Feeling Guilty About Stopping Breastfeeding

Hi B.,
I understand how you feel. I debated over when to stop breast feeding for awhile. My baby was about 3 1/2 months when I determined to switch to bottle feeding. I pumped a bunch and created a stock pile of frozen breast milk and slowly added formula into it until my baby was just getting formula. I was just so tired and I wanted my body back. My pediatrician (who has 5 kids of her own) helped me feel better when she told me the minute breast feeding starts to be something you dislike instead of love, it's time to switch. I was worried that I was going to miss the bond of breast feeding and that the continued nutrition from my milk was important in the end I didn't feel like I was missing out at all. My guy is now 2 1/2 and couldn't be better. Hope this is helpful. -Beth

How will you feel when you look back?
Upset you quit or resentful that you didn't? From someone who breastfed a long time, remember that this too shall pass. They grow up quick. Either way it will go by quickly.And remember, when Mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Do what's best for you and the rest will work out.
J.

I know how hard it can be to bring a low milk supply back up, but please don't give up! Breastfeding is worth it and it will get eaier, it really will! Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry! I also am big into breastfeeding, so I would also feel horrible if that happened to me.

Just a couple of thoughts:

Stress can reduce your milk supply. Do you really have to work full time? You have a wonderful supportive hubby, maybe there's something you can work out so you can drop down to part-time. That would drop the stress levels and provide you with more time to nurse, which of course you know stimulates milk production.

If you can't bring back your milk supply and ultimately you have to switch to formula, then that is something you just need to adjust to. You need to let go of the guilt.

I know you know all about the benefits of breastfeeding and why it's superior, but you can't let that make you feel such guilt. A stressed out and unhappy mommy is not a blessing to a baby. Do what you can. You love your baby and you will do the best you can for her. A formula fed baby is still a happy and loved baby! A formula fed baby is better than a hungry baby!

Recognize all that you do for her. You feed her, you rock her, you love her, you soothe her, you take care of her every need and pour everything you have into being her mother. That is what is important. Focus on that.

Also, do not let other people make you feel guilty. Well-meaning people who love you and love your baby will give you tons of advice that may make you feel worse. Don't let that drag you down. Having a MIL who is a lactation consultant could be both a blessing and a curse. You need to do what's best for you, regardless of other people's opinions.

Good luck!

Don't feel guilty! I can't breastfeed (worked with the best lactation specialists around, my body can't do it), neither can my sister. Our children are healthy, strong, and very loved. My twins were two months early, yet at five months my son is already the size of a normal five month old baby and my daughter isn't far behind. They don't get sick, they sleep through the night, and are very amiable, happy babies. I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how you feed your baby - it matters that you love, nurture, and care for your baby. You do what is right for you and your family and ignore what everyone else says. You'd be surprised how many women bottle feed their children. Just look at how much formula the stores keep on their shelves and it'll become obvious that there are a lot of us out there.

First of all, you sound like a wonderful mother. More mothers than you think have had breastfeeding issues.I have 4 children and my milk supply has dropped around 3-4 months with each one of them. With my first daughter, we were both back in the hospital because of lactating issues. I felt very sad and guilty that she was on a bottle at week 2 of her life and formula at month 3.(I was pumping for the first few months). Well, she is seriously so bright and smart now (at 8) that I feel so silly now looking back on how bent out of shape I was on the topic. I was so worried that I wasn't giving her all the nutrition she needed and wouldn't be as smart as breastfed babies. Well, she is more than fine-She was reading chapter books before Kindergarten! And children #2-4 were bottle fed/formula fed too around 3 months and I didn't let it bother me one bit. You have to do what works for you and your baby. Not everyone can breastfeed and that is totally OK. Babies turn out just as wonderful on bottles. We live in a fantastic day and age that formula is almost like breast milk. Don't forget that bonding can happen when bottle feedng too. Best of luck! Don't worry! It will all work out! The only thing your baby needs from you right now is love and nourishment-both things you are capable of no matter what happens with breastfeeding. It is better to enjoy the time with her (stress free). You will make it through!

It is okay. Hey, most of us in our generation weren't breast fed as our mothers weren't ecouraged and we are just fine. I understand how you feel as I was just struggling with my second. He nursed fine but it just wasn't "fun' anymore. I pushed until 6 months but then gave it up. He is just fine one way or the other. So the best I can say is just let it go and focus on what is wonderful about your job and little one.

I know exactly how you feel! I have a 4 mo old baby girl and society makes you feel like the worst parent in the world for not continuing to breast feed! I had the same issue when I went back to work with my milk supply going down drastically. I switched my baby to formula quite reluctantly and with a lot of guilt, but she's still happy and healthy and the doctor told us if there was a time to wean this would be the time (summer time) because it's not flu season or anything like that. Don't stress yourself anymore! Make the switch and embrace it! :) Only YOU know what's best for YOU and YOUR baby.

