Employers, Employees and Nanny/ Baby-Sitting

Have you ever read the book, Nanny Diaries ( I know it was a terrible movie too!)

In the book ( I am loosely quoting) the "nanny" said that she had to be a very good nanny. And in order to do that she needs to make the child like her enough, but not too much because then the mom wouldn't like her. It's a tough thing for a mom to watch a relationship between the "hired help" and her child. Maybe when she is home, she wants to really have one on one time with her little one. Moms can be jealous too!

I would just take a deep breath and let this one go. The child knows you care and that is the only thing that matters.
K.

I personally think that you are correct in feeling the way that you do. Come on...2 parties for a baby!!! And the parents didn't even think to call you to say thanks for the gift!!! I think that they represent a huge portion of today's society...self-centered thinking. I hope they choose to teach their child a little more etiquette than they posess, but then again maybe it is a blessing in disguise that you are there to help the child along with these sorts of things! Don't give up...that child probably really needs you influence in her life.

Hi M.,

Ask the Mom if there was a reason for you not to be invited to the child'e birthday party.

Go from there. Let me know what she says.

D.

i tend to be very sensitive about these kind of things..i would just let it go and give the gift only because you want to...maybe next time as planning is going on say would you mind if i stopped in with my gift..they prob didnt want to have you feel obligated to come...i find i need to let things roll off my back bc i am the only one upset

Hi M.,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a Nanny for the last 3 years and she was absolutely part of our family. But with that said, when I did invite her to participate in family events she felt like she was obligated to "work" during that time even though I wanted her there as a guest only. It was difficult to get her to stop doing the "work" and just relax. Maybe your employer doesn't want you to think that you are there to Nanny during the birthday party. So they just let you have the day off so you can relax. As far as the gift is concerned, I wouldn't get to upset until you see the mother in person. If she doesn't acknowledge the gift then or send a thank you note, then I would be upset. Maybe she is waiting to thank you in person. I usually liked to do that. It was more personal than a telephone call. Also, you have to realize that people are busy when they get home from work and maybe have not had the time to pick up the phone. I hope it all works out well for you. It can be difficult when you take care of someone else's children and become attached. Sometimes the feeling is not returned from the employer just because they want to keep it on a professional level. When you let the nanny into your lives and then into your family and become attached as well to the nanny it becomes difficult to address problems when they come up and to speak your mind when there are items you are not satisfied with. So most people prefer to keep a more distant relationship so nothing gets "personal" if problems arise. Just one more thing to think about. Good luck

I think you have a right to feel the way you do---but maybe as far as the parties they really are trying to set boundaries as far as who is a "Friend" vs employee. I think they will send thanks or tell you when you see them but if the father is a typical male, the mom may not even realize who the gift came from. Men don't think of thank yous.

I think it is important to gently let your feelings known to them at some point. They may just not realize how you feel and how things look. In most situations I feel it is best to be honest and confront someone in a nice way when you feel a certain way. The relationship is usually enhanced. If you feel it would cause more deriment to do so that is your call but I would mention something in the right setting.

Hi
I had a nanny when I lived overseas so I understand a bit. Often, the employer is concerned of walking a fine line between family friend and employee. Some aren't comfortable about what their friends will think. This has never been my case and we've invited our close sitters but most have not showed up and when our nanny did come, she put herself towork out of habit. So in this case, I could see it either way but I always gave my nanny or sitter a formal thank you handwritten note and a verbal thank you. I would wait and see what Monday and T. are like and go from there. You could ask questions about the party and how much fun it sounded like but only in a casual way. You could also casually mention to the mom how much fun it was shopping for little (name) and you wished you would have stayed for her/him to open it. Good luck.

Hi M.,
I know a grown woman who nannies and is practically like part of their family--birthday parties, etc. But she's been with them for years. Perhaps they didn't want you to feel obligated or they thought sonce it is your "job" you enjoy your "off time" other ways. I'm sure this family will acknowledge your gift along with the others in proper form--a written thank you note, etc. I'm sure it was a hurtful experiencce but they most likely are unaware of that. I'm sure that as they get to know you better--and you, them--they will be more llikely to invite you. As for the thank you issue--most likely it just is premature to expect a response that quickly. You sound like a great nanny who truly cares about the child and they are luck to have such a caring thoughtful caregiver who doesn't feel like it's "just a job"!!!!