I recently had my daughter's ears pierced. Her dad and I had discussed this previously. He was against it but I told him it really wasn't a big deal and I would have it done one day. Well, I finally had it done over the weekend. Dad calls me upset and says I "unilaterally" made the decision to get her ears pierced!. This is the same man who cancelled a Baptism for our child b/c my mom got him upset(we still haven't had the Bapstism). He did not ask me if it was ok to cancel. This is also the same man who says he is taking his little girl on his motorcyle one day even though I have told him I am against her riding until she is a teenager.
What is the big deal?..oh, and we are not married and the child lives with me full time. .I"m not sure if that makes a difference or not.
Me and my dautghter's dad have moved past this issue for now. He was more upset because other people knew she had her ears pierced before he did. Thanks for the comments.
Decisions like this have to be made 50/50
Getting permanent holes put in a childs ears is not like picking a flavor of ice cream. Its important, permanent, has many factors and variables and is a question of timing. he ABSOLUTELY has a right to be pissed. Especially since he was clear he didnt want that.
You are 100% wrong here, sorry.
The big deal is that you are showing you are going to do what you want to do with his daughter and you are not willing to be a team player or work on compromise.
Personally, I feel like piercing a baby's ears is cruel. My husband and I really wanted to make sure that our daughter knew enough to make her own decision about it. I understand that when they are babies, they forget how much it hurts, but I still leave stores when I see people coming in their babies to have it done. I just can't handle the crying.
At the same time, I would be upset if the baptism was canceled without my consent. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are both the parents, so you should work together for what's best for your daughter instead of using those situations to get back at one another.
I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 13...same rule for my daughter - now 25...she was VERY happy that we made her wait...SHE got to make the decision instead US making it for her. I wouldn't have done it and I think it's wrong of you to do it when you discussed it and he said "no" - you thumbed your nose at him...VERY disrespectful in my book.
You and your baby's daddy need some serious counseling...you are sooo not on the same page it's not even funny!!
You guys are keeping track of each other's shortcomings instead of learning from them and putting them behind you.
He SAYS "ONE DAY" he will take his daughter on his bike...okay- ONE DAY. Girl - stop!!!! You two need to get on the same page...that's all I can say...co-parenting or not - you two need to grow up and stop trying to do stupid stuff behind each other's backs or one-up-ing each other.
Get counseling ASAP and learn how to communicate with each other and make MATURE decisions about your daughter's welfare TOGETHER...you did this baby together - now you are stuck with him for the rest of her life...there's a reason they say don't have babies out of wedlock...yes, I do know that many marriages fail and children get the short end of the stick...but its NOT the child's fault!
I know I am in a big minority here but I thought I would offer my opinion. I think that getting a girls ears pierced is part of the 'rites of passage'. You are a big girl now, just like getting her first bra or pair of high heels. Children don't get to be children anymore. I have seen sexy strappy holiday dresses for 4 year olds in stores and panty hose. Excuse me!!!!
Girls should get their ears pierced at about 10 so they understand that they are growing up and they can take care of them on their own.
Please this is just my opinion.
Um, two wrongs don't make a right. It apparently IS a big deal to him. Not everyone likes that look, and some people think it looks trashy. You need to apologize to him before this escalates into a war where you are each one-upping the other. "Unilateral decision making" is one of the things that can cause serious damage in a marriage.
Just because you don't think it's a big deal, it's clear a lot of other people do including your daughter's Father. It is beyond disrespectful to just do what you want without honoring his opinion. Just because he's acted that way in the past doesn't mean you should stoop to his level. The one upping and power struggles will not be good for your daughter. The ear peircing is for you not her so why do it if it upsets him? You both have to parent her together for a very long time and this is one small thing that you should have let go in the interest of peace. Beleive me there will be many more important things you disagree on and you'll both have to learn to compromise in order to raise her in a healthy and mature way.
The problem isn't ear piercing, nor is it the motorcycle or cancelling a baptism.
