Excess Weight Gain in Children

I think that you are the problem. No matter what your justification is.....you have lobbied a conversation at your daughter who is at one of the most emotionally-fragile points in her life.....placing her in the belief that you are negative towards her appearance. This will follow her the rest of her life.

I understand that health is an issue in your family. I understand that you & your husband both try to maintain a proactively-health conscious lifestyle. But, your child is 10.....her opinion of herself is normal for pre-teens, her "chubbiness" is normal for pre-menstrual girls. You have already provided her with the means for success in life.

I think the issues are deeper than you realize. Why do you feel the need to control her choices & your sister's when they are together? A few days of junk food will not seriously harm her, a few days of indulging will not offset your lifestyle of good choices. Why did you spoil her memories of her time with her Aunt? This may be something to think about....I wish you Peace! I truly hope that you have not irrepairably damaged your daughter's self-esteem. What you consider to be your duty.....sometimes has to be governed by your own self-control in expressing your opinions.

Just a thing to know... All girls right before puberty tend to pack on between 10-30 lbs. Chub out BIG time. Some really killer studies in Scandavia (100,000's of girls & women over 50 years, and the studies are STILL ongoing... which is amazing, because a big study here is 6,000 over 4 years) have shown that those who DO NOTHING (aka, don't diet & exercise... but just maintain their normal eating and activity levels)... the weight melts off of them over 12-18 months with NO EXTRA WORK on their part, and stays off. As a rule, those girls do not struggle with maintaining a healthy body weight or BMI until menopause. Those that diet & exercise, however, to get the "body gearing up for childbearing years" chubbiness off, tend to struggle their *entire lives* to maintain a healthy body weight. Those that do nothing average something along the lines of 8-15% body fat, and those that diet to stay thin average 20-30% bodyfat. In these studies, there is no higher indicator of later obesity than dieting during the pubescent years.

Obviously, this is contrary to pop-culture... where adolescent girls are sex objects... but we women in this culture struggle SO much with our weight (as a rule), while our grandparents (as a rule) didn't. Yes, processed foods is obviously a piece of the puzzle. But it absolutely floored me, reading these studies in school. Our grandparents didn't "come out" (aka wear "adult" type clothes/ dresses with narrow waistlines, etc... until they were 16. Prior to that, they wore quite baggy, almost shapeless frocks. Which, excluding the corset era, was the norm for young girls. But ***our**** 10/11/12 year olds are expected to be adult thin.)

Anyhow... it's an interesting thing to think about.

R

I agree a little with both you and your sister. I agree with you that you want to try to find ways to keep your daughter from getting chubby (yeah for the YMCA membership), but I agree with your sister that you shouldn't tell your 10-year-old daughter that she's chubby.

Girls are so sensitive to body issues and you don't want her to become unhealthy and be too skinny either. Sometimes that's more unhealthy.

I would try to work with her to find things she can be involved in that keep her active and find healthy foods to eat at home.

Also, it's the end of a LONG winter. She may have put on a little more weight in the winter, but give her a chance once she can get outside. The pediatrician recently told me that my 5-year-old is slightly heavy, but she's been inside and I'm pretty sure she's getting ready to sprout up. She seems to grow like that...fill out and then sprout up and then repeat.

I would just keep it between yourself and your husband if you're talking about her weight, but take it upon yourself to figure out ways to take care of the situation.

Good luck!

This is a tricky subject. I have two daughters of my own, they are 4 and 2. Neither one of them is overweight but it always weighs on your mind. You want so badly for your children to be happy, healthy and have good self esteem. I agree that once someone is obese it is kind of late to do something. Don't get me wrong, it can be done, but it would be much easier to nip the problem in the bud. I'm not sure that I would have called my daughter chubby in front of her but that aside I think you have reason to want to do something. Especially if she is starting to feel embarassed about her belly. Good for you for joining YMCA, that will be so fun and good for everyone. As I was reading I had a few ideas...

Take walks with your daughter. Just you and her. Not only will it be good exercise, it will give you two one on one time. At 10, little girls need that so badly. You could even walk to a park and swing while you talked.

One on one time with your daughter and hubby is also so important. Not for the weight issue, but definately to maintain good self esteem and self worth. Daddy's need to take their daughters out and show them how they should expect a boy (in the WAAAY future!!!) to treat them.

