Feeling Guilty - Denton,TX

Yep, that is "Mom Syndrome"... many Moms, sacrifice buying things for themselves... and instead spend on their kids getting what they need.... necessities. That is the same for me.
I have no idea... what "I" would want.
Just a bigger bank account! LOL
I'm a SAHM.

Happy Holidays!

Hi J., I feel the same way! It gives me GREAT pleasure to give presents to everyone I love, but it makes me very uncomfortable to GET presents from ANYONE I love, go figure!

:)

Totally understand. I have no problem spending money on anyone in the family, except me. I currently have two pairs of pants and two nursing shirts and come up with any excuse not to buy myself anything.

i always did feel guilty. i never had a 'wish list.' i had always hoped my husband would get to know my taste and surprise me.
well, after pots and a gold-platted flower (wow and yuck), this year i decided not to ask for anything. i was going to ask for a dinnerware set but changed my mind.
so,so far i have gotten towels for bathrooms (finally got feminine colors and got over the guilt feeling to go neutral for my husband's sake). i also got a purse (have wanted a burberry purse for years now. even before i met my husband. i never got it even though throughout years i could have afforded many not just one), but got it this time, because it was 40 per cent off. i also got a red corduroy skirt for myself.
why? i don't know. i have had an emotionally hard year. i am having a hard time finding real happiness, and getting tired of faking happiness. so these 'impulse' buys will make me happy for a few minutes at least.
in fact i got the package with my purse today. i haven't opened it yet, because i am afraid i won't feel happiness and then i have to realize i'm still very sad.
so i will wait until i am having an upbeat day and then i'll open it. that will maybe stretch my hm upbeatness (i know it's not a word. but closest to what feeling i want to have).
no i am not depressed. just have had a hard few years.

Hi J.
I understand what you are saying. I have said to my hubby when this bloody recession ends here in Ireland I am going to give myself and expect him to give LOTS of surprises.
This will make up for all the times I have said in the last two years or so "no need to get me a pressie,I'm fine,we need the cash for such and such"
Oh the joys of being a selfless wife and Mammy LOL
Have a great xmas,your not alone in this.
B. k

Yes, I feel this way too. It's not only around Christmas. Anytime my husband suggests I get myself a new outfit or anything else I say, No, I don't need anything. But we do always try to get each other something for Christmas. It is nice getting something and let's you know how well your husband really knows you :) Since you are feeling guilty, I am guessing you don't get yourself much throughout the year. Just try to let go of that guilt for Christmas. I'm sure it will make you feel good and I'm sure you deserve it!

I used to feel this way, but not anymore. Why should I always be the one to do without? Usually the ONLY one? If we are BOTH doing without, that's fine, but just me? Uh uh, that sends the WRONG message to my boys about a woman's role in a marriage as far as I am concerned.

Now, to be fair, he doesn't have to BUY me anything. The best thing DH EVER gave me was a set of coupons from "Father Time" (Good for a day off, 24 hours notice required, no questions asked - that kind of thing). But I do expect he will DO something - just as I ALWAYS do something for him.

And since, at my house, my husband thinks we should ALL get a stocking (grown-ups too), and I take care of Santa shopping, I may only spend $5-$10 on mine, but I am sure of Santa giving me SOMETHING I like! : )

I'm the exact same way!!! I always feel guilty asking for gifts, esp bigger ones.

Many husbands if they want it they go and get it. They don't have a Christmas wish list. So far my husband's Christmas shopping has all been for himself. Black friday he bought a flat screen, new shirts, more shocks than he could wear in a year, and a new I Mac. Then is going to see the U of O Ducks in the BCS game in Jan. with his football friends. Yet, if I don't find something for him for Christmas, I will feel guilty. It is about the giving and finding something for my husband that he would like. Letting him know I am still paying attention to what he likes. It isn't about the money it is about the love that goes it to the giving. It's Christmas!

If there is any time when you could expect a gift, it would be for Christmas. It's not the "gift" that counts, it is the thought. The feeling that someone is fond enough of you to want to put a smile on your face. I am sure you work hard for everyone all year long, and you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting someone to show their appreciation and love for you on Christmas!

You could buy yourself something small on sale. Sometimes you need to get yourself a little gift for all the hard work you do.

maybe you can think of something not too expensive you want from your husband, I love Mommymommymommy's idea of a coupon book that includes, a dinner out just the two of you, a day where he keeps the kids and you go shopping all day, a movie night with him, an evening out with girlfriends while he babysits etc little treats that you can cash in throughout the year. The Christmas I remember for it's gifts is the year I wrote down lots of small things, including my favorite wine, my favorite chocolate, padded hangers for my sweaters, and a laundry basket that was EXACTLY the size to fit under our dryer. No jewelry or expensive items! but he went to all the stores and bought EVERYthing on my list, measured the spot and bought a basket, cut off the handles so it could hold the max amount of dirty clothes and still fit in the spot. It may sound silly but it meant a lot to me! He never got the hang of stocking stuffers (one year I got a dollar bill and a pack of gum) so now I am stuffing my own stocking -again not expensive but little treats, new slippers, a bath pillow (for those five times a year I find the time! scented candles a facial mask products etc

absolutely not, the mom here is a BIG fan of spending time and money on herself! cover the kiddo's first then i'll go by ME my favorite bubble bath soap or got get that shirt i've had my eye on for months.

i actually feel guilty because my family seems upset if i forget to "buy for me" and put presents under the tree for me...course now that's my husband's job but yeah it's "not fair to you" my kids say and my daughter one year actually tried to give me her new barbie doll that she has begged for in commercials.....proud of her

Giving and receiving are good things to learn to do well and to teach your children to do well.

With some people, it could even be a little prideful to say, "No, don't get me anything," and at Christmas - when people WANT to give - it's definitely unhelpful.

Even my husband's aunt, who is a lovely lady but who says the above sentence all the time, gets something from us. One year I made her a little ornament for her tree, and she did like that. Since then we always make a donation to a particular charity in her name, and she likes that, too. She gets biscuits for her dogs from us, too - an odd gift, but she likes gifts for her dogs.

You and your husband are a team, so if you can get a little gift for him, let him get a little gift for you. Make sure it's in the budget... even if that means it's a pack of gum for him and a lollipop for you. Make it something light and fun, so you won't feel guilty. There will always be places where money has to go, and with budgeting for these two gifts you won't have to feel as if money has been stolen from the light bill or the next pair of shoes.

You totally deserve a little something for Christmas!!!!! You are a mom and a wife. You take care of everyone else and it's CHRISTMAS! Not that it has to be something extravagant, but, yes, you need to know you have value and you are appreciated!!!!! It's OK to want something and even buy yourself something. In the long run, it's not going to break the bank.

It all comes down to the proverbial water pitcher... there is only so much you can pour out before it needs to be refilled. We all need a little water!!!

Have a great Christmas!!!

Don't feel guilty. I know that money is tight for many and it not the time to splurge but a simple DVD of a program or a show is not that much. My family has asked me what I want and I told that I don't need anything. I did however see the Santa Paws and the Shreik movie promos. So last night hubby got them for me. I know it's the thought and it is small. Hubby hasn't quite hinted at anything but I did see something I will get him that he really will like.

This year I would be happy with a candy bar. My last two years have been upside down and I am just blessed to still have a husband and be alive. So everything else is just extra.

I am sorry if this did not quite answer your question but I just wanted you to have another view or opinion.

Good luck either way and love each other and don't take each other for granted ever.

The other S.