Eating Issue of a 3 1/2 Year Old

Some people just eat slow.
It is actually, healthier to do so.
My Aunty, is like that. She was like that since childhood.
So be it.

Not everyone eats an entire meal in 2 minutes.

Your little guy could have sensory integration issues of the oral kind. This makes kids either crave or reject differently textured and flavored foods, or accept only foods within a narrow range.

I think I got a sense of what this might be like once when I had been extremely ill and hadn't shopped for a couple of weeks, but got desperately hungry one evening, and all I could find to eat was stale graham crackers. With water. That stuff turned into a horrible mush+gravel mix in my mouth. I couldn't swallow it, but I was hungry, so I kept adding sips of water and chewing, and chewing, and chewing.

You son might accept the food because he is hungry, and that's what there is to eat. But he may not be able to chew it to a texture that his throat will accept. He's at an age when many kids become particular about what foods have any appeal at all for them anyway.

You might consider listing the foods that he is able to enjoy, and serve those often, while very gradually widening your offerings. And the foods he chews forever may need to be cooked or processed differently for him for awhile. Meat, for example, might need to be sliced very thin, and served with a creamy dip or sauce to make it more palatable.

Check this most informative website on sensory processing disorder, which is very common and not a child's fault, and see whether you recognize any other quirks your son may have. There are also tips on how to help deal with these issues. But whether the problem is sensory or not, don't force him to eat foods that he won't, and keep meal time as relaxed as possible, so you don't create eating issues that don't already exist.

Sensory checklist: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...

Many children do well being allowed to graze casually throughout the day. A bite or two of fruit here, a wedge of toast with hummus there, a couple of sections of de-stringed celery and dressing at another time. Kids will often accept a "milkshake" that's actually a healthy fruit smoothie with natural yogurt and other healthy ingredients.

Really, I would not be making an issue about this. In other words, you only have an issue if you let it become one. You already have a child who can make himself vomit, why potentially create any more psychological issues with food by making him hurry? It's actually healthier to eat slowly as opposed to just scarfing it down. Is anything distracting him? Are you in a hurry to get somewhere or get something done that depends on him finishing? As long as he is eating healthy food and is not being expected to over-eat, what's the big deal? If you don't have to be out the door in a certain amount of time, I would let him take the time he needs after everyone has finished. Clean up the table, clean up the kitchen, and maybe let him know he needs to be done by the time everything is cleaned up. And if you truly have a limited amount of time for him to eat, let him know right away, set a timer if you have to, and tell him he has X minutes to eat, then he will need to be done because it's time to go. Bring a healthy snack with you in case he decides he is still hungry or gets hungry later.

EDITED TO ADD: Just read your p.s. - you should not have to feed him yourself any more. He is 3.5 and I am sure perfectly capable of feeding himself if he is hungry enough. My DD has been self-feeding since before she was 2. Start expecting him to be more independent and meet his own needs for food. He won't starve himself.

He is probably doing it for attention. At 3 1/2 he needs to be feeding himself! Let him make a mess and only help him with cutting his food. Make sure there are no other distractions (no TV, toys, etc.). Set a timer at meals and explain that there is "30 or 45 minutes" (or whatever you are comfortable with) eating time so you/he can do "fill in the blank" after he eats. After the timer goes off pick up all the plates and clear the table and move on. No fanfare, no big production. He may feel hungry for a few meals but he will eventually get it. Make sure he is not having too many snacks or liquids to close to meal time and save his drink for when he is at least half done. Also look at portion sizes is he expected to eat more than maybe he needs. A basic guide is 1tbsp of each food type per year of age...that is usually a lot less than what we put on plates. If after a week he is not improving speak to your pediatrician.

I know as moms we worry about our kids eating, obsess is maybe a better term, but as my pediatrician said when my boys were going through this..."when they are hungry they will eat". Good Luck.

OMG they can be slow sometimes. We just finally told him when there were 5 minutes left to dinner and when there was 1 minute. At the end of dinner, we clear the plates. That's it. Worked wonders, not punitive, no fight over eating.

Yup. There could very well be a medical base to his eating habits.

