Feeling Guilty and Sad

Well, you only have this period of time with her once and it doesn't last very long.

If you can tough it out, great. If it's tearing you up that bad, talk to your husband about it. From the sound of your request, the reason you're both working is financial. Maybe the two of you can work out a plan to cut back on unneccessary things so that you can stay home more with her? Cut down your hours at work, if possible?

I'm a stay-at home mom, but I started out working part-time. In my situation we save so much in gas and work clothes and baby care etc. since I'm not working that we're not really any worse off than we were. Maybe your husband can ask for a raise at work? Try to put your bills down in writing and categorize them:
1. not going anywhere: like house, car, insurance, groceries
2. work-related expenses: eating out at lunch, work clothes, daycare, extra gas
3. not necessary: items that aren't needed, hair dye, expensive stylist, frivolous purchases, etc.

If you have a vehicle that you make payments on, see if there's a way you can cut them down or get rid of them completely. Look at what kind of vehicle you drive. Is it expensive to maintain the tires, to gas it up? If so, think about downsizing your vehicle if you're not using it to its potential. Look at what kind of insurance you have for your vehicle(s) see if there are corners you can cut for features you can afford to lose.

No, you may not be "living the good life" for a period of time, but if being with your baby is that important to you, I'm sure you guys can find a way to make it work.

Now that my baby girl Annalise is 10 months old, I wouldn't change a thing about being a stay at home mom. Even if we do have to go without some of those more luxurious things in life.

If you absolutely can't or won't change what you're doing, then you just need to make sure to justify that with yourself in such a way that you won't have regrets about the decision you made. If you're assuming that your husband may not want you to stay at home because he can't, then maybe that's a concern that you should dismiss until he voices it. You may be wrong. He may appreciate you staying at home so you can fill him in on all the exciting things your child accomplished, so you can get pictures or video of some of the most seemingly mundane things to look back on to remember this time in your life. I think if you talk to him about it in a proactive manner and do your homework, he'll be much more receptive to the idea than you think.

My husband, Stewart, has been absolutely supportive of me staying at home. Occasionally I'll have a moment of thinking I should be bringing home at least some bacon, not feeling that staying at home is helping us out. He talks to me about it and reassures me that for our child this is the best thing I could be doing for her. When she's a little older, we'll put her in daycare so I can go back to work -- once all the really big milestones are passed and her development slows and her need for socialization is stronger.

my new baby is almost 6 months old and i went back to work when she was 5 weeks i felt horrible because i had too leave her so early and i recently felt as if she didnt like me but i got over it because i have to work for my kids dont feel bad and no your not being too emotional you are being a concerned mom, do like i do on my off days i left her stay at home and just spend as much time as you can

M.,

I had to go back to work when my baby girl was 7 weeks old. It was very, very hard for me and my husband to leave her at the daycare all day. I also felt sad and guilty, but just had to keep telling myself that the whole reason for me working is to be able to give her a financially stable future and (hopefully) a good college education. One thing that helped us is that my husband and I both work at the same place, and we found a daycare that was just about 2 miles away, so we have been able to go and spend our lunch hour with her every day. Not only have we gotten to spend that hour with our child, but it always gives us a good insight on how the day care is treating her and we've gotten to know the workers. Now, our daughter is 10 months old and I can clearly see that enjoys being around the other children. She gets excited in the mornings when she realizes that she is 'going bye-bye to the daycare'. Don't get me wrong....it is still very hard to leave her, but I do think that as your child gets older, you will see that it's not as bad as you think and that they can benefit from the other children and develop their social skills. That said, of course in a perfect world if I could, I would quit work in a heartbeat and stay home with her....but don't beat yourself up in the meantime.

Good luck and hang in there!

You are a teacher. Does this mean you have summers off?? That is something to look forward to. Use that time to take pictures, video and don't sweat that fact that you are not there. I know it is tough. I missed the first 8yrs of my sons life and the first 4 of my daughters. I'm doing my best now to make up for it.
It will get better. Just keep her knowing how much you love her.
Jen

M., I know what you are going through as a lot of Mom's do. Let me ask, is there a family member that would watch her for you? If that is an optition then that may make you feel better or even just a baby sitter that you trust? Then she could stay home and you know she is getting that one on one attetion and that may help you some. Hang in there, you are doing a very important job and things will get better!

R. D

I love what Barbara had to say, and I agree! Only you have access to all the data you need to figure this out. Sometimes, though, our bills, responsibilities, and shortcomings feel way bigger than they look when we actually write them down and organize them like she suggested. If it hurts that bad, then would it be better to lower your standard of living to increase time with your daughter? Could you be happy with frills and lots of family time? Could either of you do any of your work from home? What about just lowering the number of hours you work?......
There's so much more that can be changed than we usually think about day to day. Be creative- and RUTHLESS. Radio host Dave Ramsey has at least one book and a daily talk show that offer any number of suggestions. Could you go without eating out- ever! No cable, sell a car, move to acheaper house/apartment?
If it truly is impossible, know you are doing what is absolutely necessary for your family and work twice as hard to change things in your favoe. If you can rearrange things enough to work it out then do it without fear. Your daughter will likely never seriously complain that she didn't have enough stuff, but memories of her family will always be with her.
Good luck!
C.

M.,

You are not alone or selfish. Most mothers feel that way when they drop their children off at daycare. Especially with the first one. All children are special, but with the first baby, you are a new mom and not sure of yourself. You have just given birth to this wonderful being that lived inside of you for 9 months and you talked to him/her, rubbed your belly, felt those kicks and marvelled at the whole experience. You had a wonderful first. You can keep that going. Yes you probably have no choice but to work to help keep the family going but that doesn't mean that you won't have ANY first with her! Anytime you see your daughter doing something new is a first that you can share, even if she did it with someone else before at that babysitters, so what. When she does whatever with you, it is a most special time that you should cherish, and try to take pictures!!!

Oh, don't cut your husband out if he is feeling guilty about having to go to work too. The two of you should be sharing those feelings, trying to work through them and coming up with a solution to make the time you do have with your little girl more special. There are so many ways. I was lucky, I didn't go to work until my daughter was 14 months old, but I cried my heart out when I did. In fact I cried when I got the offer for the job!!! I cried in front of the human resources manager as she gave me the offer!!! I cried all the way home!!! I cried and cried and cried! I have never gotten over leaving my daughter to go to work but with time, it has gotten easier. Oh by the way, my daughter is now 5 1/2. My husband is disabled and when she is not in school she stays at home with him. No matter what it is still rough on me, probably because she is the only one I will ever have. (I have lost a lot of children.)

All I can say is it will get better. It will never be easier but you do what you have to do and you get through it. One of the tricks is to do this all with your husband. Work through it together. You will get through this and be better for it. If I lived near you I would let you cry on my shoulder, however since I am so far away I can only send you my best wishes for a happy life with your little one and prayers to help you through. Don't ever hesitate to write to me if you need a lift.

E.

I went back to work when my son was 3 months old, too. It is hard, but it does get easier. A colleague told me that he read a study that mothers that work only get to spend something like 1 less hour per week of quality time with their child. I think when you work, you really appreciate the time you do get to spend with your child and you make it quality time. Also, think of what a great role model you are and will be for your daughter as a professional working woman. It is a personal choice whether to stay home or work and you have to do what is best for your family -- you shouldn't feel guilty about that. The emotional part of it will get easier (especially when your daughter gets older and will be able to interact with more kids at daycare, which she will enjoy)