fAnyoneyou Else Get Nervous Watching Their Kids Play Sports?

I don't get nervous, but I do get BORED! I am not a sports fan, and most of the time I don't have a clue what is happening on the field. I often just stare off into space and say "good job" at the end of the game.

Sometimes I just can't watch.
Our son is a 3rd degree black belt in taekwondo.
At certain points in his testing he has to spar against multiple opponents all at the same time.
When he has to go up against 4 or more - I have to leave the room.
He does great - he kicks and blocks and if he's hit (he's built like a line backer - opponents bounce off him and he keeps on coming for them) it doesn't phase him.
But I just can't watch it.
I'm not the only Mom who does this.

oh geez yes. especially during play-offs and all-stars. and sometimes i too would take a walk to shake off the tension.
but i'm not sure what it is exactly that you're angsting about. yes, when our kids are in pressure-cooker situations we empathize with them and sweat it out right along with them. it's pretty normal. i can't for the life of me figure out why you're worried about your son realizing whether your eyes are on him nonstop, or why you feel like a 'terrible mom.'
if this is the only area of your life where you're this overly anxious, then no biggie. just walk it off when you need to, and if your son notices you simply say 'i get so wound up when you're in a tense situation! i have to get my yahoos out! don't worry, i'll be back on the bleachers in a minute or two. your mom is a goof!'
but if your anxiety level is this high over a lot of issues, you might want to discuss it with your doctor. this is a pretty ordinary child-raising issue.
khairete
S.

My son will be 15 and has played in little league every year since kindergarten and has played a few Summers on a tournament league. Baseball is one of those sports where it's almost an individual sport - even though it's a team sport. When you get up to bat - it's only you. When pitching, it's just the pitcher, same as a play at first or catching a fly ball. All eyes are on that child. So it IS nerve-wracking for parents. I've seen many moms walk away when their son is pitching. The kids don't notice every time - but eventually they do. I think you should try to control your nervousness for him and stay in your seat. When kids see that a parent is nervous they think there's a reason to be. Does mom doubt my abilities? There's nothing wrong with missing a game or two, getting there late or leaving early if your schedule requires it - there were plently of times that happens and as long as I let my son know he was fine with it.

As for pitching - every really good pitcher now at my son's age had to begin somewhere and they ALL threw some innings with a lot of walks. Baseball in 3-6 grade are often loooong games with lots of errors - both in pitching and in fielding errors. It's part of the learning process. The coaches wil pull a kid off the pitcher's mound in order to win the game that day - but he'll have that kid pitch again (and again if he shows promise). Your son just needs practice. He'll do well if he really likes the game and practices. Next year will be the last year for my son to play little league and I'll be sad about it - we've been seeing the same boys from all over town get together and play ball for 10 years now - to see them develop and grow up to be young men. It's really nice to see.

Just a "FYI" since you're new-ish to baseball and you live in the NY metro area - we've discovered that a lot of parents get their kids into private coaching for hitting and pitching - they're usually the parents who are baseball fanatics and live vicariously through their kid. Some of them, even with the private coaching are still only OK - while it does give an edge to other kids. But I've also seen some of the best pitchers never get a private lesson in their life other than their regular team coaching. My husband has taken my son to a batting cage a few times when he was in the tournament leagues so he could learn how to hit the ball the best way. But ultimately, for our boys who live in the northeast and play baseball for only a few months of the year - and have all kinds of other interests (video games, bike riding, music, etc.) they will face very stiff competition in college & beyond from kids who grew up in southern climates & play ball year round. And even more competition from places like the Dominican Republic where the kids don't have video games and music lessons and they play sandlot baseball all the time.

It's great fun for the kids to play baseball each year and see their progress. Team sports are also wonderful ways to learn life lessons. They learn how to win and lose gracefully, how to pick themselves up after a failure and start over, how to perservere and sometimes pull out a win - they learn that they need to pull together and encourage eachother, etc. I remember at about age 10 my son leaving the baseball field in tears when he struck out at the end of what could have been a game winning hit. Now he has learned how to focus and if he doesn't succeed he knows he did his best.

Enjoy this season of your son's life. It goes by fast and they're heading off to college before you know it...

Stop fretting.

Talk to the other parents while there and just tell them, "Man, I get nervous when my son is .... up to bat, pitching, etc...." It will be a good conversation starter and I'm sure the other parents will chime in with their stories, because it's all about team work no matter how stellar you own kid is.

If you think baseball is scary, try putting your self in the shoes of the figure skating moms, whose kids are spiraling and jumping and spinning at revolutions that just about equal mach speed. Their falls are super dangerous, and when they miss a jump, they just get up and do it again.

