Ex and Teaching My Daughter Bad Things...

Wow...I am so sorry. You never want to hear your lil ones using words like that, especially about YOU!

She doesn't know how hurtful these words are. When she says it, tell her that those are mean words that hurt your feelings. Do not get into it with your ex though. Once they know it pushes your buttons, they might have lots of fun at your expense. Just deal with the stuff your daughter says, as if you had no idea of the source. You will have to equip her to not blindly accept her father's words and actions. If she comes back with "Daddy says it" then tell her that that may be true but you do not allow those words at Mommy's.

I will be praying for you, hon. Try not to take her words personally. Consider the source and remember that being happy will be your best revenge. :)

Go to your lawyer.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everytime something happens like that go to your lawyer. The more you compile like that, the more you can use against him.
If dad wasnt' like that before, then it is clear that his new wife is a bad influence and the judge will say, you have to determine how much you want to see your daughter.

I agree with Elizabeth. Do not get roped into the drama. Rise above the situation. Just make sure your daughter knows what is acceptable behavior at your house. That is the only thing that you can control. Don't jump to the conclusion that your ex husband "taught" her to say it. She may have just overheard them talking and it may not have even been about you. Use it as an opportunity to start teaching your daughter what is acceptable language in your house.

In Indiana (at least in my county), when you are going through a divorce and you have children involved, you are REQUIRED to attend a class that teaches parents how to NOT use their children as weapons against each other, etc. (the judge will not grant the divorce if you do not attend this class) The one thing that I realized from this class, is that if a parent "poisons" a child against the other co-parent, it will eventually alienate themself against the child. Our children are children for such a small time compared to the rest of their lives... and one day your daughter will look back on the time her father said things about you, etc with an ADULT mind... and she'll KNOW that her father was the nutcase!

Dear C.,

First of all let me apologize to you for what you are going through. I will also be praying for you as this is a tough situation.

My first question to you is can you talk to you ex about this. If this is out of the question do you still have a good relationship with his parents that you could talk to them, if so I would try this route first.

If not I would keep a small recorder with you when you pick up your daughter. My ex did many of the same things and at the young age of 3 my daughter was seeing a psychyatrist. I went to him and asked him to listen to any part of the tape which he did and we started couseling. This could not be used in court but I wanted the psychyatrist to know that what I was saying was actually true. After about three months the doctor wanted my ex to join our couseling sessions so I sent him all information by certified mail. He did not attend and later quit seeing my daughter at all after two more years.

At the same time I made sure I did not say negative things about him no matter how ugly it got. I sat my young daughter down and explained that at our house we did not call people names and that it wasn't ok to do that no matter what anyone said. Since he had lowered himself to that level I also talked to my daughter about good touches and bad touches but in a way that did not scare her and we talked about hugs and kisses were okay and used her bathing suit as a no touch area. We also talked about that anyone that made her feel ucky she was to tell me about and thankfully other than being a jerk about me he never crossed that line but later a young friends did and she was not afraid to tell me. By me not calling my ex names my daughter did say by the time she was four that her daddy was mean. She knows you and I would just sit and talk to her each time she saw him and I would explain what dadfy had called mevery quickly and reinforce that it wasn't ok to call people names. I also involved her in church and she had a positive male role model with my dad. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that many times when a man has a child with his second wife that his children from a previous marruage get forgotten and then the child blames themselves.

Stay tough and don;t show how much it hurts you but be patient and love you child. Good luck!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

C.

Get full custody of your daughter.And if he wants to visit her, a social worker must be present.

Hi C.,

Sounds like your ex is a real winner who hooked up with an even bigger winner. I would never do that and I can't imagine my ex or my present hubby doing something like that do a 3 y/o. Because they are doing it to her, not you.

I think you got some excellent adivice from moms.

Just keep in mind that your little girl will one day grow into a beautiful woman and that she will always have the reassurance from you that certain behavior is simply not acceptable. You continue on with your dignity, guide her, lead her and she will always come to you.

My step-mom used to always make comments about my step-dad and my mom cos they gained substantial weight. She hurt us with her comments but ultimately, we all dislike her and always did. What she said made us realize our loyalty to our mother went above and beyond anything we could have ever realized if we hadn't had those challenges.

I hope this doesn't offend you but.....
Remember this the next time you date someone and always ask your interests about their exes, how they broke up, how he expresses himself about exes or people in their life.

These things are so obvious if you are willing to look despite how nice someone seems on the outside. Especially if there's a possibility of child coming from the relationship.
;)