Easing Anxiety in 6Yr Old

I think she will do better than you think she will if you just start leaving her as opposed to hanging around to make sure she is OK. I make it a point of not hanging around when I drop my daughters off somewhere, I think that makes anxiety worse, IMO, and have heard teachers and daycare workers say the same thing.

I used to manage a girl scout troop and no girl ever cared when her mother left, and some of them were VERY shy.

Also, again just in my opinion, giving into those anxieties by allowing her to stop activities just reinforces the behavior. She's only 6. My five-year-old makes declarations all the time about what she wants to do, but in the end, I know what's best for her. She told me she wanted to quit Taekwondo, but I know she doesn't, I know she's just bored with it right now (her instructor is changing some things). I told her to wait a few weeks and we'll see how she feels then.

THere is theory out there that if we parents stick around to make sure they are okay then out kids think that something really is wrong and then get upset...

Sort of a chicken and egg thing.... they may have been upset on their own at first, but do we cause it later by our actions...

SInce you said she does better when you are not there, that may be the case at this point.

Good luck!

I have pretty severe Anxiety Disorder. I inherited it from both sides of the family. Lucky me, huh?

Each of my daughters inherited anxiety in different forms. My eldest (12 next month) has anxiety that manifests in her ADHD and ODD. She copes with it by educating herself about the things that worry her. She's very "knowledge is power" oriented and she prays a lot.

My middle daughter (9 1/2) has anxiety disorder as it relates to her Autism, Sensory Integration Disorder, and other related issues so we handle hers on a situational basis.

My youngest daughter (7 1/2) has what her pediatrician believes is typical anxiety for her age, but I think might be more. She's a very sweet girl and I'm teaching her the same approach as my eldest: knowledge is power. Learning about your environment can help give you control over it. Having scripts in place for various outcomes helps give a measure of feeling in control.

What she worries about most are the things that other people do that can't be controlled.

But things like anxiety about school starting or new situations that we can't script out or don't know much about... that's NORMAL for everyone. A little bit of anxiety is normal. You can't and shouldn't avoid it. Worrying about worrying, however, isn't healthy. Your daughter does need to learn to cope with her anxiety, and that means letting her experience it.

I agree with the other posters about not sticking around when she is going to an activity-- drop her cheerfully and leave.

I would add: Is there a scheduled day when kids and parents get to visit the first grade classrooms before school actually begins? A "back to school day" sort of thing so kids can see the classrooms, meet the teachers, etc.? That might help her a lot. If one is not formally planned, contact the school and explain that she has some anxiety that concerns you and ask if you can take her to see her classroom and teacher during that work week for teachers before school starts.

As the mom of an anxious daughter I can relate!
Keep her schedule as light as possible. I know it's tempting to give her the opportunities that are out there, dance, sports, etc. but she is still young and likely easily overwhelmed. School and Girl Scouts are probably enough for now. I think as long as you keep it light she will do just fine in first grade! Oh, and don't talk about school/changes too much because that can actually add to her stress and anxiety. Instead of making a big deal about first grade, keep it very matter of fact. Otherwise she will only obsess and worry even more.

the transitiion into first grade is huge.. kindergarden is play with some work.. .. first grade is much more serious.. with work and some play.

a full day of first greade will be a lot of rhtis child.. I would stop extra activities.. till at least January.. let her adjust to first grade.. maybe after the holiday break.. see if she wants to add an activity to her scheudle.

my daughter is shy.. but she has outgrown most anxiety. but she does not enjoy drop off classes all by herself. so I dont push too many of these classes.. introverts enjoy being alone or with 1 or 2 friends.. large groups can be overwhelming for them.