I always get nervous watching my kids play sports and both of mine pitched baseball and softball. It doesn't make you a bad parent, but try to get your anxiety under control to not be "that parent" with your child as he gets older. There is a lot of stress on a pitcher. Try to relax, but it does sound like your husband is stepping up.

My daughter's first game pitching varsity made me nervous. I think her friends were more excited for her than she or I were. She had a terrible game, but the next she did awesome. I just mutter under my breath when she makes a silly mistake and occasionally she actually hears me cheer but she's usually in the zone. When they are injured is what's the most challenging b/c you often just have to wait until the game is over to talk to them.

You're not a terrible mom, but do try not to stress so much so that you cannot enjoy watching him.

Sounds like your husband is a great dad - I think you're fine.

I used to spend half my son's games chatting with other moms.

Don't over-think it.

Sometimes we get over involved in our kids' sports or other activities, and with so many parents pushing so hard to make sure that their 5 year old in t-ball gets into the Major Leagues, it's easy to get sick of it! But that's not what you're doing. You don't want your son to be disappointed, I get that - but kids learn from failures and mistakes, and it's important to see losses and strike outs as learning experiences. Your husband is teaching that. You're helping in other areas like school work and projects and other fun. Team parenting is fine!

We're also inundated by stories of sports injuries, with all of the focus on football head injuries (and the NFL overlooking it, telling players to "play hurt"). Now they are banning soccer players from "heading" the ball until high school, again because of the brain injuries. Part of the problem is that kids aren't playing pick-up games anymore, and many are in organized sports from an early age. If there's a strong concentration in any one sports area, the potential for injury goes up. Add that to news and internet stories, and parental anxiety can go up. Maybe that's a factor for you.

And maybe you're just not a "sports person" - that's okay!! If your son were out playing in the neighborhood with friends, you'd have no idea what he was doing and you wouldn't be standing in the yard watching every second. So there's no reason you need to feel guilty about not watching every move from the sidelines of an organized activity. Look at it this way - when he's in high school, he may hate that his parents are there! Maybe not - maybe he'll appreciate the support. But compare that to the kids whose parents are in the bleachers screaming out coaching ideas or, worse, obscenities. Your son is a lucky boy to have a mom who takes a walk!

Ahhh, watching your child pitch is brutal.

What you describe is very common. The fact that he was able to find his rhythm and and strike out three in a row is awesome. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat there on the edge of my bleacher, literally in agony waiting to see if my girl can get out of a sticky situation. Often it's not even the pitcher's fault, errors in the field can get them there and it's largely up to the boy or girl on the mound to get them out of it.

I have talked to many Mom's who have to step away for a moment, including myself. You're new to this, baseball has a way of spotlighting kids high and low points for all to see and analyze. It's as much about the brain as it is the body. If your child loves it and can handle the pressure it is a great sport to teach athletics and life skills. Sound like your husband really gets it.

Just remind yourself that at his age the parents will hang on to the feelings longer than the kids. Take your cue from them. Most of the time the players are just a slice of pizza away from forgetting the agony of defeat.

My daughter was a soccer goalie, a damn good one. She would put her whole body in front of the ball which of course meant her head was right next to feet. She got her nose broke three times that I recall.

So yeah, hard to sit there and try not to jump out of your skin.

I would knit dishcloths. It distracted me enough that I didn't fully engage. If I didn't knit I would notice every bad call, get myself worked up and I would have been that parent yelling like a psycho.

The hardest though was sitting there when she was injured because they won't let you on the field until called.

Oh and yes the success and failure part of it was hard too. Some teams like to put the goals on the goalie, nope, that ball went through the whole team before it got to her. I miss it but I don't really miss the pressure.

Sounds like your husband is doing exactly what a model sports parent does, which is great - he seems really cut out for that! IMO as long as one of you has that role covered, you can step back.

Your son probably doesn't notice that you're walking around but if that makes you feel conspicuous, perhaps you could bring some knitting or a book or something to distract you while you sit in the stands. I don't often get nervous when my kids are playing but I certainly spend a lot of time chatting with other parents during games (hockey is an 8-month season so we're there forever and ever and ever, game after game) so I'm not watching every single play.

The only time I get so nervous I can't sit is when one of my sons is in net for hockey or soccer. I still watch, but I usually end up pacing a bit. I used to get nervous for my oldest son whenever he played hockey at all because he was a very late starter and therefore kind of awful his first couple of years but once he reached the level of the other players and didn't make any more mistakes or missed plays than his teammates, I was able to relax and enjoy the games more.

I don't know that being nervous makes you a terrible mom.

My older son competed in taekwondo when he was in high school. I watched him compete with my hands in front of my eyes, occasionally peeking through the cracks. It didn't make me a cool, sophisticated parent, that's for sure.

I have read that it's not unusual for parents of competitive athletes to be very nervous when their children are competing.

