i suppose this is less of a question and more of a plea for support. my younger is moving out this coming weekend. i woke up this morning with my heart so heavy, knowing i'll be waking up in one week to an empty house.
the weird thing is that i LIKE being alone. the kid is off at friends' houses more than he's home, and i'm generally fairly tickled to have the house to myself.
but it'll be different when he's GONE. when my older moved out, then my spare son went in june, it was rough. this is my last chick. fortunately the ol' man and i really like and appreciate each other, so i'm not anticipating any horrendous marriage upheavals.
i'm just going to be lonesome for my sweet, funny, quirky, interesting boy. he's moving in with his older brother, who comes home one or two weekends per month, so it's not as if they're out of my life. but it's going to be a big change for sure. and the dog will be inconsolable.
so, how to survive the Big Blues until i readjust to the solitude i've been longing for the last quarter of a century?
:) khairete
S.
aw, you guys are so lovely. thanks for all the commiseration! i'm giggling at all the suggestions to go around nakey. i actually almost never wear clothes when i'm home. the horror of seeing naked parents comes from it being sudden and unexpected. you'd be surprised how blase kids who are raised around nudity are about it.
i've never lost my identity to motherhood. even during the insane-O early years with too many jobs and not enough money or time, i've always kept my own interests and carved out a little time for myself. there's a lot about this next phase that i'm very excited about. and i'm still teaching, so in just another month i'll get my homeschooler fix.
it's really just about missing my boys. i like them. they're cool young men.
but you are all right, the payoffs for having raised 'em successfully, watching them go have adventures, and being able to start new ones of my own with the ol' man will rock.
thanks so much, MP friends!
:) khairete
S.
I absolutely cannot relate having a 1 yo 4 yo and 5 yo - an empty nest is more of a fantasy to me LOL!
But maybe, make a list of all the things you can do now that its just the 2 of you and start doing them?
Have sex in the kitchen in the middle of the day.
Walk around naked for a full weekend.
Watch super inappropriate movies.
Have a loud party?
I don't know, just throwing some stuff out there...
I'm right there with ya Sister. In two weeks, both boys go off to college and I'm down to just the girl who's 15. Furthermore, The Man travels for a living and is gone most weeks Tues-Fri night.
Just me and the dogs now. This keeps up I'll have to get a job.
:(
We'll get through it together, k?
Hugs!!!!! Just think now you can cook naked! lol
When my last child moved out and I retired, I found mamapedia. At first I was afraid to sign up because I didn't want all kinds of junk e-mail and spam. Now, I'm afraid I'm addicted.
I also found out my electric bill was cut by more than half as was my gas bill (natural gas as well as fuel for my almost always empty cars). My food bill went down, even though I'm a frugal shopper.
Now my wife and I seem to have money for lots of things we didn't have money for before. And if we want to go for a weekend we can. I don't have to check for when the next game or performance is. There aren't any. AND my wife, . . . well, . . . I get to enjoy the view in my living room, kitchen, etc. ;~))
We just have to lock the front door.
I love to travel. We found a nation wide travel club, bought into it and are having a wonderful time. We bought into a travel agency back in 2002 and have saved far more than we spent. Now they have put restrictions on travel agents and now we have this travel club that does the same thing for us or better for much less.
My garden is producing and its on automatic watering.
We invite the kids over for sunday dinner and often go to their homes for dinner and games too.
The biggest adjustment has been to only buy groceries for two and cook for two. I often get carried away and cook enough that my wife and I eat it for several days.
I hope you have a wonderful time. If you like to travel and want to learn about the travel club we joined, e-mail me. Good luck to you and yours.
I'm right there with you. However, the oldest just moved back home after graduating from college. She will move back out in the Spring. Our son moved to Kentucky to go to college. So last year it was hubs and I. It was great! I really enjoyed it being the two of us. Now, it back to the three of us. I have to say, sometimes it drives me nuts!
Hugs to you! That first week can be rough but afterwards you will be so very happy! This is a good thing. Its great to see your kids get on their feet and be on their own. You did a great job Mom!!!
No clue.
Dreading it.
Vodka?
(Sorry, S., that's all I got!)
Now's the time to do somethings you've always wanted to do but never had the time for.
Take a yoga or a cooking class.
Take up a hobby (I learned how to make a stained glass lamp - I cut the glass and soldered it together).
Exercise, go bowling, take a horseback riding class.
Read some good books.
Actually, you are going to be so busy, I'm not seeing how you'll have time to notice your nest is empty.
We were our own people before we had kids - and we tend to forget who we are while we're raising them.