As far as your sister, she is going to continue to do what she thinks is fine, ie. feeding her junk. I think it's great your daughter goes over there and has such a great relationship with her aunty. Maybe the next time your daughter has plans to stay with your sister you and her could go shopping for healthy snacks first. That way your sister can give her snacks but they won't be so unhealthy for her.

Also keep in mind that there are times that kids go through growth spurts. She may be putting on a little weight becasue she is getting ready to grow. Just keep an eye on her and start teaching her healthy habits. My four year old right now is eating like a horse, really (I would't say that to her, but 3 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast, a bowl of cereal, 1 cup of juice and 1/2 an apple for breakfast is A LOT!) Now that I have noticed she is eating so much we do a lot of fruit and fresh veggies for snacks, she also loves yogurt and granola. She has to eat but I can make sure it is good for her.

One more thing. Start having your daughter help you prepare healthy meals. That way she learns early on how to prepare things that are good for her. It is so so important for them to know how to help themselves.

Your doing a good job and I really think it is okay to be concened. Just try to show your concern through love and compassion. Your little girl is coming up to the craziest years of her life. She needs you more than anythig, don't push her away by saying hurtful things. Instead of saying "you look chubby" say "hey, let's start going for walks together, I would love to have some one on one time." And of course lot's of "your beautiful." Good luck momma!

I am sorry to hear about your sister. If your sister cannot respect your wishes as to what to feed your daughter then I would not allow her to go over there. As far as your daughter's weight is concerned, I would never EVER mention to her that she is chubby. Compliment her and make her feel beautiful. Telling her she is chubby will set her up for a lifetime of self-esteem issues. You may say you won't tell her again, but I think you have already done damage. I held on to every negative thing I heard about myself when I was a young girl. I think a lot of girls do that. Find ways to get her active and moving and don't keep junk food in your house. Send a lunch to school with her that is healthy. I think it's great you got a YMCA membership. I think going as a family is wonderful and will not make her think it's just because you think she is chubby. Good luck!

First of all, how sad is it that we are almost afraid to ask questions for fear we will be judged? I think you are off to a great start with a membership to the Y. There is nothing wrong with trying to make sure your child is healthy. Making it a family affair is the best way to go. It's about making sure your family, not just your daughter, adopts a healthier lifestyle. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting your daughter to be healthy. However, having soda and junk food occasionally while visiting her aunt is not going to do irreversible damage. My son was went from wearing 14 slims to 16 husky in one year. He is now 15 and is over 6ft tall and in excellent shape. A lot of kids go through that awkward stage, but by keeping a routine of exercise and a healthy diet, they get through it. It's when we focus on appearance that we get into trouble. It should be about health, not how they look. It sounds like you have a lot of family history of medical problems that you want to keep your daughter from developing and I think you are doing what you should be doing. I do think your sister freaked out because you told your daughter she was getting chubby because girls go through so many changes with their bodies and one wrong comment about their weight can have detrimental results. Eating disorders are more prominent than most of us would like to think. Just keep encouraging the exercise and eating right so it becomes a way of life for your family and not just your daughter, and don't focus on weight loss and I am sure things will be just fine.

You are her mother, you know your child - go with your gut. I would be careful in my wording so as not to hurt her, but I agree get control now before she is in for long term struggles with her health. Do what you think is best, always encourage along the way, set a good example, and by all means let her know you love her for who she is not what she looks like!

I honestly believe that it's not so much what you eat, but how much kids get out and play. We had quite a bit of junk food in our house and none of us kids (there were 4) were ever over weight. We never even had any fat on us. I think the difference between then and nowdays, is kids used to play outside ALL the time! Nowdays, kids sit in front of the TV or computer and aren't burning any calories. we were always snacking on chips and sugary drinks, but our parents made us move alot too!