I wasn't going to respond because so many others have given great advice but I wanted to say two things:

First.. . why do you think your supply has gone down? Most babies have a growth spurt around 3mo. and nurse more often. I'm always amazed at breast's ability to adjust to what the baby needs. But, if you start supplementing your supply will go down because your breast won't think it's needed anymore. I'm a little saddened by all these women who totally quit at 3mo because they didn't have the support/information/love from experienced/knowledgeable breast feeders (like La Leche). (Also, pumping is not a great gauge of how much milk you're making - your baby has the perfect means for extracting milk and no pump can match it!)

Secondly. . . breast feeding is not an all or nothing proposition. "Weaning" is the PROCESS of substituting other nutrition and care for breastfeeding. You do it when you start solids & water & reading books & more hugs & kisses. None of this means that you can't still breast feed once a day or five times a day (or night if you're working). Even long term nursers started the weaning process when they started solids etc. if they didn't completely wean until much later.

oops Third. . . bf is more than just nutrition (i'm not saying this as a guilt thing) it is caring & closeness & love. While there is lots of info out there how you can "replace" the nutritional value of nursing ONLY YOU know how to best substitute the love and caring for your daughter which is obvious that you have. And you can do it!

Kudo's to you for making it this far. I experienced the same issue after returning to work, and understand your frustration and sadness. The majority of my friends nursed a significantly shorter time with thier second children and were unable to keep up nursing after they returned to work as well.

The good news- you've done your best. Now your body is taking over, and your stress and guilt surrounding this situation isn't going to bring your milk back, it's just going to exhaust you further.

Working women do the best we can, but our bodies and the demands of working in a man's world that doesn't allow for or have much tolerance about lactation issues in the workplace limit our ability.

Yes, breastfeeding is best, and you've given your child 3.5 months of this. Congratuations to you. Your body is telling you to refocus your positive energy back on your children.

Hi B.,

I understand completely. I had to return with back to work as a nurse on 12 hours shifts with my first child. It was hard. I was not able to keep up a good supply of breast milk. Here is what I did and maybe it will help you.

I didn't worry about making enough milk to supply all her needs. I nursed in the morning when she woke up. That was a great bonding time for us before going to work. I would bring her to my bad and nurse for 30 mintues. Then I would nurse immediately upon coming home and that was like a really nice way to reattach after being gone all day. Then I nursed her right before bed. That was it. I got several more months of nursing out of this method and felt like I stayed really connected to her.

Just my 2 cents.

Don't beat yourself up over this. I successfully nursed two children to a full year, but I couldn't nurse my third for more than about two months. He was a terrible nurser, did lots of damage, and eventually my milk supply dwindled. I took it pretty hard because I really wanted to nurse and I had already nursed two kids successfully. I was much happier when I finally let go of the nursing and accepted what was to come. That child has actually been the healthiest out of me three kids, which was my biggest concern about not nursing.

I did try to relactate after a few weeks of stopping and I took fenugreek supplements. You can get these at any health food store. You have to take about 3 capsules three times a day, but it does really help; the tea doesn't work at all because it isn't potent enough. I never could get back to full nursing, but when I took fenugreek my production really increased. It will make you smell like maple syrup though. You may want to give it a try if you are committed to nursing.

You CANNOT feel guilty about this. Each parent needs to do what is best for them and their child. Formula is fine for your baby. I have twins, one is breastfed and one bottle fed (my son would not breast feed). They are both healthy and doing fine. Don't feel pressure from others. You have already given her breast milk for the first few months. That is more than a lot of babies get. You should pride yourself in that.

Breastfeeding is such a struggle! It's time consuming and exhausting - especially if you're having to work too (and take care of a toddler - whew!). Don't feel guilty if this is something that you need to do for yourself and your baby. I understand how you would want to continue to provide food for your child and how as mothers, we can feel inadequate if we do not, or are unable to, do so. But the most important thing is that you are happy and there for baby for everything else. Formula is more than enough for baby to grow and be healthy.

I read some responses and you have gotten so much good advise. I believe in breastfeeding. We all know how much good it can do for your children. I have 3. None of them were breastfeed beyond 5 weeks because I couldn't produce enough milk. I tried all the supplements, pumped and nursed every hour and half. My babies took all I had and were still hungry. My last child was losing weight because I didn't have enough to give. They are all happy, healthy, children. They are hardly ever sick. I think society is putting too much pressure on young mothers telling them they have to breastfeed. Yes, its best for the baby but the baby also needs a mother that has the energy to care for them in other ways also. Release the guilt. As long as you love them, care for them, give them attention, feed them nutrious food, they will be okay.

I was unable to breastfeed my first child and I was a mess for weeks, I cried, I felt guilty, I wondered what kind of terrible mother I was just weeks into motherhood, would we ever bond, etc. It wasn't until I accepted that it was okay to use formula, that many, many, many children thrive on formula that things got better. I realized it doesn't matter HOW you feed your children, it's that you love them and are there for them. You just have to be the best mother you can and sometimes that means using formula and realizing it's not the end of the world. And he was a very happy baby who only got one cold in his first year.