Option A)

Brain Disorders
- Sensory Processing Disorder
- Any disorder that has a sensory component to it (adhd, asd, etc.)
- OCD
- Motor / Somatic Nervous System issues

Physical (non neurological) disorders
- Overly sensitive gag reflex
- Reflux
- Asthma or other breathing issue (2 parts, 1: Chewing and swallowing can be difficult when you're having problems breathing because you have to alternate, and 2: a full stomach can make it hard for the lungs to inflate, so he compensates by never "filling" his stomach "full")
- Ulcers (aka he slows down eating, because he's afraid of it)

And probably several others. ((Note the above are only what I could think of off the top of my head, it's not a definitive or combined list))

The thing IS... the chewing and chewing and chewing would only be ONE symptom amongst several others to dozens. Taking a long time to eat isn't a HALLMARK / "Time to check for ______." . If this is the only quirky/ off thing he does then it could be option B

Or

Option B:

He's just a slow eater and he enjoys being fed by hand.

________________________________________________________

((Similar to feeling your kid's forehead and they're hot. Well, it could be totally normal from them running around or being in the sun. OR it could be a fever... which has SEVERAL possibilities as to the cause, and the fever alone isn't going to tell you which one. Whether it's "normal" or a fever depends on other issues.))

Either options A or B are going to be a pain.

Option B requires a lot of self discipline, because you've spent several years working out a "script" / what works for your family. Even though it no longer works, changing will be difficult. MOSTLY for you, because you have to suffer through HIM being upset that the rules are changing. It would take about a week. Which doesn't sound long, until it's Day 1 and you want to put your head through drywall.

Option A while it looks "easier" (Aha! A real, honest to god problem!) means several doctors appointments, and then years of therapy and "dealing".

Personally, I would try option B first, since it takes about a week and is free and any doctor is going to want to know what you tried first and didn't work.

Step 1) Just STOP feeding him by hand
Step 2-a) In a NON ANGRY WAY let him eat by himself. Quit stressing. "Okay, honey, when you're done bring your dishes to the kitchen and wash them." and just let him finish eating. Then go about your business. He'll either speed up to be with people, or he won't and will eat until he's full even if that takes him an hour or more.
Step 2-b) If you are absolutely adamant that everyone leave the table at the same time... just clear the plates and he can deal with being hungry until he learns to eat faster.
(My pref is 2a, but that's just my preference. Neither option is right or wrong. UNLESS he's not getting enough to eat to grow properly.)

Option A, on the other hand, means going into the first amongst many doctors appointments BUT it has the benefit of not 'banging your head against the wall' trying to fix something the 'normal' way, when that's the exact opposite of what you want to do with a child who has a neurological or physical disorder.

So while I would do B first, it's really 6 of 1, half a dozen of another.

Ok, my son is the same age and he is pretty much a perfect child EXCEPT for eating. He used to be very limited in what he would eat although now he eats a greater variety of food. But to do so requires us to feed him. It is frustrating and a little embarrassing because I don't want people to think a) there is something wrong with him b) there is something wrong with me since I "baby" him. Some kids are great eaters, I always was. My mother told me she was a terrible eater, all she wanted to eat was hot dogs and candy. My husband mostly wanted meat and probably ate less than 10 veggies in his life before meeting me. He might just not be motivated by food or he might have some minor sensory issues like my son does. At least my son does not gag over food anymore! I try not to make my son feel feel bad but I do tell him that if he doesn't eat then he won't go "x" or get a special dessert. It does help move things along. I think the best answer is support and time. Plus, you not being nervous.

Sounds like he has a lot of control at the dinner table and he will take full advantage of it since kids this age have very little control in their day to day lives. But look, he has you feeding him, you are waiting and watching every chew and swallow, how empowering that must be! I would suggest that you hand him his plate and fork, give him a time limit and say when dinner is over, dinner is over whether his food is gone or not and then ignore him throughout the meal accept to have positive conversation, nothing about how slow he is eating, or hurry up time is running out, etc. Show him the clock when you begin and tell him what the clock will look like when time is over for dinner so HE can watch the clock, not you! Also, inform him that there will be NO snacks after dinner time either! You must be firm on the end time and taking food away at end of meal! Yes, you will have melt downs the first couple of times because his job will be to test you to see how serious you are about this time limit thing. You must not give in. Be strong. Stop making the meal time focus all about him!!
Good luck!

