Electronics & the Kids

My kids are 11,9,8,7,&5. We have a family computer. We have a tablet that they all share. My 11 year old has a phone. Its a smartphone and she was giving this last year because she entered middle school and before 8 and after 3 she's allowed to have it. She texts me every afternoon to tell me she got on the bus! I got so lucky with the fact that mine aren't big into electronics! They seem to just lay around!

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed!
My son is only 9 so just has a DS and Xbox. My daughter is 15, high school junior, has a cell phone and laptop. I bought her the laptop her freshman year. She uses it a lot for school. She has a Facebook page but that's about it. If my son asked for a cell phone I wouldn't allow it since he's too young in my opinion. Hope that helps.

This is such an individual, personal, case by case thing.
It has to do with so many factors besides age, like maturity, actual need, budget, etc.
My husband and I have always been kind of techie, so we don't really see technology as inherently "bad" but of course as parents you have values, and you need to be careful.
We have always had video games and computers at home. And the internet was in our home as soon as it became affordable and reasonable. Our kids were babies at the time.
They never had their own computer until they were about 16. My youngest is 15 and she is literally the only one of her friends without a personal laptop or tablet. But she is REALLY hard on stuff and I just don't want to spend the money so she still shares with me. She'll get one for her 16th birthday in May.
They didn't have phones until they were in 6th grade. Not because this was some magical age, but because that's when they first started taking the bus and being more independent. We could afford it, they were responsible and I wanted to stay in touch, that's what it came down to.
Smart phones? Well, those just started coming out when my oldest kid was in high school, so he got one for his 17th birthday, second child same, and my 15 year old has a hand me down one now with a broken screen and limited features.
As far as monitoring their time, I don't really monitor it too much. When your kids are busy with school and activities, homework, social time, eating/sleeping, etc. there are only so many hours in the day to worry about. I'm not naïve, I'm sure they are looking at some things I'd rather they not look at but I have to trust that they've somehow remembered MOST of what I've taught them about making appropriate and smart choices in life.
What else can a parent really do? Keep them in a bubble? Not realistic.

Just remember that electronics are a privilege, not a right.
If they constantly earn their privileges with good behavior, they they get some screen time (about 2 hrs recreation electronics use - computer used for homework doesn't count for this).
If they didn't earn it (chores done, homework complete, being helpful and respectful, etc), then they don't get any screen time.
Our son is 16 and not interested in Facebook.

My son gets to be on my laptop when:
A. homework/chores are done
B. There's something he might benefit from or
C. he asks to watch something we feel is appropriate for his age, like some cartoons we can access online.

He's seven and has no need for a phone. When we get him one, it will be because there is a need and, like my husband's and mine, it will be a 'dumb' phone. (no internet/texting-- just to call us.) We've told him that when he saves up enough money to purchase Minecraft or another fun game, we'll make my old laptop available for him. He hasn't yet chosen to save up the $21 to make that happen. We feel that when he does, then he may have a computer dedicated for him. We likely still won't let him have internet access and will still have to make sure chores/ homework are done and that we've had some exercise/outside time. He and I do web searches when he asks, though, which allows me to help him and give some guidance. We also watch videos together or I'll share something I think he'd find interesting... I sort of treat it like us looking through a magazine together, so we discuss the content and what we both think, etc.

Sometimes he will play an online game through a kid-friendly site and we usually limit it to about twenty minutes or so. One game he likes takes about 30 minutes to play it twice and I allow that. I should also say that he rarely asks for this time, so we're pretty flexible. He might play it four times in one week and then not play for a month or more. He's got a lot of other ideas/projects which are more attractive for him.

In short, the management of the media time is for me to decide and I am more inclined to be permissive when he wants this time because it's not too often. And I'd rather take it on a request basis than a " you get X amount of time a day" because that tends to set up expectations that he will get that time. Some days, we simply don't have it. Other days, I might let him do math games and a video game for an hour or so. I'd rather be flexible and teach him how to manage his time.

My older son is 12. He has an iPad Mini, and iPod Touch and he is on Instagram and facebook.

My younger son is 9. He has an iPod Touch and no social media.

They also have DS's, a PS3, an Xbox 360, a Wii and they share a pc.