Now my second child I was able to breastfeed for 13-months and she was constantly getting colds. Having done both breast and bottle feeding, I think there are pros and cons to each, but both my children are healthy, well-adjusted and bonded to me! If you really feel like it's too much work and are wasting your energy, then stop trying and put that work and energy into spending more quality time with your children. What they REALLY need is a happy and less stressed mother!

Have you tried Fenugreek? Its an herbal supplement that can increase milk supply. One of my friends used it and it worked great for her. You can buy it over the counter at any vitamin store.

I learned about it from a lactation consultant I used to work for. I am a labor and delivery nurse.

If it does not work you should not feel guitly at all. Your baby has received many benefits from the 3 1/2 months that you were able to breastfeed. Just remember that you did all you can and your baby will grow and do just fine on formula.

Good luck!

I have 3 children - 8,5, and 3. I worked full-time with the first two and ended up quitting nursing around 3/4 months with both of them. My third I was a SAHM and nursed till she was 9 months. I had wanted to nurse until they were 1 but that didn't happen with any of them and one of my good friends was a breastfeeding advocate and I worked at St. Lukes with lactation consultants to help me. I cried for days when each of my kids quit nursing. I even took a week off work to try and get my milk up with both my boys (8,5) - it finally came to what was best for them. If I had to work then they had to start formula. They are now in school and doing wonderful - niether one of them were too sick when little. I tried my best and I think that's all you can do and then release the guilt. That was the hardest for me - I was surrounded by people who wanted me to nurse as much as (or more than) I wanted to! Finally, my DR. was quite frank (with my 2nd son) and told me he was losing wieght, I needed to decide if I could quit working and nurse full-time or switch to formula. It was so hard!!!! If possible share how your feeling with your husband and a best friend, then whatever you decide - they can support you and remind you of why you made your decision on the hard days to come... Good luck!

Don't beat yourself up! Yes, breastmilk is the best, but formula has come a looooong way in the last few years. The most important thing is that you have a healthy little girl. You breast fed her for the first three months, and that's given her a great start! I breastfed my first for only about 2 months and she's still happy and healthy at 9 years old.
Have you talked to your doctor about the no energy and frustrations? It sounds like you MAY be experiencing the 'baby blues'. Nothing wrong with that, but it is important to get it taken care of early before it develops into post-partum depression or worse. Don't be ashamed of it - it is a sign of strength and love for your kids to seek help if you need it!

I feel for you, B.! I went back to work full-time when both my sons were 3 months old too. I did manage to breastfeed (without formula supplementation) both boys until age 2! You probably know that the milk supply is based on demand, so as long as you put a baby to the nipple or a good electric pump, you will keep up the supply! I will say, if you want it badly enough for your baby, and you take yourself out of the picture, particulary your exhaustion, you can do it! It takes a bit of planning, as I had to pump twice a day, and freeze the milk when I got home for my husband to use the next night I went to work (we worked opposite shifts, too so we didn't need daycare!) It takes some short term sacrifice for long term goals and in the end, you won't even remember how exhausting it was! It is so worth it to keep on going! You baby will gain so much in the long run! Best of luck!

Don't feel guilty! I had to stop at 4 mo. with my daughter because I lost my supply. I had a very hard time with breast feeding. She was switched to bottles and both our lives were VERY happy. She is one of the healthiest kids I know. She's rarely sick. I always think about my dad who was born in the 60's. Back then they used condensed milk, corn syrup and water to feed babies. He is also one of the healthiest and best eaters I know. Formula these days has really great stuff in it and just because society says breast feeding is SO MUCH BETTER, doesn’t mean it is. My feeling for my self is that I tried as long as I was able and that's how it is, good for me for trying. I knew I could do the same thing, bring my milk back, but it would be so hard to do, the time and efforts would be too much. It wasn't worth my sanity to do it. And that’s what you should tell you’re self. Great for giving it what you could, if it's wearing you out, stop. It's better to have the energy to bond and play and enjoy your baby than to be tired and unhappy from all that work just to breast feed. That's my thoughts - give your self a break, love your baby and enjoy your time as a mom - that's what's important!

