Emotions Running Too High

D. - My 23 yr old daughter has been trying to conceive for a while and has taken her 6 months of fertility drugs and still isn't pregnant. My heart breaks for her every month when she calls to tell me that I won't be a grandmother again. We definitely have said a lot of prayers and asking the Lord to please bless her and her husband with a child. She is going for a procedure today to be sure her tubes are clear. Saying all that, I can feel your frustrations about not being able to conceive and trying to be happy for others that it seems is all too easy. My daughter works in a hospital in the NICU and she sees first hand every week of women having children that they don't want. However, when you and my daughter have a child you will appreciate the gift that God is giving you to care for. Keep your faith strong in the Lord. The Bible says the HE will give you the desires of your heart and we are trusting in His word. I will be praying for you.

This is a very normal emotion for those of us who have a strong nurturing instinct. There are a couple of things I would recommend:
1)Politely decline baby showers.
2)Go and see an infertility specialist like REACH in charlotte
3)Seriously look into adoption and decide whether it would be right for you.
4)Be good to yourself. Take that nurturing instinct and nurture yourself. You are grieving the baby that you don't have. That is a loss for you right now. This is a normal emotion that those of us who struggle with infertility deal with.

Good luck, and stay hopeful--if you really want to be a parent look into the options out there.

As one mom said, don't give up. You are still very young and it could be that your body just isn't ready yet. I married at 19 and was never on any type of birth control but I was under alot of stress b/c hubby was military and in the field or away for various reasons alot. It was not until we moved back stateside and he left the military and the stress of being away from family and his job went away that I finally got pregnant. We had been married 3 years by then. Your cervical cancer is another stress. Unless the doctor has just outright told you there is no way, be patient, be calm, try to reduce the stress in your life as much as possible. As for not telling your family about the cancer, telling them might lower your stress level.

Awww, honey, you've got plenty of time! {{{HUGE HUGS}}} I'd wanted a baby since I was 12 years old (yes, I AM crazy! lol), but I didn't get to have one until I was 35! I know exactly how it feels to want a baby and not have one. But like I said, you're only 22, and you've got lots of time. My advice, even though you'll think it's ridiculous, is to just enjoy your friend's baby. Get used to taking care of one and coddling one. Maybe it will help you relax and you'll conceive your own baby. More worrying will only keep you all stressed out and make it more difficult to get pregnant.

Babies aren't all fun and games. I was one of the most stubborn people in thinking that it was going to be great, but with my first, OMG, it was NOT great at all! She was a really hard baby to deal with, and she's a hard preschooler now. I love her dearly, but sometimes I'd like to sell her to the gypsies. ;-) So look at it this way...go over, play with your friend's baby, feed it, change its diaper, get comfortable with taking care of a baby (IF she'll let you. LOL), and then when you go home, revel in the freedom of getting to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. You have a prime opportunity to do what alot of other people don't even think of doing before they have kids, and that's practicing on someone else's. ;-) Being a brand new mother for the first time is really nerve wracking, and if you're already used to how to handle a baby, you'll be a million times better off. Trust me.

Good luck, darlin! Everything will work out alright in the end.

xo,

AJ

You're completely normal. I'd suggest you look up infertility blogs. I'm on wordpress blogs right now, and there are always posts about infertility. What you're describing is exactly what these women post. My heart goes out to you.

Also, check out naprotechnology.com--a friend mentioned it to me for "natural family planning" and I saw they also deal with infertility. It may help.

Oh darlin! You're only 22!!! Don't rush it!!! It will come when you are ready. God will make it happen when you are ready! Until then, enjoy and spoil everyone else's baby's!!! You can be the one to spoil them and send them home! HAHA!!! If you have cervical cancer you definately want to talk with your doctor before you get pregnant. You need to take extra good care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with having an account here without having a child! Just keep talking to us and asking questions and your time will come dear.

