Family Bed

It helped when I put my son in a toddler bed, he hated the confinment of the crib. Starting, I layed down next to him till he falls asleep. Then I started laying on the floor next to his bed to fall asleep. Then, I started sitting or laying closer to the door. Now, I sit outside the door till he either settles down and doesnt get out of bed or until he is asleep.
It is time consuming but it works. I have been doing this for about 6 months.

Hi A.---we sorta did the same thing with our oldest---from the time he was 6 months to a year old he slept with me while dad was deployed. When dad came home, it took us about 6 months to get him in his own bed again--the baby bed he would just scream...so we got him really excited about a "big boy" bedroom...we got him a bunkbed actually at the age of two and painted the room and decorated it in a fun little boy trucks and fire truck type walls all over---we got him involved in picking out colors and the truck print....it amde things a bit easier and then every night we would just play it up with "ohh WOW, what a COOL room you have" and before long he did transition. Hope this helped some.

Hey A.--I just joined MamaSource. I have no idea if my advice will help, so just take it or leave it. My parenting style is fairly attachment oriented, but I also believe in setting healthy boundaries. First of all, congratulations on breastfeeding that long. You did an amazing thing for Landon--he will be healthier emotionally and physically because of this! Way to go!

My daughter has slept on her own most of her life (she's 4 now). I am SO lucky, at least that's what all my friend say and I think that is true to some extent. It wasn't easy getting her there, though. If no one is getting sleep in your house and no one is happy, you can get him out of your bed! You can do it because you have already done so many amazing things! It may mean less sleep in the short term, but you are already in that situation, right?

Here are some things that helped us help our daughter put herself to sleep at night:
establish a bed time routine that never changes regardless of where you are--ours is quite time with books, yoga, whatever, then brush teeth and get dressed for bed. Read books. Snuggle in the bed or pats on the back, making sure baby is still awake but drowsy.
When the baby cries--give him a few minutes (5) then go in and check, soothing words, kiss, pat, no picking up.
When baby cries again, wait 10 minutes, go back in, same thing.
Next time 20 minutes...and so on.

This is called the Ferber method and it worked for us. You are not leaving the baby to scream without responding, and you are providing regular evidence that he is still loved and comforted. This may take a week to work well, but eventually, there will be less crying and longer time between having to intervene. I was lucky, it took 4 nights with Frances.

I have found that this process helped Frances develop a firm sense of her own ability to soothe herself to sleep. She has NEVER had trouble sleeping since, except for obvious reasons--she was sick or teething. Even when she was sick or teething though, I did this method (even though it had been a long time since I used it)and it worked.

Good luck, A.--you rock! peace, C. or "Frances' mom"

We have a two year old very similar to your son. He can't sleep without us,.. we can't sleep with him.
Have you tried putting a cool toddler bed in his room? Sometimes a cool car shaped bed with cool blankets and a fun nightlight would make bedtime in his own room a little more enticing. You and your husband could also alternate laying down with him in his bed at bedtime. When he goes to sleep then you get up and go to your room.
If this does not appeal to him , you could possibly set up a small bed in your room ( if its big enough) and try to get him to sleep in it. Even if you let him go to sleep in your bed and them move him to his bed after he goes to sleep,, you might get a little sleep in your bed without him.
Also we finally broke down a bought a King size bed... we got a great deal on it, and it was worth every penny we spent. So even if you just get him to sleep part of the night in another bed then at least you are little more confortable when he does crawl into your bed.
As far as the water , perhaps a sippy cup or sports bottle filled with water placed beside his bed would allow him to get his own water at night. Hope this helps.

We never did the family bed... mostly because I didnt want to be in your situation lol I've been told by other cosleepers that when they transitioned their kiddos into their beds they'd sit by the crib for a few nights until they got used to being in THEIR room. Also if he's waking up for a drink maybe get some of the sippy cups w/ the open handles on them (like the playtex lil sipsters I think they're called) & hook the cup on the side of the bed. That way if he wakes up in the middle of the night he can get a drink of water & possibly put himself back down. Good luck getting your lil guy into his own bed... it may take some time but stick to it if it's something you really want. it's better to have a week or two of sleepless nights than to have a couple more years of it lol

I can honestly relate to this request.i have a 7 year old daughter that was diagnosed with autism at the age of three and because of us(the parents) being uneducated on this disorder allowed her to sleep with us.we were afraid because she would be up at night and we didn't want her falling out of her crib or the playpen or wondering around alone.
We just recently came up with the idea to put her bed between our bed and the wall and while putting her bed together we got her excited about her having her own bed,now she loves her bed and we still have the security we need having her close to us,but now it is mommy and daddy's bed once again.
I hope your able to find the relief you need soon,it only gets harder as they get older.