Do not feel guilty. I think breast feeding is such a gift and blessing, but just like you at 3 mos I stopped, due to supply and demand and not to mention I can say that it just wasn't working for various reasons with either of my kids. I bonded JUST FINE with my babies without breast feeding for the full year. I loved holding the bottle and them wrapping their little fingers around mine and me watching their little faces. Both of my children are very healthy, smart and great kids!!! There were no setbacks, nothing negative that came about due to my not breast feeding longer.
NOW before anyone jumps down my throat breast feeding is a personal choice. Those first few months it is very important for the baby. If you can that is great but if you cannot then you need not feel guilty. I bet you are excellent mother and breast feeding doesn't make you better or worse of one. You will have a great bond with your baby and already do I am sure. Your baby needs you happy and healthy mostly and you tried, that is all you can do and do not beat yourself up! I know I got chastize and made to feel guilty too, by myself personally and by some friends that breast fed that were members of LaLeche. You needn't defend or explain yourself. I can say my friend STILL breast feeds her THREE year old which is crazy. He has all sorts of allergies, skin issues, poor eating and poor sleeping habits. So breast feeding doesn't always prevent that stuff. My kids are great sleepers and great eaters and only have outdoor allergies during peak months of the year. Just love your baby, good luck and hold your head up, you are a great mom!

Oh goodness...I sure did! I read this and it reminded me all over again about the tears and guilt. I think part of it, for me anyways, was the hormones -- and a good chunk of it is how much pressure we mom's are all put under to be SuperMom.
I wound up supplementing formula more and more as I worked -- and he's just fine.
All I can say is... your baby will be fine. You're a wonderful mom. Breast time can be wonderful...but so can bottle time. Please try not to beat yourself up...and don't let anyone else beat you up either...you know what is right for you and your baby.

Since your supply is low, you could just breastfeed at night and first thing in the morning maybe. My close friend that went back to work did this until her little one was 2. Then she didn't have leakage at work as her body adjusted to when she was doing it.

It's okay. I had to supplement with one and had to wean early for another. I'm not on my third. It's never easy to wean when you're not ready. Your hormones are partly to blame. Both my boys are just fine. It sounds like right now the best thing would be for you to do formula and not be stressed and tired from trying to nurse. I understand the guilt, and you may just have to work through that. When you're on the other end of this, you'll see that the source of the food isn't as important as the love and care is. There are advantages to both nursing and formula. Try to focus on the good parts of the formula to help you feel better about it. Get some rest. That will help, too. GL! I'm sorry this isn't working out the way you planned.

Oooh, Hugs! It is not the end of the world and your baby can still be a completely healthy baby with formula. Supplement with formula and nurse when you can, as long as you are able and want to. Just realize that nursing just doesn't work for everyone and formula (while we've all been programed that it's horrible) sometimes is just what we need.. both to nourish our babies and to allow us live the lives we need to live. Even if you only nurse a little it's better than nothing and if you can't well.. then you can't and you have a backup.

oh sweetie! You've given her 3 1/2 great months! What a great start! The guilt is natural, we moms want to give our kids the best of everything, the best of us. Sometimes we have to recognize what that best really will be. When she is 20 are you going to look back and say I really wish I had breastfed you longer? or are you going to remember snuggle time and the stories etc. It seems so all consuming important when they are our infants and it is hard to put into a perspective sometimes especially with all the pressures out there to do the right thing...but that changes with time. My sister was advocated not to breast feed what is the point? the fomula fed babies and breastfed babies are no different in life or development after a couple of years you can't walk into a preschool and say yup that was a breastfed baby. But she pushed through the "norm" then and breastfed anyway. It was socially looked on as a bit rediculous of her. Now it seems to have swung back the other way with a push to breastfeed as long as you can. I HATED breastfeeding (no backlash for this please, it is just a fact of my life) but my dd refused formula and so I was "forced" to breastfeed her up through her 12 months. I would have given anything if she would have taken the formula. lol. she's 2.5 now and I laugh at myself back then. I loved the snuggle time I got with the breastfeeding but just didn't love the breastfeeding. In the long run does it really matter? What is important is we give our babies the best of ourselves and if after work you are so worn out you don't have the energy to nurse, won't it be better to just love on her? If you want, still keep enough milk going for one feeding at night. There are lots of options out there. You are obviously a great mom or you wouldn't even care about any of it. Give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you are doing for that beautiful baby and make a decision that will work for both of you...without the guilt. (if at all possible!! lol)

i had a similar predicament with my last little one but i tried and was not able to bring my milk back. so my first reaction is that i would have given just about anything to be where you are and be able to breast feed my baby again. but i am not you and you must do what is right for you and your baby. yes breast milk is best and they are only little for such a short time not to mention that with you working full time breastfeeding could be great for bonding between the two of you. so in my opinion i would encourage you to keep up the breast feeding for a little while longer once you get back into the groove so to speak it will not be such a chore. you must decide if you have the energy for the workit will take to get there my best to you, N.

Do Not feel guilty! I had to go back to work full time 3 weeks after my second child was born and my milk also dried up. I also had a 2 year old and no energy. I know everyone says you should breastfeed for 1 year at least because that is what is best for the baby. In a perfect world mothers would not have to worry about anything except taking care of their babies but in the real world many mothers have to work and it is not practical to keep breastfeeding or pumping. Our bodies can only take so much and if your milk is drying up and you are tired, you should feel okay feeding your child formula. Your mental and physical state is just as important in raising a happy, healthy child. My second child is now 7 and I see no detrimental effects from being fed formula - we still bonded and she has been a healthy child - no ear infections, weight problems and few respiratory problems.

