Father Returning Home After Deployment

HI H.. I'm a soldier's wife too. When my husband was gone for a yr my now older children were very small. I showed them pictures of daddy all the time. He got to talk to them on the phone sometimes too. At first my son, who was 3 at the time, was very scared, but I kept saying it's daddy, and sitting with him, and bringing my son to sit with us too. It only took a few days for him to warm up to daddy again. When my husband first left our 3 yr old daughter who had been completely potty trained for over a year, started wetting the bed. She had never done that before, it stopped almost as soon as he got home. I guess kids just have to adjust in their own way. Talk about daddy a lot, and make sure they have plenty of pictures to look at. If you have any on your computer make it the screen saver so they can see them all the time. Play it up to the kids, and let them know what a big deal it is that daddy is coming home. You might also try making a paper chain with your daughter. Add one link for everyday he's gone. It's easier that way since we never know when their time will be extended. She'll look forward to showing daddy how long it is when he comes home for good. Make her think it's a really big deal. Also, if your husband can't get to a phone often, have him record several different messages on the computer (when he's home on leave this time). You can play those for the kids every so often to hear his voice. That way they will have something familiar about him when he comes home. Good luck! I feel your pain because my husband leaves next month, and we now have 2 babies along with the slightly older ones.

Well I realy dont have many sugestions for you. But I also have a friend who is a soldier. Both of his children are young . The oldest is 6 and the youngest is 4. Dad left when the first one was only a year and half and the other was still in moms tummy. In fact the younger one was born in germany. They now have seperated parents and when daddy comes home there is always a problem with behavior. They barely know there father because he has been away all of their lives. It is very difficult both for dad and the kids. I know it is hard. But try to put yourself in the shoes of your kids. They are very confused one day daddy is here and the other he is gone for a very long time. I give you alot of credit for being the wife of a soldier, I could never handle all the stress myself. Keep your head up high.

Hello H.,
First talk to your husband before the children sees him,let him know the routine, then when the kids are up to let him come in and assist for the few days, don't let him start anything brand new because then you will be back trying to get them on a routine. Let him be a part of your routine because he is only going to be home for a couple of weeks. Let him read the kids a bedtime story - due to the circumstances, he is already under alot of pressure and he will need time to re-adjust himself. Being an-ex soldier, try to make sure he has enough time with you especially when the kids go to bed and before they wake up. He does not need anymore stress, let him get reaquainted with the children - take plenty of pictures with his uniform on let the kids take pictures with their daddy-treat his visit like an Uncle coming to visit for a couple of weeks. So when you want to sleep late the kids won't think this is a stranger giving them juice and cereal. Just ease him into it.
Enjoy-Tell him Semper FI!!!

Oh my goodness, H....my heart is going out to you and your family now. I read your request and the responses so far and it is just making me think how often we remember the soldiers and the huge sacrifice they make, but how often do we remember their wives and children. I just want to say that I have so much respect for you and other wives of soldiers. Thank you for the sacrifices you make for our country. It truely amazes me and I am humbled.
I don't have much advice to add...I just couldn't not respond. I will pray for you tonight and your family that this visit will be nothing but REFRESHING and FUN for you and your children. May God be with you and your family and may you all be together again for good VERY SOON. Hugs!!

Im really not sure. all i would try is to talk to them and let them know the truth..
Daddy will be visiting for a little while then he has to go away to work again. try setting special (time frames )Up so that routines arent ruined. (just because he's home i knwo its hard) but routiens should stay the same. Hopefully things will go ok.. just remember to talk and keep the routine going.. And maybe some alone time for mom and dad. You two need time as well maybe grandparents or aunts, friends will take the two for A special over night play date so mom and dad could have a date.
take care let me know how it goes.

Honey please relax. I am sure you have talked about daddy and shown pictures and all of the rest. Just take a deep breath and let nature take its course. When your son sees daddy he may be shy at first but I bet in a day or so they will be pals.

H., your situation is heart breaking and I sincerely hope you find a way to help you and your little ones adjust. I don't have any experience with this length of seperation, but my husband's work has him traveling 9 nights out of the month. Since your hubby will only be back temporarily, you may want to try treating it like a visit from a very special friend ... which is to say make him the guest and let the "routine" slip for those few days he'll be home. To help the children make better adjustments when daddy is home for good, you may want to tyr locating a "child life" therapist. They are a very special and unique group of therapists who work exclusively with children and their parents. They focus on the children and use techniques such as "play therapy" to help children feel a greater sense of control in a world in which they really don't have much control. They help children discover the root of what's bothering them and constructive ways of expressing it, as well as calming strategies and other methods of working out thier feelings that can be recreated at home. You can also meet with the therapist to find out just how normal your children are and what a great job of adjusting you're doing too.

Best of luck Mommy in your up coming adjustment. If you want some extra support, try coming out to the Mama's Tea this Saturday at 10:30 am at the Starbucks in Styversant Plaza (off Western and Fuller Aves.) and meet other moms. It will be a good opportunity to network for future play groups as well as support for yourself. Check out the post "Mama Souce Tea" for more info.

F.

Hi H.,
You could try at bed time after reading a story put a picture of daddy in the back of the book and say something along the lines of daddy will be visiting soon-try not to say coming home which sounds more permament. then remind her that she might want to show daddy how big shes gotten by being the best big helper she can.
I hope this helps my parents divorced when I was 3 so these are some of the things that my mom did with me.

luck and congrats on him coming home even if its just a visit-he will be home safe soon.
K.

yes i support the troops i just want people home safe.