Eleven Year Old Not Following Proper Hygiene Guidelines

You're totally doing the right thing. Boys can be a bit yuck. Basically tell him if he starts doing these things on his own he won't need supervision. Let him try on his own for a few days, if he slips up start supervising again -- so on. Eventually his need for privacy will supercede his little boy laziness.

Not sure how dirty he's getting, but I'm pretty sure the watching him in the bathroom is more harmful than the lack of soap. Just chill-out.

My son just turned 12 and I too have a 9 year old daughter. I tell you, if I don't remind my son every single day to take a shower, he doesn't. But now he's starting to get into girls so he's caring a little more about showering. he has always used deodorant thank God! I took him to the store and let him pick out his own deodorant, body wash and body spray. I think AXE is a popular brand with the boys. I've sat my son down and explained to him that no one is going to want to be near him if he smells. I think with this subject you have to give tough love because if a stranger comes up to him and says something, he's going to be embarassed. better that it come from you.

My son is 14 and man when he walks by youd think 10 men that just worked out aggressively passed by... we are constantly telling him how he offends - apparently he cant smell himself and I dont get it... its been like this since he hit puberty - at least 2 years - and he has been into girls - so I keep waiting for him to realize his offensive odor exists and we are not making it up.

Strange thing is that sometimes he will take a shower and come out smelling the same way he was smelling going in. And we dont get - we cant figure it out, maybe its his clothes, i cant be sure. I mean there are times he does not have this odor and I have to guess he is washing himself - Im not going to go in the shower to check on him. I just keep telling him that its his body - and what he 'does or does not do' effects him and no one else. It took us almost 2 years to get him to brush his teeth properly. I hope this phase passes quickly for you, cause its still happening to me. lol

sometimes boys of that age do not want to bother being clean, just wait until he is 12 or 13 and he will take very long showers use up all the hot water and want to smell nice for the girls. some boys mature quicker than others

my son went through the same thing from age 10 till about age 12 when he started having an interest in girls then i could not get him out of the shower i did the same checking on him etc after a bout a month of this he got sick of it and all i had to do was say i was coming in though he did still try get a way with it and when i found that he did this i would send him back in and sit and in there it did take some time for all of this to sink in though.

M.

L. I feel for you. No it's not rediculous. I had to do it with both my boys and when they got it right and realized I was joking they started to take better showers, now they comeout so squeeky clean and I have a high water bill:) stick with it for it takes longer for boys for things to click in their brain. I had to supervise showers from age 9-11, especially since they were both playing sports and had to explain to them the who nine yard of cleanliness. Stick with it & encourage him - All the best.

Hi L.,
It's normal for middle school aged kids (not only boys) to be lax about the hygiene, but really he is too old for mom to watch him clean himself, just as an 11 year old girl is too old for dad to see her undressed. While it can be hard to let them go without the cleaning you'd like, you need to set the guidelines but allow his privacy. I would suggest letting him know that he needs to stay in the shower at least 5 minutes - he may or may not clean himself to your satisfaction, he may or may not be using soap, but there's gotta be some cleanliness happening in that amount of time. While there are weeks that I don't think there's enough underwear in the laundry and my 13 year old never seems to run out of deodorant, if they don't stink, I don't really get involved. It might help for you or a male relative to start discussing puberty with your son, including the need for increased hygiene - and I think this subject is also covered in The Body Book for Boys and other books on puberty.
Good luck

Hi L.,
My son is 13, he used to go in the shower and stand there and not use any soap or shampoo.
We got to the point that we used to smell his hair and his skin to make sure he used soap and shampoo.
He is now 13 and takes a shower daily. I think he got used to retaking a shower when he didn't clean himself.
It does get better. Just make him retake a shower every time he doesn't clean himself. He will eventually get sick of it.
I do have to stay on him about brushing his teeth. That has always been a challenge. Again I tell him either he can do it or I can do it for him. At 13 he doesn't want his mom brushing his teeth. So I just sit and watch him to make sure he does it.
I do not have a problem with him changing his clothes. Thank goodness.
This too shall pass...
Good Luck,
J.

You're not alone. I have a daughter and I'm constantly nagging... however, she has been improving as she's getting older. My nephew went through a stage for about 2 years where we would all need to remind or tease him, but he's grown out of it.