First off, it's not all in your head. It's natural to be disappointed and even a little depressed about this. You didn't say if you had talked to a doctor and been told you couldn't have kids - I understand that you've had the cervical cancer but does that mean NO kids, EVER? Or just that it may be hard. If there is any chance, I would not give up hope. Sometimes you just have to be patient, relax and wait for it to happen. On the other hand - if it's NOT going to happen, have you considered adoption? I know it's not exactly the same as giving birth to your own, but believe me you will be able to love the little one just the same, and after you bring it home it won't matter that you didn't give birth to it!

D.,
It is so hard to want something and not be able to get it, especially something so intrinsic to a woman as her own child. There is a life principle involved called the Law of Attraction which you can read about in various books, the most notable is The Secret. There is also a video on this material.

The Law of Attraction has to do with positive thinking. Most people in our society think negatively. The Law of Attraction says that you get what you think about in the way that you think about it. If you think about how wonderful it would be to hold your own baby, to love her, to play with her than you will bring that into your life experience. You, however, according to the teaching of this society, think about the fact that you don't have the loving child, that everybody but you does. Therefore you get more of the same--not having your heart's desire.

I wish you success and joy in your challenge. Best of luck.
A.

Go get your hormone levels tested. Preferably with a good homeopath or naturopath (conventional Dr's will want to treat the symptoms, not necessarily the actual problem, this often suppresses issues further and makes things worse in the long run.) Sounds like a little counseling could be helpful too. You are not "broken" & this does not make you a "bad" or "failed" person. Do get help.
Warmly,
P.

Hi D., First off I'm sorry you have had so many problems getting pregnant. I know from my own cervical cancer experiences how you feel. I was diagnoised with it in Sept. 2001 and had surgery. I was told I would NEVER beable to have a child but in Nov 2003 I had a son and just had another son Feb 13,2008.I am 36 (37 this March) I have had a total of 5 surgeries. I always was told when you give up and stop worry so much about it, your body will balance itself and you will get pregnant. I did give up on my dream and it happened, twice. So surround yourself with positive thoughts and people and give yourself time. I wish you the best of luck.

D. I have known several women who wanted a baby and couldn't get pregnant. Maybe you're trying too hard. Relax, enjoy being with your husband and don't think so hard on it. Seems the more you think about, the slower it comes. My daughter was in a similar situation, she took my advice and put the concept out of her mind, in just a few months I got the news I was going to be a grandmother.
Relaxtion is the key, don't dewell on how much you want one. Try that for awhile, see what happens. Good Luck.

I can only imagine how draining it is for all your friends and family to have what you can't.

The Weston A Price Foundation and the Price-Pottenger foundation study nutrition and it's effect on our overall health, including mental emotional state and fertility.

I read Weston A Price's book "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration" and it really opened my eyes- and I had been a nutrition nut for years before that.

There is an active local chapter of WAPF here which holds semi-regular potlucks. You can find them at yahoogroups. WAPF Memphis or something like that.

HTH

D.,
it took me 10 years and 2 miscarriages one at 19 weeks and one at 7 weeks to finally have my son.so I know just how hard it is to "think" you cant ever have a child.Have you been to your ob and talked to them about having children or thought about adopting there is alot more to being a mother then giving birth and being pregnant.just a thought!

Hi D.,
I think you are a very normal woman that just wants to be a mom. God put that desire in women's hearts for a reason and although we may not understand, some women who desire to have children just can't. I'm a mom of 4 kids....but I know several friends who want children but just can't concieve. It hurts me and I am very sad for them. One friend has come to grips with this so they have decided to adopt and I am so thrilled for them! They will make great parents. It is confusing to me how many females become pregnant and don't want the baby...they end up killing them by abortion. It is a tragic thing when so many couples want to be parents and would do anything to have the chance.
Have you done any research on natural ways to concieve? They are several natural remedies that help help with it. Find a board or site that deals with women who are trying to concieve and get support from them. They have been or are on the road you are on.
I understand it must be hard to be around babies. My 3rd son was born with a rare heart defect and had surgery at 10 weeks old after he went into heart failure at ten days old. It bothered badly to be around healthy babies at the time when my baby was near death for so long.
I wish you the best of luck. You are still sooo very young. Don't give up and look into ways of making this happen. Relax and clear your mind. Your body will respond to stress. Just some advice from an old lady! :)
God bless.