M. M.

I only nursed my first for 2 1/2 mo. I did my last 14 mo. I started feeling guilty about the first. The reason I quit was youth, inexperience and lack of support. But I was told that a little is always better than none. Do what you can, you have had a good start. Don't run yourself ragged and don't feel guilty about thinking about you. Your baby and kids would much rather have a happy mom. Do what you think is best for BOTH of you.

B.--I don't have time to read all the responses you got, I just wanted to give you some support and say don't feel guilty! Your baby will be just fine on formula and so will YOU! I nursed both my boys for almost a year and its HARD!! I totally agree with the comments from Aimee. Do what your comfortable with.
:)A.

You have two options: (1)Quit breastfeeding or (2)Keep breastfeeding. You've got to do what's best for YOU. Your baby will be fine either way. Breastfeeding IS hard. Especially if you're going back to work. It can be done, though. If you want to quit breastfeeding--- don't feel guilty about it. I know, easier said than done --- whichever choice you make. I breastfed for a year with both of my children. But, I didn't work full-time. I would also suggest that you are worn out not only because of breastfeeding but because of lack of sleep, working full-time, and everything else that comes with a baby. So, even if you stop breastfeeding --- it doesn't fix you being worn out. You are going to be worn out no matter what. My guess is that since your mother-in-law is a lactation specialist, she and probably your husband are pressuring you to breastfeed. This is not their decision. It's yours because you are the one who has to do it. But you do need their support. If they help care for the kids or take care of the house so you can rest, that would help things immensely. So, I would just determine how important it is for you to breastfeed or not.

When my baby was 4 months old (he is now 7 months old) I noticed a rather large dip in my milk supply - I went from pumping 5 ozs to barely getting over 2 ozs. The pediatrician said a lot of women experience a dip in milk supply right around 4 months and that you can persist through it - it takes about 2 weeks. It sounds like you know what you could do if you want. I only work part-time so I can't know what it is like in your shoes. You have to weigh the pro's and con's of whatever you decide to do and then just move forward. For me personally, it was a pain to pump extra time when I was at work and then I started pumping at 10:00 or 10:30 right before I went to bed since that was not too much extra for me personally. I hope you are able to figure out what works for you.
I also realized I needed to drink more water since that totally affects my supply.

I went through the same thing when I went back to work. I made it to 8 1/2 months before I completely lost my milk. Since you can't stop the inevitable at this point, I will make a suggestion. Take what milk you have stored left and mix it with the formula (half and half or some other ratio). That way, your daughter will be able to have the benefit of some breast milk in her diet a little longer before you completely run out. Might help ease some of the guilt.

B.,

I completely understand. My milk supply completely dropped when I went back to work (at 3 months) and I tried everything! He was eating 4 ounce bottles at the time, and I could only pump 2 ounces per session. Of course stressing about it didn't make it better - that just makes it worse. I pumped every 2 hours, massaged before pumping, tried Fenugreek, nursed him at lunch time so that he was only having to take 2 bottles a day, drank insane amounts of water, talked to a lactation consultant, etc. I finally had to get a prescription, which worked pretty well - I would get 3 ounces at least! I made it until 6 months and then just had to let it go (he's 7 mo now). I was absolutely devastated about losing that connection with him! Of course he didn't seem to mind at all. He loves his bottle, and we still have a great bond. So I've tried to put it out of my head and move on, although I still think about it and miss it.

Your baby will love you no matter what, so don't get down on yourself. You've already given your baby so much by nursing as long as you have. Do what is right for the two of you - and if that means giving up nursing, then know that your baby will have a less stressed mommy as a result - that has to count for something!

H.

I didn't have time to read through all of the responses, so I apologize if this is a duplicate suggestion, but what about just nursing twice a day (once in the morning before work and once at night before bed)? If that isn't a viable solution or you just can't keep your milk supply, try not to beat yourself up over it. Formula is just fine and there are entire generations that grew up with it and turned out just fine. Your mental health is far more important in your baby's development than your milk supply. The motto around our house is: If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Dear B.,

I am so sorry to hear about your guilt, but there is good news in all of this. If you can breastfeed at a couple of feedings, your daughter will still reap the benefits of your milk.
I also had to go back to work when my first was five months old. I thought pumping would be the perfect solution, but like you my milk supply dropped from 7 ounces to 1 ounce after 20 minutes of pumping within a matter of four weeks. I was so frustrated. But I kept up where I could. I feed him before I left for work and before bed. As much as a hated giving him formula, I had to remind myself that growing into and being a happy baby was what was most important. Don't beat yourself up. Not only are you doing your best, you are also being a role model for your girls as a thriving working mother.