I agree that you shouldn't wait until a child is obese before saying anything. My son has also (somewhat suddenly I think) got quite a large belly on him. His little sister says it looks like he swollowed a watermelon- then added- a whole one. (She is only 4). My husband is harsh about how he speaks about this so I try to be more gentle with him and tell him I am concerned about his health,etc. Not about how big his belly is or if he is "fat" or chubby. He is not overweight (it is within normal limits for his age and height) but his belly is getting big and round. I am thinking about taking him in to the doctor to discuss this because my cousins child went through this about the same time and was later diagnosed with Diabetes.
I agree with both Jane and Vanae's comments about talking with her and making healthy decisions for her- as well as teaching her to make them for herself. Difficult if you have an eater like my son who hates veggies and fruits- his healthiest snack choice is pretzels probably or goldfish crackers. He has to eat balanced (including veggies) at family meals but snacks are a big part of the problem with him... my girls love fresh fruit and veggies... he loves salt, fat and sugar. Yikes!
It is very important that she feels good about herself and you have to be careful about how you communicate with her because you do not want self image problems and eating disorders (yep they start that young). Maybe a trip to the doctor would be good for her as well, she might need an outside source helping her to understand without making her feel bad about who she is. Some people are built heavier then others- that does not make them unhealthy.
Hope this helps :)

I understand your concern - however, you have to walk a fine line with a young girl's self esteem. Once those words are out there - you can never take them back!! I get that you are eating healthy at home and living an active lifestyle - great - is this true for the entire family?? If not, things need to change.

That said, it is totally NORMAL and COMMON for pre-pubscent girls to gain weight - the body is storing fat to store estrogen in order to start the menstrual cycle. Most girls who are active and eat right - lose this weight without any effort. Also kids this age gain weight before growing taller - so you may notice a weight gain, then a big growth spurt - it will balance out.

You're on the right track by getting a membership at the Y. See if they have a Strong KIds program. They have one here, and it's great for kids with weight issues and their parents. The family has to participate, and you learn about healthy eating, exercise, etc. The emphasis isn't so much on weight loss as it is developing a healthy lifestyle, then the healthy weight will follow.
I'm sorry, but your sister isn't helping much by allowing her to eat junk food at her house and being in denial about her increased weight. If your daughter wants to get healthy (not neccesarily lose weight), see if you can work on it together, and ask your sister to help.

Well D.,
I agree with you. My bonus daughters are overweight and complain all the time about being "fat", but choose to do nothing but sit around and eat at their mom's house. One of my bonus daugters is at least 35 pounds overweight at 14 years old. The eleven year old weighs what I weigh and is about 4" shorter than me.
A little history: I work out every day, my husband works out every day, and my son works out every day. On our weekends, during the summer, and during school breaks, I try to get them involved in doing things - ANYTHING - but they'd rather sit around and do nothing - just like their mother. We camp, swim, bike ride, go hiking, take walks, and each activity they treat as a chore.
I tell them all the time that they are beautiful and that I want them to work on being "healthy" - and I mean that. I don't want them to be skinny, yet I don't want them to be made fun of at school anymore for being overweight. No matter what everyone says, there is no right answer for your question. If you promote fitness, keep no junk food, candy, or soda in the house, and require that they are active, you are resented by the kids. If you do nothing, people give you dirty looks for having overweight children. It's a lose - lose situation so your best bet is to continue on your path to be healthy and pray that eventually they'll want the same for themselves.

I think you are doing all of the right things. Being concerned about it is ok. I know my girls who are going through puberty (13 & 15) have had their chubby stages and my son who is 11 has a little belly that he will grow into, I constantly am encouraging them to eat, get that metabolism going and they get a lot of exercise with the sports they do. Kids are self-conscience enough and they do get picked on for everything, it is such a cruel world. Keep up the support, and continue to make those healthy food choices available. Kids that are deprived of McDonalds every now and then or cookies, will have food issues later on in life. I had a friend that went on candy bar binges in college since his Mom never let him eat those things while in High School. I think moderation and balance is the key. Both my daughters at 10 were starting the pre-puberty signs and at 12 both had periods, unlike me who did not start until I was 14. With better nutrition, kids are developing earlier, continue the communication and your daughter will do fine. I know soda is something we should completely eliminate from our household and the kids may have 1 or 2 a week, my husband likes it. Anyway, it is pure sugar and not good for anyone. I think the YMCA membership is great! Good luck!!