Hi D.,
I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I had my son when I was almost 18 yrs old, then I had to have a complete hysterectomy at age 21 due to endometreosis. My sons father and I divorced not too long after that, I take part responsibility due to depression. I am so greatful to have had my son but I also knew that I wanted more children, terribly. It was extremely hard for me to be around pregnant women and babies. I was also ashamed that I felt this way, I love babies and children, envy is not pretty for any reason. When I married my husband almost 8 years ago I knew that he didn't have any children and that was very hard for me because I felt that I was taking the most prescious thing in life from him, the ability to have children. He always told me that it didn't matter because he really didn't want to have children. Well that all changed when his sister had her first son, he fell in love with him. To make a long story short my husband and I became parents in October 2006 to the most beautiful baby boy, we became parents through adoption. I got to be in the room with his birth mother when he was born and it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. I grew up very poor, I also didn't believe that things like this happened for people like me, I didn't think it financially possible for me to ever become a parent again. We saved and planned, from the start of the home study to the day that he was born was 6 months, trust me, it does happen!! I don't know if that helps any, the only good thing was that we didn't have to experience the whole infertility thing, I went through that with my first husband before my hysterectomy and I don't wish that on anyone. Since the day that he was born I haven't even thought about the fact that I can't give birth to another child, it is the happiest I have been in many many years. My bio baby is now 19 years old!! I hope and pray for peace for you, I know it is so difficult.

Don't worry so much about not getting pregnant. I never used birth control was married six years before my son was born. If you are having a problem talk to your drs. I was an Air Force wife also. There were babies allround me all the time. I babysit all the time for everyone I knew on base. I learned to enjoy the other kids they were just like mine until I got pregnant with my own. You can love other kids sometimes just like your own. I kept one baby from 6 weeks until she was a year kept her four days and nights a week. Just relax your time will come and just try to enjoy other babies until it is your time.

Hey D.,

To me it seems like you're stressing yourself out too much at a very young age. Having children is wonderful, but it also difficult while your husband is in the service. I am married to a marine and our little girl has a hard time everytime we move and when he deploys. It is hard not to get tempted to have a baby while everyone is having one around you. I think you should enjoy the time you have with your husband and focus your attenttion on your marriage. I have known many girls that stress too much about having a baby and when they finally have one they stress out even more, and they end up driving their husbands away. Not that this will happen to you, just a commment. I had my little girl at a very youong age, and although I matured a great deal, it was difficult. If I could change something, it would be to have her a few years later. Good luck D., hope you feel better.

N.

When I was 18 I got pregnant with my first child, Brittanie. At the time my sister was 25 married and had been trying for five years to get pregnant. I felt horrible, she was obviously tense around me and couldn't understand it. My family is a bunch of fertile women who get pregnant if we see a naked man, except for Sandy. She had exploratory surgery & her husband had tests run... all was normal. During pregnancy she was right by me and babysat anytime I wanted. Shortly after (of course like 2 months after she gave up) she got pregnant. After delivering Tyler she got pregnant again with their second daughter, quite quickly. Then her husband had a vasectemy. Amazing how you go from nothing to BOOM.
Anyway, the point I was trying to make before I started babbling... Sandy is a great Mom, way better than I was, because she got to go through it all and learn everthing before she ever had her own. Of course, she took her pregnancy less for granted than everyone, too, and she never takes her kids for granted. All the kids that surrounded Sandy (there are 11 grandkids all together) taught her to be the best mom ever, where the rest of us learned on our first baby, sorry Brittanie :-).
Yeah, you belong on this list. You're training for the most important job you will ever have. If you were to never get pregnant you may still get a baby, and you will be prepared and not take it for granted!
You have so much time. I'm now in the "old mom group". I'm 37 with a two year old. My good friend is 36 with her first. I'm having more fun now than the first time around. Relax, have fun and enjoy what you are learning through other people's babies and experiences. It really is just practice for making you a number one mom!
Oh, and my oldest sister in law who is 45 just had her first. She was diagnosed with cancer at 25, had four rounds of chemo and told she would never conceive. Just proves sometimes it takes a while, and miracles happen.
You've got plenty of time :-). If you feel worthless, then maybe you do need meds. Doesn't mean you're crazy, just having a hard time. We all do at some point in time.
K.