They can use the pc or the iPad for school work anytime they want. They are allowed to play video games anytime on the weekend they aren't busy doing homework, chores or anything else (but we do a lot of outings on the weekend). They are also allowed video games one weekday evening if we don't have other plans. I decide based on what the other kids their age are doing. They do not and will not have cell phones until they can pay for them themselves since I do not yet have a cell phone.

ETA: They are also allowed to use handhelds during wait times, such as at the doctors/dentists office, or when I need to bring them to committee/council meetings with me.

There are a number of factors which play into whether kids have certain electronics and which apps and programs they are allowed to use.
1. Critical thinking ability, not age. Sometimes it seems like my 12 year old is more equipped in the logical reasoning department than my 13 yer old. All kids are different and their level or reasoning differs too. It's related to...

2. Maturity. Just because a child is 14 does not mean they have the maturity needed to be able to conduct themselves responsibly in using electronics. Which is why each child needs to be treated differently. Sweeping, general rules aren't always going to work. You might not be able to say, "When you're 15 you can have a phone." There should be indicators that show your 15 year old is mature enough. They need to prove themselves to be....

3. Responsible. Are they where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there? Do they do as they're asked? Are they taking care of their obligations? If not, why would they be entrusted with a phone or other expensive device that will distract them from their responsibilities?

4. Values (both the kids' and the parent's). Have the children shown over a significant period of time that they have internalized the values we uphold? Do the electronics and apps uphold the values we're trying to instill in our children?

5. Family philosophy, which kind of overlaps with values. Some families do not see any reason that children need cellular phones or Facebook.

Our boys are 12 and 13. They do not have phones or computers of their own. They use computers at school regularly, and can use our family laptop when needed. They each have a iPod Touch, share an xBox, and have Instagram accounts. Access to these is limited. They are required to take care of their obligations before using them. We felt that Instagram was a good place to start on the social media front. We all follow one another's Instagram. We've talked about safe online conduct and the consequences of poor online conduct.

Hope that helps!

One girl, 13 years old, soon to be 14.

She does not have a cell phone. I know, it sounds strange to some families, but she doesn't have one. She's either in school or at her main outside activity, dance, and I drive her to school and to her dance classes etc. That means that during the week she's not where she might need to reach me because she's with me. And if something happens at school or dance, there are phones there where she can call me if I've left for a time.

She will likely get a cell phone next year in high school but it probably will not be Internet-enabled or have texting. It'll be for calling us in emergencies or about pickups if she needs to stay after school for an activity etc. (FYI, my husband and I don't text each other, either; we're pretty basic iin our phone use and we actually call instead!) To answer your "why" on these kinds of choices -- I see her friends and they text other kids five minutes (literally, five minutes) after seeing those same kids; they text or e-mail during rides when they could be talking with the kids who are in their carpool; and some kids around here got in trouble with their school over some Instagram nonsense -- in sixth grade! It's all too distracting. Phones for us are for communicating things that really matter, not for replacing interactions with texts and Instagram and all that mess.

Tablets -- none of us has one. Not fans. Daughter has a Nook (reader device) usually used on trips so she can store a lot of books on it. She can e-mail on it but it's not very easy so she mostly uses it for reading. She does play some games on it but usually only if we are on vacation when she has the Nook along -- she just doesn't think about games much until she's on holiday with the Nook.

Computers -- She does homework on either my laptop or the home PC. We probably will get her her own laptop in high school but so far in middle school we do fine sharing my laptop.

E-mail -- She just has a plain vanilla e-mail account since she doesn't text or have Facebook or anything else. I can read her e-mail any time, and I do. (Again, not often, since she's proven reliable. But recently I did check her e-mail before she saw it, because I knew about some drama among her friends before she did, and wanted to ensure that she wasn't in any loop of "Did you hear X about so-and-so?" messages; there weren't any, but if there had been, I wanted to be sure she heard some things from me first before hearing them first via e-mail from other kids. Wouldn't do this in most cases but this one time the situation warranted it.) .