Now's the time to find yourself again!
Oh man can I relate . . . you fantasize about having some peace and quiet, and then - suddenly - you do and figure out it's not all it's cracked up to be! :P
Mine aren't quite there but it won't be long. And I have some friends going through what you're experiencing. I do it in a minor way when my older son goes to see his dad through the summer. Now that he's 18 I know one of these days he'll spread his wings for good. And that's as it should be.
I love that country song "Then They Do" . . .
:')
Ah S., I'm glad you asked the question and I'm looking forward to reading the advice.
I only have one off to college and two still at home so no empty nest here, but my kids are very independent. And all my friends who I raised my older daughter (24yo) with are going through what you describe. And some have taken it really hard.
Just this week I was sitting at the pool with my kids, reading. And they didn't need me for anything, just to pay the way. And I know how lonely it would feel if I truly was there alone without them versus just alone with me. I imagine I'd feel despondent for awhile.
This is why it's important to keep active and keep up with our own hobbies and interests.
Well, I wish I had more advice....perhaps after a cup of tea, eh? Let me know if you want to visit me in Calgary.
My kids are younger but I am already dreading it.
One thing I don't want to do is make them sad or feel guilty like my mom
did when I moved out then put myself through college out of town.
Poor thing. Now I am getting an understanding of what she must have
gone through.
Maybe try some of these things:
-walk the dog (good for him & exercise for you)
-call some friends. Try to arrange to get together for lunch or wine.
-have a party at your house
-cultivate a new hobby (golf lessons, piano lessons, pottery etc)
-plan a trip (first a close one then to Europe)
-join a gym
-go for long walks
-see if hubby will go with you for long nature hikes
-take a class at your local community college (like a new forign language)
-start up a book club
-get some long awaited reading done if you're a reader
-have date night at home (rent a movie, popcorn etc) w/hubby
-or plan a date night out w/hubby & do something fun (museums etc)
-have a wine party
-call your friends & start a dinner get together once a month
-look in your local paper for fun, locat activities
-go wine tasting w/hubby
-join a gym
-make a list of 10 things you really want to accomplish
-have a bbq party w/all of your friends
-start creating care packages to send your sons
Hope that helps. Hugs!
Find some things you wanted to do but had to put off while the kids were home. Re do the house and make it what you want.
I always worked so it was not a be deal when they left home as I had a life of my own. Now if they were to come home it would be a big problem as we don't have the space for them. Our hobbies have grown and taken over their rooms. In fact the house is full of our "stuff" and we are in no hurry to change it.
Enjoy your time with hubby and appreciate that you two still have a relationship to nurture. Go on trips and spend time together.
The other S.
Hug the inconsolable dog when someone needs it most - you, your husband and/or the dog. :) No serious advice but many well wishes during this transition phase.
If you find you really do miss kiddos, volunteer somewhere that involves being around kids. Find a new hobby. Do something you never thought you would have time to do. Do something you've always wanted to do. Get out of the house. Travel. See old friends. Have fun walking around the house naked for probably the 1st time in ages! Walk the inconsolable dog. Get a new pet (for you and the dog). Bribe your children to come home more often with food and offers of laundry service. Or, best of all, I'll bring my kids over and you can have them for awhile. That would cure your blues! LOL
I'm much older than you are and still in that stage!!! Our last one moved out about the time I started babysitting one of our grandsons at age 6 weeks and had him the next four years and so that helped. Then when his mom was home with him and had twins I was so lost. I helped with the twins and then babysat them all part time and now they are gone. My husband is retiring next month and I'm so lost. I had 8 kids for years and miss children so very much. It was my life, I loved them and having them and talking to them and playing with them. BUT I will say I so enjoy the relationship with my daughters that are close now and the adult type of visiting with them and it's just a different type of continuing that love with the kids. I'm hoping we will find something to do with our days that helps others as well as ourselves and I'm sure it will be great but still there is a 'loss' in ways. This weekend we babysat the 3 boys and I felt 'alive' and so that is something I have to continue to work on but I do enjoy having quiet when I want it, etc. Just a word to you who still have kids and can't wait for that day. Maybe you will enjoy it but maybe you'll realize how wonderful it is to have a house full of little ones and enjoy just having them there. I guess since I'm older but had so many kids I'm still at that adjusting stage so hope when I find it I'll let you know what helped. :-) It is nice to pick up and go without getting kids ready to go and keeping track of them while shopping and watching TV in peace and sleeping through the night but still something is gone. Just be sure to keep an open communication with your kids as they move out. Your house will always be 'home'.
