Explain This Reasoning to Me:

Perspective?

Oh, an ex issue, simple, he does not have to take the child to after school care but he has to take the child to practice.

I don't think either is overscheduling personally...

My son does the afterschool program...they have a snack, do homework, play outside...He seems to enjoy it.

I use an afterschool program because there is no way that I can be off of work and home for him by 2:15 everyday and keep my job. It is out of necessity...nothing more.

Depends. It is sports instead of daycare or on top of it? How much driving time is involved?
For us daycare is a necessity - just no way around it. Picking DD up from daycare and then drive her to another activity every day would definitely over-scheduling.

Now if it's either/or I would pick the sport.
Good luck!

R., you know this one.

Every kid needs what suits them. Just because I don't put my dreamy little boy in soccer doesn't mean that someone else shouldn't put their busy kid into a sport that lets them burn off steam.

I think some people don't consider aftercare as over-scheduling because they don't see it as an option, but as a necessity. Perhaps whoever is being all judgy-judgy is jealous of your time with your son? Perhaps they don't have a clue as to what it is like to raise a kid who needs to run all the time. (I don't have one, but have been a nanny for kids like this and they *DO* need to run!)

And no, it doesn't make sense to me. Either way, it's not 'down' time. But it almost seems weird to me-- many of the kids who do play soccer after school love it. It's their choice. Aftercare is not usually a 'choice' a child makes. I'm not knocking aftercare, but just acknowledging that most parents use it as a necessity, not a luxury.

But some people get off on knocking each other. Hope whoever is giving you this guilt trip takes a hard look in the mirror.

I'm not sure what you are referring to but they both sound reasonable to me.
A daily hour of exercise is always a good idea, especially after sitting at a desk all day.
And three hours of daycare (which I assume provides a combination of rest, exercise and play) sounds fine too.
So what's the deal?

Ok, I'll take a guess..

The sports include other commitments over the weekend, or it includes travel time that makes it much more than an hour, or cuts into dinnertime?

The after-care allows the kid to do homework while sports does not?

The person making this statement isn't good at reasoning?

Nope, makes no sense. Is the sport one that the child enjoys? If so, I'd call that heaven for a kid.

3 hours of daycare for an ADHD child is probably a difficult thing to have to do after school. Sports would be helpful because of the physical exertion. Daycare would be more "trying to hold it together," after having done that all day during school.

ETA: I assume your ex is complaining about your son's after school sports, but is thinking that 3 hours of extended care would be better?

to me .. both seem overscheduled.. but.... day care is generally because the parents are working so. the child has to watched somewhere.. day care is pretty unstructured afterschool.. just come in have a snack.. play with toys/do homework.. spend 30-45 outside play.. come back in go to the gym.. or play with toys till mom picks up.

sports every day is pretty structred.. listen to the coach do what you are told.. i think after a 7 + hour school day.. most kids would liek to chill.

It is faulty reasoning. One hour of sports every day after school is necessary to the physical well-being of the child...it is NOT over scheduling. In fact it should be encouraged, because, seriously, PE during school isn't cutting it, and kids nowadays are NOT choosing to go run around outside for an hour everyday.

I guess 3 hours of daycare after school would be considered "downtime", maybe? Therefore not over scheduling? They're doing the same thing they'd be doing at home, just in a different location? I dunno...

But the sports thing? Nah, not over scheduling, IMO. One hour of sports, followed by 1 hour of piano, followed by 3 hours of homework, followed by violin practice, followed by finishing that project for school, etc...THAT'S over scheduling. And some kids thrive on that and some don't.

I can't. Sorry. one hour of sports is a GREAT thing!!!

3 hours of day care? Most likely inside....yeah...can't help you out there...

No logic behind it.

Your husband is a lunatic and a jerk (nice word for it.) That is the reasoning. Does the court actually agree with him? Say yes and I'll burst a blood vessel, R....

Dawn

Who said it was about the kid? One hour a day of sports is likely to feel overwhelming for the parent who has to do all the driving!

I'm guessing you are the 1 hour of sports and ex is the 3 hours of daycare?

Personally, I'm going for the sports. Exercise is healthy. The newest research says that everyone should get an hour a day.

But good luck convincing your ex of that.

How about 1 hour of exercise after school and it doesn't matter how they get it.
Sports is great for this, as is running around on the playground at daycare or running around in the yard at home.
You tend to need less equipment/gear for unstructured play and you don't have to worry about a schedule so much.
I don't think it's an either / or situation.

In the wise words of the Warner Brothers and Warner sister:

GOOD IDEA: Burning off excess energy with an hour of sports...
BAD IDEA: 3 hours of being babysat with limited options...

Wheel of Morality turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn:

# 9 3/4 Stick them in a cupboard under the stairs long enough, and you might find they're a wee bit...uncooperative.

The end.

One is a burn out and not fun, but the other is???
ie: the 3 hours of daycare after school... is not fun.
I know MANY kids, who say that... about their after care program. Some not being picked up until like 6:00pm.
THEN they go to whatever extra curricular, activity.
Duh.
That combined... is over scheduling?

And one is a "need" and the other is a "choice."?

I don't think an hour of healthy activity after school is overscheduling. I think our children are better off being rigidly structured. Weekends and summer are for playing.

