Excluding My Little Girl

.

Why don't you just ask the Mom?
It is her home and her kids...and she has a right to have play-dates/kids over that she wants.
Maybe she does that because it is all "boys."
Maybe she doesn't have "girl" things at home... and does not know what to do with a "girl."

Regardless, this is her home. Her kids.
Just explain to your girl, that not all homes are open doors. She is 5... and things like this happens. Its not pleasant.. I know.
But it will happen at school, or else where.
AND, good friends, ALSO have other friends too... not necessarily "your" kid. A child, will have to grow up understanding that.
My girl has best friends, BUT they also have other friends too, that they play with... not necessarily "with" my daughter. She is fine with that. She understands.

And yes, school is almost over. Then she'll be home. Why don't you enroll her in something? That way she will be having something to do. NOT having to "rely" on her neighbor friend.
Plus, I am sure they have their own plans too... you can't possibly expect that "everyday" will be spent with the boy next door. They have their own plans I am sure.

Talk to your girl.
Ask that Mom "why."
If that were you... would you want to feel obligated to invite all the neighbor kids over to your house..... too? Do you?
There are many sides to this, and over-lapping friends.
Unless that Mom is just a mean Mom, I would not just assume she is ostracizing your girl....

all the best,
S.

Sorry, longer than I planned. Also, some things may seem judgemental but I don't mean them to be. Just thoughts to think over.

You didn't mention how old the little boy is with whom your daughter gets along. Is he nearer to 5 or to 7? How long have you known each mom?

Keep in mind that if her 3 boys are the "rough & tumble, let's play swords and guns" type, or if her 2- and 3-year-olds are still at the pulling hair stage or if one of them is a biter or hitter, then she may be worried about your reaction if your daughter - who may not be used to that - gets hurt. However, the other little boy (whose mom apparently knows her) is used to it and can "stand on his own", so to speak.

Also, if the mom did not invite your daughter, why would you let her tag along to someone's house when *she's not invited*? Harsh, I know, but unfortunately, there are going to be times when we don't get to do as we wish. As much as it hurts to see your daughter upset, she needs to learn that we don't always get what we want. I know you are teaching her this in other areas already - this is just one she hasn't come upon yet. She does not need to learn " the world can be cruel" or "how to handle dissapointment", but she does need to learn that you can't invite yourself over. There will come a point when *you* will have to tell a child that *you* did not invite him/her to come over for whatever reason. My daughter had to learn this in 1st grade because she invited some girls to spend the night THAT night (mid-week and we had never even been to or hosted a sleepover before). My daughter knew our phone # and told 9 girls "Have your mom call my mom". I had to explain to each mom who called that my girl had invited them without consulting me. I hated to do that. After that, one little girl called every day for a week to see if "tonight was a good night". My son is now in 1st and my daughter is in 4th: He is having to learn that if only she is invited, then he can't go. I don't ask if my other child can attend if s/he is not listed on the invitation. Today, they each got invited to parties in which the other is not invited. He understands now that Sis isn't invited to his classmate's party.

You may want to try inviting the mom of the three boys over to get to know her if you haven't gotten to know her yet. Her 7 year old may be at the stage of not liking to interract with girls. "They're icky and dumb". Also, since he's 7 and she's 5, the boy will be seeing her as a "little kid". Also, is he in 1st grade or 2nd? Is your daughter in Kinder yet? 2 years age difference or just a two-grade difference between a girl and a boy is a BIG deal to a 7 year old boy, while to a 5 year old girl he just seems to be a "cool big kid". When your daughter is 7 she'll feel the same way about the now-3-year-old little brother who will then be 5.

Also, 2 things annoy me:
1) When A is playing with B and C interrupts to invite *only* A to play and B is abandoned.
2) When A invites B to come over and C, who was not playing with either, decides to tag along. C was not invited and therefore should not go.

Good Luck! Your daughter is blessed to have you looking out for her!

Talk to the boy's mother. Ask her what the problem is?? Maybe she has some kind of "issue" with there being a girl in the midst. You have a little girl, get used to face to face discussion's to stick up for her...It is the quickest and less drama way to handle the situation. Go to the source. Good Luck!

Talk to the mom of the three boys and get to the bottom of this.

Blessings.....