So, I agree with both, I wouldn't tell your daughter shes fat/chubby, etc unless it's really bad, because you risk sending her the other way and neither is okay. What I would do it talk to her about being healthy, having energy, etc, in a positive way and talk about good nutritious thing versus junk food. I wouldn't tell her no junk food, that won't work, she's gorge at Aunties, but tell her, you know it's fine to have a soda every other day or a snack with the other kids, but maybe instead of eating 5 cookies, have 1 or 2 and then something that will help your body grow beautifully, make it about her control her health, not weight. I would tell your sister that you want them having healthier snacks and every once in a while is fine for junk food, but you want it mandatory that two snacks a day, plus meals are healthy and then be prepared to help purchase those foods, it's more expensive and help prepare them, the night before make ants on a log ) celery with peanut butter with raisins on top) and send them, or let the kids each pick a fruit and make fruit salad, most people would be surprised, but kids love fruit salad when they're involved (so do we, it's just a lot of work, other option, buy a pre-made fruit tray). Also, stress the importance of drinking water for healthy skin (less dry, less chapped, less lines) and if you want to give an alternative, they sell Izze, which is expensive (cheaper at costco in the case), with is natural fruit juice with sparkling water, so it mimics soda, but is 1000X better. Good luck and if you want so more suggestions let me know. I think the most important thing is you present your daughter with a healthy life and not a weight issue!! PS exercise is AWESOME for them in lots of ways, but won't keep them thin if all they eat is excessive, empty calories.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! This is your child and if you're concerned and she's embarassed already, you did the right thing. At ten years of age, it isn't too late to start healthy habits. She may fuss at first, but just remind her of what she's already told you about how she feels. Put it back on her. Good luck and have fun!

to me it does not sound like you are saying this to her to be mean or develop some sort of negative self image and have her just want to be skinny. to me it sounds like you are really just concerned about her overall health and well being, and If I am reading you right then of course I offer you nothing but well wishes and support. It is SO hard to talk about this with children, esp girls. where everyone tells you that you are fat/ulgy and need to be a model.uggg. I hate the media. my neice is 8 and also beautiful inside and out and the other day I heard her friend tell her that her other friend thinks she is fat and that made me so sad!! harsh world. if you are coming from a good place just tread lightly....maybe you dont have to really say anything about it to your daughter, (as I would really not recomend that)just help her become healthy with things that it sounds like you are doing: swimming and making better choices about eating. I would sit her down and tell her that there will be some changes in the things that she will see in the fridge bc it is better for all of you and you want everyone in the house to make better choices. impliment rules about computer/tv and get her out and active more. if you do these things then you will not even have to have discussion about weight as things will just naturally get better. remember it is not a diet and should not be called one w/ children it is a lifestyle change and for the good of the entire family....dont limit her cookies but you eat them all that is not right and if she sees you both making changes she will then in turn hopefully make better choices herself: even when she is away from you. you could check out: http://www.chickinfeed.com/ as I was thinking myself of getting a tracking board to help me make better choices, be a better role model and be more balanced in life with food and exercise. good luck, and again if you are coming from love and a good place she will see that. oh and research shows that doing things relating to food together: ie. family meals really does make a difference and drasticly reduces types of eating disorders

Hi D.,

I would not tell your daughter that you think she is chubby, over weight, etc. This has been a big deal in my paternal family and all -- and I do mean all -- of my cousins have had eating disorders. Yeah, they are mostly thin but it has come at a tremendous price.

Setting an example of healthy eating and exercise is the best thing you can do, in my opinion, and it sounds like you are doing great in that area.

Girls are so body image conscious anyway. My 13 year old daughter is 5'7" and weighs about 130 pounds and even though I've tried so hard to never talk about weight or make negative comments about someone based on their appearance, she sometimes says she thinks she's fat.

Well, best wishes and have fun at the Y with your family!

God Bless,
A.

As long as she's exercising, she should be ok. Some kids gain weight before they hit puberty, I know i did. If you don't want her to eat junk while she is at your sister's house, try sending some of the snacks or foods you would prefer she eat with her. I know it sounds annoying. but thats what I do with my 6 yo whenever he goes to my mom's house. She took the hint and has started buying healthier things.

Only keep healthy foods in your home. If you are buying junk food, you are only adding to her weight gain. Let her help you cook healthy meals and snacks in the kitchen. Could be a learning and bonding time for the both of you. And exercise is key. No sitting on the couch with a huge bag of chips. You need to step in now before it gets out of hand. She is only 10 and she is your child. You need to take responsibility as well for what goes in her mouth and how mobile she is.

My two sisters are both overweight and pretty much always have been. I am not. My sisters would both sit down and eat an entire bag of potato chips. I would eat some, then feel that my body was not happy with that choice. I would switch to an apple or something like that.

