Emotional Support for New SAHM

This is the hardest job you will ever do because it is boring and tedious and there is no glamor but if you keep your priorities in order, there is a chance you will bring about a wonderful person. This job will test you to the very limits of your endurance and happy disposition. There are no short-cuts, no easy way to do it. At 7 and a half months this is the very hardest part now because you are physically tired and lacking inspiration, and it's kind of lonely too. It would be a good idea to ask for some help just so that you can take some time for yourself, read and soak in a hot bath and relax with no responsibilities for a few hours. Maybe make arrangements so that you can go out with your friends one night. It's really important for all that you be able keep a good attitude. But it really does get better from here.

When you tidy up the house one night, reward yourself with a playdate the next day. Then the house doesn't get dirty. :)

Make sure you take some time to have adult conversation at least once a week. A play group will give both of you a good social experience that is good for your mental health and your son's development.

I was a stay at home mom too(children are grown now). Let me tell you from my experience no it doesn't get better on its' own. That's not to say you can't make it better. I felt the boring tedious and lonesome feelings too. Unfortunately I let it go without any outside influences to aid in overcoming them. I was very close to loosing my children. You don't want to go down that path I am sure. First off realize that much of what you are suffering from can be offset simply by how you choose to think and respond to it. Then do something different once or twice a week(after your housework is done)like take a walk in the park or go to a museum. Don't be afraid to ask someone you can trust to sit with the baby for no reason just to get out and away.

N.,

I have been a SAHM since my son was born almost 3 years ago. It is a lot of work sometimes and I just don't have the motivation to do the housework most of the time after dealing with the kids. Being a SAHM is much harder than working a job outside of the home. When you're a SAHM your job is 24 hours a day and you don't get to pawn your little ones off on anyone during the day (which I could never do anyway). The best way to keep your sanity is to join a mom's group or a playgroup. I now have 2 little ones - 3 and 1 and we have to get out and socialize a few times a week or I go nuts and so do they. It's nice to talk to other moms that are going through what you are too. I found a nice group of moms in my area on meetup.com and have become good friends with a lot of them. I don't know if I'd say it gets better as they get older, but you have more time to do things that you need to while they're playing. I don't stress over the housework too much. I figure as long as my house is fairly neat that's fine. It's more important to spend time with my kids than get the housework done. Good luck and hang in there.

L.

Hi,
I always try to remind my self that cleaning and chores(nose to the grindstone) is NOT, I repeat NOT the sole purpose of being a SAHM. It is to raise your son. Raising children is a job itself. All the chores and what not are secondary!!! Do not let it stress you out. I have a friend who is a sahm to two kids and has a housekeeper come once a week to clean. It makes her feel better. I totally support that. Get outside and do fun things with your son as much as possible.
Since my son started walking, we have been having a blast. Chasing each other, playing at the park, making him laugh, its awesome. What Im saying is that It gets funner with them, as far as activity wise. There are countless ways to express your creative side with kids! Not every women can afford to be a sahm. I think you are lucky. But, If you are not comfortable, go back to work. If you have someone you trust to watch your child, go work part time and see how you feel. Maybe getting out of the house more will help. There is nothing wrong with thinking for YOURSELF as well as your family.

Hey N.! I totally know what you're going through. Being a stay at home mom is no easy task, and honestly, I am still dealing with the in's and out's of the daily routine. When I start feeling the pressure or just plain stressed out and depressed, I find it helpful to just get out of the house. Have you joined any playgroups? It's great to be able to vent to other moms that understand what you're dealing with, not to mention give your son some time to play with others around his age. I also think it's important to take up some kind of hobby in your free time (while kids are napping or bedtime usually for me.) Set aside certain days/times that is YOU time! I actually have always been a very motivated keep my mind busy type person, so I found that building my own work at home business has helped me like a hobby...I know it may sound strange, but I really do enjoy what i do. Try the best you can, that is all you can do, and make sure you take some time for yourself every now and then to give yourself a break!

