Feeling Defeated at Home.

While I really like the advice to find a support group, I just wanted to add ( from the mom if a 'typical' kid) that if you weren't concerned about how you're going as a mom, you probably wouldn't be a good O., because the bad parents don't question how they're doing!

Good luck!

Yes.

When my son (also on the spectrum, plus ADHD, Tourettes, Dyscalculia, and Sensory issues) was 6 and his sisters were 3 and 1, we went through the same thing. Actually it lasted from the time he was around 4 until he was around 9. It was really, really hard. I look back on those years and think to myself "Can't believe I survived that."

You're in the most difficult time right now, and will be for a while to come. But it DOES get easier. My son's 16 now, and the girls are 13 and 11. I CANNOT tell you how much easier everything is right now compared to then.

I also felt like a bad mom. Looking back, I wasn't. I also questioned every decision I made. Most of my decisions were GOOD, SOLID decisions which benefitted my family in the long run. Some weren't - like all mothers, I'm not perfect. Trust yourself. If you have your family's best interest at heart, you ARE making good decisions. You ARE a good mother. It's REALLY tough right now, I truly know what you're going through. Hang in there because you're doing the best you can and it will be alright.

Seriously, hang in there. And know that you're not alone. Plenty of us understand what you're going through. Believe in yourself and cut yourself some slack.

Yep...I have been there !

I always tell parents that raising a child with special needs is like having 4 children wrapped into one...

I am a parent educator. I can chat any time...

It is not going to be an easy ride when you have a "spirited" child...

I used to have sitters every so often ! I would go to the gym with friends once a week for 2 hrs.

There are times where I have/do feel defeated at home. It can be especially intense this time of year, summer break. I have an 8 year old son who has classic autism. He's verbal so that helps however his emotional needs can be beyond draining. Between him and my eldest who is on the edge of preteen with all the emotions that accompany that our days are long. However, I've found that more often than not whenever I can have a few minutes, not necessarily to myself, but to just breathe - literally - I'm able to change my focus.

Don't ever feel bad for asking others for help. The only person I have to ask for help when I'm feeling out of sorts is my husband but if you're able to get a network going, reach out to your community and do what you can. You're not alone.

Mama, you need to see if you can find a support group. If there is not one, start one. Make it a time during this gathering to all close your eyes and find some peace. Then all of you parents can say whatever you are feeling with no judgement.

Treat yourselves to a treat during this gathering. Iy does not have to be food. It could be a bit of crazy dancing, some stretching in silence, each telling a stupid joke. Singing...

Counseling is also an excellent place for you to be able to express every feeling you are going through. Your spouse or partner can join every once in a while as needed.

Our children are never perfect. We will experience some realizations that they each have issues. In your case, it could be a lifetime. But if you look at it as a part of what makes him special, it can take some of that burden away.

I know so many adults and children that are on the spectrum. With enough guidance and professional help, overall they can work through and with these quirks. It will never be "perfect" but guess what?, nothing is perfect when humans are involved. Study your own child and figure out best practices with him. What works and what to avoid.

Be good to yourself. Take and find time and activities that can refill your spirit and energy. ask for help from family and friends. I am sending you strength and peace.

Yes, I feel this way frequently when I'm PMSing and totally exhausted.

I then try to get myself a break.

I also make sure I get some quality tea sipping time every afternoon. No matter how busy I am, I force myself to sit for a cup of tea around 1-2 every day. This gives me a necessary boost both physically and psychologically.

If you aren't already exercising, I do 20 minutes a few mornings a week. It isn't much, but it really helps.

I also get emails from dr laura markham. I find them inspiring.

YES! But the way I see it is if I wasn't defeated/tired/etc. Im not putting in enough effort. I've always suspected my son is on the spectrum but have never been able to get a diagnosis. Not for lack of trying. Right now they have ADHD, ODD, severe depression, and anxiety in his chart. He is a full time job. I also have one diagnosed ADHD and ODD who is the oldest and gets very jealous of just about anything. I feel like I'm a pinball.
But, I get tons of compliments on their behavior in public and their progress at school, so I know my efforts are getting somewhere.
I also keep us pretty busy, recreation at the park, library book club, splash pads, educational screen time, time with friends, visiting family, etc. Summer is much harder for us if they approach boredom.
I also try to go out for an hour once or twice a week-even if it's just grocery shopping. Sometimes I need a little time without anyone needing me!
3 of my 4 kids have counseling and my son has wraparound service-which is a counselor that comes to the house and has a team approach. She has had the kids make a scrapbook about the families strengths, play team games, etc. Even dad has started asking when she comes next (if it's a pretty rough week).
Someday the kids will look back and wonder how you did it!!!

Yep. Been there. It's better now but where you are now is extremely draining. Be easy on yourself.

Yes.

I have an only child, a son who is 7 and on the spectrum. He's a sensory seeker, and didn't sleep through the night until he was 6 years old - then we got a weighted blanket - THANK GOODNESS. Re. your kiddo on the spectrum, check out adiaryofamom.wordpress.com. It's a blog by a mom of a daughter on the spectrum and one not. She shares a LOT of wonderful life stuff and support, insights, etc. There are also links on her site (on the right) to other parents, and to AUTISTIC ADULT bloggers - a HUGE source of insight. The info may help you to clue into the triggers of the outbursts, etc. and you may find some support and understanding in the community that's grown around her writing.

Feel free to PM me if you like. Big hugs.

Best words I've heard all week is that it's only a month until school starts up again. I have issues with kiddo too. He's been so hard to manage this past few weeks. Once school starts again it will be better.

One thing you might think about doing is staying busy. Going to the park, free splash pads or walking along the beach/playing in the water at a local lake, going to kids activities at the library.

Finding things to do in your community could really get the kids out of the house and acting better.

every day? actually i'm only half joking, as a single mother of 5 (14, 13, 11, 3 and 2) most days I really do feel just like you. My moto is this too shall pass. It's just the age, it does get better (it has to). Some days are good, some seriously suck, but for the most part we just survive it and I've learned to take any and all help I can get. If a friend stops over and offers to run and grab some milk from the store for me, or watch the little guys so i can shower in peace......that's gold. I love my kids, and honestly i am very content, but the day to day is hard.