B.,
I had the same thing happen to me with my first child. I felt so bad because I could just feed him for the first 4 months and then my milk was gone.
I cried a lot because I wished to provide this wonderful gift of milk to my baby. Now I have my second child, and I have realized that supplementing with formula is not bad at all. So you don't have to give up feeding your baby. You can still cuddle with her and give her all the love you have.
:)
A.

Hi B.,
I see you have had alot of responses, I am not going to read them, so I may be repeating, but here is my 2 cents worth.
I breastfed my daughter for only 3 weeks. She was colicky, I was post partum (slightly bad! My hubby worried lots) and it was just too much to me to not be able to pass her off to someone else everynow and then for a bottle.
I felt so guilty for wanting to quit. My husband was very supportive. I was afraid I would be judged as a bad mom and that people would talk. He asked me if I thought so and so was a bad mom because they didn't breastfeed. Of course I didn't. I was just hormonal and emotional. I am sure you are still hormonal and that is what makes you feel guilty.
I am currently pregnant with #2, I plan on trying breastfeeding again, but if it doesn't work, then I am deciding now to quit and not get mad at myself. Could your MIL be adding to your pressure? Even without knowing it? I was afraid my MIL would think less of me for not doing it since she had done all her kids.
Good luck. Don't beat yourself up over it. I am sure she will and is a happy healthy baby!

B.,

First of all, kudos to you for the months you have breastfed your daughter. Breastmilk is like money in the bank - every drop is an advantage for our babies. As far as your current decision, the truth is that only you can decide. I think you need to realistically analyse both sides before you make your decision. Many moms (and doctors) will tell you that it's no big deal and there is no real difference between breastmilk and formula, because they don't want you to feel guilty. We all know this isn't true. HOWEVER, you have to have the energy to mother your child when you get home from work. It's a balance, and a tricky one at that, and no one can tell you what to do.

So, here is what I have to say... you need to figure out what you are looking for and make your decision from that. Are you looking for someone to tell you it's okay if you decide to formula feed? If that is your choice, then go for it, and try to forgive yourself for not meeting the expectations you set. Are you looking for someone to tell you that it's worth the energy you will invest to continue breastfeeding. Are you looking for motivation to keep going? In that case, I would say it sounds like you need to surround yourself with some people who will encourage and support you.

My opinion (and take it for what it's worth!)... first, full disclosure - I am absolutely a breastfeeding advocate. I think most women choose to wean their children because they receive bad information or don't have the support they need. I think it is totally worth it to keep going. I know many moms who have combined working and breastfeeding successfully, and they are glad they took the time. 3-1/2 months is very young to be weaned off of breastmilk. If you could get your daughter to 6 months and eating complimentary table foods, you would do so much good for her. That is only about 10 more weeks. Could you commit yourself to give your total energy to your milk supply for just one week? If you could do that, you could probably get it back up. If it does not come back up, than maybe you will have peace about weaning, knowing that you really gave it your total effort.

The fact that you are in tears over the thought of weaning makes me wonder if this is the decision you want to make, or if you just feel like it's your only option. Remember that once you wean, it is difficult if not impossible to go back and get your milk to come back in. I guess I would encourage you to give it your wholehearted effort for a week and see what happens and how you feel. You might decide that it's not as bad as you thought it would be. You might decide that you are totally done and you are ready to wean, or you might decide to continue combining breastfeeding at home with bottlefeeding while you are at work. In any case, I hope you find peace with your choice, knowing that you made your decision because it was right for you and your daughter, and not because you feel like you didn't have any other choices.

Best of luck,
S.

I went through a very similar experience and even went to a lactation consultant. I followed her advice for three days and sure enough my milk came back, but by then it was too late, I was truly exhausted and couldn't keep up that routine esp with work. I too was in tears at the thought of not breastfeeding and feeling terrible about it all. I know nothing can replace your milk, but I felt solice in the fact that formula these days is a whole lot better than what I drank in the 60's (a can of evaporated milk mixed with corn syrup and who knows what else). Remember, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else. Don't be so hard on yourself! Good luck!

I am in the same situation as you are. I recently went back to work and have a 5 month old. I started using a combination of the herbal supplements fenugreek and blessed thistle....this seems to have helped. I understand how hard it is to pump and work full time!! At the end, I think you will need to find the right compromise for you and your baby and don't feel guilty whatever that is... Even if you give a little bit of breat milk, I think anything is better than nothing. But, either way your baby will be fine! Take Care and good luck!

I know excatly what you are going through. After I had my daughter, I went back to work at around 3 months. I pumped every single day, sometimes more than once before I went back to work and froze my milk. I had quite the stock! After I returned to work, I was so stressed; about my schedule, days off, who was to watch my daughter, ect. and I believe it hurt my milk supply because it seemed like after about a month, every day I would pump at work, I would get less and less. I ended up drinking Mother's Milk tea and took Fenugreek supplements. It helped a little, but I was still stressed out. You may have the same problem, stess. Try to relax and realize that you tried, and you did the best you could. I ended up having to stop nursing when she was about 7 months old. I just didn't make any more milk. I never even got engorged when I stopped. You did the best you could and that is all you can do. No more feeling guilty! I hope this helps.

