Explaining Putting Dog to Sleep to 4 Yr Old

I recently had to put my 17 year-old cat down too & my daughter is 4. I didn't say anything at first until she noticed she was gone, which was a couple of days. There would have been no way of telling her right away, & as it was I had to have dad explain it because I knew that I couldn't make it without breaking down. He did really well, & then she ran to me for me to hold her. He just told her that the cat was really sick (which my daughter already knew she was) & that she went to heaven. It made her feel better telling her that their was a heaven for cats & that she would get to play with other cats & not be sick anymore. She also wondered if she would still get her treats & where would she sleep & all sorts of questions like that. We did the best we could there. We didnt say anything about putting her to sleep or anything. I think that would have been confusing to her. I think that was the best way. She sometimes tell people that she doesnt live with us anymore & that she is in heaven

Our daughter always did well if we read her a book on tough subjects. It leads to good conversations that then we could turn into how the subject was affecting our lives.

Go to a book store and look for childrens books on death.. Or the library.. Here are some titles about the death.

Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie
Goodbye Max by Holly Keller (dog)
When A Pet Dies by Fred Rogers

Try to use the real words. "Died". "Doctor says this dog is dying."

Try to avoid vague words like "put to sleep", "given a shot". "Had an accident.". This can lead to fears or confusions of these events in other situations..

I know this is hard for you, but you will be amazed how if you stay calm and matter of fact around your child how well he will do. He may only ask 1 question or none at all. Just answer what he asks.

When our daughter was this age, a young friend in her day care class, mother was killed in a car accident. I was REALLY worried about how to tell our daughter. I purchased a few books about death and how there is a beginning a middle and an end of every life...

Once we just told her the truth I was calm and said "when he comes back to school, he might be really sad." Then I asked her if she had any questions. The only thing she asked was "How will he go to the store for groceries,he is too little to drive?" I told her "his grandparents would take him." She then asked "What if they die? Who will take him then?" I told her he could live with us and I would take him." That was it, she just wanted to know about the groceries."

You set the tone. He will follow your lead.
I am sending you strength.

Hi K.,

We had to put a pet down when my daughter was six. We told her that we took her to the vet and he had to put her to sleep. (Our dog had gotten into a nest of ticks and had more than 30 on her when she got home....brain damage had set in and she got aggressive.) I didn't realize until a few years later that she really thought our sweet puppy was still sleeping. The point is, less is better. Don't give too much information. It's not necessary. A four year old thinks too concretely....

God bless,

M.

The truth of the matter is that your dog IS sick and will pass away. Now whether that passing is peaceful and painless or long and painful remains to be seen. Begin a few days before if you have the time, and explain that your beloved pet is very sick and will probably die. Then, tell the child you are going to take the dog to the vet and it may be so sick that it may not come home. Allow your child to say it's good-byes. It will be painful for all of you no matter how you handle it, but at least good-byes will have been said. I do not think the child should accompany you to the vet. Best wishes in this difficult time.

I don't have experience with explaining euthanasia, but we did have a cat that recently died, and it was confusing to our 4 year old and even more so for our 6 years old. Our cat was very ill and it was evident, so it wasn't terribly shocking to the kids when she passed.

My advice is to stay away from saying things like putting the dog "to sleep". Four year olds don't understand that term and may think that if they or you go to sleep you will not wake up. I would also be careful about how you explain the illness. My kids had a lot of questions about why they could get better from being sick but the cat couldn't.

I would keep the explanation as simple as possible. We used this as an opportunity to talk about what happens when animals, people or other living things die. Not matter what your religion or belief around this, it's a good chance to talk to kids about it. In our case, we told our kids that no one really knows what happens when people or animals die and we talked about what different people believed. From that the kids formed their own opinions about where the cat "went" and what happens after life here.

Best of luck, and my condolences about your dog's illness...

don't make it harder than it needs to be. Keep it simple....but avoid using the phrase "put to sleep". Some kids fear sleeping after losing a pet.

Death is a part of our lives. Accept it gracefully & without drama, express your sense of loss ....without over-the-top drama.....& your child will be fine. I wish you Peace.

You don't need to explain anything about the euthanasia. We just went through this recently for the second time in a year and a half. The first time our nearly 5 year old daughter was told the dog had died. Do not use any euphemisms. It will only be confusing and possibly frightening. We kept it very simple. Recently for the second dog we told her the same thing only we added a little more detail. We told our daughter the dog was old, his heart had stopped and he had died. You could tell she was thinking about death for several weeks but we let her mull it over in her own head. This time since she was far more curious about death and was grappling with its finality, we took her outside and compared our dogs to flowers. We showed her the flowers in the garden and explained how some flowers had buds, some were blooming, some were wilting and some were dead. It's part of life and it's not bad. She thought about it a long time and we think it helped her understand. Over the course of a few weeks we have fielded some interesting questions, though. How come we don't bury in the dogs in cemetaries was a fun one. Overall we took the simple but honest approach with no frills. We told her the bare essentials. The dogs died and won't be coming back. After that we answered whatever questions came along. Also as a family we buried both dogs and made her a part of the process after they were in the ground. Good luck.

I don't really remember how my husband told our boys (8.5 & 4 at the time) about our cat (I was crying at the time). I think he explained that KC got really sick & the vet couldn't make him better because he was too sick & he died.
We don't believe in a heaven for animals, though we don't know but the bible doesn't say anything about animals. So we honestly told our oldest (when he asked) that we don't know what happens to animals when they die.
Both of our boys grew up with our cat & he was fine then right before bed he started screaming & couldn't walk. The vet said that he had a blood clot & it was cutting off the blood to his legs & he was in a lot of pain. I had to put him 'to sleep' that night. It was the hardest decision to make, but there were no options for him except die quickly & painlessly or slowly & painfully.
Like I said my boys did not see our cat sick. He was his normal (8 y/o) self when they went to bed, then before my husband & I went to bed our cat was dieing. It was a shock to all of us.
Also like others have said don't mention: went to sleep or watching over you. As it may scare your child & he may not want to sleep (or you to sleep)because he may fear not waking up or you not waking up.
I'm sorry that your dog is so sick. I hope everything goes well. I know how hard the decision to euthanize an loved pet can be.

God bless!

I agree with everyone else. You don't need to explain about euthanasia to be honest with your daughter. She is too young and will have a hard time understanding it. Try and find the book called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. It is a very sweet book and will help all of you after your dog is gone.

This can be so hard! So sorry your dog is getting to that point. I know what helps me to talk to my 3 yr old is very simple things. I was able to try and talk to him about it a little when a friends baby passed away after only 9 short days. I simple told him that the baby had gone back home to live with our Father in Heaven and that someday we will see them again. Even though he is young, he seemed to understand that the Lord will now be taking care of this little one. I would probably not explain to him about how it is going to happen. Just let him know that dog is very old and is not feeling good... Of course be honest, but find the words that he will be able to digest! Good luck to you!