Family Pictures

Take them down and if anyone asks, just tell the frame broke and they'll be up soon or something, but more than likely, no one will ask.

I think you should respect his wishes. If the kids ask about it, tell them to ask their dad so he can decide if and what amount of information he wants to provide. : )

No one will notice but him. I promise. IF someone does ask simpley say that you couldn't find any. I don't know if your children would even ask. Do they have contact with these people, if so, why do they have contact with these people?
I would simply replace these pics with pic of your children, maybe their art work? I love to see children's artwork framed on the wall. That will be the converastion peice, not that his grandparents are missing.
I would replace them with something cheery immediatly. I can't blame him. I have to walk by a pic of my mother-in-law everyday and it eats me up for similar reasons that your husband has, but my husband likes to remember her when, so it stays. No one asks even though our freinds and family know that we don't have contact with her. (Though my sister has been known to try to knock it off the wall and break it, draw mustashes and such on it in dry erase marker. LOL. Not for real, but it has become a running joke with us.) It will be fine. You are worrying too much.

I'd respect your husband's wishes and take the pictures down. Replace them with pictures of other family members or of your children. I don't think most people will notice. When your children get old enough to notice and ask, I think they're probably old enough to know the real reason why. My mom's grandfather sexually abused her so we didn't have any pictures of him in the house growing up and we didn't talk about him at all. By the time I was old enough to pick up on it, my mom told me the truth. It helped her a lot not having to hide it from my brother and I.

I love pictures too -- but you must respect your husbands wishes - and family photos on the wall can become over-the-top too much. I suggest making a family photo album with names and dates, etc and the only pictures on the wall should be your husband and children's pictures and your parents - -- put your grandparents picture in a desktop frame and keep it somewhere that is your spot -- your desk, nightstand, etc... You can teach your children about their heritage by sitting down and actually going thru the photo album and talking about the pictures and people in there -- keep his grandparents in there and you can talk about where they lived, how many children they had, etc.. you don't have to reveal the more disappointing aspects of their lives. That generation had some hard times to live through, desperate times, and there is no telling the sorrows that made them who they were. they didn't start out that way I am sure. As you make your won history add to the photo album with your children and add dates, experiences, etc....if your children ask why your grandparents are in a frame and his is in the book, just say - mommy likes pictures everywhere and Daddy likes them in a book.

you don't want your husband to constantly be reminded of negative feelings so take the pictures down. If your kids ask explain they didn't leave the best of lives. You could always put the pictures in an album and if the kids would like to see the pics to know what they looked like then pull it out. Maybe you could find out some positive stories about them as well so you can share thouse with them too.

It looks like you are honoring the people that desirve to be honored! Just like little kids if your mean no one wants you around. I agree with your husband. My husband gets emotional when he looks at pictures. He has a brother that died when he was 16 and his mother died this year. I do keep some pictures up but they are limited not over whelming the walls.

what you can do is put the family pictures of you, him, and the kids on the walls. Place all others in a scrapbook with little memos of who they are and stuff you want to remember on them so your kids can see and remember them. That way you are both happy, you still have all the memories for your kids and he doesnt have to see his grandparents on the walls... you might even get a piece of glass and cover the computer table and put pictures in there.

S.,

I think family photos are a wonderful way to honor forebears and celebrate a heritage that you love -- when it is a loving and honorable legacy. I also believe that you are correct to honor your husband's wishes regarding not displaying his grandparents. There may be things about seeing them that trigger unpleasant or frightening feelings in your husband. He may or may not even recognize the reason(s) that he feels the way he does, if some hurtful memory is suppressed. The fact that HE does not respect them should be enough explanation.

It will be best all 'round if you lose the concern for "how something LOOKS" and for what OTHERS think. Many things will confront you in this life that will trigger actions or reactions which, when viewed from an uninformed outsider's perspective, may appear in a way other than you wish. I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that if you ALWAYS choose the truthful way, the kind way and do what is right for those truly affected, it will not matter what anyone else thinks.

In the case of your children, how could you ask for a better teaching opportunity? WHEN they ask about the grandparents missing photos (and it may surprise you how oblivious kids CAN be to that sort of thing) then - (1) be honest: "Your dad did not want to display their pictures of [his grandparents] because the behaviors they exhibited made him feel bad. Their pictures are not hanging because we love and respect dad's feelings." (2) Be kind: There is no need for you to denigrate their memory. Instead, it is a great opportunity to shift the focus to any relatives (yours or his) that you do honor and wish to recognize with a favorite memory or family story.

I firmly believe that we should always show respect for elders. But esteem must be earned by those individuals through their actions. I think your 5 and 7 year olds can easily understand the lessons that you can draw from this opportunity, such as: how they should act to gain respect from their friends; how to treat others with kindness (especially spouses), and why drinking alcohol is bad. By addressing real life issues with your children from the time they begin to ask questions, you will create an open, honest environment in which they feel safe to express their views about life's realities. By teaching them about respect and kindness toward one's spouse - which hopefully you and your husband demonstrate - you are starting early to teach the characteristics they should look for in others when they start dating. This whole situation provides you with wonderful opportunities to communicate values and to teach TRUE love - which can only come from God. These are the things that will get your grandchildren hanging pictures of you and your husband on their walls and telling their children all about YOU. Take actions today that write your story - one that you want to be remembered by when your heirs look back at your picture hung proudly on their walls.