I think you are right in that the habits your daughter establishes now will set a pattern for her life. I also think that she should somehow be taught to listen to her body for cues. Some people go to the extreme and cut out all "bad" foods. As long as she is taught how to indulge in moderation, she'll be fine.

I stand behind your decision to talk to your daughter completely and want to add that perhaps if your sister doesn't respect your wishes when it comes to your daughter then she shouldn't be allowed to go over!
Too many people let their kids eat sweets and desserts and we wonder why obesity among children is soaring? Children don't always know what is good for them and they can't think ahead to what life might be like as an obese adult. They just don't think about that stuff, so it's our job as parents to make sure they eat healthy food and get exercise.
Maybe get her a bike, or start going on walks with her or hikes? Then she can burn off that extra energy and you both will have some extra bonding time. :)

I agree that something needs to be done, but as a chubby girl who's mom told her she was fat and overweight all growing up I can tell you that you HAVE to say it in the right way or it can utterly destroy any and all self-esteem that she has.
When my mom would mention my weight or size she did it in a negative way thinking she was saying it in a sensitive way. I agree with Jane M that the unhealthy skinny vs. unhealthy overweight is the way to go. I would always see the super skinny women and try to diet to be like them, which never worked, then depressed me even more, then ate more. So being blunt and out right saying your chubby could be spurring more weight gain.

I think you did the right thing in bringing it to her attention. As pp mentioned since the real issue is her health (and avoiding possible future ridicule) it's a good idea to keep it in that realm rather than in the how she "looks" arena.

I would add that if she gained enough weight over the course of a couple of weeks for you to notice it on her visually, that is unhealthy. Regardless of her starting or ending weight (or whether or not she is now "obese" as your sister mentioned) sudden weight gain OR loss is just not healthy. Also, carrying weight around the middle (vs hips and thighs) is particularly unhealthy. It's related to the KIND of foods (junk) rather than just the number of calories she's consuming and puts her at greater risk for heart disease and diabetes (which already run in her family)!

You are the mom, not your sister. It's your job to make sure your little girl grows up to be a healthy woman. While it's wonderful that her auntie is involved in her life in the way she is (and I'm sure she is a great help and support to you) she should not have an equal vote on these kind of issues... you're the mommy, the buck stops there.

Hope this helps.

T.

I would avoid discussing her "chubbiness" or size at all... but perhaps mention that she needs to eat more healthfully. I do agree that most kids gain a little around the middle around this age as a pre-pubescent growth spurt thing.. I just noticed this with my 11 yr old son a month or two ago... suddenly, I looked up one day and my tight tummied, trim, washboard (almost, lol) looking son had rolls around the waist and love handles.... it's only around his waist and a bit in the front belly. I was like... "WHOAH... what happened?!" (to myself, not him).

He does karate and had been running 9 miles a week in preparation for his Black Belt exam. I said something to another mom I know who has 3 boys, all older than mine and she said ALL of her boys did this. And they are all very healthy sizes now. Trim, healthy, etc. Not skinny, definitely not fat, either.

So, yes some of it is her age. But if she has expressed a concern about her looks in her swimsuit then I would wait and see if she says anything else. If she does, that is when you say "well, it might be your age, getting ready for a growth spurt. So, lets make an extra effort to make good choices about what we eat. Your body will need the right kind of fuel to grow properly." or something like that.

Good luck. And NO we don't wait until they are beyond help... step in now. Just be extra cautious about HOW you approach it with her. It should NEVER be about her looks...

My first thought is, What are you buying for her to eat at home? 10 year olds can only eat what is available to them. They do not do the shopping. It's okay if she says she doesn't like healthy food, kids WILL eat what is available if they are hungry enough. Are ALL of the options in your home healthy? Kids don't eat junk food at home, if there isn't any. I keep a large variety of fruits, veggies, nuts, yogurt and other things around for my kids to snack on. They rarely eat junk food. Weight is not an issue. We don't do starchy food with dinner. We have our meat, veggie and salad.

Second thought, if she is only going to your sisters once in a while, eating a a small amount of junk food will not cause her to gain that much weight to where it should be a problem. My kids don't eat like they should when they visit my mom.

This is NOT your sisters fault. This is your child. You are responsible.

I'm thinking telling your daughter she's getting fat is a BAD idea. Instead, taking an approach of this is how we eat to keep our heart and bodies healthy is a much better approach. We don't eat excess amounts of sugar and junk because it is very harmful and can cause our bodies to become sick.