I would read this...
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
and adapt it to fit our situation

Good luck! Sleep is so important for everyone, hang in there!

Your story sounds so familiar. My oldest is 4. I moved her to a big girl bed at 17 months because we had another baby on the way. We made a huge deal out of her getting her big girl bed. I had a toddler bed picked out and took her to the store to buy it. She went to the store with her dad to pick out her mattress. We even painted her room. She loved the transition and moved out of our bed.

My 2 year old has issues with being in our bed now and wanting her drink every couple of hours. Just this week she started sleeping in her own bed and through the night. She just decided to do this on her own and hasn't been waking up for her drink. Maybe once you get him in his own bed he'll sleep through the night and not want his drink. Or you could put it on a nightstand or table next to his bed where he can get it himself. We had issues with that because when my now 2 year old would wake up for her drink, she'd come to our bed. Maybe you need try getting him off the night-time drink while he's in your bed, and then move him to his big boy bed. I'm sure it won't be pleasant for the first couple of nights as he cries for his drink and you continue to tell him that he can't have a drink in the night. But I imagine that after a couple of nights he'll be over it.

I understand completely. I have a 3 year old girl who often sleeps in our room but not in our bed. I nursed her until she was 22mos. We both got sick and by the time I could nurse her again my milk was pretty much gone. I had to take away her boppy pillow and anything else she associated with nursing. When she didn't see them, she didn't ask. As far as the bed issue; have you tried letting him sleep in your room but not in your bed? If you still have his crib mattress, you can place it on the floor near your bed and let him sleep on that. If he rolls off, he shouldn't go too far. Each night, you may be able to gradually move the mattress farther and farther away from your bed until it is in his room. Offer a cup of water instead of nursing. And maybe introduce some new comfort item -- blanket, stuffed animal, etc that can help him trasition to being a "big boy". Not an expert, just trying to help. Hope it works. -V

My kids are 12 and 8 so it's been awhile but I remember putting the crib mattress on the floor next to my side of the bed. Wed did that for awhile then we moved it to the end of the bed and then into her room. This was with the first one so we had to make room for the 2nd.

You can also try the supernanny style. Put him in a bed in his room - make a big deal about it of course, maybe have him decorate his room. Then lay him in bed and I think initially you sit by the baby's crib or bed, rub their back or hold their hand then you move to just sitting quietly by their bed, don't say a word, even if they talk to you. Then move away from the bed a bit, more and more until you're out of the room. I bet if you went to her website she has it all their with more detail than I'm up for writing down right now!

Good luck - oh and just so you know - my daughters still want to sleep with me. On the weekends when my 12 year old is up with me and I get tired we go to bed together and then my husband puts her in her bed when he's ready to go to sleep. It's kind of nice to still be able to cuddle with her and I know our time doing this is going to go away someday very very soon.

Yes, been there. At 12 months my husband said enough. I let her cry for one night. That was the end of the family bed, and it became the marriage bed again. I put a rocker in there. When she woke up, I held her for a few minutes and put her back in her crib. You may have to get up a lot, but it is worth a few bad nights to get your bed back. They don't wake up as often when they are in their in their crib. When they are in your armpit, you are too accessible and it is a fitful night for all three. Good luck. I promise, Landon will not have repressed resentments. He will stretch out and be snoozing through the night in no time. Your nursing schedule will adjust too. I nursed Clara until she was 18 months and Brigid until she was 2, and they slept in their own beds.

What is a Barista? I was in your shoes about two years ago. My last child is three and she will be four in a couple of months. I swore I would not let her sleep in our bed like the last two, but I did because I nursed and I was tired. She did not get out of our bed until she was about two. I feel kinda bad though because now she sleeps with my nine year old so I guess we kinda put her off on her. But that is her favorite sibling. Everywhere Dezya goes, there's Zoe right behind her. I am working on getting Zoe a bed to go in Dezya's room. I never gave her a cup at night though, she just weened and that was it. I think you should put his crib back up until you buy him a bed. It is going to be tough on you as well, but you have to stay strong. If you want to wait until you get him a bed, talk about the "big boy" bed like it's the best thing. Tell him that you are getting him one of his own and how great it will be for him to sleep in it. It worked for my oldest daughter. I really got her a twin size bed when she was 18 months to get her to sleep by herself, although I had to rub her to sleep every night. You just have to put your foot down or you will be sharing your bed until he is 10 (like my friend). It feels so great to have our bed to ourselves. You are on your way to that, don't get discouraged.