Does that help at all? If you are feeling pressured by your own kids, or by the fact that other families around you are saying they give their kids this or that -- stick to what YOU feel is best. It really is OK if you want to keep it simple. . It's not essential to life (even to teen social life, despite what kids tell you) to be on Facebook etc. or have a super smart phone. The busier the kid is in real life, the less time the kid should have for fooling around on devices for stuff other than homework.

My kids get a lot of media access. Probably too much,,but I'm not convinced that media is a bad thing.

My kids are 6.5, almost 5 and 21 months. The 21 month old is currently listening to nursery rhymes on a computer. The older kids have touch screen computers. The 6.5 year old has her own tablet, and my son has an old phone he plays games on. He is getting his own tablet in a few weeks for his bday.

My kids play on their computers almost every morning before breakfast. Occasionally they will play on them later.

We also have a Playstation and both are getting games for Xmas.

For the most part, I don't have to limit their use that much. I rarely have to say anything to my son. He might do 20 minutes a day. My oldest likes listening to music and watching music clips. She'd probably do that for hours everyday, but she tends to cycle with things, non-stop reading for a week, then playing on the computer, then crafting, etc.

My toddler discovered starfall on my ipad a few weeks ago. She asks a few times a day to play. I don't limit it because I don't want to make it the forbidden fruit.

Mine had access to a video game console from the time she was old enough to hold the controller and push the buttons.
She had a computer with internet access in her room at twelve.
She got her first cell phone at fifteen.
I didn't "manage" her time. She had several extra-curricular activities that took up some of her after-school time, and she knew that if she spent all of her time on IM or social media rather than doing her homework, she risked a failing grade and possibly having to repeat a class.
I made HER responsible for managing HER time and getting HER obligations taken care of.

I agree with Mamazita that there is so much more that goes in to this than just age.

We are not at all anti-technology in our home. Our oldest (11) has a cell phone, but that's the only thing different she has from the other two (9 and 7).

All three have Kindle Fires (not used much anymore), iPod's, iPad's, and DS (not used at all anymore from what I see).

As a family, we have three desktop computers and two laptops. We also have a Wii and xBox set up in the basement.

Honestly, our kids don't use the technology devices that often, not to the point where we make them put them down. I believe that by not making them BAD, they aren't something they are drawn to like white on rice. Occassionally we have to tell them 10 more minutes and then move on, but that's so rare.

Believe it or not, my kids do not have the most access compared to a lot of their friends. I always get confused when I hear so many moms say they limit and don't allow, when I know so few of them in real life. Most of my kids friends have cell phones (nicer than mine) with access to the internet 24-7, iPad's (nicer than mine), etc. Maybe it's just where we live? We are about 90 minutes outside of DC and close to a military base...so I don't know if those change the statistics, but honestly, most kids I know have most of the devices my kids have if not more.

My girls are 2 and 4 but we are already running into these problems. We have taught them that cell phones are not toys and that they may not touch our phones unless it is an emergency. They watch netflix and even occasionally play games on our laptops or tablets but currently we are grateful to be able to just put things on a tall shelf and tell them it is something for adults only.

Our son is 10 and he has an xbox. Our daughter is 5 and has no electronics. They both like to watch Netflix videos on our laptops (we have no TV). My son likes to play Minecraft on one of our laptops as well. The last 3 years our son has begged for his own phone, ipod touch, laptop, etc. We just don't think he needs his own device yet. According to him ALL his friends have these things.

Thanks for this question! We are in the same predicament. My kids are 7,6 and 3, so we're not in too deep with electronics and our kids but it is becoming an issue with the oldest.

We have one iPad in the family, and the kids generally get their time for games on the weekend and occasionally during the week only after homework and chores are done. We have a Wii, but the kids don't know. The 7-yr old very much wants a DS. We used to tell him he was too young but many of his classmates and his cousin the same age all have one. I did feel a little bad when he told me some boys at his lunch table couldn't believe that he didn't have any video games because he was kind of embarrassed.

Since my boys are so close in age, the difficulty for us is that his younger brother will be crushed and it will probably lead to a lot of fighting. IMO, he still needs to earn it as far as dropping the attitude and back-talk, etc.

