Explaining Divorce to Kids

I used the book "when dinosaurs divorce"....5 is a great age for the book. Id say the 2 year old is to young to "talk" too, but will adjust rather quickly to the new arrangements.

I explained to my boys that although we both love them more than anything else in the world, and that we still hold love for each other always, somethings mommys and daddys just can not live together.

My mom sat us down and just told us outright that she was divorcing my dad. I was much older than your kids at the time. My parents problems began long before the announcement of the divorce and the fact a divorce was needed was not lost on us kids.

The thing is kids often loose their parents through a divorce. I lost both my mom and my dad. Looking back on things my mom was so consumed as a single parent trying to make ends meet and handling my less than cooperative sister. My mom must have been depressed and often overwhelmed and got very little if any relief from the pressure of everything falling on her all the time every time. My dad wasn't much of a father before the divorce and even less so after.

As an adult looking back at things you can see more clearly how things unraveled and how it possibly impacted you and your growth and development.

I would strongly encourage both you and your husband to work things out in the best interest of the kids. The kids will need some kind of support system to help them deal and handle this even the 2 year old who only has feelings to feel but not necessarily the words to express the feelings. My sister and I are 4 years apart. When the divorce was finalized, I was 13 and she was 9 but our dad hadn't lived in the house for at least 5 years prior but with good reason (he suffered from severe mental illness and was often in the Veteran's Hospital.

I guess the main thing to remember is that kids love to play. So play with them often and frequently especially when you are feeling a little more stressed out than usual. It will probably help them and you more in the long run.

i would wait untill they really understand things better

I'm a child of divorce. The thing that lingered in my mind for many years is that my dad left me. I realized he didn't want to be married but it felt like he divorced me too - not just my mom. Regardless of books or online outlines the thing that children really need to understand is that grown up people sometimes find they jsut can't live in the same house together without fighting alot (or wahtever) but no matter waht, daddy & mommy love you very, very very much. More than anything else, more than even themselves. I would say soemthing like "you know how daddy and I were arguing and fighting alot? well we decided we cant live together anymore. It's kind of sad that we can't live in teh same hosue any more but the way it works out best with money, and with bedrooms is that daddy is going to to live in another hosue. he's still your daddy and loves you so so much. He and I are getting divorced but we are not divorcing you!. i love you more tha I love myself - isn't that cool! and Daddy loves you liek that too. Daddy will always be your daddy and will always love you. Ecplain how daddy will come to be with them whenever he can - and I know he will be looking forward to hugging you and playing on the floor with you , etc.

The big thing about kids learning stuff is reinforcement. They need to be told and demonstrated to all the time. Tell them you love them, show them you love them (hugs, toussled hair, listening to stories about the day, etc.) then remind them, show them again, tell them again, etc. Children spell love as T-I-M-E. So make sure your soon to be ex understands that all those kids want is his time. Even is he's just going to lay on the floor on Saturday morning watching cartoons and rolling around and rough-housing with them. Help the boys buy or borrow books they can read with you and with dad - give them some continuity at both homes (or if they have a few favorites get them copies to ahve at dad's home - don't depend that he'll do it).

Good luck mama - it seems easier when they're younger than when they're teens.

when you state "Although the kids are somewhat use to having an emotionally absent father, they will definitely notice when he is physically gone, especially my 5 y/o. In general he is very inquisitive and very observant..." i feel like you are really underestimating how this will affect them. in fact, your 2 year old will "definitely notice when he is gone". your 5 year old will much more than "notice" - his whole world will dissolve. just because you feel their dad has been "emotionally absent", don't underestimate how this will crush your kids. you are right to reach out and find something to help. i understand that you are emotionally wrecked right now...just keep in mind, it will be much worse on them, because they didn't choose it, and don't understand it.

We have an awesome counselor!!!

She's fantastic.

Which isn't a book...but a phenom resource.