This worked for both of my daughters who remained in our bed well past the age of 18 months. Try putting his bed (or even just a mattress) in your room if you have the space. But, and here is the most important part, make him part of the process as much as possible so that it is his special place. This can be achieved in practical ways like letting him pick out the bed and/or the bedding if this is affordable. Or, in more magical ways, by creating a story around the "space" that is magical. You can get him his own special music player with story or music DVD's that are "special" and only to be listened to in his special spot. Try to make it more about him having something that is all rather than the focus being on "getting him out" of your bed. If you can actually do this in another bedroom, then that is great because you can do this in a one step process rather than two. And, in his own room, his participation can be even bigger (with painting, decorating, etc.). Just be as creative as you can and prepare to have it take some time but hold firm and keep reinforcing that this is his new (and proper) place.

I have 3 and can definately agree that some kids are just really hard to sleep with. The bed on the floor next to you actually works great. Try leaving your lamp on and everyone reads/looks at books at bedtime. The child always falls asleep within 10-20 minutes. Then it is lights out and everyone actually gets their rest! You can move the bed/sleeping bag out gradually. Good luck!

I am the mother of a 4 year old and 6 month old. I had the same problem with my four year old. But when the second one came along, (he was 3 years and 3 months) we had to put him in his bed. One of us gets in the bed with him every night and either just lays with him until he goes to sleep or reads him a book and then we lay there until he goes to sleep. Then we will get up and go to our bed and sleep the rest of the night. He's fine as long as somebody goes to sleep with him. He doesn't even know when we get out of his bed and go to ours. You think it's crowded now, imagine if he was 3 and still in the bed with you! Speaking from experience, try to stop this now. We are letting the baby sleep in his swing, his crib, or where ever except our bed. Sometimes he will stay in his crib all night and sometimes he will sleep in his swing.

By the way, do you live in Yadkinville b/c I went to school with somebody with your name?

We went through this. Caleb was about 2 when we moved him to his own bed. We started with his toddler bed beside our bed and gradely moved him further away and when he got closer to our door we moved it next to his door in his room, and finely to his beds final resting spot. It took a couple days in his room but if he gets up just take him to bed with out speaking and put him in there. If you have to stay beside him but do not touch or speak to him. He will have the security that you are there but it is bed time.

I don't know about keeping him out of your bed, but keeping a sippy cup of water within reach of his bed should help with that excuse to get out of his own. Good luck!

When my daughter turned 2 we started her into her own "big girl bed. We had just moved as well but knew it was important to start her off in her own room ASAP. We made a big deal out of her picking her own bed (with in price range of course) We gave her choices and let her pick it out then we made a big deal out of her being such a bog girl that she should have her own room with her new big girl bed. We bought her new sheets and a comforter as well and of course a bed rail to keep her from falling out. She was so excited. It was tough getting her into to stay in her room but we just simply told her that big kids sleep in there own beds. She is 7 now and our 4 year old went through the same thing. They occasionally sleep in our room but we make them make a bed in the floor so that they are not in our bed. We also started out our second daughter with naps in her new bed and they both just ate it up that they were so big to pick out there own bed and stuff and it has been so easy ever since. Hope this helps!!

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Hi A.,

We went through this. We started out with him falling asleep in our bed, then we'd carry him into his bad. He'd wake up in the night and come in. If I had the energy, I'd put him back in his room, if I didn't, he'd sleep with us til morning. The older he got the less often he came in. Then, he had him go to sleep in his room. At first, one of us would go sit by his bad. We made a BIG deal about what a big boy he was sleeping in his own bed. Even if he only made it a couple of hours. Then, we'd put him in and excuse ourselves for a few minutes, go back and check on him, then "remember" something else we ahd to do. Pretty soon, he just got into his bed and went to sleep.

It's a process. You didn't get to where you are overnight and you're probably not going to break the pattern overnight. We also had a "floor bed" so that if he came in, he had to lay there and not in our bad. You may also want to break the "wa-wa" cycle. It gives him a reason to be awake and with you.

Good luck!!