Embarrassing Question

K.- I am the gal to talk to one this. I was very active until I had my first child...then well things slowed down a little, but I had PPS really bad so I blamed that. After my second child I had no drive at all.

Like you, I love my husband, love to be close to him, and am not having an affair..it took him a long time to believe me on that one. We have sex maybe twice a year and I'm ok with that.

I have an appointment Friday I plan to discuss this issue. I'll let you know how it goes. I think mine is a mental hang up about "moms" Moms are angelica and don't have sex, right???? Anyhow, know that you are not alone. Hang in there-I hear you!

H.

I dont know if you are nursing or not but if you are NOT... I had the issue not just after my children but always I started taking maca root, (what you will see on the shelves..Horny Goat Weed) you can get this at Walmart over by all the other vitamins and within my second day I ravished my husband and it threw him completely off guard but he loved it and within a month I did not have to take it anymore and it was great...still going strong and that was 4 months ago...YEAH!

K.,

You don't need to apologize for asking that question. I am so glad you did. I don't have any advice because I am in the same exact situation. I have a 6 month old boy too and have ZERO sex drive as well. I love my husband too and love spending time with him, holding hands, cuddling, but when it comes to anything sexual, I am completely turned off. I feel so guilty about it and don't know what to do either. Especially since I was the same way during my pregnancy. My poor husband!!!! It doesn't help that sex still hurts for me as well. So I hope things get better for the both of us!! Let me know if you find anything that magically works. (: lol Good luck.

i think you are pretty normal, my baby is 8mos. and i just started feeling more sexual, give your self some time to get back into the swing of things!

You are sooo normal! A six month old is very demanding, I can imagine you just want to sleep! I think this is mother nature's way of ensuring no pregnancies so you can nurture your baby! Are you breastfeeding? I know I felt a little strange about that while I was nursing. My kids are 11, 9, and 5 now and I still don't have a huge sex drive. I as ked my OB and she said that was normal! She said the average is once a month!

Don't be embarrassed, it's a perfectly acceptable question.

Are you nursing? I had absolutely no drive while I was nursing. And that was 13-months. I don't know if it was hormones or the fact that someone else was already monopolizing my body for a few hours every day. Once I quit nursing, things got better. And now they are pretty much back to normal.

Anyway, if you are concerned about it being hormones, go see your doctor. And remember, a baby takes A LOT out of you and it's easy to let sex be the first thing to slide (but not necessarily the best thing to let go). I think it's normal but hopefully you'll be able to get back on track soon.

You and every other woman out there! I think it is natural birth control or something, but I didn't get my drive back until a year after my son was born and I quit nursing. Don't worry, it'll come back. Try to explain the best you can to your husband, but also try to keep having sex occasionally even if it seems like a chore. It is important to men and will strengthen your marriage even if it doesn't do squat for you. If you cut him off totally, it will probably lead to other problems and the longer you go without sex, the harder it is to get in the mood to do it. Good Luck!

I talked to my doctor about this because I have the same problem. He told me that breastfeeding can make this happen. I don't know if you are nursing but if you are that could be the reason.

The more you nurse, the less of a drive you will have. Also if you have poor circulation, if you don't eat very many spices, if you do eat a lot of salt and sugar, these can all add to the effect. There are herbal formulas for libido, most of them contain cayenne pepper. These can help but if you are generally unhealthy you may have to clean up your diet and exercise more.

Again, if you are nursing, that's probably not helping. My breasts played a big role in foreplay and now it's so awkward trying to avoid them during the whole act.
You know, the only thing that works for me is to just do it! You forget what the desire feels like and how much you miss being intimate with you partner until you hop on the wagon again. Even if it takes effort at first, it usually rekindles those feelings for the next few days. Also, my husband knows that if he makes dinner and helps clean up around the house, that helps me to relax and maybe get me in the mood, because I straight out told him, and it works!

Its not embarrassing at all. I was married for 5 years, and I know it will sound impossible, but my husband and I were both virgins when we married. I was 23 and he was 30. Unfortunately, he had been taking medications for asthma, and he knew nothing about sex which made it worse. I didn't either. About 4 years into the marriage, I was still a virgin. My doctor was horrified, and wanted to perform a hymenectomy, thinking that was the problem. I was so distraught, and depressed about it, (since I also was supporting my husband financially, that I had an affair with a younger man.

That was the most embarrassing thing to go through, because he knew I was married, and he told me that if he had know that I was still a virgin, he would have been easier on me.

Once I experienced that, I decided to end my marriage,labeled an adulterer. About 25 different men later, I met my soul mate. We have been married 18 years, and together for 20. We have 2 children together, and I have a daughter from one of my lovers, (who by the way, did not want her, but paid child support of 66.00 a month.) After all my children, I was hesitant to not have sex, for fear of getting pregnant again. But, that went away withing 2 months. So don't be discouraged.

I am 55. I am no longer interested in sex. I keep telling myself, that it is a curse because I gave myself to so many different partners. My husband is not a romantic by any means, and he continues to subscribe to Playboy magazine, which makes me feel inferior.
I am looking forward to seeing heaven one of these days...there is no sex up there...Thank God!

The one thing that is always on my hubby's mind is O_ _ _ sex, and that is something I never did that with any of my relationships! Yuck.

So anyway, I wish you well.

If your son is only 6 months old, you are still experiencing hormonal changes, especially if you are nursing. If your baby isn't sleeping through the night yet (most at that age aren't), you are probably exhausted, too. Give it time. Is your husband having a hard time, or is he understanding? You could always just...help him out, if you know what I mean-- rather than have sex, if you aren't up to the sex thing yet. Maybe try having a romantic evening with your husband, have him give you a back rub, and he can try to gently get you in the mood. If things aren't better in a few months, ask your doctor.

i has the same problem after i had my daughter and yes I was breast feeding which I had heard can cause you to not have much of a sex drive. To be honest I still had sex with my husband about 2 to 3 times a week because I feel that it is an important part of a marriage. And I wanted to keep him happy even though i never and i mean never felt like doing it. He is very sweet and always told me that we don't have to make love if I'm not in the mood so sometimes I would turn him down but I still tried do it at least twice a week just to feel like I was being a good wife to him. And to be honest once we started having sex it's not like i hated it, and I always felt better after we were done. Then once i I was done breast feeding & got my period back it was like I was a teenager again. i was asking him for sex and he didn't know what had gotten into me. So I guess just give it some time and know that your sex drive will return.

Don't be embarrassed. I think most women get this way at some point. I would look into the hormone thing. It can take a year or so for your body to get back to normal after having a baby. It could also be thyroid, exaustion/tired. I have those problems. I am so exausted because of everything I have to do, and my thyroid is so messed up, that I hardly even think about. My poor husband has to remind me.
I suggest you check your thyroid/hormones, and see if maybe your schedule is just wearing you out. Taking care of children can be very tiring.