If you haven't already, give him some deorderant. I know it doesn't take the place of properly washing.

I would not recommend watching him as he needs his privacy. I would, however, make sure the dirty underwear goes into the hamper and not back on his body.

I haven't dealt w/ this as a mom but I had the same problem myself growing. My step-mom used to supervise me, to make sure that I was properly cleaning. I eventually grew out of it. Having the embarassment of my mom watching me was enough to change me after a couple of months.

It is a very common thing at this age..... just keep reminding him and if you need to, set a timer and tell him he has to be in the shower/tub (and be washing himself, his hair) till the timer goes off.

Believe me, in another 2 years, you'll be yelling at him for taking too long!
It's one of those stages kids (especially boys) go through.

This sounds totally normal to me! I taught fifth grade for 6 years, and I had to have a ton of talks with my 10 and 11 year old boys about hygiene. The good news: this will change completely, once he starts noticing girls. And that will happen sooner than you think! Until then, be very honest with him. Tell him exactly what you need for him to do, and feel free to bring in a timer when he's starting his shower. Tell him, "You're in here for 5 minutes whether you like it or not. So clean up, kiddo!" (I wouldn't actually sit and watch him though, because privacy is so crucial at this stage for him.)

Also, why don't you have him put his dirty clothes in a hamper in the hallway every night, before bed? That way you can empty it out, and he will have no choice but to wear clean underwear! That seems like an easier battle to win...

PS I totally agree with Nicole. Humor works miracles, as long as nobody gets their feelings hurt!

I know I am a little late in responding, but I have a similar issue with my 11 year old. I found that several things helped:

1. Making bathing a fun/pleasurable thing and not a chore. Get him some fun and good smelling bath products.
2. Once the girl thing kicks in, you will be complaining about him being TOO clean.
3. Ask him if there is a stinky kid in his class/school. If he says yes, (which he will), ask him if the other kids make fun of this kid (which he will say yes). Then ask him if he wants to be that kid. Trust me, he will say no and probably doesnt realize his own body odor. It seems a phase that boys especially, although girls too, go through just before the hormones kick in and they wash perpetually. I do think that it has something to do with the sense of smell too. It will pass. Hope this helps.

L.,
I am in the same boat my 12 year old son is driving me nuts with this. Getting him to brush his teeth is another job in itself. When he doesn't have school it is worse on both the bathing and brushing of his teeth, UGGGG. Christmas Eve I had to make my husband step in and make him take a shower and brush his teeth, my older son and daughter couldn't get him to do it so when my husband came home from work I had him say something and thankfully he did as he was fold. I have 5 children, my 1st son (2nd child) did this but we went right into the bathroom and made sure he took a shower, after a few times of doing that he straightened out. With this one I am uncomfortable doing that so I'm staying on top of the issue by nagging him constantly and even sending him back into the bathroom to take another shower or re-brush his teeth. I know it is the age, but I'm with you this is tough to deal with. If I come up with another solution I will let you know and please do the same for me.
Hugs,
T.

All children about your son's age go through the "stinky phase" where they dont want to bathe, brush their hair or teeth etc. I used to tell my girls "In every classroom in the country there is one kid who is the stinky kid and its not gonna be MY kid!! Now get in there and WASH!!! Be persistent but let him know that he has to clean himself or the other kids will tease him for smelling bad! It also doesn't hurt to add some new grooming tools like his own new hairbrush, maybe some new deodorant or a new flavor toothpaste and a new toothbrush type of thing. Even after shave with a light scent might make him more likely to want to be cleaner. Use whatever works for your family. By the time he notices girls you wont be able to get him OUT of the bathroom. Its just a phase.

I constantly have to remind my 10 and 11 year old dtr's to shower, wash face, brush teeth, change socks, underwear, etc. If I don't remind, they don't do it. I was hoping that peer pressure would help, but it hasn't yet, even with my dtr being interested in boys. I don't supervise though, just remind. My husband makes up funny songs that illustrate how funny they will smell/look that make them laugh but get the point across. I'm hoping it's a phase, but I also know others that say it can last up until ages 14-17 depending on the kid.