I think what you're feeling is totally normal and I think your friends with kids would understand (and know that you're not mad at them, just disappointed in your situation). I have often felt bad saying we don't want more than our two kids (we have never had trouble getting pregnant, thank goodness), especially in front of people that I later found out had lots of trouble conceiving. Being a woman (and especially a mother) is a very emotional thing, and our feelings are valid.

I wish you the best of luck ... whether you can ever maybe have children on your own, or whether you might consider adoption (something my hubby and I had definitely said we'd do if we had trouble). That's wonderful that you have such a great desire to be a Mommy to someone ... the world needs more women like you! Best wishes to you and your family!

Your post was kind of confusing... what you're saying is that you can't have children because of cervical cancer? And that makes you feel sad when you see other people with babies? I imagine that is a pretty normal emotion for women in your situation, but that you may need some counseling to deal with the grief of losing something so important to you. Especially if these feelings are affecting your relationships with your friends. Why don't you talk to your doctor and see if s/he can refer you to a therapist?
My only other thought is that you are awfully young and seem to think that your life is over. It's not! You could adopt a child, you know. There are millions of kids who need loving homes.
Good luck with your issues. Take care of yourself.

Dear D.,

First, I want to say Thank you to you and your husband for protecting our freedom by serving in the Army. Second, I believe you are placing too much pressure on yourself to have a family. My husband and I waited 10 years before we had our beautiful daughter. That was our choice and is what worked best for our family.( I am now 34).

I understand that you are longing for a baby and feel left out since everyone around you seems to be with child. The truth is some of these woman envy you. You are able to sleep through the night and able to get up and go when ever you want without having to pack the car for the "what if I need this for my baby..". I am in no way saying that these woman regret having their beautiful child, and neither am I. What I am saying is children are non-refundable.

Make getting pregnant a fun time instead of a task. If you two could get away together, like a date retreat, you'll feel more relaxed and enjoy your love making. Having a baby is about expressing the love you and your husband have for each other, not about fitting in with everyone around you.

One last thing, BREATH and take care of you. You still have time and stressing yourself out is not good on your body.

Take care.

Dear D.~

It is most certainly okay for you to be here before you have kids. This is part of being a Mom, too!

Does your hubby have other children? Does he want children? This could affect how he feels about all of this. Also, consider the fact that as a military man, he may not feel comfortable exposing all of his emotions. Anyway, he probably is just as hurting as you are. Some men don't like to talk about these things. Be patient with him, and confident in his love.

Have you spoken to a dr. yet about why you haven't gotten pregnant? It might be something simple, or it could just be the wrong time. Have faith.

Keep in touch with other Moms and, most importantly, with God. Find a good church where you can fellowship and have others to talk to. And keep in touch with us here. We'll be praying for you.

Hang in there! i was in my mid 30's when i started trying to have a baby. I had 3 miscarriages (the last one twins). i was told that i wouldn't be able to carry a baby past the first trimester. it was VERY hard for me to be around other pregnant people, especially people that didn't even want to be pregnant. We decided to become foster parents since we couldn't have any of our own- after 3 months i found out i was pregnant (and not even trying) - i just knew that i would lose this one too. But now i am 40 and the mother of a beautiful 2 1/2 year old boy. Don't give up hope! Miracles do happen!!!