3 hours of daycare doesn't make sense to me at all. I realize that for some, it isn't a choice...but I know a ton of people who say things like "Oh, I'd just go crazy if I didn't work" and stick their kids in daycare when one salary would be more than adequate. That makes me sad. Why bother having children?

And like I said, I realize for some there isn't a choice, so I'm not coming down on those who have to put their children in daycare. It's those who don't need to but do anyhow that bug me.

When dealing with an ex husband, nothing ever will make sense again. Good luck.

honestly niether if the kid is well rested

emmy goes to aftercare daily from 3:40 to between 5-6 depending on my work schedule every day, and has 2 days of afterschool activities (piano, dance) and also does girl scouts once a month. If I coukld afford more activties I would. Like your son she;s an only child so it matters more.

If it's daily and your ex cant avoid aftercare so it would mean aftercare then sports, that might be a bit much if he cant do homework at aftercare.

Aftercare at my daughters school includes tons of exercise, playtime, homework time, friends, sports, and so on...I hate when it gets a bad rap and gets labeled a daycare, but that's only because my mom makes M. feel guilty for having Emmy in it (if i had an option obviously I wouldnt)

anywho this sounds like your ex is being a jerk adn J. doesnt want to have to take him to sports.

For some, it's not just either or. They're looking at the activity (whatever it is) PLUS the necessity of being in daycare. That's 4 hours, not just one. When my sks were young enough to require daycare, they did not do outside things that required them to leave the building and return. SD went to her Spanish or piano class and returned to the daycare area of the school at the end of it so it became 1 hour of activity and 2 hours of daycare.

Now, if the problem is really one parent's schedule and how it impacts their time or work that's not "overscheduled" on the child's part. That's a schedule conflict with the adult. SD could not have attended her extra classes if it was not held in the same building. We didn't have the flexibility to do it in the afternoon. In fact, her riding lessons were once a week, at night, on a weekday because WE had to work and her mom lives in another state and could not bring her on weekends.

Well, in that case, my children are the happiest, most over-scheduled children on the planet! ;) Why can't children have an hour of healthy activity, doing something they like to do? If I tried to take ballet from my girls, they'd drive me crazy around the house. They need to get that energy out! And all work and no play... you know the saying.

Now, when my kids were in daycare 3 hours a day after school, they hated it. My older daughter would cry and ask why I had to work, and why couldn't I just pick them up from school? That was why I ended up starting my own company (or a big factor, anyway). My kids were telling me they needed me, and didn't like daycare. And our daycare provider was a nice lady!

So no, I don't think 1 hour of sports is too much, and yes, I think 3 hours of day care certainly can be too much (depending upon the child and the provider, I'm sure).

How much homework does he have? If he is doing 3 hours of homework on homework on top of sports, then doing an hour of sports is overscheduling. If he is being allowed to do the homework at after school care, and it is not cutting into his other home time, because it's now done, well, that changes perspective.

How much weekend time is the sport eating up? I am assuming we are talking about more than one sport, if we are talking practices every day? If so, then you are now adding several hours worth of weekend activity for different games. If it is just one sport, then that is pretty intense, and that makes me think travel team, which is still several hours on the weekend.

If the after school care is including physical activity that the child needs to burn off, well, that seems a win-win - homework done, plus activity, plus no weekend killer.

UNLESS, this is a sport that the child REALLY LOVES. The real question being, what does the child want? And does HE feel overwhelmed by one or the other?

Who says it's over scheduling? Sounds like a legal issue about to be presented. Your ex is way off base. This definitely does not make sense to me. And I doubt it will make sense to the judge either.

I suggest that in the long run your practical way of managing life will win out.

Who is saying this? I don't think its over scheduling to have a kid in sports after school. I think its great. If the child can handle it, then its good for them. GL

without context it's hard to say.
khairete
S.

No, it doesn't make sense to me in that I'm not sure whose theory this reasoning is based on.

1 hour of sports every day after school is fairly typical.
3 hours of daycare after school is also fairly typical.

I raised two kids as a single, full-time working mom. Daycare was a necessity. I actually was very lucky to get my youngest into the after school program. It was FREE! They provided snacks, helped with homework, made crafts with the kids, played educational games, allowed free play. let the kids watch sporting events. My son loved it.

To me, the definition of over scheduling is signing kids up for so many different extra curricular activities that they get burnt out and you have trouble keeping track of which day is what or inadvertantly double booking them for things. I actually know people that have done that. They sign their kids up for every single thing they show the slightest interest in and 3 weeks later, the kids are crying and don't want to go anymore. I know one mom who got so frazzled she would take the wrong kid to the wrong place and by the time she got it figured out, the kids' events were half over.

THAT is over scheduling.

Neither scenario you desbribed in your question even applies.

Just my opinion.

Nope.

Makes no sense to me.

Sounds like someone (the ex, I am assuming) is trying to do some 'creative reasoning' to make up for needing babysitting.

Merry Christmas R.!

~I love your posts on here and am always excited to read any and everything you write/post on here. And BTW, you have my curiosity completely peaked (and have so for years it seems) about what your lovely son's name is. I LOVE unusual names and am just dying to know what your son's name is ever since you posted once about not saying it on here. Damn you!

<3,
Karma

My kids do that much just by playing, the 1 hour that is. More often than not it's way more than an hour. So it's definitely not overscheduling.

Daycare for 3 hours AFTER an 8 hour day at school? Yowza! However, sometimes it's necessary.

I would think the hour of activity would be so much better than the babysitting!