What are you expecting of yourself? Can you walk through sports events in your mind, trying to discover exactly what you're afraid of? It may be more than one thing. You might want to take a notebook and pencil and start writing anything that's in your mind until the concerns surface.

You may find that there's nothing there for you to condemn yourself about. Athletics may be your husband's arena of active support, not yours.

Even if you never attended a single game, you still wouldn't be a bad mom. This is your kid's thing, it doesn't have to be yours. :-)

I watch every minute of the game. I am never nervous if they willd do well. I am ALWAYS nervous that they will get hurt!! That's my biggest fear. My boys are very aggressive on the pitch (we are a soccer family) so I worry that bones will break. We have lots of bumps, bruises, cuts...but I think that just goes with the territory.
When it comes to Penalty Kicks I am a wreck. My stomache is in knots, I want to barf a little (lol), but I can't tear my eyes away.
I am the mom that talks with her kids after the games (if they want) about what they think they did well, what they think they can work on, ect.
L.

I used to get nervous watching my little girl play hockey (goalie), when she was learning and really struggled with the sport. She has improved and has played the position for 3 seasons and then switched to forward and will now go back to goalie.

I stayed with her during a goalie camp last week and I enjoyed it so much. Every time she came off the ice I told her how proud I was of her and then asked her if I told her how proud I was and she would say, yes a thousand times. She sucked up every minute.

My husband showed up to the game at the end of camp and started counting her mistakes. Yes, "she missed" and she "missed another". I told him to stop and then he started suggesting positions from the stands. I finally told him she could hear him so he stopped. Between the ice, the glass, and being above the rink in the stands, the voice carries.

At one point he showed up to watch her play during lunch and she stopped trying. She told me later she stopped because he was watching.

So don't get nervous, just tell him about all the wonderful he was when he struck out those batters. If he says he loaded the bases, tell him you must have stepped away to use the restroom and didn't notice.

You have to pick your battles so to speak. Yes, you go to the games which is great. Take a book or a craft for something to do to keep you occupied and not so involved in the sport. Speak with other moms and family members and get a group going that understands your plight.

My son started playing football at age 8 and continued until 17 in high school. We had the injuries of a broken foot, concussion (one) bruised ribs and mood swings. Yes they can get moody just like a girl with hormones. He also traveled to other schools for tournaments and we were at home (we lived in Germany part of the time). He also did baseball, wrestling, and soccer and played in tournaments. As a mom you worry but you can only worry so much until it becomes a mental problem. You have to put faith in your child that he/she will be all right and you will too.

As others have mentioned it is a way to learn the skills of life that are needed later to navigate where you want to go as an adult.

Praise him for his efforts at the sport. Being there is so important to them even if it is for half of the game. I was a team mom and would see them off on the bus on Friday afternoons. They usually returned late Sat night or early Sunday morning.

the other S.

It's a game. Why can't he just enjoy playing for the sake of playing? Why do you allow it to be a source of stress? Watching your kid play a freaking game should not give you an anxiety attack.

Yes, I get nervous. My anxiety level is sky high right now because just last week, my son was chosen for a hockey travel team. I love that he is a good player, but I loathe the pressure and fear of injury. Although he is a goalie and has lots of padding, he is still my baby. I am like you in that I have a hard time watching sometimes especially when he isn't playing his best or when there is a bad vibe in the arena. Honestly, sometimes I would rather he not play and just sit home and play video games.

I get nervous when my son comes up to bat, but not when he's in the field (he is only 7 and doesn't pitch). But, I did have a really hard time watching his all star tournament this weekend. It was the first time we could get eliminated from play, so it just felt like every game mattered too much. People (parents) were getting so frustrated when the kids made mistakes in the field (which happens often) that it felt too important and just not enough fun anymore. I stopped watching and played with my daughter for awhile instead.

The kids are mostly still six years old, so it really shouldn't matter so much. I wish I could enjoy watching it without caring whether they win or lose. In any case, we did get eliminated, so now I have a few months off before I have to start worrying again.

Really interesting question. For me it depends on the sport. My son plays a bunch, so I've noticed that I get super nervous when he's up to bat in baseball, but not so much when he's playing goalie in hockey. You would think they would be similar, but I can deal with the missed goal blocks better than watching him strike out. I have little to no stress when I'm watching him play forward in soccer or lacrosse. That's just pure fun.

I try to tell myself that if he only gets one hit at bat in the whole game, then I'll feel fine. It works for me. I just want him to be happy and I tell him how much I love watching him play.

I get the same way with piano and singing recitals with my daughter, so it's not the sports, it's the performance anxiety in me. ;) I get more relaxed with each recital. I also think I get anxious that my kids will feel bad if they don't play as well as normal at a game or with their music performance. I know that they will be fine, logically, but I still prefer it when they succeed and nail it of course.