Imagine when your daughter's neighbor friend comes over he drags all three of those boys over as well. You obviously don't know the mom of the three boys, so would you feel comfortable letting them into your house without at least knowing their mom and clearing it with her first?
Also, I have three boys and a daughter. My boys are 9, 6 and 4. My four year old plays with more mature toys than most 4 year olds. It's just a part of having the influence of older brothers. My boys are pretty well behaved, but when you add a fourth boy to the mix and they are all rough housing and full of energy, I would not want my daughter in the middle of all of that. If I were that mom, I would be afraid to have your daughter their because I would not want her to be horrified! Lol!! She may just not be comfortable having her come in because she is only five and she is probably afraid that you will be looking for her. I don't even let my six year old have free run of the neighborhood, I am super overprotective, but maybe she just doesn't want to freak you out.
My guess is that a little communication will solve all of this!

We have to practice the Senenity Prayer, which is about accepting what we cannot change, change what we can and having the wisdom to know the difference.

The other mom has 3 boys so maybe she's not really sure what to do with a girl.
Maybe the mom thinks that inviting one child in doesn't have to mean another child is invited too.
I can understand your daughter's feelings being hurt so maybe you should just go over and introduce yourself to the mom.
I have a son and sometimes I end up with a housefull of little boys and even though it might sound mean, having even one more can seem like a lot, especially with a child I don't know well or know their parents.
I've raised two kids and sometimes they have to understand that their very best friends can be friends with other kids too. The same goes for their best friends understanding when we have family and cousins over...it's not always about excluding in the literal sense of the word.
Meet the mom and ask her how she feels about her boys coming to your house once in a while and your daughter going to her house once in a while. Your hope is for the neighborhood kids to all get along.
See what she says.
I doubt your daughter has done anything wrong and the mom probably wouldn't like knowing she hurt her feelings, but you don't have to put it to her in that way.
My son has a good friend and he has a friend that gets miffed everytime my son's friend is invited for anything and he isn't. I've known the one kid since he was a baby and don't even know the other kids mom. He's been in trouble more than once for going into other people's houses though without his mom's permission.
My point is...introduce yourself.

It might not be as bad as you think.

The best way to handle any problem is directly. Assume the best and you'll be better off for it. Assume the worst and there will be hurt feelings all around. Make an effort to go over and chat with the neighbor mom - just to get to know her. Maybe invite her over for some iced tea and invite the kids too and they can all play in your yard.

If they invite your DD's friend to play right at the time she is playing with him and she is not welcome, then little friend's Mom or you should have a chat with the Mom of 3 boys explaining that her son isn't available now, as now he is playing with your DD, unless of course, they are both welcome/interested in going to her house. The ball is then in her court to extend the invite to include your DD, or invite the mutual friend another time.

If your DD's friend has a pre-arranged play date with that family, and your DD is just following him to her house, you should have a chat with her that it is not polite to invite yourself over. Sometimes you are not invited and that's OK. That's life. If she's really interested in the other boys, she can invite them to play some other time, and you can get to know their family.

I agree you maybe should chat with that Mom, but carefully, so as not to put her on the defensive. Best to just invite them all over for a visit/playdate at your house. Then you might get to know her find out the reason your DD has been excluded.

I would say to talk to the mom or dad of the boy that your daughter plays with. If he is playing with your kid, he should be taught not to abandon her when someone else invites him to play. This used to happen to my daughter. While the mom of the 3 boys is wrong to invite the boy in when he is already on a playdate with someone else, if that one boy was my son I would want the opportunity to teach him that he has to tell the other boys that he is already playing with a friend and will play with them another time. Kids don't know this unless they are taught. While the mom of the 3 boys isn't obligated to have your daughter over, she should not be encouraging her kids to invite a kid over who is already playing with someone and have him ditch your daughter. I'm guessing it's the 7 year old inviting your daughter's friend over - a 7 year old boy is not likely to be interested in playing with a 5 year old girl, the mom doesn't see her as a playmate for her boys, but she shouldn't be inviting this boy over when he is already playing with your kid. When my oldest was a little girl your daughter's age, we had a couple of neighborhood kids who did the same thing.

I would ask the mom in a calm way. First you could invite her kids over your house for a playdate. It might as simple as you have not recipocated with playdates and feel its unfair. Maybe she prefers her boys just play with boys. Which I think would be peculiar. On my street all the boys and girls play together age 4yrs to 11 yrs.
Invite the kids over to play and invite her over for tea. I bet she will love the idea. Maybe have a game or a craft ready for when they come over. Good luck

You really have to talk to the boys' mom. If I was in her situation, I would not be comfortable inviting someone's child into my home without the parents' or caregiver's explicit permission to do so. She may have some sort of standing agreement with the other boy's parents. Also, I taught my boys that when they play outside and want to go into someone's house they should come home first and ask if it was ok to do so.