This is a JFF, sort of situation. We have two second cousins--both boys--to buy cousins for. We all agreed to just buy for the kids--whew--a good thing since I'm unemployed and extremely budgeted.
In the past I've asked the parents of these cousins--my husband's first cousins--suggestions on what to get the boys. They were younger, toddlers, then so clothes went over just fine.
This year, my husband said "don't ask their parents" just buy a toy. No kids want clothes.
I say he is talking with his own inner child. I wasn't planning on buying clothes but also don't want to duplicate any toys they might have or what their parents might be getting.
I say asking the parents is considerate so they can save themselves returns. I also like to know what the boys like--phases--to play into that.
I'd ask the boys directly but we hardly see them--only twice a year.
So how would you handle?
LOL. I just realized that I said we have to buy "cousins for" instead of gifts!
Since you are budgeting go to Dollar Tree and get some story books or coloring books and crayons. The kids will love it and it won't cost much, and they can always use story books of coloring books.
I would call the parents and ask what their interests are of if they've made some requests in your price range.
I agree with calling the parents and asking what they like best.
There is no way anyone can get the right gift for children they hardly see. I can barely get the right gift for my nephew and nieces and I see them all the time. So take the pressure off yourself, smile and nod at your husband, and then ask the parents.
Btw, books or magazine (Highlights, Boys's Life, National Geographic for Kids, Sports Illustrated for Kids) subscriptions are always good to give as gifts to kids you hardly know or see often. Invest in their future!
Dollar Tree - sidewalk chalk, bubbles, etc. They have a lot of fun things for a buck.
I would ask the parents. My mom always asks me before buying my son a gift. My son always gets to play with this gift and it is never a duplicate. MIL does not ask us - (also never gives gift receipts) - a substantial percentage of them live in our garage or high closet shelves. Also - if you don't ask - please include a gift receipt.
I would actually just let the parents know that you are no longer going to be buying for their kids.
That's unless you are enmeshed with their lives on a nearly daily basis. This is a trend that will be expected long into that child's adult life.
I have a friend who gets mad if her Christmas card from her Aunts, Uncles, or general relatives don't have at least a $5 in them. She grew up learning that these meaningless gifts were tied to them loving her. So if they didn't hand her money each time they saw her or give her a gift each time that meant they didn't love her.
This is something that could be weaned off. They could be told next year that you are going to sew something for all the kids in the family. Maybe their own apron or craft carrier.
I remember my mom telling the grand kids she would give them a roll of dimes each year for Christmas until they turned 18 then she would not give them any more Christmas gifts because she could not afford to buy for each one. Each and every one of them missed that roll of dimes the year they turned 18. Each of them remembers what they bought with them and how they dreaded turning 18 because they'd miss that exchange.
It was only $5 but it meant more to them. So if I were you, unless you are involved in these kids lives daily or at least weekly then you need to wean them off this habit.
My boys are 8 and almost 15. My cousin and his wife buy them gifts. Every year, my cousin sends me a text asking what the boys would like. I respond, and the boys are thrilled with (and thankful for) what they get. It works out well for everyone. I would check with the parents.
You don't say how old the boys are. If they are toddlers, then I'd just buy them a toy. I don't thinks it's a big deal to go exchange it if they don't want it or already have it. I'm with your husband, if you start asking, you might open a whole new can of worms!! If they are older, maybe a gift card or Itunes card. You can't go wrong with that. And I'm sure since you only see them a few times a year, that they will be glad that they got anything - they're probably just happy to see you and spend time with you!
How old are they? I'd ask the parents what they are into at this stage or
ask to speak to the kids themselves.
That way you get the real story and you don't duplicate what they already have.
I agree with you husband in getting them a toy but with you regarding asking the parents. Tell the parents that you want to get them a gift that they really like/want but wasn't sure what toy or game that would be. Ask them what they are into these days that mom, dad, and grandparents haven't already purchased. If they suggest clothes, tell them that hubby really wants to NOT do toys this year. If they aren't much help to you and the kids are older (like 10 or more) a Toys R Us gift card works great too.
Is it possible that hubby talked with family member and they advised him that they did not need clothes but toys?
I would go to the Dollar Tree and get a big bucket of chalk and coloring books and crayons so that they can use their imagination.
Hope all goes well in the gift department this year.
The other S.
Tailor your question to the parents. For example:
We are going shopping this weekend for the boys' Christmas gifts and have a few ideas in mind, but would love it if you'd share a few of their current favorite themes. Are they into super heroes, dinosaurs, Star Wars, Harry Potter, pirates? Are they into the same thing, or does do they have they own favorites? Also, is there anything that they already have plenty of, so there's less chance of duplicates? Thanks!
