My brother and I have never been close...We talk when we see each other or when something is upcoming with the kids (mine - he doesn't have any). Well, he's getting married this summer. He broke the news to my older sister (who is grand central station / ma bell for the entire family). He took his fiancé to meet my sister, brother (their families) and mom before it was even mentioned to me. He did call me once to ask for a florist and mentioned his fiancé was on the call too, "Oh! I guess I need to introduce you two." Later that day, I text him to come have lunch with me and DH to meet his fiancé and celebrate the engagement (to which he agreed). I recently found out, he took her to meet our estranged sister (who has not been at a family function in FIVE years!!!).
It is VERY clear he doesn’t want my help or for me to be around them during this time. I absolutely LOVE his fiance and her children. I would love to spend time with them and get to know her better. But again, she is friends with my sister and everyone in Dallas, but does not respond positively (or negatively for that matter) to me reaching out to her.
I’m more angry about this because I’m not sure WHAT I did to cause him to pull away even more. Whatever it is, it has leaked down to his fiance.
I have been thinking about skipping the wedding (my daughter will be finishing a college class in TN at that time and I can use the excuse we need to go pick her up). He wanted both my daughters to be in it, but the college one won’t be able to. I have asked how much the little one’s dress was (they shopped without me) and keeps telling me “I don’t know.” I keep offering to pay for the dress and he says “Whatever!”
I am all about grinning and bearing it. I mean, we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But it’s VERY CLEAR he is excluding me and my husband. He’s all over my sisters and brother. Should I say something? Should I just back off? I would genuinely like to get to know his fiance!!! I mean, I didn’t even know he was dating her when MY SISTER told me he was engaged.
I would point blank ask him what you did or he thinks you did to him to make him angry with you
I'd talk to him about it. It's the only way your going to get closer or fix the problem.
What happened in your childhood that the two of you haven't resolved? it's timeto get together and talk it out, just the two of you. You need to explain to him that whatever it was that upset him it's time to get past it. You want to start over and be friends not only to him but to his whole family.
Even if you can't think of anything you may have done it helps if you ask, 'what did I do'? How can I repair this?
Where are he and his fiance located in relation to you and the rest of the family? You mention they are all friends with the family in Dallas. Is that because they are phyisically/geographically closer to them as well?
If not then I would have to ask how close is he in general to the rest of the family? You start by saying that you two were never close, and "talk when we see each other or something is going on with the kids" If that has been your relationship for all this time you can't expect that it will change simply because he got engaged. But he isn't completely "excluding" you and your husband, afterall he has asked your daughters to be in the wedding and has invited you to the wedding. However, you have to realize that if you two have never really been involved in each others lives before that is not going to automatically change now esp since wedding planning is usually done by the bride, her family and friends. A lot of men aren't that interested or involved with those details so it may not that he is trying to "exclude" you but that he is just continuing with the status quo.
If you want to be closer then you should speak to him about it and acknowledge that you know you two haven't always been close but you would like for that to change. But be prepared for it to take some time and work (without you being too sensitive and taking things personal) Afterall if you were ok with the relationship as it was until recently, so why would he expect you to want a different/closer realationship at this time.
Its Family so I say keep reachng out eventhough they say no. But don't tell the kids.
I would recommended talking to him. Don't ask him why he is up set with you, just let him know how you feel (left out, etc.) and ask him if you have done something to upset him. You have nothing to loose as it seems as though it can't get worse. Truthful conversation in love can clear the air well. But be ready to listen to him, not be defensive, or it is all for naught. Good Luck.
My niece asked me why we had the crazy family- I said- they are all crazy.
I'd said participate where asked, be pleasent. Next year everything will resort, with the "normal" ebbs and flow of families.
I read something like- the only times from which we suffer are when we weren't nice enough.
Be nice, and get on with life. It is my observation that,often, there is NO real reason, so quit worrying about it. Really.
best, k