Don't give up but don't try too hard either you are still young. I was told 10 years ago (i'm 30 now)I would never have a kid. I have been the same way about not wanting to be around other pregnant women or newborns, I would cry all the time at the thought of never being a mother. When my sister had her second child I would just sit and cry while holding his little hand while he slept. We had been trying to have a baby for 6 years. Finally we decided that we had too much going on with a house being built and my father being recently diagnosed with cancer that it was time to let go of the idea of having a child of our own. My dad came home Nov.9th from his cancer treatment our house was 2 weeks from being finished and on Nov. 12th we found out we were pregnant. I am 22 weeks along now and we are expecting a little boy in June. Miracles do happen you just can't push them to happen as soon as you want them to. The odd thing about it all, the same week I got pregnant I met a young lady who had been told she wouldn't be able to get pregnant either, they had been trying for 3 or so years and she recently found out she was 3 months pregnant. I figured if there was a chance with her then maybe I still had a chance. There is still hope for your little miracle to happen.

D. I don't know if you are a christian or not. If you are or if you aren't. Do one thing~ pray. Ask God to give you a child if it is His will. Leave it alone and go on with your life. He will answer. You might have an oppurtunity to provide a poor child a good home. This happens alot with parents that would make good mom's like yourself! So don't listen to what others are saying. God is saving something VERY special just for you. His blessings are numerous!

I think you have normal feelings..it took me a long time to get pregnant (after having an ectopic pregnancy) I didn't think I was physically able to! I used to be very sad every time I saw moms with their little babies and young kids. If you haven't seen a doctor yet about infertility treatment, you should try. I was able to see an intfertility specialist thru TriCare. There are other options too, including surrogacy and adoption. If you continue to feel overwhelmingly depressed, talk to you doctor about it. I think it's normal to feel disappointed and upset when something that we have always assumed would "happen" doesn't seem to happening for us. I also recommend prayer! I feel that is why we are expecting our baby girl today.

D.,

I guess I'm a little confused - is there a known reason why you can't have children or are you just ready for that in your life and it hasn't happened yet? I was told I had a 1 in a million chance of getting pregnant on my own by a fertility specialist and I'm now the mom to a 17 mos old so I know it can happen - even when you have all of the odds stacked against you.

You are young, be patient. I was 38 when I got pregnant but only b/c I waited until I was 37 to start trying, not b/c I couldn't (I will never know if I could have had children earlier or not). We had actually decided to give up trying and adopt a child. I think that this took a lot of the pressure off and I've heard time and again how that can negatively affect your chances of conceiving. Once you have a child your life is never the same and you loose a lot of freedoms with having children which I'm guessing is why your friends are complaining - that's a hard thing to give up for some people.

I don't think anything is wrong with you for feeling the way you do - it's something that you desire that you don't have and you don't have total control over. I always knew I wanted children but as I got older and heard my biological clock ticking louder than normal I too was sensitive to people who had children or talked about it all the time around me. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them, but it made me realize what I felt was missing in my life. When I was told I couldn't have any children of my own, this got even worse, to the point of me being in tears sometimes. I would say try to relax a little. Give your husband some time without pressure for a child - sometimes they aren't as ready as we are to make that commitment - and be honest with the family you are close to. Just tell them that as happy as you are for them to have a new baby, it's difficult for you to be around them at times b/c you don't have one and you'd appreciate their understanding. Let them know how much you care about them but that you'll need some time away if that's what it takes to get past your anxiousness around the baby. Good luck.

Try to stop thinking so much about it. Some doctors will tell you if that is all you think about, for what ever reason you will not be able to conceive. It really could be in your head in a sense. I too have the same problem. I know what you are going through, because I have been to my doc. to see what is wrong with me. Nothing. My husband to has been checked out and nothing is wrong with him. We have been together for eight years and no children. My doc. says to stop thinking about it and it will happen. I don't know if it will help but good luck.

Infertility can be a very difficult affliction and different people react to it in different ways. No, I don't think that you are being strange. The feelings you describe seem like normal reactions to me but try to remember that it isn't your fault that you haven't been able to get pregnant. About 1 in 10 couples have difficulty conceiving. I used to feel like a freak because I felt like my husband and I were the only infertile couple around. However, I soon became aware of other infertile couples at church and that made me feel better just knowing we weren't alone. Some of them had adopted children and I hadn't even realized they were adopted. It would help if the people around you could be more sensitive but obviously what other people say is beyond your control. I wonder if there is a support group that you could join. That might be helpful. It might also be helpful help to talk to a counselor. You might also check the library for books about coping with infertility. Good luck.

