Father Time

Just a thought, but have you thought about maybe having a "slumber party" first, where all 3 of you can spend the night at dad's house. Maybe if she see's that it's really ok, then maybe she would be more apt to go alone.

I don't know anything about this situation except for what you posted, but I know that my four year old daughter would not be interested in spending the night anywhere she had never been before, especially by herself.
If you are set on having her spend the night, I would send everything with her that makes her comfortable. Arrange to let her call you if she wants. Perhaps even agree that, if she becomes very concerned during the night, that you can pick her up. I think this is a huge transition and your daughter needs all the help she can get from both you and her father if he wants this to continue.

I would have her take some things that are familar from your house. If he makes it exciting and fun, she might be more apt to try it. Does she have her own room at his place?

You wouldn't wnt to get her used to this but if you really approached it like it was a slumber party at least at first, it might be easier for her to take.

I am surprised he hasn't had overnights already.

I pretty much think that if you sent her to her dads for 1 night she would probably deal with it okay. You just have to be willing to hand the reins over to dad and let him handle it. I certainly wouldn't be driving 2 hours in the middle of the night to pick her up! If he is having a hard time with her then let him bring her to you or tell him that he should get a hotel room for the night in your area and give it a trial run. Most kids, if you don't give them the option of coming home when they want to will deal with it and be fine where they are, but I wouldn't force her to go if she absolutely doesn't want to leave you for the night. It is a hard situation but it gets easier to deal with in time. My daughter was about 8 months old the first time she stayed with her dad overnight and it broke my heart leaving her at his house, she screamed until I was out the door! Also, if you are having doubts about the whole thing, I would suggest you taking her there and seeing where he lives (if you haven't already) and where she would be sleeping because if you are uncomfortable with this then don't let her go. There have been a couple of times in the past that I would drop my daughter off for her weekend with dad and he had moved, if I didn't think the place where she was going to be living for the 2 days, I took her home with me and told him she wasn't staying until her had sufficient accomodations for her! You have the right to be a hardass about this, shes YOUR baby! I hope everything works out okay, because every child deserves to know both parents, Good Luck!

The only thing I can think of is to gradually ease into it. Let her go over to her dad's for a couple of hours for a few visits. Then add a couple of more hours the next few visits and keep doing this until she is comfortable enough to stay with him. It is possible that she may not want to stay with him because she hasn't been away from you and that is super scary not having that security of you there.

Not knowing much about your situation, it's hard to respond. However, I sense a little hesitation by you in your message. Are you a little uncomfortable allowing her to spend the night alone with her father for fear something bad could happen to her? Do you trust her father?

I don't like making assumptions since I do not know either of you. But as I said, I get the feeling you are a little worried about letting her stay alone with him.

Personally, if she were my daughter and that hesitant about staying the night, I definitely wouldn't want to push it. I assume Dad has been having some visitations with her already. Do they go anywhere alone? Movie? McDonald's? Park? How is she when she returns from those visits? Pay attention to her body language when he comes to your house. Sometimes their body language will say more than their words can at this age. You know the saying, actions speak louder than words.
Good luck and God's Blessings.

It's as simple as any child staying the night for the first time. Some are fine with it others call home for mommy to pick them up. My son wanted us to visit him at his friends house when he stayed the night. When I had our youngest and was at the hospital my then 5 year old cried all the way home because mommy wasn't with him. She has become attached to mommy. Try giving her a stuffed animal or a pillow from your bed for her to sleep with. Also, wouldn't he want both children for an overnight stay? Maybe it would help her if both went. Also be ready to go and pick her up at midnight. However my friend's son was twelve and still calling her to come get him. He had yet to stay all night. But one night the friend's father said, "No, you wanted to stay the night, then you are staying. You are not calling your mom." After that night he stayed the whole night and it was never a problem again. So you can either run out and get her in the middle of the night or say, "You'll be fine."
Don't make it a big issue and it doesn't have to be one.
My niece would cry everytime she had to leave mommy's for daddy's. Then she did the same leaving daddy's for mommy's. It's up to the parent to show that it's fine and they will see each other again. If a parent says, "Ok, you don't have to." What does that teach the child? They don't have to do something if they don't want to.