My son is a slow eater too. He used to chew for a long time and had a problem occasionally gaging or having food get stuck in his esophagus. He would cry that it hurt and then throw up what was stuck. The doctor told us he probably has a small esophagus and airway (he was also had breathing problems) and that he would grow out of it. We tried reflux medicine for a while to reduce inflamation, but it didn't do much good. He is now almost six, and rarely gages anymore. He seems to be getting big enough where it is no longer an issue. I would mention it to the doctor next time you are there, but with my son they said we just had to wait for him to grow. We used to have him start eating a few minutes before the rest of us since he was slower.

I feel like I need to add to the sensory issues side of this discussion :) We went through some complicated feeding rituals with our son from very early on. It tooks years for the doctor to discover the sensory issues (and validate my method of having survived the early years!). My son's diet is carefully balanaced but very limited, and he does finally completely feed himself... though he still prefers to eat his cereal dry without a spoon. The up side is that, at 9 years old, he is a healthy height and weight, and the doctor has pronounced him healthy at every checkup. Hang in there! Your son may have reasons for his behavior that don't make sense to the rest of the world but are just fine for him.

I had the same issue w/my son at that age. Very frustrating. We too would end up feeding him b/c he would take forever. We were happy that he got food in him but then it became a habit and we had to try something different. We finally just used a timer and timed him after everyone else was done. We'd give him 15 or 20 more mins and then the meal was over. Sometimes I would count down, i.e., 10 more mins, 5 more mins, etc. That seemed to speed him up too b/c he wanted to beat the timer. He's now almost 6 and STILL a slow eater. We just let him sit at the table while the rest of the family does whatever else they need to do. If it gets too crazy w/the time, we pull out the timer again. Good luck!

I'm in the same boat as you! My daughter is 3 and she drive's me crazy at dinner time! She does take along time to eat and I did talk to the doctor about it and he just said that when they are hungry they will eat and for my husband and I not to force her to eat...although I must admit it's hard! I will also have to feed her at time's to, I never had it to the point where she would throw up? I wouldn't worry to much about it. My son also went through that phase from age 2 to age 4 and now he'll eat everything! I was always concerned with my son only because when my MIL would come over she would always put me down and say that I wasn't feeding him! He was and still is very skinny! Does he drink anything with his meal's? Maybe he's getting full off the drink? I wouldn't worry too much about it-I know it's hard not to!- But just make sure that when he doesn't eat his meals to not let him have any snack's and if he says he's hungry then offer him his left over's he didn't eat. It works for my little girl! Also, for example, today I made steak taco's with guacamole and all the fixing's and she didn't want to eat, so I told her that she won't beable to have a cupcake (which we all made together from scratch) until she was done with her dinner, she didn't eat but when she seen her brother eating one she literally came to me and said that she'll finish her dinner and she did!
Hope I was helpful in answering your post! Just hang in there and be patient, he'll eventually grow out of this phase as my son did! Good Luck!

Does he only do this at dinner, when everyone is looking at him? It could be a control issue, he is certainly getting all of your attention since you have to feed him, too. Remember he has that little sister in the attention market. I can only add, since I'm not qualified either medically or psychologically, that you need to make sure he is not snacking all day long, especially before meals. That would practically guarantee he won't eat his dinner.

Here are things that you can control, since you really can't make a person eat. Are you going to be a short order cook, meaning you will make him what he wants to eat everytim? In which case you will be making individual meals for the whole family. Bear in mind, you may be setting up a future spouse to do the same thing for him. If you are going to cook one meal for the whole family, you can take into consideration your son's preferences, but don't let him control them. If he won't eat, then he gets nothing else until the next meal. Kids can survive on eating very little, my younger brother did that. And at 3 1/2, he may not need that much. I always wonder about offspring of our ancestors. I'm sure they didn't get away with being picky, there wasn't the over abundance of food. And how is being picky a survival tactic?

As to the feeding him (remember the baby sister?) you need to decide how you feel about that. My eight year old daughter prefers warm milk, like a baby would drink. I decided that was her preferences and just go ahead and warm it up for her. She does drink it herself, though. If you really don't care about feeding him, go ahead and do it. But if it drives you and your husband crazy, decide for yourselves you won't do it and tell your son to find someone else to feed him. This is the one aspect that really strikes me as a control issue.