Hi D., My daughter too, had cervical cancer. She is in the AF and stationed in Utah. She had a Leep procedure done, and all cancer gone. She is 21, and no children yet. She is also scared she will not be able to have children. So, I tell her, not to think about that right now. Focus on other things. I think time heels all, and you are young, have plenty of time for kids. I'm sure it will happen! Good Luck to you and your hubby!

Was curious as to what options you have tried in getting pregnant. Have two friends who are currently undergoing fertility treatments. One has a 5 year-old from a previous relationship but has been trying for almost 3 years to concieve w/her husband. Also just wanted to recommend that you talk to your friends about what you're feeling. I had a friend who had similar feelings when I was pregnant in 2005. She never said anything about it and suddenly quit talking to me when I was 8 months pregnant(my husband was overseas @ the time). We have since spoken about it and though we've tried, things have never been the same. Keep your hopes up and keep trying.. and know that there are so many options available to help you expand your family.

It is absolutely normal for you to feel this way! I have 2 good friends who have the same issues and they also feel just like you do. God has a different plan for each of us and unfortunately we don't get to pick. You shouldn't hesitate to get some help. You've made a good step coming here to ask others their opinion. Maybe there is a group of women in your area you could meet with. Ask your gyno or regular doc if she knows of any group meeting for women with similar issues. As women we believe our only mission is bearing children. It just isn't true and you don't have to have your own children to change the life of a child.

Not to pry but are there medical reasons you cant get pregnant or are you just going on your own thought that becausee you havent been able to get pregnant that you never will? If a doctor hasnt said to your face "you will never have kids" then you might just be stressing yourself out. There is always invetro and other fertility meds out there. You are not without options! And there is always adoption. No, I know its not the same as having a biological child but they will love you just the same! There are hundreds of thousands of children out there who need loving homes!
But until the doc says no chance, try to relax a little, I know I know easier said than done. :) Look at it this way, it takes time to make a perfect baby. And biological or not, when you do have one, he/she will be the perfect child for you at that moment!

D.,

I know that you hear this all the time, but you are so young, and its natural for you to feel a little jealous. I would definetely talk about it openly, with a good friend, especially the one that was pregnant and you supported her. There are several treatments that you can look into. A dear friend just had twin girls after 7 years of marriage and trying. She had several treatments, I think that it was invitro that worked for her. I hope, it helps, but you do need to be able to talk about it with someone, that you have a strong bond with.

good luck.

L. c

Bless your heart. I know what you are going through. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to stress things quite so much. Unless the docs have told you that you will never be able to get pregnant, there is still a good chance you will when the time is right. I know alot of people, myself included, htat wanted to get pregnant so badly and tried for quite a while with no results, and as soon as they more or less gave up, quit stressing it, and all....not too long after they did get pregnant. When it happened to me, I had met and married my husband I have now, we'd been together for a good while, and I wanted a baby with him so badly which after how my first husband had treated me says quite a bit. I had pretty much given up completely and did not think I would be able to get pregnant anymore, and wouldn't you know it....I ended up pregnant with twins! So, best of luck to you. Relax,,,,things will work out in the end. Also, not to sound cold or anything, but there are alot of children out there who need homes and parents to love them....have you considered adoption? I know a few people who did that, and not too long after adopting ended up getting pregnant incidentally.