It drives me crazy to see families in restaurants with the kids on electronics. I guess I'm just old-fashioned in that way. Believe me, my kids are far from the best-behaved kids - they are all high energy. We reserve it only when they are REALLY bad, and then let them watch a video until the food comes. There have probably been many restaurant patrons thinking, "Give those kids a phone already!" Ha!

Both my kids have a Kindle Fire. They are 4 and 8. The 4 year old plays mostly educational games. My son plays Minecraft and reads books on it for school. I manage their access by the awesome parental controls on the devices.
I get stink eye sometimes with my 4 year old and her Kindle, but I feel that it supports the concepts she is learning in pre-K. In fact, studies have been done the support this notion. She mostly plays educational games and I get feedback reports on her progress. It's pretty great to see her learning in this way.
My son reads books for school on his Kindle and we check out ebooks from the online library at the public library. He also mainly plays Minecraft on his Kindle or Angry Birds.
Neither are obviously old enough for any kind of phone or social media. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Our kids have had their own TV's for years. They go watch movies in them and have very limited channels they can go to. They often are playing and just have the TV's on in the background. When they go to someone else's house where the TV is on, unless it's some movie they haven't seen, like Malificent, they'd ignore the TV all together and just play.

Now my friends that limit TV and electronics, when their kids come over they sit like zombies and can't turn away from the screen. If they're staying the weekend or something they eventually get enough and stop even looking at it.

The kids got google tablets for Christmas 2 years ago. The girl still has hers, the boy dropped his and the screen cracked. Half of it worked and half didn't.

They both have had 3D DSi hand held games for several years. We got refurbished ones from Game Stop and filled their carrying cases with $5 games at the same time.

I don't limit their time to certain amounts of minutes each week. They automatically have a couple of hours each evening if they want. The boy is from 4-6 because he doesn't have after school classes and stuff. The girl is from 6-8 which is after all the stuff she does.

They can ask for time any time during the day when they're not in school. The timer goes off after an hour so they can share the desk top. If the other one isn't waiting they can stay on however long they want.

IF IF IF they got into trouble for something we have the enormous leverage to ground them from the computer. They don't want to lose it for an hour and certainly don't want to lose it for a day.

I'm a different sort of parent. I am older and raising grand kids now. I see the bigger picture and it really doesn't matter what they do with their free time. They go to school, that's their "job", for over 8 hours per day. They leave by 7:30am and don't get home until nearly 4. They don't have homework unless they didn't finish stuff during class time. They stay inside and work on stuff if they're not getting the assignment done.

They come home and have extra activities like BMX, soccer, football, tumbling, dance, piano, and more.

They aren't lazy fat kids who sit on their hineys all day. They are up and moving and using their brains for the majority of every single day. They deserve to have total free time.

I do have strong parental controls on the TV's and electronics and let them have them.

The kids have also had FB pages since they were maybe 7 and 8. I changed their birth years. I manage their friends, I manage their online time, I manage what they post and see. They don't know their email addresses nor their passwords.

It's not FB's job to police my family's use of their media sight. It's MY job to manage them and their time online.

I have the desktop where I can see the screen from any point in the living space. It's right here where I can see if from the dining room, living room, study, and kitchen.

Their friends are there grandparents, aunts and uncles, their cousins, and a few choice friends from school.

I have their privacy settings where they can't be searched by name and only friends can see what they post, their pictures, and every little detail. I manage several businesses FB pages and am fairly confident I have their privacy intact. They are as protected as they can be.

When they are old enough to have their own actual FB pages they'll get new ones and these old ones will be deleted. They'll have enough experience to know how to handle stuff and the dangers out there.

My kids are 18 and 16 now.

They each got a cellphone at roughly 12. They have only had internet on their phones for 2+ years. They each have an iPad that they got 3 years ago. They also each had a school iPad mini during the year for homework. We have a Wii and a PS3 that is shared.

Our rule was always no toys or electronics at the table and we still follow that. They were never big into gaming systems or electronics so I never had to limit. The 16 year old is on FB, Twitter and IG. We are friends on FB, but I don't follow her on Twitter or IG. I have access and can look at her accounts when I choose. I try to have open conversations with her about it and a lot of the other social media sites. She hasn't gone behind my back so I just periodically check but give her her space.