Like any other job, it has its moments. I have two girls, so its a bit busier, while one is at school, I do the housekeeping, and mind you sometimes my house is still not clean. I do some playdates, I go to the park, the library for story time. And sometimes, I just lay in bed or mull around. I use to always say that if I didnt work, I would be thin and look hot, and um, no I am not thin. LOL. And yes I am home all day, but I sometimes I would complain to my Husband that I would still love his help either watching the girls so I can do some alone things, or by him doing a load of laundry.

Just try and keep busy, I always saw the SAHM as eating bon bons and watching soap operas, and I was wrong. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Like I said, it has its up and downs.

I work part time in the evening now and I love it.

Good luck.

Dear N.,
I totally understand where you are coming from, when my first son was born, it was a total shock to my system being a SAHM. I knew that was what I wanted to do and what I felt was right for my son but the reality of it was really hard to deal with at first. I worked up until the day I went into labor so I went from seeing other adults every day and feeling productive to being at home with sore nipples, exhausted and not having anyone to talk to until my husband came home. You can only play so many rounds of patty cake....:)
I felt guilty that the house wasn't perfect, I couldn't keep up with the laundry, I was cranky, bored, unmotivated and embarrassed that the highlight of my day was Ellen coming on tv at three o'clock. The first chance to shower was when he took his nap and by then all I wanted to do was sit I was so tired.
I think the biggest challenge of being a stay at home mom and a new mom is getting yourself to realize that this is not forever, pretty soon you'll be potty training or having another baby, you won't always be this tired or bored, you'll be glad the hard parts are over and there'll be new challenges. Take care of yourself and your depression! If you are a creative/inspired type do something just for you that brings joy to your week. Start a project that you can make progress on that has nothing to do with chores, maybe a scrapbook of your son's accomplishments or something like that. I definitely agree with all the other women that a playgroup or mom's group is a way to go and if at all possible get your husband to take baby for a little bit in the evening while you veg out in front of the tv or read or take that bath or sit outside and get some fresh air.
My husband and I on the weekend after the baby was in bed we would spread a blanket out on the carpet and have a little "carpet picnic", have a glass of wine together and our favorite munchies and watch a movie together. We got to talk and connect and now with a 4 year old and a nine month old we still do it and it is a vital part of our marriage. Plus we don't have to pay a sitter.
You are doing wonderful, this will get better and you are not alone.
God bless,
J.

You're not the only one! I have always been a "baby person." Love babies, babies love me. I was always the one who played with the kids, the one who always volunteered to watch the little ones. I thought this whole mom thing would come so easily to me and be so much fun. I thought, "I have such a good time with other people's babies, it's going to be so wonderful taking care of my own baby." Well, I soon found out that one of the best thing about other people's kids is that I can always return them to their parents!

Not, of course, that I don't love my baby, but yes, the irrevocableness of one's own child can be a little overwhelming. For the first several months, I think part of me saw motherhood as an extended babysitting gig, as if the baby's parents would eventually come back home, pay me my $10, and let me go back to my real life. Of course, this never happened.

All you hear is how wonderful, magical, enchanting babies are. No one tells you that taking care of them can be downright boring. When they're little, they can't really DO anything. And even when they get older and more interactive, repetition is a big part of life. There are days when I think, "If I have to sing 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' one more time, I'll scream."

For me, it hasn't really been a matter of it getting easier or better. I think I've developed better coping mechanisms. I've met a lot of other moms through moms' groups, so we do playdates and girls nights out. These have been a lifesaver. And I've gotten to know my baby as his own little person, and happily, I like him. There are still days when I desperately need a break, but for the most part, I just try to enjoy this time with my child. It has gone by so fast, and I know someday all too soon I'll be wondering what happened to his babyhood.

In the meantime, is there anything you can do to try to find an outlet for your creativity so that you don't feel that who you really are is subsumed under the roles of mom and homemaker? Are there certain household chores that you can let go every now and then? Anyone who can take care of the baby once in awhile so you can do something for yourself? You owe it to both yourself and your baby to take care of YOU.

Good luck, and know that you're not alone.