Sounds like your husband, like many others, does not feel comfortable with and does not have the tools to care for a child. He was probably from a home where for generations, men were not encouraged to care for their children. I call this - Living in the moment of joy with a child - intentionally. He hasn't experienced the joy. For example when the child is playing with blocks, actually clearing your mind of housework, bills, etc (tough call I know). Focus on the child's face and talk with him/her, sharing your enthusiasm with the child is huge. When the child looks gratefully into your eyes and that connection happens between the two of you it's a breath of fresh air - you'll want to be a part of it again. The feelings of gratitude wash out any feelings of inconvenience (for some folks). Your husband will be renewed and encouraged when he experiences this joy.
A book that I read when my daughter was in high school and my son was gone was called Recipies for Parenting and there is a new one out now called Don't feed the Dragon. I wish I had had these when my kids were young. Both books authored by Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel. You can only purchase them from her. She gave me the most incredible solutions for parenting that I did not get from my childhood. They work. If your husband would read these also - easy reading - one page answers, he will feel more comfortable in parenting when the tough times come.
I got her to come to speak to all the schools/families in our school district in CA and have bought many of her books for gifts over the years. Her website is: parentingsos.com
One little tidbit that will share in lifting his importance in raising your child.... Although any and all reading to children is important no matter who reads to them, there is a new study. I went to an informative pre-kingergarten literacy program at our church. One new source of information is that children actually do need to be read to by their fathers. There is something in that connection that stimulates the childs mind in a huge way (even more so than mom). It may be the first of many things that he can do to make a real difference in his child.
Regarding your husband's internet explorations...... The following may sound over the top but most extreme problems start small.
First of all, I apologize for not giving you moreinfo, I have to do some research. Secondly, there are some TV professionals when when presented with these problems infer that somehow the woman must have done something wrong. Having lived in a home with an abusive father and saw how my mom suffered and how she constantly tried to fix things and keep the peace, the problems can be perpetrated by one person. She loved him and catered to him constantly, so that his violence wouldn't erupt. Never worked. S. please do not put his actions on your shoulders. He is responsible for them.
Even though it doesn't appear that he views pornography, his dating intentions are clear. There is a problem. First pray, hand your hurts, your fears to God. He sees you and knows you and crys out for you. He wants to walk/run your husband out of this problem. See a Christian Counselor, even if he does not want to because the problems will escalate. His issues started before you were married and he does need and deserve help. You can not fix him. You have a lot on yourplate. Your heart cries out for healing, please get the help you need to be calm within yourself and be encouraged with new tools to manage the stress and problems. My sincere prayer for our Lord's hand in the healing.
About me: Married 36 years with all the joys and hurts. Blessed mother of 2 married children and have one grandchild.