I would say, to offset the bad food she gets at your sisters house, don't let her eat any bad food when she is home with you. Overweight children are the parents responsibility since children can only eat what they have available.

If you would like to take her for a treat like ice cream or something, walk there. Or park 2 blocks away and walk. She should be getting a lot of outside playing time.

And, at 10 there will be a huge growth spurt very very soon. The body may also be storing up body fat to help fuel the upcoming puberty and growth changes.

Best of luck to you.

I think you did the right thing, although in the future I would suggest you stay away from words like "chubby" and instead find a way to keep framing the conversation around looking healthy. You can even find ways (pretty easily) to point out girls who are super thin but also look unhealthy (pretty much every ad these days, I think). I would steer the conversation away from being made fun of at school, not because it isn't true, but because the overall goal isn't for her to be thin, or to fit in, or anything other than to be healthy and feel good about her own body.

I agree that kids don't know how to self-regulate their eating patterns, and she's old enough to really learn how to do that. You can talk with her about making good eating choices (and that absolutely includes the "splurge" foods at her aunts) before she goes and spends a lot of time near junk food. If you can get her to buy in now, that's excellent! Maybe just start with making either/or choices - she can decide to have candy OR soda when she's there.

Finally, I wouldn't worry too much about those extra pounds sticking around. At 10, she's probably right on the verge of a growth spurt, so she'll stretch out and that weight will start redistributing when she goes through puberty. But at 10, you only have a few more years when she's really willing to buy into your "healthy lifestyle" because you suggest it. Take advantage of that time now.

I think you did just the right thing.

I made the mistake of telling my daughter that at a young age, too. And "encouraging" her to watch her weight, etc.
Long story short .... it obviously didn't help, and probably made things worse.
What I SHOULD have done, was to lead by example. Good diet, proper exercise, little or no junk food in the house, etc. If I had made it a LIFESTYLE for all of us, it would have worked much better, and we all could have benefited.
If healthy eating and living is the norm and not the exception, then the occasional exception of having so much junk food at her aunt's house won't hurt her. All kids need treats now and then.
I wish you well, and pray you are wiser with your daughter than I was with mine. She is 29 now and still struggling with the weight issue.

Here is a link for a recent article on this subject:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35938575/ns/health-kids_and_p...

Show it to your sister....

Next, Diabetes among children are also at an alarming rate, in the USA.

Next, your Sister is not doing anything nice, by feeding her niece junk food. It is actually harmful.

All the best,
Susan

I would try to get her more active without mentioning the weight. This is probably a pretty touchy age for her and she already knows what she looks like. If she hasn't heard comments at school yet, believe me, she will... and then she can turn to you who hasn't judged her on her weight. Remember that this should be all about health and not looks. Also, I would like to mention about 3 years ago my (13 yr old) niece had a "chunky" phase and now she has completely outgrown it.

I was an over weight child who would not of been if my mother had not put me on diets and constantly told me how fat I was. I know this because when my now 17 year old son was growing up he had chunky periods. Our family practioner who knew my family history and struggles as an adult (which is still a huge struggle for me) pulled me aside when my son was 5. I had told her without my son in the room my concerns because I felt he was getting fat. She told me to keep my trap shut. She told me to make simple changes in our lives by eating whole grains, fruit, and fresh vegetables. She told me to start taking him for walks and to make it a game and enroll him in a sport. Children chunk out and thin out is what she told me and she was right. My 17 year old is a very thin young man who enjoys junk food but also enjoys healthy eating and exercise. You can address a weight issue with a child without really saying something too them. You have brought it to her attention and hopefully she won't be afraid to eat in front of you and start sneaking foods she likes or craves. I now have a two year old and a 11 month old and they chunk out right before they grow tall. I allow junk food but in moderation and we eat a lot of healthy foods. My two year old loves to do walking videos with me and dances every chance she gets. The YMCA membership is a positive but be concious of your daughter's feelings and how you would of felt at 10 if your mom told you were getting chubby in your belly? That is such a delicate age for any child but to have a parent critize them is crushing. You need to promote her loving and accepting her self and if there is something she does not like about herself what she can do to change it. Your sister on the other hand needs to respect the fact you want your child eating healthy while staying with her and follow your food rules. You need to educate your children about your family history and the importance of eating healthy and exercise rather than tell your child she is getting chubby in her belly!!!