Facebook and Spiteful Little Girl

Your daughter needs to stop hanging out with this girl if she keeps getting into trouble when she is around her.

Talk to the school and have her switched away from the girl at lunch.

I dont know about facebook but, if I were you, I wouldnt put a whole lot of effort and energy into helping your daughter solve the facebook problem - put the onus on her to figure out how to get her facebook page reactivated. That's her "natural consequence" for engaging with this girl. Worse case scenario is that she isnt on Facebook socializing anymore (which is where some of the social drama originates).

As a former teacher, every year I saw girls - "frenemies" who were good girls, but were drawn into drama and "messiness" with each other constantly. One mom would come to school and talk about what the other girl did, and then the other mom would come and talk about what the first girl did - even if I put the girls on the other side of the classroom from each other, someone would be upset daily for an eye roll or a comment made. In these situations, I NEVER saw a time when there was one innocent girl minding her own business and another girl instigating everything.

The best bet for your daughter would be to just ignore her and NOT let herself get pulled into any more drama. Your daughter's job is to go to school and learn and do the best she possibly can in her classes. If she lets herself get sidetracked by middle school drama, she is short changing herself and her future.

Ugh! My daughter is 2 - I'm not looking forward to middle school! Good luck, Mamma!

Edit to add: The friend "hacking" your daughter's facebook account is probably a clear violation of your school's Acceptable Use Policy and should be brought to the attention of administrators. Just curious - how do you know that the "friend" did this? Did she tell your daughter or brag to other students? That kind of behavior is taken very seriously by network administrators - also - if you have any proof - you can probably report it to Facebook and the "friend" might have her account yanked...

This other girl is a bully. Cyber bullying is becoming a huge problem for teens. There are so many stories about kids who seem fine but it turns out later that they were being bullied at school/cyberbullied outside of school and then something really bad happens (like the child commits suicide.) I urge you to take a much more active role in monitoring your child's FB page and FB time. If you don't have her login and password, you should. If she won't give it to you, you can either take away this priviledge or get some computer softward that will get it for you. There are lots of tools out there to help parents. Detective Rich Wistocki in Naperville is extremely active in this area trying to keep our kids safe and get parents more involved in their child's internet activities. I just heard him speak the other day. Make sure your daughter knows that you are never anonymous on line. If someone says something inappropriate about your daughter, that person can always be identified. If your daughter reciprocates, even if she thinks she is anonymous, she is not. I am concerned that this other girl is setting your daughter up for some problems. You don't want your daughter to get into trouble for stuff that is not her fault or that she didn't start. SO, I think your daughter needs to stay far away from this girl. The dectective has a website. It is www.besureconsulting.com. I would check it out. Consider getting some of the monitoring tools. THere is one program that records all the keystrokes your daughter makes, you can use it to get her log in and password. I would also urge you to take what she says with a grain of salt. There are two (or more) sides to every story and no child is perfect. Your daughter is hanging out / wants to hang out with a girl who is causing problems for her. What else is going on here? I would try to find out more for yourself than just taking your daughter's word. I'm not saying that your daughter isn't a good kid, but rather that children and adults don't always see things the same way and an adult interpretation of some of these events might be very different. Good luck.

From what I know at your daughter's age she isn't supposed to be permitted to be on Facebook anyway. Nevertheless, if she was and Facebook dropped her I would imagine that the other girl might be dropped also because they are too young for it.Unless someone has your password who would be able to get into a FB account?
Next, I would ask that the lunchroom person make sure that the girls are not together in lunch at the same table.
And, sigh, I work in a middle school, I do supervise lunches and just because this girl said your daughter is doing something it does not mean that the 'mean' girl is believed by teachers or anyone else for that matter. She can say all she want but unless there is only one lunchroom person who doesn't see things all the time, I'd say the eyeballs on the kids are really pretty smart.
Truthfully for now, you should contact Facebook and find out the laws. On your own. And if she isn't on it for awhile that might be good. There are too many predators, bullies and others who are not good for your daughter. She has plenty of time on earth to Social Network later.

Your daughter is old enough to go and tell a teacher when a food fight is happening, or anything else before she has the chance to get blamed. Really, just tell her to not get involved in the drama. People start throwing food or pushing or cursing or whatever, she leaves the table. Teach her how to handle the situation, and to avoid this girl.

As for Facebook, that should be the least of her worries. But if they don't activate her account, she can always create a new one, and she should block this little girl from the very beginning. She is in 7th grade? I can't remember how old that is, but isn't that too young to even be on Facebook per their policy? I think the minimum age is 13.

You say in the "So what happened" that Facebook is "how [your daughter" is able to talk to her 'real' friends." That statement sounds very worryiing to me. Does she not have other good and supportive friends in school? Is that generally true or is it more an issue of this one bully -- you don't ever use the word but that's what this girl is, a class-A, top-notch bully -- souring every friendship she has at school? If FB is your daughter's sole outlet for talking to "real" friends, she needs another outlet and one that is face-to-face, not online; consider quickly getting her into activities outside school where she can be with other kids who are not associated with school at all. An art class or art club would be great for her.

