Embarssing Question About 4Yr. Old Daughter

There is a condition called trichotillomania where people pull out their hair, or eyebrows, or eyelashes, etc.; sometimes it is conscious, sometimes they do it without realizing it. It is often (but not always) related to anxiety. (Not necessarily trauma.) I would start with talking to her about whether there is anything bothering her or anything she is worried about. Coming down hard on her or telling her/insisting that it has got to stop would likely only raise her level of anxiety and make it worse, so talking to her calmly and gently would be the way to go.

I think Bonnie's response is cruel. Please do not give your daughter a buzz cut! This is probably just a phase. Maybe mention it to your ped.

It could be the anxiety of you putting her to bed after she is in bed with you. The "Nanny" thing may work for you - When she gets into your bed, immediately, take her back to her room and put her to bed with a kiss and a firm goodnight. Looks like she may need to get used to sleeping in her own room. A cute night light and new pillow case may help as well - let her pick them out as an added incentive. Consult your pediatrician as well. Good Luck!

well you know some kids pick up on things that well arent always to our liking..it doesnt always mean something is wrong it could be that she has seen this from another child acting out for attention and well thought she would give a go.i wouldnt worry to much at this point seems how it just started i would however let her know that she should not do this.

C.
See my response to Cara A's post about her daughter's hair twirling & pulling yesterday.
Although there has been no trauma some children are just naturally more sensitive to stress & holidays are always stressful.

Are you sure there is no medical issue going on that could be causing her hair to come out? Maybe a vitamin deficiency or something? I would take her to the doc asap and rule anything out. If nothing else is going on medically, then maybe she is just doing it in her sleep, like another child might grind their teeth, involuntarily-just a habit. I wouldn't overreact if thats the case, she'll grow out of it. Maybe put her hair in braids or a pony before she goes to bed to make it harder for her to yank on. I would not make her embarrassed or feel bad about this--it's just hair.

C.,
I would not assume anything until you talk to your pediatrician. She is only 4 years-old, so I find it hard to believe that she has control over it. I do not think a 4 year-old would do something this drastic/painful for attention(Bonnie...shame on you...it has obviously been a while since you were around a 4 year-old!). My younger sister used to twist her hair as a soothing/relaxing thing...kind of taking the place of thumb-sucking. After getting the advice from you pediatrician...I would consider putting a bandanna or a special sleeping "good dreams" hat on her at night to sleep in or something like that. I think with most unusual behaviors, it helps to keep trying new things to try and change it. Good Luck!!!

Take her to the doctor and ask to be refered to a child Pyschiatrist before it's to late. I see adults suffering with that Compulsive Problem. Just make sure its not a medical issue first.
Goodluck,
Jennifer

You already got some good responses. Just adding that this is certainly nothing to be embarassed about! I hope you find the answers you need!

Hi C.,
I am a social worker and agree with your responder who says it sounds like trichotillomania, which is hair pulling as a way of dealing with or managing emotions (although it must go on for a longer period of time to really be diagnosed as such). Let me first say that this is not that uncommon, and is very manageable. Do not punish, as it will not be effective in curbing this behavior and your daughter and will likely make symptoms worse. At the age of four, your daughter most likely does not understand this herself. There are many different approaches to treating this, from counseling to medications. I would talk to your pediatrician for some referrals. For now, since it sounds like your daughter is doing this while only partially awake, I would try some physical barriers such as a cap to sleep in or mittens. You may also want to give her something to physically manipulate such as play-doh (you will have to practice with her when she is awake, though). There are also some homeopathic anti-anxiety drops which you can get from the health food stores that are very safe for children which may help. Good luck, and don't panic-- although it is upsetting to see your daughter's hair in this manner, it is nothing that cannot be remedied!

Hi C.!
This may be a long shot but I will tell you our experience. My 3 year old daughter has diabetes. She will wake up screaming that there are worms in her bed and one night I had to spray her hair with our "bug spray"( water and a tiny bit of lavender essential oil, something we started when she was scared of "worms"), and pat her hair down before she was convinced that the worms were gone.

I found out later from a friend that her family struggles with blood sugar problems and if their blood sugars go low, they would experience dreams about bugs crawling on them.

Now......I am NOT diagnosing your daughter with diabetes! Not at all! :) But there ARE people who have the OPPOSITE problem and have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). My daughter only experiences the feeling of "worms" crawling on her when her blood sugar is dropping.

There is probably a much more logical explanation for why she is pulling her hair out but if all else fails, you could have her tested for hypoglycemia, which is VERY easily managed.

I hope you find an answer!

She may have alopecia. Usually it doesn't come out in one giant clump, but if you notice a lot of hair on her hair brush that might be it.

But assuming that it's not a medical issue. Some kids just have a tendency to anxiety. I know of a couple of kids who have some OCD behaviors. Or maybe she has some sensory issues that she is trying to fulfill by pulling on her hair. It doesn't mean she's being abused or traumatized, it just means that at this point in her life she has a need that is being fulfilled by pulling on her hair. Does she have other signs of seeking out sensory input? Maybe helping her to get more of what her system is craving in a healthier way will help. (there are books on sensory processing disorder I've seen at the library, or talk to a pediatric OT.)

In any case, don't punish or get angry, and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Children don't have the vocabulary or knowledge to ask for what they need directly, and when they show odd behavior, that is their way of communicating their needs. Our job is to listen and try to figure it out. Four is a weird age! I think all kids that age are a little nuts. But helping her find healthy ways to get what she needs will be a skill that will help her into the school years. Good luck!

I would also look into a medical condition. Is her hair maybe just falling out? Are you sure she is pulling it? There is a condition called alopecia where the hair just falls out.