Exposure

You sound like a very thoughtful parent, so i hope youll appreciate this info:
I have real concerns about the other child getting spanked for this .... This is how fetishes form. That is ... According to a terrific speaker in west 'burbs (mark mcdonald, psychologist) who spoke to our MOPS Lombard group (now disbanded, but you can find another chapter via MOPS.org) on the topic of "raising healthy children in an over-sexualized society" . Hesaid thatin situations like you mentioned, humiliating/shaming
punishment can actually create a sort of mental tape-loop reinforcing that same behavior when the intended result was DIScouragement of the behavior. He advocated a very calm, no-drama, no-shame approach. It's complicated & i am not a professionsal, so you (or the other parent) may want to read up on it or look up Mark McDonald (I think his practice was in Wheaton).

Looks like you got some great input from the first two responders. This is a natural behavior for kids exploration and shaming (the oother M.'s approach) sends the wrong message. You are clearly a loving and aware parent to be checking this out with other moms. As a parent, grandma, and counselor I have learned that the more we react emotionally to a child's behavior the more that memory is imbedded in the child's brain. If we are reacting negatively to the child's behavior the child often will take on a negative belief about self rather than the behavior, such as, "I'm a bad person" rather than, "This behavior is not okay or is bad". A child's brain is quite literal and the way we word things can minimize but not always eliminate the child taking it personally. I make a point to use lots of words and emotion in my voice for positive reinforcement messages and little to no words and emotion for responding to unwanted behavior. Just calmly repeat the basic rule, and if needed, just as calmly put your consequence in place. They say it takes 10 positive messages to balance out one negative, so keep the positives flowing because we will inevitably find ourselves stumbling into doing negatives. Hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you want.

Your post made me LOL only because I'm a teacher and I've had this happen in my class several times! (Try explaining to the parents of girls what happened in your class!)

I found that explaining why we don't do it to kids that young does nothing but make it sound more intriguing. The more "forbidden" it is, the more they want to do it.

If you're worried about the other boy's influence on your son I wouldn't let them hang out. Sometimes a combination of two personalities is a recipe for disaster! My stepdaughter would always get in trouble when she hung out with this one girl from her class. Apart they were both fine but together they were T-R-O-U-B-L-E! We never had a problem with any other kid (and vice versa with her friend) so the unfortunately the solution was to not hang together.

As for exposing himself, I've found a simple "we keep our clothes on in the presence of other people" to work fine followed by whatever consequence works for you (time-out, etc.) It's a nice broad explanation and works for keeping his shirt on as well. It doesn't call attention to the "forbidden area" thus making it more intriguing. It's a very common thing, I've talked to many parents who have had similar issues with boys AND girls. He'll grow out of it! (Hopefully before you die of mortification!)

Good Luck!

Just make sure he has time to "explore" himself safely and privately at home. His healthy body is something he should be proud of, but also protective and private.

Use yourself as an example. Does Mommy show her private parts to her friends? It should make the point more clear.

Any time with the neighbor boy should be 100% supervised. They will just need to play in the roomyard where you are. This incident should not be made into a major catastrophe. A simple punishment, go over the "rules" again, and drop it.