of using her for target practice, he took her head and photoshopped her onto a naked body and passed that around? You didn't get him into trouble. HE got HIMSELF into trouble. I would give my DD the head's up that you spoke to the counselor (which is different than the principal) and one of the reasons you did is you are concerned about him and his behavior and it is up to the school if they do anything about it.

Sometimes kids will be mad because they don't see the long view. It is our job as parents to go "this isn't right" and do something when necessary.

Rest easy and go to bed with a clear conscience. You did the right thing. The way you describe how you spoke to the counselor just shows your concern. And I highly doubt he will get in trouble for this. The counselor (and school) might just keep a closer eye on him than before, and based on what you've told us, that's probably a good thing. I would have done the same thing.