Hi there! First of all, Kudos for keeping at it this long. The first 2 weeks of breastfeeding are undoubtedly the hardest so the fat that you made it through them shows a lot of commitment.

I work full time too and have had a hard time keeping the supply up. At one point I was only producing 1 oz at a time, but I started taking Blessed Thistle and drinking a lot of water, and my supply went up within 2 days. I had been so close to quitting because it seemed like it would be so hard to get my supply back. My supply goes up and down still but it is easier to stick with breastfeeding now since I know how easy it was to get it back. So maybe try the herbs, all you stand to lose is 8 bucks!

Finally, make a list of all the pros and cons of continuing breastfeeding. It will help you make your decision and feel good about it. And dont feel bad if it doesnt work out!! You are juggling a lot of things right now and sometimes you just have to cut one thing out, to keep your sanity! Your baby will be just fine if you choose to do formula.

Good luck to you!!

Hi B.. I was in the very same position about one month ago. I breastfed my 4 & 1/2 month old daughter & ended up having to switch to formula. My milk supply started to dry up as well & had to supplement with formula. I tried everything to continue breastfeeding, but in the end, had to stop. My daughter had problems with my milk from the very beginning & after cutting just about EVERYTHING out of my diet, I could was not getting enough calories to keep up with her demand. It was a hard thing to come to grips with & I did my share of crying. I think it is a very natural thing for a mother to go through. Just know that you did try your hardest & that your daughter got a good start with the breastmilk that you gave her. I beat myself up for days even knowing that my milk was causing her pain. You are not alone...breastfeeding is not easy! Give yourself a pat on the back for going as long as you did.

PLEASE stop feeling guilty! I went through this with my second. My milk supply was NEVER enough for her. I never got to the point where I enjoyed nursing the way I did with my first. I spent two weeks doing nothing but nursing and pumping and CRYING because it hurt. People around me tried to make me feel guilty. I went in for my 6 week check up and my doctor told me to knock it off. Some people's supply just doesn't keep up. Despite what some other people say, formula is just fine. You've given your child a great start with breast milk for 3 1/2 months. It bothers me that people get so evangelical about breastfeeding. I know lots of babies that were strictly formula who are FINE. I hope it helps to hear someone else say this, because I went through this exact same thing. It taught me that for my next one, I will try to nurse but I won't get my heart set on it. The LAST thing we mom's need is one more thing to feel guilty over. Just focus on the benefits of the bottle. My second child is very easy to leave with a babysitter because I was able to leave her with a bottle and my husband and I could go to dinner AND a movie, or even overnight when she was pretty little. Good luck hon!

I won't go into the whole story but just know that you have given your baby 3 1/2 months of the very best. Some women never even try breastfeeding. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 6 weeks and when I couldn't do it anymore, I remember feeling as though I had failed. I was so upset that I wasn't providing my daughter with the nutrients she needs. My mom told me, that I had given it my best and now, it was time to do what was best for me and my baby. She is now 8 yrs old and healthy. Other than a couple of ear infections, she has always been healthy. As long as you are taking care of your baby's needs that is what is important.

hi B.,
i'm sure this is very difficult, knowing how much breastfeeding issues can be so heart wrenching. . . a new baby and work both must be very draining especially with another little one to take care of as well as yourself and i'm thinking your hubby too. i would recommend maybe talking with a la leche league leader, eventhough your m.i.l is a lactation consultant, maybe talking to someone who is further away from you emotionally would help, whether that's help you feel okay with your decision or help you work through some of the feelings of being just plain worn out. good luck. it's obvious you know how important breastmilk is for your baby girl, it's just a matter of deciding WHY it's important to you and whether that's worth fighting for. one thing that might help is letting baby sleep with you, that way she can be building your milk supply while you both sleep as well as doing a majority of her nursing during sleep hours while you're home too. good luck again. . . .

I can totally relate! My first is 3yrs and I worked full time with her. I just pumped during the day at work (once a day) and sent that bottle along with formula to her daycare. I tried to look at it like this. She is getting breastmilk once durin the day and at night. Then she is getting all the nutrition that my breastmilk may be lacking from the formula. I just told myself that she was getting the best of both worlds! I am having a very different problem with my second since I am now staying home. My daughter just had her 9mo. visit and I was told she is very underweight and she needs to be fed formula. I was also told that my milk is probably drying up. It really sucks to have to quit when it is not your choice. If you ever need to talk about it feel free to contact me.

I had no milk supply from the beginning, and had to supplement right away in order just to get my son's weight back to birthweight. I felt guilty at first, but it was so rough on ME to keep trying and pumping/etc to supposedly increase my milk supply, that I was done before the 3 month mark. I quickly got over the guilt once I started reading more and realizing so many women have breastfeeding issues and formula is made pretty packed with good stuff -- you are not the only one, and you did great to make it 3 months+.