Also, a couple of things I noticed as I read the post and I'd ask you to re-read it, trying to read it with the eyes of an outsider:

As I said, you never use the term "bully." That's EXACTLY what this girl is. If she is targeting your child, you should go to the school NOT just about lunch seating but about the bullying, period. Does the school have any anti-bullying program? Does the guidance counselor do regular in-class lessons for all grades that include anti-bullying lessons? Many, many schools also have anti-bullying campaigns, anti-bullying "weeks" etc. If your school does not do this -- demand that they do. Offer to lead it and organize it. Everyone needs to wake up to this in your school, it seems. A school could and should be held accountable if it lets this go on.

I would also let the school know that the bullying is spilling over into Facebook. There have been issue with online bullying (and yes, reporting your child to Facebook falsely is online bullying) and schools not being told about it -- the school may tell you "We have no control over that" but it is further evidence of this kid's issues.

You don't mention contacting this toxic girl's parents. If telling the school to end this bullying does not work, I would find her parents and tell them she needs to stay away from your child, entirely.

Please ensure your daughter is not quietly seething or depressed because of this bully. Keep lines of communication open and see if she would like to talk to the school counselor or see an outside counselor.

And if this goes on and the school does nothing, go way, way over the principal's head. You refer to a "dean" so I wonder if this is private school--? If so there may be nowhere over the dean's head to go, and in that case, I would leave if this does not cease quickly.

She can always share her art on pinterest...that way there is no personal drama.

wait - your daughter isn't 13 - what is she doing having a facebook account anyway? She can "prove" herself to facebook - but that will also mean, most likely, coming clean about her age too.

As to the other child. Go to the school and talk with the counselor. Get her moved away from this girl before it gets too far. This child is in need of serious help...the school needs to be informed and you need to stay on them to get the situation resolved. Change classes so that they don't have lunch together and don't have classes together....talk to the parents directly - but I'm that sort of person - I would take the bull by the horns and nip it in the bud. I don't mind confrontation - especially if it's about my kids and their well being.

If you can't prove that SHE (the other child) reported her to FB. You could be just as immature and report her as well as being underage and such.

I would talk to the school and ask them if they can move your child from this child. At the very least, they are a volatile combination. Or direct your child to speak to the guidance office on what to do.

You can contact FaceBook. I do not know the protocol for reinstating a page. However, if your DD is only in 6th grade, she's in violation of the rules and shouldn't be on FB anyway. I thought they had to be 14. If she wants to share her art, I'd find another way to do so.

Holy cow this is NOT about Facebook- set up a Facebook account in your name let your daughter use it she can go in and re-friend all the friends she had before just make sure all the blocking features are on and the picture is not of her so this friend cant find her. I doubt there is anyway to get it set up and this girl had to work pretty hard to get her shut down. Seriously people Facebook is not the devil!. As for the girl it may time for an intervention- call or email a school counselor- let them know the frustration of this girl and that you would like them to keep them separated if at all possible that this girl is seriously upsetting your daughter and that you don't want to have to remove her from the school but will if necessary. If nothing is done in a reasonable amount of time then it is parent phone call time.

Man that age is so hard. I am trying to teach my son to speak up for himself and he's 13. But he's a little on goofy side. He's in band so he has lots of friends in there but not as many in his other classes and lunch. He's had his lunch box stolen, parts if not all of his lunch stolen and when he did speak up nothing really happend. But I told him he has to do it every time something happens. Or momma will come up to the school and take care of it or march my happy butt accross the side walk and talk to the coach which is the teacher of the class he has the most issues with. He did not like that idea. So I am hoping he will start speaking up. It will help he no longer has to take him lunch at least for the rest of this year.

Good luck and God Bless!

Maybe a break from facebook is just what the doctor ordered with all this drama going around.

Why is your daughter still hanging out with this girl? Does she express a desire to cut ties with her? You may have to help her with this (talk over strategies, what else she can do during lunch) and enlist the help of school staff to support her sitting apart. I'd call the school about their ABC order plans if it actual makes the girsl sit together, they need to do something about that if your daughter is actually trying to separate and make better choices.

Here is the thing. Even if you reactivate your daughter is still hanging out with her. If it was an enemy thing you could have even gotten a new fb account for her. They are easy to make and just not befriend the mean girl and click the button that says only friends can see your wall. But she is still hanging out with her so besides changing her school you will not be able to control it much at all.

easy dump the friend because your daughter doesn't deserve to be treated like this plus she should have never trusted this girl being a friend on facebook. I didn't think the kids there old enough to have facebook any ways but if she would open another account tell your daughter to block this friend all together or keep her security up.