I want to thank you in advace for any advice given. From the time that my husband and I got married (almost 9 years now) we have only lived without my extended family for 3 maybe 4 years and my husband and I are fed up. I am a full time SAHM and I feel like I am a slave to everyone, I cook, clean, and do laundry and no one seems to help except for my hubby when he is home. First it was us living with them because we could not afford to live on our own. We moved out and went to Hawaii when my hubby joined the Army. We were there for a lil more then 2 years. Now that we are back from his tour we were living on our own and doing great. About 4 years about my mom moved in with us because her and my dad were getting a divorce and she could not afford to live on our own and really with it just being my mom it was great, she pretty much stayed to herself. Now my mom and dad are wanting to get back together my dad has moved in with us because his soon to be ex wife has kicked him out of his house and is not able to move back in until the divorce is final. My little brother has been kicked out of his house as well and has no where to go. With all of these extra people living in our house all of our bills have went up and so have our cleaning needs. Everyone works but me and so it seems like everything is up to me. Even when everyone has a day off no one helps! I do not know what to do. I know my parents put a roof over my head when I needed it most and I am not wanting them to move out I just really want some help, but in a way I feel like I shouldn't be asking for it because I stay home all day. My husband is starting to feel like everyone is taking advantage of us because we can help (well kinda). Is there a nice way I can ask for help? Or am I just going to have to get over it? My mom tells me on a daily basis how hard it is for a stay home mom but yet she still sits on her butt when she is off. I feel like I am rambling (sorry) but I just don't see how else I can explain how frustrated I am. Once my dad is able to move back into his house we are going to go with him, because now we need help again because everyone has drained out our accounts and we are unable to pay our basic bills. Before this happens I want to get some control over this situation so we can live peacefully until we are able to move out again (soon I hope). I am not asking for a lot becuase I know my kids make the most mess. As I asked before is there a nice way to ask for some help? I am not a mean person and I hate to make people mad.
Wow aren't you in a pickle! I don't have any personal experience so feel free to totally disregard this advice, but I would suggest a family meeting where you ask that everyone do some chores on their days off - just some stuff to help out. Taking out garbage, vacuuming, washing/folding laundry, etc. That way they can see that you are feeling overwhelmed and feel like they have a say in how they can help.
I would strongly encourage you to sit EVERYONE down at the same time. Tell them all you expect them to be out in 30 to 60 days. That for the rest of the time they are there you expect them to pitch in and help or leave sooner.
You can find a nicer way to say it... but YOU ARE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF... and YOU NEED TO SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES.
GOOD LUCK
you are very generous and you deserve the help you ask for. I am non confrontational, too, but I think in this situation you should have your husband on your side and sit everyone down and tell them what you just said. They probably don't realize what a burden they are being and how much you need the help. Having him stick up for you in front of everyone will add validity to your claims.
Good luck.
Do your house work as usual if it were just your husband and your kids there. you said your husband helps you when he is home so that is good. You don't work outside the hoem, your work in the home and that is your job.
Your mother and father can do their own laundry and pay for their own things minus rent until they get back out on their feet.
And honey! Take a day off from all that chaos and GO TO THE PARK WITH YOUR KIDS NAD LEAVE THE HOUSE AS IS and say "it'll get done, when I get it done". :) And don't feel bad!
I'll even meet you there! ###-###-#### I m in Cedar Park!
You have a heart of gold. Gold does not work in this world. Hold a family meeting. Post time and place and have an agenda. Explain how it is ask for X$ and tell that is it to help pay for the utilities and the like including food. If they don't like it -- there's the door. Remember THIS is your home that you and your husband are trying to make together. They the freeloaders can go. If you weren't around they would have to make it on their own. Don't feel sorry for them and don't give in to them. Give them 60 days or else. I know that sounds cold and cruel but if you don't you won't have peace and quiet and a life with the man you loved. The family will always be in the way. How many are in this marriage with the marriage license -- 2, 3 49 or more?If this is a rental, how many people were listed on the lease? If these people have been living in the residence for more than 3 weeks, you could be evicted because too many people are in the home. You may have to pull some tough love but you have to do it for you. Feelings will be hurt and people may not speak but in the long run your sanity is more important.
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I moved my parents in because of their health and then my sister dumped her kids off on me because she has funky work hours and never came for them. So now we feed nine people in home instead of 5. Make a chore chart that includes every one, post it on the frig. Monday's you cook dinner, Tuesday dad cooks dinner, Wednesday your brother etc. Hubby is in charge of taking out garbage, Dad is in charge of keeping the yard clean. They will get the hint.
You have to nip this in the bud right away. If they were working and living in their own home, they would still be doing their own laundry, cleaning their own toilets and cooking for themselves. Starting today, you need to make a chart and everyone needs to pitch in and take a chore. Also, if everyone is working, they need to be helping with the rent and other bills. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of. They will never leave. Good luck!
PS. It really is time for them to move out. If they are earning a living, they should be able to move into a 1 bdrm apartment. Their son (your brother) can sleep on the sofa.
If you and yoru mom are close I would suggest that you talk to her and let her know that you need a little help with X, Y and Z. Personally I think they should be doing their own laundry regardless of whether they work or not, you have enough to do without worrying about their clothes. If laundry is a big part of the problem, then maybe you should make an announcement that as of today everyone does their own laundry. Or if it is many household chores then I would suggest to assign everyone a chore. Regardless of working in or outside the home everyone in the house needs to help out. Make a chore list, and don't do the chores for them and don't nag either. If all that doesn't work, then go on strike. On strike only take care of your kids and husband let everyone else fend for themselves! (I've gone on strike before, it was particularly effective, but I had really had enough at that point!)
I work part time so I know how you feel. I feel like I have 3 full time jobs lol!
Good luck, hopefully it is just temporary!
Hi T. F,
I know what you mean, and to make a long answer short. Is there a way for you to just do your families laundry, and chores . Then get out of the house to visit friends for a long long while. You need to get out of the house and let your family see what messes they expect you to clean by your self. I've been married for almost 15 years and I'm 34. If you need some more bainstorming my email is ____@____.com. I don't check it often and I'm in Okinawa right now, (my hubby is a Marine) but it pains me to here that your own family is taking advantage of you