I know exactly how you feel. I had ovarian cancer and had both ovaries removed before age 27 and no children. For probably 3 years I would not go to any baby showers because I was afraid that I would start crying in the middle of the shower. I was jelous and angry at friends and family members and even strangers who were pregnant. Then I would feel bad and guilty for feeling that way. My husband just kept telling me to not dwell on the bad things and think about the good things. I hit bottom one day on the phone with my father. We were having an ordinary conversation and he asked me what was wrong...he could just tell I was unahppy. I burst into tears. I told him that I felt like I was drownding and could not even see through the water to grab a lifeline. He simply said to me, "Go get some help. You need to work through these feelings and there is nothing wrong with that." I went and saw a couselor who specialized in infertility issues. It was a great help not only for me but for my husband too. He was trying to help but he really had no clue how I felt. I had to grieve for this loss and my husband had to learn to acknowledge my feelings and support me instead of trying to dismiss my feelings and "cheer me up". Once we got through the grieving things started to look much clearer. We started looking at our options and decided to adopt. We now have a wonderful 5-year-old son. He was 16 months old when we brought him home. There are still times when I wish I was able to have the experience of being pregnant with my son and giving birth to him. I sometimes feel like I missed alot those first 16 months of his life but then I think about all the wonderful "firsts" I was there for and I feel blessed. God definitly had a plan for us and brought us together in his time and in his way. Before I just went on medicine I would get some couseling first. It can really help. Good luck and may God bless you.

Ah Sweetie. I empathize with you. I can only imagine what you must be going through. Men usually don't understand the urging that our bodies have to reproduce it is our make up, it is who we are as humans, as women. Our bodies, our hormones secrets rebirth. Have you talked to your regular doctor? Have you talked to a fertility specialist? I don't know anything about reproducing and having cervical cancer. Have you thought about getting your sister to be a surrogate? Talk to your husband first, then talk to your sister and her husband. It is using your eggs and your husband's sperms to create a zygote/embryo and place inside of your sister for her to carry for you and give birth for you, but it is you and your husband's child; your sister would be the carrier. I know my sisters would do it for me in a heartbeat. My doctors suggested I don't have any more children because of my lupus, but of course I wanted one more (have 2).

You haven't "failed." A baby is not some prize to attain or something we deserve to have, but rather a blessing from God. It is absolutely normal to have the feelings you are having when there is a strong desire to have children. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 3 years before conceiving, and let me tell you, it was difficult. Somehow, you have got to be happy for other people, even though you have not yet been blessed with children. Perhaps it is not time yet, or God is protecting you from something? Too often we believe that God is holding out on us, when he is simply protecting us. Some questions for you. Is the cancer preventing you from pregnancy? Does your husband want children? If the cancer is not the problem and your husband wants children, perhaps you need to just reduce the stress in your life. I got pregnant when I decided that whatever was going to be, would be. I stopped "trying" to get pregnant, and just began to be content with where I was, and resolved that if it was not meant to be, then I would be okay with it. But God had other plans. I am now mother of 3 healthy, and beautiful children ages 10,9 and 4. Hang in there, and pray for God to comfort you during the times of struggle. Read Psalm 37.

God bless you! I hope all the great advice everyone just gave helps. I won't give my age, but I thought it was almost too late to have a baby and the the doctor said I was not - it really depends on the person. I know a good friend of mine married someone and planned to have a family and her husband to be agreed, then after they were married he changed his mind. She won't leave him, because she loves him (I would've been gone). I thank God I didn't have to make that decision. You are super young and have a while and I think everything will work out in Gods time, just try to hang in there - believe me I know it's hard!!!! I thought I was going through menopause - I was pregnant instead ha! Good luck to you and NO you are not over reacting! P.

I have two daughters who are miracles [they are now adults].
I was told by a team of physicans that I would not be able to have children due to a uterine mal-developement.

In order to avoid a 4 page explanation of the diagnosis and subsequent testimony, if you are interested in more details -feel free to call me [local ###-###-####]

If I don't hear from you - do know that a woman who understands prayed for you 2/20 at 9:59 am.

you are not unsusual . Many women who have trouble having babies feel unconfortable being around pregnant women and new babies. If you are 22 though and have been trying for several years you might just wait . You are still young . ( I know that is not the answer you want to hear though). Some pro active suggestions might include tracking your cycle so you would know when you are ovulating ( and use a ovulation kit that you can get at Wal Mart to help) . Make sure you are eating nutritiously and getting all the vitamins and minerals you need. Participate in activities which relax you and keep you from getting stressed. If nothing else go see a dr ob/ gyn and they could do a work up to see why you have not gotten pregnant. ( maybe your body just needs to heal from the cancer).. I wish you the best.