Educational Books for My 8 Month Old..

Barbara,
You are her mother and the bottom line is...your house, your kid, your rules. Don't be afraid. You are her mother. Your husband needs to back you in order to get the respect from your mom in law. I said to my husband early on after we got married...."you are either their son...or my husband, you decide which one you want to be...I married my husband". Make sense?

Just like that....."I'd appreciate it if you'd respect the baby's eating schedule". You can further explain if you'd like, as to why she should respect it, in the hopes to make her understand why she should respect it. But it has been my experience, that MIL's will do what they please anyway. So you are best armed with knowledge and your wits. INFORM her as to why this is important to you and your husband and EXPLAIN your point without being condescending. Remember, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

you are going to get a million responses to this one :) is your mother in law one that thinks food is love? if so, its just the start! just remember the love part, its all with the best intentions. and you need to tell her now and tell her often, because its only going to get worse as the baby eats more and more different foods. just be super nice and tell her why she needs to eat what/when she does, tell her if she doesnt eat at this time, i cant put her to sleep at this time, it makes it harder for me when i bring her home, whatever it is. if your mil only watches her once in a while then i would try to look the other way as long as you felt it is all done with the best intentions. but if she watches her a lot, and if it really does mess you up, then you have to set precident. just tell her, you are such a big part of her life, it really makes a difference, etc. good luck, it can be a sticky thing. take care, D.

By asking her if it were her how would she respond if someone tried to tell her what to do with her child. If that doesn't work, just tell her as sweetly as possible, thanks for the advice but i truly believe that i know what is best for my child. Mothers have an instinct for their children and just because we older women have come through it and think we have the answeres to our grandchildren, sometimes we too need to be put in our place. My son had no problem telling me that my grand daughter was his and not mine and that if i believed that i'd raised him right, what makes me think that he could not do the same with his. Well that shut me right up because he was right. I hope this helps. God bless.

GOOD LUCK.

In most cases, when it comes to MIL no matter what your relationship or your husband's with her, she's going to do what she wants no matter how nicely you ask.

In my situation I tried to schedule our visits to her house after meals, which helped some.

I told my daughter when my oldest grandson was a wee one that the rules did not apply to me. Period. I cater to my grandkids and let them make a lot of decission when they are at my house. Hey, that's what gram's do.

Having said that I can tell you that I make sure they eat well before I give them an extra cookie or lollypop after a meal. At home they usually eat at certain times. At my house we play it a little more loose and they seem to know that things are different at grams.

My advise would be not to get into a power struggle with you MIL. Unless she's toxic she's probably just super excited to have your little girl in her life. Remember we old moms know a lot because we've been there done that.

I have a mother in law that is like that. She wants to let my son go hungry if it is time for him to eat, and gets mad sometimes when she's ready to eat at times that he is not ready. We just simply make sure we have something with us. If she is regimented like that, you may not be able to change her ways.

You need to explain to her that it is important for your child(ren) to have a schedule and that you have a schedule for them for a reason. Yes, there are going to be exceptions but for the most part routines work the best for you and child and as much as possible they need to be kept!

Have you tried a feeding schedule in the form of a journal? I had to keep a journal for my twins so I knew who I fed and when. This also helped everyone see their eating schedule, needs and habits. It also held people accountable when they had to write in it!! ;)

hi barbara; this is so hard, as everyone pointed out the MILs are so invested in insisting thier way is better than yours. i hope i won't have to become a MIL to find out why, hopefully i'll remember what it's like to be on our mom-end of this.

but i would say evaluate the real damage of the problem and the frequency against the positives of your relationship w her; if she's otherwise great, and it's not constant, try to let it go. as you will see if you have more kids, schedules tend to go out the window anyway.

but if there's a pattern of her insisting on goofing up your routine, you need to be the one to say it to her, because she'll always go around your husband or ignore him when he's out of the house. chances are unless she's a real psycho, being straight with her will embarrass her enough to get her to get on board with you.

the key is often finding clear words that you feel comfortable with and that are assertive, and also striking a bargain can help; maybe something like;

"I know you really love me and the baby and you want to do what is best, but this feeding schedule is very important to me, and i need your help and support with it. Would you feel all right about giving me a lot of input on something else that i need more help with, like planning the baby's summer clothes / finding good prices on diapers?"

something like that?

good luck!
j

Good luck! I run into this problem with my MIL when it comes to my daughter's feeding schedule and sleep schedule. You can try and explain it to her nicely, but she may not listen to you and chances are will do whatever she wants anyway. Just keep on telling her, have your husband tell her, and if all else fails, when you are there, just do what you need to do.

Good luck, you are definitely not alone on this issue!!

Unfortunately Barbara, if she is anything like my parents, stepmom and in-laws you can speak til you are blue in the face but they are still going to do their own thing. The only thing I have found to work is to remove the potential problem. In your case it would be not having your MIL be responsible for her feeding and if you have anything to schedule with her, you stick to your daughter's schedule and if it doesn't work for your MIL, too bad. Is that a possibility?

Hi Barbara,
I agree with the other two posts. If it's once in awhile, it's no big deal. More than that? then something should be said. But I think your husband should be the one to tell his mother to respect the feeding schedule (especially if you've already told her and she's not listening to you). Good luck!

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I really think they will do whatever if you tell them or not. I have learned to let my Mom do whatever she wants, and just make sure my son understands that is not the norm in our house. So he gets away with things when he'swith her, so what. He knows the limits of our house,a dn what he can do or not do the majority of the time. Your 8 month old can understand the same. Why stress yourself, if it's not harmful.