The problem is that the two of you make decisions for your daughter without the care or consideration of your parenting and marriage partner. It's not a problem with just one or the other of you... you both equally disrespect each other and that's a huge problem. You BOTH unilaterally make decisions that are important about your daughter with no regard for the other parent. That's ridiculous and unacceptable.
Instead of saying, "Well he did this and he plans to do this" what you should have done was honor his wish to wait to pierce your daughter's ears until he felt comfortable about it. I say this as a mother who pierced her daughters' ears as babies, but waited with all three of my girls until my husband was honestly and truly comfortable and gave his joint permission without extreme pressure.
What you did was immature and you owe your co-parent an apology. He owes you one too. But honestly I think you need to both go to parenting classes and family counseling even if you're separated and aren't a couple any longer. You need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting your daughter or she'll be the one who pays for it in the end. Parenting is not a competition.
I probably wouldn't have done it. There's no "need" for it, and what do babies care if their ears are pierced? When my oldest daughter was a baby, she had chronic ear infections and getting her ears pierced would have been a disaster. I guess you have to ask yourself why it was so important to you? IMO piercing anyone's ears should be an individual's decision. I think the person should have a say in the matter, and babies do not...but that's just my opinion.
Ear piercing alone is not a "big deal". The only "big deal" is that the two of you are co-parents of this child. If you go against his wishes on one thing (ear piercing), how can you expect him to obey your wishes on another (motorcycle riding)? There needs to be agreement between the two of you. If ear piercing is really not a big deal, then it could have waited until her father agreed with it.
I would never do anything like that if my husband was not on board. The examples you gave of him undermining you are just as wrong- but how does that make you right? It doesn't.
You should have consulted him.
It's his daughter too and you didn't respect his wishes. Just because "well he did...blah, blah, blah" doesn't mean you should go out and do whatever you want. You sound really young (your argument above sounds exactly like the kind of thing I hear from my fifteen year old daughter.) I think you and your ex need to take some parenting classes, together.
i don't think that it's a big deal. however, as parents, and being both or your child(ren), things need to be discussed together and if one of you don't agree, then it shouldn't be done. i like to take my kids swimming (i have 2), or to the beach. however, my husband is against me doing it by myself, as neither of my children know how to swim well enough yet. he feels i wouldn't be able to watch them well enough. so i don't do it. he wants to take them fishing on a boat, but i feel they have a good chance of being pulled over if they catch a fish, and also alligators, etc. so he doesn't take them fishing. as parents, it's not what one of you wants to do, it's what both of you feel is appropriate and feel comfortable doing.
I don't think it's a big deal, either. I had my ears pierced when I was a baby, and I never felt traumatized by it or anything. I'm actually very surprised that people are against it. But it sounds more like you guys are having issues about making decisions regarding your daughter. Her dad sounds like he wants to control everything. He expects you to listen to him regarding his opinion, yet disregards your opinions on many things. You need to figure out how to work together in being her parents rather than working against each other all the time. I think counseling would be a great idea. Good luck.
My husband did not like the idea of it for our daughter, until she was old enough to make the decision for herself. I bugged and bugged him about it until I did it. After it was done he let it go, and has not ever really bothered him again. Control or power might be their issue on it. Hang in there, this storm will pass. Till the next one comes
even though you are not married you both need to find a way to work together for your daughters sake. he needs to respect you and you need to respect him and try to comprimise on things. I dont see the big deal in peircing ears. We had our daughters done at 11 months old and she has been just fine with them. Does the father have your daughter everyother weekend? you may have pierced them but he may not keep them in. the earings can not be out of the ears for the first 6 weeks at all and not more than 24 hours for the first 6 months or they will close up. he could take them out when he has your daughter and then they will close and you will have got them pierced for nothing. i think you both need to talk to eachother and come to agreements on the things you dont. like no motercycle till a certain age, or piercings, etc. He may have cancelled the baptism but she is 15 months now. rescheduale it and do it. being baptised is very important. Good luck.
I don't see a big deal. I got my daughter's ears done when she was four months old.