STOP!
Don't guilt yourself out....it was a HUGE enough decision that is riddled with guilt to return to work. You have your little on months of breastmilk and your attention to BOTH of your girls is more important than what you are feeding ONE. Please don't let society dictate your decisions!!! I was a LLL leader and have breastfed 5 of 6 of my kids well into toddlerhood. Healthwise and intelligence....you cannot tell which one went straight to formula.
Enjoy them.........

The number one cause of low breast milk is stress, so you need to go easy on yourself. I recommend trying a product called More Milk Plus from Motherlove. It is a herbal supplement that can eally help increase breastmilk. www.motherlove.com Good luck and keep up the good work.

Hi B..

I understand what you are going through as I went through it myself at 6 weeks upon returning part-time to work. My daughter is now 15 months old and she is extremely bright and very healthy.

Guilt is an emotion that sucks a lot of unproductive energy out of you. I feel there is too much JUDGEMENT when it comes to breastfeeding. Mothers compare how long they breastfeed for and THAT is absurd! You are a great mother if you love your children and spend as much quality time with them as possible.

Please do not put any undue stress upon yourself. Make the decision that will be best for your family and move on!!

Good luck to you and your family!!!

I was never able to breast feed any of my children, and that bothered me for a while, but I pumped for all of them. I have twins girls that are 6 and two boys 10 and 12. The twins were preemies, and the boys both spent time in NICU as well. The lactation consultant assured me that even if I was only pumping, they were still getting what they needed. I was only able to pump for one month, but you would be suprised, each of my kids had breast milk until they were 4 months old. The first 3 months are the most important.

You love your children, but you can show that love in other ways than breast-feeding. You shouldn't feel guilty about this. In fact, feeling this guilt may be hindering breast-milk production. You need to accept that your job may also be contributing to that stress. Relax, let nature take its course and don't be so hard on yourself. Also think of it this way, this gives your husband more of an opportunity to bond with your daughter while feeding her.
When I went back to work after the twins were born, I would pump before work, once at work, once when I got home and right before bed. Now since you are still breastfeeding, this might not work out so well, but if you pump at least twice a day, that might help get a supply saved, and might help get production up.
I hope this all helps

Hi,
What you are going through is so normal! I ended up kinda "accidently" weaning my first when she was 6 months old. She had really bad diarrhea for a week and decreased appetite and would only really eat a bottle well. I didn't pump enough and my milk supply diminished quickly. I also know all the tricks to get my supply back( I am a labor and delivery nurse) but instead, I just let it go. We were planning a trip out of the country in a few months and I thought it would be easier to bottle feed, than breast feed. I felt guilty, and afterwards I really missed the bonding of breastfeeding, but it was also nice to not have to deal with pumping at work, and constantly worrying about drinking and eating well enough to make the best milk. I would just make a list of the pros and cons of breastfeeding at this time. Don't let your feelings of guilt play into it. You are a busy working mom, and all that really matters is that you love your children and you are feeding them!(one way or the other)On another note, I did regret letting the weaning happen in hindsight, because breastfeeding is definately way easier when going out of the country, but of course she was my first and I had no idea what bottle feeding entailed. I breastfed my 2nd until he was 14 months, ended up weaning him when I had to have surgery, and even then, when I really was ready, I still had mixed feelings. It is a hard decision, but whatever you decide, it is what is right for you and your family, No one can make you feel feelings of guilt but yourself. We all need to support each other in motherhood, becuase it is such a hard job! Good Luck!

I personally felt that "guilt" with my daughter. With my son (the oldest) I nursed him for a full year. Actually that was the only milk he could drink because all the formulas even soy made him vomit and have diarhea. My daughter on the other hand did not care for breastfeeding like my son did. I was also having a hard time providing milk for her due to the stress of my husband (now ex) deployed to Iraq for the second time and the depression I was suffering after she was born. By the time she was 2 months old, she was solely on formula. I felt like I had let her down and could not provide for her like I did her brother. The guilt was terrible. I really cannot say there was anything that made me feel better other than time. With time I was able to see how we bond in different ways and how she knows I provide for her what she needs. I suggest doing what is best for your infant and you. If you decide to stop breast feeding at this time, think of other activities or moments that you can "schedule" regularly with your infant as a way to intimately bond as you would breastfeeding. I believe that is more of why we as moms feel "guilty" when we stop breastfeeding.

Hi B.,

I understand your feelings and exhaustion.

Don't forget there is nothing wrong with just breastfeeding when you are at home and supplementing the rest of the time. Something is better than nothing.

Think of it this way if you will be a more rested and therefore a more responsive mother when you are home (due to not pressuring yourself too much about breastfeeding) your children's development will reap huge benefits vs. a tired feeling guilty mom.

REGARDLESS....Whatever you decide is best for your children and yourself will be the right choice....Just follow you instincts!

Good luck!
R.