Below, I have included a few verses from the Bible that seem helpful.

Ephesians 6:1-3 - "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise—"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Deuteronomy 33:9 - " He said of his father and mother, 'I have no regard for them. He did not recognize his brothers or acknowledge his own children, but he watched over your word and guarded your covenant."

Leviticus 19:32 - "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD."

Romans 7:7 - "Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."

Titus 2:2 - "Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance."

John 15:1, 5a - Jesus says, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener...you are the branches. "

Ephesians 5:1-2 - "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

God bless,
K.

I do the same thing w/my 'family photos'. My side of the family is extrememly disfunctional & were very awful towards me & treated me SO badly. I unfortunately have to distance myself from them because if I go & visit any one of them, it turns into a big argument & I hafta leave. I don't have ANY photos of my side of the family posted ANYwhere. I consider my in-laws my family...the family I WISHED I'd had. We get along SO well, it's unbeliveable how kind & generous they are compared to my actual relatives. Don't think anything weird about it, just understand where he's coming from & accept it. Ask your husband if it's okay to keep a photo album, to answer any questions your kids may ask or just answer your kids honestly. Their father doesn't get along w/his relatives because they tend to do things or act in ways they shouldn't & it's just difficult being around them & don't want to expose them to that. Just be honest w/the kids, they can take it.

I would respect his wishes and take them down. I can see his point. If they were as bad as he says they were, I wouldn't want my children to see them either. Drunkards and abusers aren't meant to be framed and put up for all to see. It's his wishes. If the kids ask questions, point them in his direction and let him explain why, after all, it's his family.
You should be proud of him for not wanting to be like or reminded of how his family was/is. He's a good guy.
Good luck!

I believe you should respect your husband's wishes on this. I'm sure you would expect the same of him if the roles were reversed. If the kids ask then have your husband explain it to them.

Me personally the family needs to be in the wall. Good luck either just do it and not worry to much what he thinks. Good Luck.

It looks like you appreciate and respect people who treat you well. If your kids understand that those grandparents were not nice people, sooner or later they'll make the connection that they don't want to be mean, either.

I would take his down as he requested but leave yours up. I love photos too and when I was married, I had a bunch of my family members up but hardly any of my husband's, simply b/c we didn't have any of his. No one will even notice, I promise.

You should definitely respect his wishes. When your children ask about it you just tell them that they weren't very nice people and you and your husband don't agree with the way they chose to live their lives and so yall have decided not to hang the pictures. More than likely your kids will be ok with this answer. If they are young you may not even get that far in the conversation.

Take down the pictures your husband objects to and place them in an album with notations for future reference to your children. In my experience they will not notice at all, especially if you put other pictures acceptable to your husband up in their place.
You will have the pictures for when your children get curious about their past (my daughter is 21 and still hasn't, so it may be awhile), but keep you husband happy.

If those are people that hurt him, I don't blame him for not wanting to have to look at them every time he walks down the hall. Maybe you can gather all the pictures you would consider putting up and let him go thru his family ones and choose the ones he wants. If he doesn't choose any, then just put pictures of you guys, your family and your kids up and let it be at that. I had a great childhood, my husband did not, so sometimes we have a disconnect because I'm close to my family and want to be around them and reminded of them and he could probably go thru life never talking to his mother again.

I agree with the husband. I do not put any pictures on the wall unless it is my son and step daughter. Grandparents should be in a scrapbook for your children or in the family photo alblum. I really do not hang alot of personal family photos even of the kids on the wall, just a few. I really do not think your kids care whether or not they see the grandparents on the wall or not they are are really young. I know my 8 year old has never asked why we do not put up pictures of the grandparents. Get a scrapbook for those things you think are special they do not need to be on display for everyone to see. B. K.

I think it's understandable why he doesn't want them hung in the house. I really don't think the children will read too much into the fact that your grandparents pictures are up an his aren't. Just leave them down.

If he doesn't want to be reminded of his family, then you have no choice but to take those pictures down! I had an abusive mom and when she first passed I had pictures of her every where like a shrine almost. (abused children don't blame their parents until they come to terms with the fact that the parent wasn't perfect, and that the child was not at fault and that this is not normal behavior found in every home! ) then for many years you could not find a picture of my mom up anywhere. Now I am 48 yrs old and my mom has been gone since I was 24. 24 years is a lot of healing time, and now I would like to put together a collage frame of all of the family that has passed away, as a rememberance and I want to put her picture there too. you can show those pictures to your children but you can not force your husband to look at them if he is not ready to. God bless you and your family.

I think a home should be the one place we can go to relax and feel peaceful, and our decor should reflect that. If those pics cause any kind of frustration or anxiety for your husband, then they serve no purpose! Maybe keep them in an album to show your kids, but displaying them is only causing more harm than good.